is life fair or unfair essay

November 24, 2014

The problem isn’t that life is unfair – it’s your broken idea of fairness

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Unless you’re winning, most of life will seem hideously unfair to you.

The truth is, life is just playing by different rules.

The real rules are there. They actually make sense. But they’re a bit more complicated, and a lot less comfortable, which is why most people never manage to learn them.

Rule #1: Life is a competition

That business you work for? Someone’s trying to kill it. That job you like? Someone would love to replace you with a computer program. That girlfriend / boyfriend / high-paying job / Nobel Prize that you want? So does somebody else.

We’re all in competition, although we prefer not to realise it. Most achievements are only notable relative to others. You swam more miles, or can dance better, or got more Facebook Likes than the average. Well done.

It’s a painful thing to believe, of course, which is why we’re constantly assuring each other the opposite. “Just do your best”, we hear. “You’re only in competition with yourself”. The funny thing about platitudes like that is they’re designed to make you try harder anyway . If competition really didn’t matter, we’d tell struggling children to just give up.

Fortunately, we don’t live in a world where everyone has to kill each other to prosper. The blessing of modern civilisation is there’s abundant opportunities, and enough for us all to get by, even if we don’t compete directly.

But never fall for the collective delusion that there’s not a competition going on. People dress up to win partners. They interview to win jobs. If you deny that competition exists, you’re just losing. Everything in demand is on a competitive scale. And the best is only available to those who are willing to truly fight for it.

Rule #2. You’re judged by what you do, not what you think

Society judges people by what they can do for others . Can you save children from a burning house, or remove a tumour, or make a room of strangers laugh? You’ve got value right there.

That’s not how we judge ourselves though. We judge ourselves by our thoughts .

“I’m a good person”. “I’m ambitious”. “I’m better than this.” These idle impulses may comfort us at night, but they’re not how the world sees us. They’re not even how we see other people.

Well-meaning intentions don’t matter. An internal sense of honour and love and duty count for squat. What exactly can you and have you done for the world?

Abilities are not prized by their virtue. Whatever admiration society awards us, comes from the selfish perspectives of others. A hard working janitor is less rewarded by society than a ruthless stockbroker. A cancer researcher is rewarded less than a supermodel. Why? Because those abilities are rarer and impact more people.

We like to like to think that society rewards those who do the best work. Like so:

But in reality, social reward is just a network effect. Reward comes down mostly to the number of people you impact :

Write an unpublished book, you’re nobody. Write Harry Potter and the world wants to know you. Save a life, you’re a small-town hero, but cure cancer and you’re a legend. Unfortunately, the same rule applies to all talents, even unsavoury ones: get naked for one person and you might just make them smile, get naked for fifty million people and you might just be Kim Kardashian.

You may hate this. It may make you sick. Reality doesn’t care. You’re judged by what you have the ability to do, and the volume of people you can impact. If you don’t accept this, then the judgement of the world will seem very unfair indeed.

Rule #3. Our idea of fairness is self interest

People like to invent moral authority. It’s why we have referees in sports games and judges in courtrooms: we have an innate sense of right and wrong, and we expect the world to comply. Our parents tell us this. Our teachers teach us this. Be a good boy, and have some candy.

But reality is indifferent. You studied hard, but you failed the exam. You worked hard, but you didn’t get promoted. You love her, but she won’t return your calls.

The problem isn’t that life is unfair; it’s your broken idea of fairness.

Take a proper look at that person you fancy but didn’t fancy you back. That’s a complete person . A person with years of experience being someone completely different to you. A real person who interacts with hundreds or thousands of other people every year.

Now what are the odds that among all that, you’re automatically their first pick for love-of-their-life? Because – what – you exist? Because you feel something for them? That might matter to you , but their decision is not about you .

Similarly we love to hate our bosses and parents and politicians. Their judgements are unfair. And stupid. Because they don’t agree with me! And they should! Because I am unquestionably the greatest authority on everything ever in the whole world!

It’s true there are some truly awful authority figures. But they’re not all evil, self-serving monsters trying to line their own pockets and savour your misery. Most are just trying to do their best, under different circumstances to your own.

Maybe they know things you don’t – like, say, your company will go bust if they don’t do something unpopular. Maybe they have different priorities to you – like, say, long term growth over short term happiness.

But however they make you feel , the actions of others are not some cosmic judgement on your being. They’re just a byproduct of being alive.

Why life isn’t fair

Our idea of fairness isn’t actually obtainable. It’s really just a cloak for wishful thinking.

Can you imagine how insane life would be if it actually was ‘fair’ to everyone? No-one could fancy anyone who wasn’t the love of their life, for fear of breaking a heart. Companies would only fail if everyone who worked for them was evil. Relationships would only end when both partners died simultaneously. Raindrops would only fall on bad people.

Most of us get so hung up on how we think the world should work that we can’t see how it does. But facing that reality might just be the key to unlocking your understanding of the world, and with it, all of your potential.

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Life isn't fair - deal with it.

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There seems to be a lot of talk these days about what is fair, and what is not. President Obama seems to believe life should be fair – that “everybody should have a fair shake.” Some of the 99% seem to believe life has treated them unfairly, and some of the 1% percent feel life hasn’t treated them fairly enough. My questions are these: What is fair? Is life fair? Should life be fair? I’ll frame the debate, and you decide…

We clearly have no choice about how we come into this world, we have little choice early in life, but as we grow older choices abound. I have long believed that while we have no control over the beginning of our life, the overwhelming majority of us have the ability to influence the outcomes we attain. Fair is a state of mind, and most often, an unhealthy state of mind.

In business, in politics, and in life, most of us are beneficiaries of the outcomes we have contributed to. Our station in life cannot, or at least should not, be blamed on our parents, our teachers, our pastors, our government, or our society - it’s largely based on the choices we make, and the attitudes we adopt.

People have overcome poverty, drug addiction, incarceration, abuse, divorce, mental illness, victimization, and virtually every challenge known to man. Life is full of examples of the uneducated, the mentally and physically challenged, people born into war-torn impoverished backgrounds, who could have complained about life being unfair, but who instead chose a different path – they chose to overcome the odds and to leave the world better than they found it. Regardless of the challenges they faced, they had the character to choose contribution over complaint.

I don’t dispute that challenges exist. I don’t even dispute that many have an uphill battle due to the severity of the challenges they face. What I vehemently dispute is attempting to regulate, adjudicate, or legislate fairness somehow solves the world’s problems. Mandates don’t create fairness, but people’s desire and determination can work around or overcome most life challenges.

It doesn’t matter whether you are born with a silver spoon, plastic spoon, or no spoon at all. It’s not the circumstances by which you come into this world, but what you make of them once you arrive that matter. One of my clients came to this country from Africa in his late teens, barely spoke the language, drove a cab while working his way through college, and is now the President of a large technology services firm. Stories such as this are all around us – they are not miracles, nor are they the rare exception. They do however demonstrate blindness to the mindset of the fairness doctrine.

From a leadership perspective, it’s a leader’s obligation to do the right thing, regardless of whether or not it’s perceived as the fair thing. When leaders attempt to navigate the slippery slope of fairness, they will find themselves arbiter of public opinion and hostage to the politically correct. Fair isn’t a standard to be imposed unless a leader is attempting to impose mediocrity. Fair blends to a norm, and in doing so, it limits, inhibits, stifles, and restricts, all under the guise of balance and equality. I believe fair only exists as a rationalization or justification. The following 11 points came from a commencement speech widely attributed to Bill Gates entitled Rules for Life. While many dispute the source , whether it was proffered by Bill Gates or not, I tend to agree with the hypothesis:

Rule 1: Life is not fair -- get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping -- they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Here’s the thing – we all face challenges, and life treats us all unfairly. We all make regrettable choices, and we all suffer from things thrust upon us do to little if any fault of our own. When I suffered a debilitating stroke at an early age, I certainly asked myself “why did this happen to me?” I could have felt sorry for myself and became bitter, I could have thrown in the towel and quit on my family and myself – I didn’t. It took two years of gut-wrenching effort, but what I thought was a great injustice at the time changed my life for the better. Today, you couldn’t tell I ever had a stroke. The greatest adversity life can throw at you simply affords you an opportunity to make changes, improve, and get better.

By the title of today’s column you have no doubt surmised I believe life is not fair, nor do I believe we should attempt to socially or financially engineer it to be such. Fair is not an objective term – it is a matter of perspective filtered by a subjective assessment. My subjective assessment is that fair is an entitlement concept manufactured to appease those who somehow feel slighted. Life isn’t fair - #occupyreality

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Life’s not fair! So why do we assume it is?

Doctoral Student in Developmental Psychology, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

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Larisa Hussak receives funding from the National Science Foundation.

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Income inequality in America has been growing rapidly, and is expected to increase . While the widening wealth gap is a hot topic in the media and on the campaign trail, there’s quite a disconnect between the perceptions of economists and those of the general public.

For instance, surveys show people tend to underestimate the income disparity between the top and bottom 20% of Americans, and overestimate the opportunity for poor individuals to climb the social ladder. Additionally, a majority of adults believe that corporations conduct business fairly despite evidence to the contrary and that the government should not act to reduce income inequality.

Even though inequality is increasing, Americans seem to believe that our social and economic systems work exactly as they should. This perspective has intrigued social scientists for decades. My colleague Andrei Cimpian and I have demonstrated in our recent research that these beliefs that our society is fair and just may take root in the first years of life, stemming from our fundamental desire to explain the world around us.

Believing in a legit reason for bad situations

When the going gets tough, it can be emotionally exhausting to think about all the obstacles in one’s path. This idea has been used by many researchers to explain why people – especially those who are disadvantaged – would support an unequal society. Consciously or not, people want to reduce the negative emotions they naturally feel when faced with unfairness and inequality.

To do this, people rationalize the way things are. Rather than confronting or trying to change what is unfair about their society, people prefer to fall back on the belief that there’s a valid reason for that inequity to exist.

This drive to relieve negative feelings by justifying “the system” seems to play an important role in people’s thinking about their societies all over the world . Therefore, it almost seems to be human nature to explain away the inequalities we encounter as simply the way things are supposed to be.

But are negative emotions necessary for people to justify the society around them? According to our findings , perhaps not.

Quick assumptions aren’t necessarily right

We make these kinds of justifying assumptions all day long, not just about social inequality. We’re constantly trying to make sense of everything we see around us.

When people generate explanations for the events and patterns they encounter in the world (for instance, orange juice being served at breakfast), they often do so quickly, without a whole lot of concern for whether the answer they come up with is 100% correct. To devise these answers on the spot, our explanation-generating system grabs onto the first things that come to mind, which are most often inherent facts. We look to simple descriptions of the objects in question – orange juice has vitamin C – without considering external information about the history of these objects or their surroundings.

What this means is the bulk of our explanations rely on the features of the things we’re trying to explain – there must be something about orange juice itself, like vitamin C, that explains why we have it for breakfast. Because of the shortcuts in this explanation process, it introduces a degree of bias into our explanations and, as a result, into how we understand the world.

There’s gotta be a reason…

In our research, Andrei and I wanted to see if this biased tendency to explain using inherent information shaped people’s beliefs about inequality. We hypothesized that inherent explanations of inequalities directly lead to the belief that society is fair. After all, if there is some inherent feature of the members of Group A (such as work ethic or intelligence) that explains their high status relative to Group B, then it seems fair that Group A should continue to enjoy an advantage.

What we found confirmed our predictions. When we asked adults to explain several status disparities, they favored explanations that relied on inherent traits over those that referred to past events or contextual influences. They were much more likely to say that a high-status group achieved their advantage because they were “smarter or better workers” than because they had “won a war” or lived in a prosperous region.

Furthermore, the stronger a participant’s preference for inherent explanations, the stronger their belief that the disparities were fair and just.

In order to ensure that this tendency wasn’t simply the result of a desire to reduce negative emotions, we told our participants about fictional disparities on other planets. Unlike the inequalities they may encounter in their everyday lives, our imaginary inequalities (for instance, between the Blarks and the Orps on Planet Teeku) would be unlikely to make participants feel bad. These made-up scenarios allowed us to see that people do jump to the same kinds of justifications even when we aren’t trying to alleviate negative feelings.

Kids buy into inherent explanations for inequality

We also asked these questions of an additional group of participants who should be even less likely to experience anxiety about their place in society when thinking about status disparities on alien planets: young children. Just like our adult participants, children as young as four years of age showed a strong preference for inherent explanations for inequality.

When we asked them to generate explanations, they were almost twice as likely to say that the high-status Blarks were more intelligent, worked harder, or were “just better” than the low-status Orps than they were to mention factors such as the neighborhood, family or history of either group. This preference promoted a belief that conditions were fair and worthy of support.

These findings suggest that the public’s misconceptions of inequality are, at least to some extent, due to our basic mental makeup. Primitive cognitive processes that allow us to create explanations for all the things we encounter in the world may also bias us to see our world as fair.

But the tendency to rely on inherent explanations, and adopt the subsequent belief that things are as they should be, is not unavoidable.

When we told children, for instance, that certain disparities were due to historical and contextual factors (rather than built-in, fundamental features of the aliens), they were much less likely to endorse those disparities as fair and just. Taking time to consider the many factors – both inherent and external – that contribute to social status may be an effective tool for developing a reasoned and critical perspective on our society in the face of growing inequality.

• Income inequality
• Social sciences
• Developmental psychology
• Negative emotions

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Essay on Life Unfairness

Students are often asked to write an essay on Life Unfairness in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Life Unfairness

Introduction.

Life is a journey, filled with ups and downs. We often hear the phrase “life is unfair,” but what does it truly mean? Simply put, it means that life doesn’t always treat everyone the same way. Some people face more challenges than others, which can seem unfair.

Understanding Unfairness

Unfairness in life can be seen in many forms. Some people are born with more privileges than others. These can include wealth, health, or opportunities. Some people have to work harder to get the same things that others get easily, which is unfair.

Effects of Unfairness

Life unfairness can lead to feelings of sadness, anger, and frustration. It can make people feel like they are not good enough or that they don’t deserve good things. This can harm a person’s self-esteem and make it hard for them to be happy.

Overcoming Unfairness

Even though life can be unfair, it’s important to remember that everyone has the power to overcome challenges. By working hard, staying positive, and never giving up, we can make the most of the hand we are dealt. Life is what we make of it, after all.

250 Words Essay on Life Unfairness

Understanding life unfairness.

Life can sometimes seem unfair. This means that things do not always happen the way we want or expect. Some people may have more luck, money, or opportunities than others. This is what we call ‘life unfairness’.

Examples of Life Unfairness

One example of life unfairness is the difference between rich and poor people. Some people are born in rich families while others are born in poor families. This is not because of anything they did, but just by chance. This can affect the opportunities they get in life, like the kind of school they go to or the jobs they can get.

Dealing with Life Unfairness

Even though life can be unfair, it is important to remember that we can still do our best with what we have. We can work hard, be kind to others, and keep a positive attitude. We might not be able to change everything, but we can control how we respond to it.

Learning from Life Unfairness

Life unfairness can also be a chance to learn and grow. It can teach us to be understanding and compassionate. When we see others who are less fortunate, we can help them if we can. This can make us better people and make the world a better place.

In conclusion, life unfairness is a part of life that we all have to deal with. It can be hard, but it can also be a chance to learn and grow. We should remember to do our best with what we have and to help others when we can.

500 Words Essay on Life Unfairness

Introduction to life unfairness.

There are many examples of unfairness in life. Some people are born into rich families while others are born poor. Some people are healthy while others have to deal with sickness from a young age. Some are born with talents that others can only dream of. These are all examples of life’s unfairness. It’s not about who worked harder or who deserves more, it’s just the way things are.

Handling Life Unfairness

Even though life can be unfair, it doesn’t mean we should give up. Yes, life can be tough and it can seem like the odds are against us. But it’s important to remember that we all have the power to change our circumstances. We can work hard, be kind, and strive to make the best of what we have. We can’t control what life throws at us, but we can control how we react to it.

Learning from Unfairness

In conclusion, life can indeed be unfair. But remember, it’s not about what happens to us, but how we react to it. We can let life’s unfairness bring us down, or we can use it as a tool to grow and become better people. Life’s unfairness is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to define us. We can choose to rise above it and make the best of what we have. Remember, every cloud has a silver lining, and even in the most unfair situations, there is always something good to be found.

In the end, life’s unfairness is a part of the journey. It’s a part of what makes us who we are. So, while life may be unfair, it’s also full of opportunities for growth and learning. And that’s something to be thankful for.

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

Happy studying!

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Life Isn’t Fair – Get Over It Or Get Frustrated. It’s Your Choice.

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Have you ever said, “Life isn’t fair”?

Of course you have. We’ve all said that.

And we’re right. Life is NOT FAIR. At least it’s not fair all the time.

But sometimes life IS FAIR — to be fair.

So somebody commits a capital crime. The crime is investigated and a suspect is arrested. The defendant is tried in court and convicted by a jury as a result of the evidence. Finally, the convicted is sent to prison to serve their sentence.

That’s fair, is it not?

The person broke the law and the law punished them for the violation. This is not only fair, but our society functions effectively because of it.

Or consider a young person who decides to pursue a preferred career option.

They do well in school; are accepted into a good college; attend the college and excel; graduate from the college; apply for jobs; and eventually get hired by a firm and they have a stellar career.

That’s fair, isn’t it?

A just reward for discipline and hard work. It’s a common motivator for overcoming the inertia that’s all too common.

But even as we agree that some things in life are fair, we know that some things are NOT FAIR. In fact, many things in life are not fair. For example:

On September 11, 2001, nearly 3,000 people lost their lives through an act of terrorism. People who were just trying to earn an honest day’s pay for an honest day’s work. Children. Peace-loving people. Business people. Daycare workers. Service workers. Firefighters. People who not only did not deserve to die, but certainly not in the horrific way that took their lives that beautiful crisp September morning. That’s not fair. It’s not fair at all.

Martin Luther King, Jr., while pioneering the ideals stated in our Declaration of Independence, was assassinated by a man who had no concern for fairness at all. A man who had dedicated his life to freedom and equality and dignity for all — was cut down by a man who had no concern for any of these things. This is just not fair. Such unfairness makes us angry and we cry out against it.

Some people are born into privilege. Born into a family with money and influence. Sent to the best schools. Afforded opportunities that most can only dream about. But others are born into crushing poverty. Where survival is a daily challenge. No money or influence. Few, if any, opportunities. Yet neither the child of privilege nor the child of disadvantage did anything to bring about their fortune or lack of it. How is it fair that a child who did nothing to merit their good fortune receives so much of it? How is it fair that a child who did nothing to deserve their misfortune receives so much of it? How is that fair? It’s not fair. It’s not fair at all.

In many respects, life is just not fair. We would all agree on that. And agreeing to life’s unfairness is a good place to begin. So let’s just say it. LIFE IS NOT FAIR! And it’s a certainty that we will continue to see manifestations of life’s unfairness into the future. So what do we do about it? What do we do given the fact that life is unfair? Consider the following suggestions.

Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you accept the unfairness of life. You may want to try speaking to one via BetterHelp.com for quality care at its most convenient.

We should begin by simply admitting that life is unfair . And it will always be unfair to a point.

It’s not our fault. It’s not our doing. We didn’t cause it. It just IS.

Denying that life is unfair is not only inaccurate, it’s pointless. So just admit it. Say it out loud. LIFE IS UNFAIR. It helps.

The second thing we should do is accept that life is unfair . That life always has been and always will be unfair.

We can’t change it except on the smallest of scales.

Accepting what we cannot change is one of the hallmarks of the Serenity Prayer.

It’s also a good approach to the unfairness in the world. We simply accept it as part of life. And part of our own journey.

Anticipate It

Given the fact that unfairness is part of life, we should anticipate it .

Unfairness is universal in every culture, in every time, and in every place.

Admitting and accepting that life is unfair will help us anticipate it, and not be shocked when we see it or experience it.

We may be disappointed when we experience life’s unfairness. But there’s no reason to be surprised by it. Certainly not shocked by it.

Anticipating it will go a long way toward helping us not be disillusioned by it.

Adjust To It

When we recognize that life is unfair and adopt the proper attitude toward it, we’ll be ready to adjust to it .

We adjust by not letting the unfairness of life derail us. By not letting life’s unfairness divert us from our mission and purpose.

Life’s unfairness can lead us to bitterness and cynicism . It can generate fear and dread in us as we think about the future.But none of this is necessary.

We can adjust to life’s unfairness. When something happens to us that’s not fair, we simply declare it so and adjust to it.We admit the unfairness. We mourn the fact that it was unfair. We don’t like it. But we don’t deny it.

We accept the unfairness when it happens. But we don’t equate acceptance with endorsement . Nor do we ignore the unfairness.

There are things we may choose to do that will better ensure that the particular unfairness ceases. But accepting it helps this process rather than hinders it.

Until we admit and accept that unfairness has occurred, we won’t be ready to deal with it. When we adjust to unfairness, we’re ready to move forward.

Adapt To It

When something is inevitable and unavoidable, it’s usually fruitless to get worked up over it.

It’s okay to get angry and resolve to change it if possible, but fighting unfairness doesn’t always have to be a fight.

When you’re out on the open sea in a sailboat and the wind shifts, you don’t fight the wind — you change your sails . You will never defeat the wind. All you can do is work in harmony with the wind to accomplish your goal.

If we insist on getting worked up over life’s unfairness, we will only relegate ourselves to frustration.

One of the quips of the ages is, “It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”

We may feel better for a brief time by cursing the darkness. But cursing the darkness generates no light. We must light a candle to do that.

Fighting doesn’t bring the light. Cursing doesn’t bring the light. It’s the candle that brings the light.

Of course, we’re free to do battle if we choose.

I’ve known people whose life consisted almost entirely of railing against the unfairness in the world. As if their complaining about the unfairness will eradicate it.

It’s not going to happen.

The best we can do is adapt to the unfairness by accepting that it will always be with us. Then do what we can to combat it when we see it. And certainly not to contribute to it ourselves.The choice is ours to make. We don’t need to be frustrated by the unfairness. We can respond to it in a healthy and productive way. And we should. So let’s review.

Life is not fair. It just isn’t. Sometimes it’s mildly unfair. Sometimes it’s grossly unfair.

When we see life display its unfairness, here’s what we should do:

• ADMIT. Deep down we know that life is unfair. Just admit that it is. It will help.
• ACCEPT. Accepting life’s unfairness doesn’t mean we like it. It does mean we accept it as part of our journey.
• ANTICIPATE. Once we accept that life is unfair, we’ll be less shocked and derailed when we see it. We should expect life to be unfair because it is.
• ADJUST. Because life is unfair, we’ll be called upon to adjust when we experience it. If not, then life’s unfairness will get the better of us. We don’t need to let that happen.
• ADAPT. If we fail to adapt to the unfairness of life, it can break us. We can become so disillusioned by it that we give up. But don’t give up because life is unfair — adapt to it and use it as a springboard for change.

Many of the world’s great changes were brought about because someone sensed an unfairness. And they began to work toward a change. A change that in some specific way eliminated the unfairness that had earlier prevailed. Life isn’t fair. Get over it or get frustrated. It’s your choice.

Still not sure how to deal with the unfairness of life? Talking to someone can really help you to handle whatever life throws at you. It’s a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.

Speak to a therapist about it. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can help you to accept whatever has happened and then work through the emotional and practical aspects of the situation.

BetterHelp.com is a website where you can connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.

While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.

Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.

Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.

You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.

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About The Author

I was born and raised in northern Virginia near Washington, D.C. My dream as a child was to play professional baseball. I made it as far as a baseball scholarship to a Division 1 college. I’m a teacher at heart, and love to teach anything and anybody who wants to learn. I started out as a public school teacher. But within a few years, felt called to the ministry, where I spent 32 years as a pastor. I love the outdoors. I love to read. I love people. I love to learn. I try to take a long walk every day year-round. I’ve done that for more than 40 years. It’s where I do some of my best thinking. It also clears the cobwebs from my head and the nonsense that tries to take root there. My blog is Quotation Celebration , where I discuss the meaning and lessons contained within great quotes.

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“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit

Many times in the past, I’ve complained that things weren’t fair.

Sometimes I was legitimately wronged—like when I was a kid and an adult in my life regularly told people lies about me, seemingly to justify her disdain and mistreatment.

Other times, I victimized myself to avoid taking responsibility—like when I didn’t prepare well and bombed at a community theater audition but attributed my failure to favoritism.

As an indignant adolescent, I blamed many of my difficult early experiences for the perpetual chip on my shoulder. I bemoaned the injustices of the world because I felt so many befell me.

It wasn’t my fault that I was angry all the time; there was just a lot to be bitter about. At least that’s what I thought back then.

One day, when I was commiserating with a friend who was upset about a seemingly unfair situation in her life, I wondered: What good does this do us?

Grumbling about injustice doesn’t make things just, and the ensuing hostility doesn’t help us effectively address things that need fixing.

You can’t create positive change from a negative mindset. You have to heal your pain before you can set out to heal the world. And you have to stop seeing yourself as a victim if you want to access your personal power.

Still, despite knowing this and making a conscious effort to change, I still feel an instinctively strong and irate response to perceived unfairness at times.

If a friend gets passed over for a promotion because it went to the boss’s daughter, I feel outraged for that friend.

If I see someone hit a parked car and speed away, I seriously consider following them and issuing a citizen’s arrest.

If I believe someone is earning boatloads of money unethically, I ruminate on how it’s not right, and wish I could do something to stop it.

I think it’s wrong when someone cuts in line; it’s wrong when someone bucks a system; it’s wrong when systems don’t do what they’re supposed to… the list goes on and on.

I’m learning to understand my strong emotional response so that I can challenge the feelings and thoughts that disempower me. If you’d like to do the same, you may find this post helpful.

Our Biological Response to Unfairness

While we all learned about fairness in childhood, scientists have proven we’re actually hardwired for it.

Studies have shown that the reward centers of our brains activate when we recognize fairness, even when it pertains to someone else. When we witness unfairness, it triggers our amygdala, the primitive part of the brain that controls fear and anger .

This means that when we feel like we’ve been treated unfairly, we go into fight-or-flight mode, with its resulting sense of anxiety.

Psychologists suggest that when we fight for fairness for others, it’s actually self-interest in disguise, meaning we’ve recognized it provides us with some type of advantage to be fair.

No matter how you slice it, we experience a strong, instant physical and biological reaction to perceived injustices, and this can limit our ability to think rationally and respond proactively.

Life Isn’t Always Fair

Every day, we have abundant opportunity to recognize injustice, on scales large and small, in our own lives and the lives of people we love.

You could find out you make less than someone else in the same job.

You could lose a promotion to someone else who is far less qualified.

You could lose a court case when it feels obvious someone else was in the wrong.

You could discover that a friend of yours is losing her savings because her accountant mismanaged her money.

You could learn that someone you trusted to care for your mother took advantage of her good nature.

You could find out that your sister’s losing her home because of predatory lending.

And this doesn’t even touch upon the massive injustices happening all over the world, far outside the scope of our everyday experience.

Life isn’t always fair. Whether it’s self-preservation, basic human decency, or a combination of both, we want to change that.

In some cases, we can. We are not powerless, and we don’t have to simply accept every injustice as an unavoidable part of life.

We do, however, need to accept that our response to perceived wrongs affects our ability to right them.

Dealing with Unfairness

Those people who don’t let unfairness make them bitter aren’t somehow better than others.

They aren’t necessarily people who haven’t experienced severe injustice or inequality, and they also aren’t people who simply accept whatever happens without ever taking a stand.

The people who handle unfairness well possess three things in common:

• They catch their emotional response before it leads to obsessive thinking.
• They think rationally before they act.
• They recognize the difference between what they can control and what they can’t.

Stopping Obsessive Thinking

Dwelling on unfairness doesn’t do anything to change it; it actually affects our ability to do that since obsessive thinking drains our energy, magnifies our emotions, and keeps us more focused on problems than solutions.

This has been the biggest challenge for me, as I’ve found it almost satisfying at times to think about things that seem wrong, as if this is productive.

If you struggle with this as well, recognize when you start fixating on blaming thoughts, and visualize a stop sign in your head. Then repeat an affirmation along the lines of, “This isn’t productive. It is what it is, and I can either accept it or try to change it.”

Thinking Rationally Before Acting

In order to think rationally, we need to recognize that our biological reaction is just that, and consciously choose not to let it dictate our actions.

According to psychologist and author Marcia Reynolds, when we feel slighted or cheated, and react emotionally, we then use our logical brain to rationalize that response. For example, we may tell ourselves, “I snapped, but he deserved it!”

We can be far more effective if we use our logical brain first, before we do something we’ll later regret.

In some cases, when we think rationally, we may realize an unfair situation is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things—when someone cuts us off and runs a red light, for example.

It’s annoying, but is it really worth fuming during a car ride that could otherwise be pleasant?

Other times we’ll still feel strongly that we need to fight for justice, but this doesn’t require us to act with aggression. It requires calm, careful planning and acting… if it’s something we can, in fact, control. This leads to the last step.

Knowing What We Can Control and Doing Something About It

We can’t change mistreatment that happened in the past. We can address mistreatment that’s happening now.

We can’t change someone else’s decision or behavior if they aren’t willing to change. We can change how we respond to them (and choose to help educate and positively influence them).

We can’t change that tragedies have occurred, in our own lives or in places across the globe. We can support causes that seek to prevent future tragedies, or even spearhead our own.

And we can’t guarantee specific outcomes for our actions, but we can increase our odds of making a difference by being clear-headed, patient, and consistent.

Sometimes there will be unfair things that we simply need to accept, and it might feel instinctive to fight that. We’re only human, and we will sometimes give in to our emotional responses.

What’s important is that we try to move beyond them so we don’t let the things we can’t control take control of us.

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others do the same. She recently created the Breaking Barriers to Self-Care eCourse to help people overcome internal blocks to meeting their needs—so they can feel their best, be their best, and live their best possible life. If you’re ready to start thriving instead of merely surviving, you can learn more and get instant access here .

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The Enemy Of Average

Why Is Life So Unfair? (And What You Can Do About It)

Why is life so unfair?

During periods of struggle, I’m guessing that you’ve asked yourself this question. It’s only natural when life seems to be punishing you for no other reason than to be cruel.

The truth though, is that you’re stronger than your circumstances. No matter the injustice that life throws your way, you can overcome these struggles.

And even more than that, you can use the unfairness of your life to your benefit by making something of yourself despite the suffering.

This article will delve deeper into the question of why is life so unfair, and then talk about several different strategies you can implement to combat the unfairness of life.

Table of Contents

3 Reasons Why Life Is So Unfair

It’s true that every job applicant should be judged strictly on merit, regardless of family background or connections.

It’s true that in an ideal world, we’d all endure the same level of suffering, trauma, and loss.

It’s true that if life was completely fair, we’d all be born into families with the same level of opportunity and wealth.

But we don’t live in a fair world, and we never will. You’re never going to be playing the game of life on a level playing field.

Before going into what you can do about this, here’s 3 simple reasons why you’ll never stop asking the question, “why is life so unfair?”

#1: Everyone Wants What You Want

If you’re reading this article, it likely means that you want more out of life. Well, the reality is that so does everyone else. 

Many times in life, we get into trouble when we think we’re special. 

This belief manifests itself in conditions like social anxiety, which plagued my life for years. For those of you who aren’t familiar with social anxiety, it’s an anxiety disorder that’s characterized by an intense fear of being judged negatively by other people in social situations.

It’s an irrational and debilitating fear. And even though the belief comes more from a place of fear than arrogance, it’s actually quite a self-centered approach to the world — it assumes that you’re special, and that people are watching your every move waiting for you to slip up.

The reality is far different — people are so consumed with their own thoughts that our actions aren’t nearly as important as we think they are.

The belief that we’re special also causes problems when it comes to assessing our own level of ambition. I’m a huge offender of this, because for a long time I believed I was special for having so much ambition. 

I wasn’t special at all! Everyone wants to achieve their goals and dreams . Everyone wants to be happier, richer, and more fulfilled. 

The world isn’t fair because everyone is in a race to get the best of everything in life, and some people are given a significant head start. 

• Some people will possess more talent than you.  
• Some people will be born with more natural intelligence than you. 
• Some people will have more opportunities due to their family’s socioeconomic status
• Some people will encounter improbable strokes of luck that greatly accelerate their progress

You might not have any of these advantages while going after the life you want. 

Is that fair? Nope. 

Is that just how life is and how it always will be? Yes.

#2: Self Interest Reigns Supreme

Sometimes other people are the biggest culprits of us asking the question, “why is life so unfair?”

Maybe at one point you developed feelings for someone and they didn’t feel the same way. 

Maybe you’ve been let go from a job because management decided that they needed to cut back on staff to improve margins.

Maybe you’ve been on the wrong end of gossip about your personal life that’s had a negative impact on your personal relationships.

In all of these events, self-interest is driving behavior. At the end of the day, when faced with a decision, most people will place their needs above the needs of others.

It’s a survival instinct that’s been hard-wired into us over thousands of years of evolution — we all do what we feel we need to do to survive and thrive in this world.

It’s not evil, it’s just human nature. At some point, you’ve likely made a decision to benefit your own self-interests that’s negatively affected the lives of other people, even if you didn’t know it at the time.

Does that make you a bad person? Of course not, it just means that you did what you thought was best for you, which is what we’re all trying to do in this world.

#3: Pain Doesn’t Affect Everyone Equally

Right before we both started high school, one of my best friends lost his mother to cancer.

She was a wonderful woman, and I couldn’t believe she had been taken from the world such an early age (she was in her late 40’s when she died)

I also couldn’t comprehend why this was happening to my friend, who now had to go through the rest of his life with a gaping hole in his heart. Incredible pain had been inflicted upon him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

This taught me a very important lesson about the nature of the world — pain doesn’t distribute itself equally among the population.

It’s true that life is suffering, yet some people feel the weight of this suffering significantly more than others do. As you’re reading this right now, there are some truly horrible things happening in the world.

• Sons/daughters are losing their mothers and fathers unexpectedly
• Mothers giving birth are losing their babies in the womb
• Innocent people are becoming the victims of evil crimes

Events like these are inevitable, and when they happen to you or someone you’re close to, it’s understandable to wonder why is life so unfair.

And yet, there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t change the fact that bad things are going to happen to good people, all you can do is hope that they don’t directly affect you or the people you care about.

We’re all going to experience pain in our lives. For some of you, the level of pain you experience will be healthy and manageable.

Unfortunately, there are some of you reading this who have endured, or will have to endure a tremendous level of physical and emotional pain. You’ll constantly be questioning “why is life so unfair? ” and wonder why the world is such a cruel, nasty place.

Where you end up on the sliding scale of pain largely comes down to luck — the only thing you can do is focus on managing whatever comes your way.

What Should You Do When Life Is Unfair? (4 Tips)

We can’t change the fact that life is unfair, so what can we do to combat the inevitable suffering that life will throw at us?

Here’s four different things you can do to push back against the unfairness of life:

• Focus Only On What You Can Control
• Seize Your Opportunities
• Let Your Work Ethic Define You
• Prepare For The Worst By Controlling Your Environment

The rest of this article will cover each of these strategies in more detail and give you a roadmap for tilting the odds of fate in your favor.

#1: Focus Only On What You Control

When things aren’t going your way, it’s easy to lash out at the world being cruel. Unfortunately, no amount of complaining about the external world will change it’s unfair nature.

At some point, instead of constantly asking yourself, “why is life so unfair?”, you have to shift your internal dialogue.

Here’s a more productive question — Despite what life is throwing my way, what can I do to fight back?

The game of life is won by people who master what’s within their control, and let go of the things that they can’t control..

Get laid off from your job? Sure, it’s not going to feel good in the present moment, and it’s okay to sit with that pain for a few days.

But when the resentment fades, you’re given two choices:

• Option #1: Continue to sit and wallow in your anger, using the pain as an excuse to stagnate and not look for any other opportunities. 
• Option #2: Focus on what’s within your control and execute the action steps necessary to make the best out of a bad  situation.

You can choose to start rebuilding your resume and tailor it to the job that you want to find next.

You can look in the mirror and honestly assess your own performance, and craft a plan for fixing the weaknesses that played a role in you being let go.

You can choose to send in 5-10 job applications per day so that you give yourself the best chance of landing back on your feet.

These are all positive actions that would improve this situation, and you have total control over whether or not you execute them.

So whatever the source of unnecessary pain in your life, write down 5-10 action steps that you can complete that will address this source of pain.

You can’t take on all 5-10 at once, so focus on one at a time and make incremental progress every single day. And if you have the self-discipline to do that, you may find that the world is a much more opportunistic place when you show some grit.

#2: Seize Your Opportunities  

Given that the world is an unfair place, you must take advantage of opportunities that the world throws your way.

Successful people are masters of seizing opportunity. Average people tend to let opportunities pass them by and then curse the world for their bad fortune.

The world doesn’t distribute it’s opportunities to everyone equally. Some people get the benefit of being in the right place at the right time more often than others, but we’re all in that position at one point or another.

The only question is whether or not you’re going to act at that moment.

I guarantee that if you look back on the positive events that have happened in your life, most of them were preceded by you seizing an opportunity.

The dilemma with opportunities is that capitalizing on them requires getting outside of your comfort zone. The single biggest culprit of a failure to seize opportunity tracks back to fear — fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear being negatively judged by others, etc.

If you want to make your own luck in this world, you have to get comfortable with fear. You must learn to take action in spite of it when opportunities arise.

One of the best ways to do this is through comfort zone challenges, which essentially force you to practice facing your fears.

The inherent nature of comfort zone challenges is that there’s potential for embarrassment or rejection. And although it feels scary to embrace these emotions in the moment, what lies on the other side is a greater sense of freedom.

Each time you face fear despite your brain’s urges to retreat, you build up evidence in your brain that you can handle discomfort and take risks in spite of your emotions.

And when you become that kind of person, seizing opportunities becomes far easier.

#3: Let Your Work Ethic Define You

There are a bunch of things in life that you have no control over.

You don’t have control over whether or not you were born into money. You don’t have control over your genetic code. You don’t have control over the actions of others, and the negative consequences of those actions on your own life.

With that being said, there’s one thing that you always have control over no matter how dire your situation is, and that’s your work ethic.

Working hard doesn’t guarantee success, it just tilts the odds in your favor. And the level to which the odds shift in your favor is directly related to your level of commitment to your craft.

Early on this blogging journey of mine, I realized that I didn’t have much control over when it was going to start to take off:

• I couldn’t control whether or not my guest posts to other blogs were accepted or not
• I couldn’t control whether or not other influencers in the self-improvement world would mention my content or not
• I couldn’t control the speed at which my content would start to rank in Google.

However, I did have control over the amount of posts I published each week. 

In the blogging world, more posts means more opportunities to rank in Google. More opportunities to rank means more traffic. More traffic means more money, and more money means having the resources to make this my full-time career.

Published posts is the one key metric that makes all of the things listed above possible. Furthermore, it’s something that I have 100% control over, which means it deserves every ounce of my limited focus and attention.

Now for you, this key metric may be different. In any endeavor, there’s a number of different actions that can improve your chances of success. 

However, there’s typically one thing you have control over that has the greatest influence on your overall happiness, fulfillment, and success.

So instead of asking yourself “why is life so unfair?” ask yourself this:

What’s my one key metric? What’s the one daily action that will significantly move the needle in my personal and professional life?

If you work in sales, that one key metric might be the number of calls you make every single day or the number of emails you send out.

If you’re a writer, that one key metric might be the number of words you write every single day.

If you have aspirations to become a world-class chef, that one key metric might be the number of classes you take to improve your craft.

Focusing on this metric won’t guarantee success, but it will give you a chance to smartly outwork everyone who wants what you want. And you’ll be less affected by the slings and arrows of fate when you adopt 100% responsibility for a metric that has a tremendous impact on your outcomes.

#4: Prepare For The Worst By Controlling Your Environment

“Environment is the invisible hand that shapes human  behavior.” ~ James Clear

Oftentimes, we underestimate the impact of our environment. This is a fatal mistake because human beings are a product of the environments that they’re in. 

Given that the world can be an unfair place, we need to do as many things as possible to tilt the odds in our favor.

If you were to suddenly lose a family member due to illness, would you have a strong social support system to rely on? Or, would your lack of social connection accentuate the despair that comes along with losing a loved one?

The world taking away someone that you love is a horrible tragedy that you can’t prevent. However, the strength of your personal relationships is an environmental factor that influences how you come out of this tragedy.

It also happens to be 100% controllable. There are several other examples that we could dive into, but the bottom line is this:

Bad things are going to happen to you in life. Most of the time you don’t know when, where, why or how they will happen, but be rest assured that your day is coming. The only thing you can do to prepare for adversity is to design your environment in a way that facilitates your ability to handle the consequences of fate.

The type of people that you associate with. The ease of access to distractions that impede your personal and professional growth. The places that you choose to spend time in.

These are all environmental factors that you can determine, life doesn’t have to determine these for you. And when adversity hits, these factors often play a huge role in the way you handle it.

Why Is Life So Unfair Quotes

I think a nice way to wrap up this article is to mention some inspirational quotes about the unfairness of life and the power we have to overcome it.

So without further ado, here’s a list of hard hitting quotes that highlight the harsh nature of life, and what we can do about it.

• “Life is unfair but remember sometimes it is unfair in your favor.” ~ Peter Ustinov
• “So I came to the realization. Nothing in life is unfair. It’s just life.” ~ Rob Lowe
• “Inside of a ring or out, ain’t nothing wrong with going down. It’s staying down that’s wrong.” ~ Muhammad Ali
• “The problem isn’t that life is unfair — it’s our broken idea of fairness. Meaning, our idea of fairness is self-centered.” ~ Tony Warrick
• “The only thing that makes life unfair is the delusion that it should be fair.” ~ Dr. Steve Maraboli
• “ One of the most fascinating lessons I’ve absorbed about life is that struggle is good.” ~ Joe Rogan
• “The happiest people don’t bother about whether life is unfair. They just concentrate on what they have.” ~ Andrew Matthews
• “Life happened. In all its banality, cruelty, and unfairness. But also in its beauty, pleasures, and delights. Life happened.” ~ Thirty Umrigar
• “Life isn’t fair. It never will be. Quit trying to make it fair. You don’t need it to be fair. Go make life unfair to your advantages.” ~ Robert Kiyosaki
• “Life isn’t fair. No matter what life throws your way, no matter how unfair it may seem, refuse to play the victim. Refuse to be ruled by fear, pessimism, and negativity. Refuse to quit. Be a warrior and work through whatever life throws your way with courage, love, and positivity.” ~ Zero Dean
• “When life puts you in touchy situations, don’t say “Why Me?” Just say “Try me.” ~ Dwayne Johnson
• “Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” ~ Unknown
• “Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand.” ~ Hayley Williams
• “Sometimes, life is unfair and you have to suck it up and move on and not use it as an excuse.” ~ Robert Kraft

Final Thoughts: Why Is Life So Unfair

The world isn’t always going to act in your favor, so you must learn to act on the world and make the best of your situation.

Usually, this means focusing on what you can control. The world can be a horrifying unfair place, but it also rewards those with the courage to become the master of their fate.

If you accept the fact that life is unfair instead of cursing the fact that it is, you’ll be more likely to work towards your goals and dreams with persistence and perseverance, knowing that you and you alone are responsible for creating your own happiness.

Hopefully the tips outlined in this article put you on the path to doing just that.

• You Are Who You Surround Yourself With: Choose Wisely
• 10 Reasons You’re Feeling Unfulfilled (And How To Address Them)
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You’re scrolling through news feeds and see another story of a person who had their life taken away too early. You think to yourself, “What kind of world is this?” It’s a question that many of us have asked at some point in our lives. We live in an unjust world, and it can be hard to process why things are the way they are. But instead of feeling helpless and stuck in this unfairness, you can take control of your own path despite the odds.

It’s no secret that life can feel pretty unfair sometimes. Whether it’s due to a bad break, a missing piece of luck, or simply not getting what you deserve, dealing with life’s injustices can weigh heavily on your heart and mind.

Focusing on the unfairness of it all will do nothing but keep us stuck in a cycle of frustration and bitterness. So, instead of wallowing in the unfairness of life, we should take the time to understand why life is so unfair in the first place.

Let’s take a deep dive into how life works and how you can strive to make a difference by taking charge of your own destiny, even when the deck may sometimes appear stacked against you.

We’ll explore why life is so unfair, bust myths about what’s standing in your way, and ultimately uncover how to create a more just future for generations to come.

Table of Contents

What is ‘unfairness’.

Have you ever felt like life is unfair? It’s a feeling that can happen when things don’t go our way and the world seems to take advantage of us. That’s because life can be unpredictable, chaotic, and sometimes seemingly unjust.

But what exactly is “unfairness,” and why does it happen so often? When we experience an obstacle that we were not expecting or when the outcome of a situation does not match the effort put into it, we are experiencing unfairness.

For example, when you put in a month’s worth of hard work on an assignment only to get a grade of C instead of an A, this may feel unfair.

In reality, there is no universal definition for “unfairness.” Everyone’s perception of justice will be different and shaped by individual experiences.

However, recognizing when something feels unfair can be a useful tool for identifying and understanding our values , including what matters to us, what we think is important in life, and how best to combat the injustice that occurs.

The Nature of The Unfairness of Life

You’ve probably asked yourself at some point: Why is life so unfair? It’s a fair question, one that has been explored by philosophers since the beginning of time. There are many theories as to why life can sometimes feel like an uphill battle, from the idea that it’s all part of a karmic cycle to the notion that life’s hurdles are there to grow us as individuals.

At its core, life’s unfairness can be attributed to two things: chance and our choices. Chance or luck plays a key role in what happens in our lives; it may be as simple as winning a lottery or as complex as our parents’ decision to move away from a war-torn country.

Our choices, on the other hand, determine how we respond to circumstances that come our way. We may choose to give up or carry on, complain about what we don’t have, or find ways to work with the resources we do have.

Understanding these competing forces allows us to accept and embrace life’s challenges with grace and dignity, while also keeping sight of our power in creating positive change.

Perhaps more than anything else, life’s unfairness can lead us to a sense of deep resignation, a feeling that all of our strivings are for naught. We can go our entire lives asking why it has to be this way and never find an answer.

But instead of succumbing to this feeling of helplessness, try to look at life’s unfairness through the lens of humanity. Rather than asking how I cope, consider the strengths, skills, and experiences I’ve gained as a result of my difficult journey. Then apply them to guide and direct your efforts to address inequities in your own community or environment.

No matter what happens, it’s essential to keep believing in a better tomorrow. Accepting that life is unfair does not have to mean accepting defeat; instead, it can serve as motivation for being an advocate for fairness in your own life and community.

Find strength in yourself and your convictions so that you are not resigned but instead inspired to make the world a better place.

Not all Storms Come to Disrupt Your Life But Also to Shape

Common misconceptions about life’s fairness.

Maybe you’ve heard people say that life isn’t fair and it’s often the most difficult circumstances that can serve as a harsh reminder of that phrase. Here are a few common misconceptions about life’s fairness:

1. Life is supposed to be easy.

It isn’t always supposed to be easy. In fact, we learn lessons and gain strength through struggle. Life is meant to challenge us, stretch us, and make us grow. This doesn’t mean it’s always easy or that things won’t seem unfair at times, but if we persevere through the storms with resilience, we will grow stronger and more capable of tackling even bigger challenges in the future.

2. It matters who you know .

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who you know or who your parents are. It’s all about how hard you work. You don’t need to be related to someone influential or depended on luck; it comes down to putting in the hours and not giving up when things get tough.

3. Only Money buys happiness .

This couldn’t be further from the truth: money can never buy true joy or unconditional love in your life. We should appreciate what we have instead of striving for something more materialistic. True happiness comes from within and experiencing new things, not from having more stuff around us.

Reasons Why Money Can’t Buy Happiness: 12 possible Reasons

Reasons why is life so unfair.

Life can be unfair due to chance and our choices. Chance or luck plays a key role in what happens in our lives, while our choices can also lead to unfairness. For example, we may choose to associate with people who are not good for us, or we may make poor decisions that lead to negative consequences. It’s important to recognize that life is not always fair and to focus on what we can control .

We all feel like life is unfair sometimes. We all deserve a fair break in this world, but the truth is, it doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes it seems unfair because you happen to have been born with fewer advantages than someone else, and it seems unfair that people judge your success as your own doing and their failure as a result of their own shortcomings.

But what’s important to remember is that these feelings of unfairness don’t need to strongly affect your life or make you feel worse. It’s easy to let them consume us, but we must be able to take a step back from how we think and be objective about the situation so that we don’t allow our emotions to take control of what we do.

1. Life Is Unpredictable and Uncontrollable

At times, it can feel like life is entirely out of your control. We do our best to plan, prepare, and make decisions but sometimes, it seems like the universe has something else planned for us. Life is unpredictable and uncontrollable, and that feeling of powerlessness can often lead to feelings of unfairness.

Put simply: you never know what challenges or obstacles life is going to throw your way. A lot of the time, these will be beyond your control which makes it hard to find solutions that will make life fairer in the future.

You may find yourself imagining different circumstances that would have allowed you to have a more successful outcome, but you’ll never be able to predict exactly what challenges will arise in your future. The unpredictable nature of life often makes things feel unfair, as if success isn’t down to our own hard work and perseverance.

Why is life so Short: The Fleeting Nature of Existence

2. unequal life opportunities.

Life can seem especially unfair when you consider the unequal opportunities available between social classes and those in different locations. No matter how hard you work, if you don’t have the same opportunities as others, chances are that you won’t be successful.

The way you’ve been educated plays a major role in what kind of future awaits you. For example, if you come from a poorer background and don’t get the same quality of education as those from higher socioeconomic classes, your career options are automatically limited. You might not even get access to certain job openings or competitive courses due to your lack of access to proper education.

Geographic Location

Though the internet has made our world smaller, where you physically live in it still matters. Living in certain areas can determine what kind of job opportunities are available to you, or how much money you can make doing certain jobs.

Depending on where you live, there might be a lower supply and higher demand for certain jobs meaning less competition for people looking for work but that may also mean lower wages than elsewhere.

Though life can seem unfair at times, it’s important to remember that everyone has different life experiences, privileges, and obstacles they have overcome along the way, and these factors all play into what we have achieved in our lives so far. There is no right or wrong way to reach success, just hard work and perseverance.

Why is Life so Hard for Some and not Others: 10 Injustices

3. our own mindsets can manifest injustice.

It’s all too easy to spend our days feeling helpless and angry in the face of injustice. But while external forces can often be out of our control, one thing we can control is our own mindset and attitude . The way you view the world can affect how you experience it, and that means that your own mindset can be a tool for justice or for destructive behavior.

This is because our mindsets shape the stories that we tell ourselves about why certain situations are the way that they are, whether through a lens of injustice or justice.

You have the power to start shaping these stories to fit a more just perspective within your own mind by investing time in self-reflection and learning how to become aware of your own negative biases , understand the history of various forms of oppression, and explore your privilege when engaging with others. In doing this, you can create space to build solidarity with those who experience injustice instead of perpetuating it.

4. We Have Limited Control Over Our Destiny

At the end of the day, much of what happens to us in life is out of our control. You may have had ambitions and dreams for yourself and your future, but there are always external factors that can have a significant impact on how things turn out.

For instance, perhaps you applied for your dream job, hoping for success. But unbeknownst to you, the company was only offering the role internally, and so you didn’t even stand a chance from the start.

Or maybe you wanted to major in engineering at college but ended up having to take out student loans and couldn’t afford them. In both cases, it’s far from fair or reasonable that you couldn’t fulfill your plans, but these things simply can’t be helped in some cases.

It is important to remember that life isn’t necessarily designed to be “fair” or easy all the time, no matter how much we wish it were. Just because we are faced with obstacles doesn’t mean hope is lost. Understanding why life isn’t fair can help us find our way forward when faced with hardships.

Why is Life so Sad: 8 Reasons behind Your Life’s Sadness

5. we are victims of our own circumstances.

Sometimes, life feels unfair because we are victims of our circumstances. When the cards are dealt, it may seem like some people have been dealt better hands than others. It’s true some people may be born into wealth and privilege, while others may come from poverty and inequality. But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck in your circumstances forever.

You can make the best of what you have, no matter where you come from or what resources you have to draw upon. Here is a list of ways in which you can create a brighter future for yourself regardless of your current situation:

• Develop strong relationships with those around you.
• Take the initiative to improve your skillset.
• Make use of any resources available to you
• Embrace challenges as learning opportunities.
• Set short-term and long-term goals.
• Find mentors who can guide and advise you.
• Surround yourself with positive, like-minded people.
• Take time to think, plan and reflect on your progress.
• Persevere through adversity, and never give up hope.

Why is Life So Cruel: 8 Brutal Truths About Life’s Cruelty

6. society’s definition of success can be unfair.

It can feel like life is unfair when trying to determine what is considered ‘successful’ in society. We’re all so different and each of us is unique in our own way yet the same old rules seem to apply no matter what.

When it comes to measuring success, society tends to focus on traditional markers like education, financial status, job titles, and material possessions. And while these are important, they don’t always reflect the achievements you’re proudest of or the true value of your unique set of skills.

That’s not fair. Your definition of success should be personal; it’s how you define accomplishment on your own terms. Don’t let someone else decide what success looks like for you because everybody’s path looks different, and everyone takes a different route before reaching the version of success that works for them.

It can be hard to stick up for yourself sometimes and believe in yourself. But remind yourself that the world has no idea what you’re capable of until you show them. Ultimately, it’s up to you to craft your goals and work toward a purpose that makes sense for you, not anyone else.

7. Unfair Expectations Based on Gender and Race

Have you ever felt like you’re being judged or even held to different standards, simply because of your gender or race? It’s no secret that society still hasn’t completely transcended traditional ideas about gender and race, and sometimes this leads to unfair expectations from friends, family, school, the workplace, and more.

Here are some examples of how these expectations can be unfair:

Family Pressure

When it comes to family, it’s common for certain expectations to be placed on particular genders or racial identities. For example, a single mother might put a lot more pressure on her son to succeed than her daughter, in order to “make up” for the absence of a male role model in the home.

Appearance Standards

There is also a lot of pressure placed on people to subscribe and conform to societal beauty standards from hair length, skin tone and clothing choice which can be based on gender or race. This is especially true in the media and fashion industries.

Implications in Employment Opportunities

Race-based discrimination can still exist within hiring practices at workplaces from job interviews right through to promotions where certain stereotypes about specific ethnic minorities may cause them to be overlooked for roles that they are qualified for but that someone else may be deemed more suitable for.

It’s not easy living with fair expectations that feel unfair but being aware of the problem is an important first step towards creating change.

I used to struggle with my mind for a long time, wondering why this happened to me even though I did my best. After a long period of sitting in a corner, thinking about the unfairness of life and why I deserved it when I hadn’t done anything wrong, here are some ways I’ve learned to cope with the majority of my unfair situations:

8. Life isn’t supposed to be fair or equal for everyone.

Life isn’t supposed to be fair or equal for everyone. Some people are born into wealth and privilege, while others face immense hardships from day one. As much as we wish it weren’t so, the truth is that life’s injustices are unavoidable.

We all have moments when the unfairness of it all hits us hard. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do jerks seem to have all the luck? It can feel profoundly unjust.

The hard truth is that there’s no grand plan ensuring that good deeds are rewarded or that hard work always pays off. Life is simply neither fair nor unfair. While we can work to remedy injustice and inequality on a societal scale, on an individual level, the only thing we can control is our reaction. When life’s inequities threaten to get you down:

• Practice self-care. Make sure to connect with loved ones who support you.
• Focus on gratitude. Appreciate the good things you do have, rather than resenting what you lack.
• Do small acts of kindness. Helping others gets your mind off your worries and boosts your well-being.

Accept what you can’t change. As hard as it is, make peace with the fact that life isn’t meant to be fair. The only thing you can control is your response.

Though the world may not always be just, we can find meaning even in suffering. We can choose compassion over bitterness and kindness over resentment. Life may not be fair, but we can still make the world a little bit better. That is within our power.

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9. the role of luck and randomness in outcomes.

We all know life isn’t fair. As much as we’d like to believe that hard work and perseverance always pay off, the truth is that luck and randomness play a huge role in how things turn out.

Take getting into college, for example. No matter how good your grades are or how high you score on the SAT, there’s an element of chance regarding who gets accepted and who gets rejected. Admissions officers have to make judgment calls, and they don’t always get it right. Sometimes less deserving students get in while more deserving ones don’t. It’s not fair, but it’s life.

The same is true in careers and business. Two equally smart, hardworking entrepreneurs could start companies at the same time but end up with vastly different outcomes based primarily on luck. One might happen to launch a product that taps into the cultural zeitgeist and spreads like wildfire, while the other’s offering fails to gain traction through no fault of their own.

Romantic relationships are also subject to a fair amount of randomness. Meeting the right person often comes down to fortunate timing and stumbling into a serendipitous encounter. While there are things we can do to increase the probability of finding a good match, ultimately finding “the one” requires a bit of luck.

The truth is, life’s not fair because randomness and luck are built into the system. The universe is chaotic, complex, and unpredictable. While there are always things we can do to tilt the odds in our favor, at the end of the day, the amount of control we have over outcomes is limited. The sooner we accept this, the less disappointed we’ll be when life feels unfair. The good news is that, while randomness may work against us at times, it can also work in our favor. So, here’s to hoping Lady Luck is on your side!

Is Success Luck or Hard Work: Unpacking the Success Equation

10. cognitive biases lead us to see injustice where it may not exist..

We all have a tendency to perceive injustice and unfairness in the world around us, even when they do not exist. Our cognitive biases—the mental shortcuts our brains take to make quick judgments—often lead us to see unfairness where there is none.

Confirmation bias

We seek out and believe information that confirms what we already think and ignore information that contradicts our preexisting beliefs. So if we expect the world to be unfair, we’ll notice and focus on examples that prove that belief while dismissing instances that suggest otherwise.

Illusory correlation

We tend to perceive a relationship between two events when there is none. For example, we may think people of a certain ethnicity get promoted more often because of their character flaws, when in reality there is no connection. Our mind is creating an illusory correlation.

Fundamental attribution error

We blame individuals for their circumstances rather than considering external factors. When we see someone in an unfortunate situation, we assume it’s due to their own poor choices or character flaws. We fail to account for factors outside of their control, like their environment, upbringing, education, and opportunities (or lack thereof). This bias leads us to believe that life’s injustices are deserved or self-inflicted, rather than a result of an unfair system or random chance.

We judge people for things outside of their control, like natural talents, family wealth, health issues, or other life circumstances. But no one chooses the conditions into which they are born or the random events that shape their lives. Recognizing this “moral luck” can help us develop more empathy and see that perceived injustices are often due to arbitrary factors, not life.

The truth is, life isn’t always fair. But by being aware of our cognitive biases, we can gain a more balanced perspective and work to build a society with greater justice and equality of opportunity. Recognizing moral luck and arbitrary chance can help foster more empathy, compassion, and kindness toward others.

Cognitive Bias: 9 Invisible Forces That Shape Our Decisions

11. early childhood experiences shape our sense of fairness..

Our sense of fairness is shaped from an early age. As children, we observe the world around us and internalize beliefs about justice and equality based on how we see others treated. Unfortunately, the lessons we learn aren’t always good ones.

Many of us grew up in environments where we witnessed inequality, prejudice, and mistreatment. We saw people denied opportunities or judged harshly due to their gender, race, orientation, religion, or social class. These early experiences taught us that the world isn’t fair and planted the seeds of cynicism.

The messages we received

As kids, well-meaning adults often tell us “life isn’t fair” to prepare us for disappointment. But hearing this repeatedly can lead us to accept unfairness and even spread it to others. We may adopt beliefs like:

• People get what they deserve.
• Might makes right. It’s a dog-eat-dog world.

These toxic messages stay with us and skew our views. Even small injustices in childhood, like perceived favoritism shown to another child, can have a lasting impact.

The scars remain.

The unfairness we observe as children leaves scars on our sense of justice that are hard to heal. As adults, we see the world through this lens of cynicism and expect the worst. When we encounter new injustices, no matter how small, old wounds are ripped open. Our reaction is disproportionate to the current situation because it taps into a well of accumulated pain.

The only way to improve our sense of fairness is through conscious effort. We must challenge old beliefs, increase our empathy, and commit to building a more just world for others. It’s a long process, but by healing ourselves, we can help make society a little fairer too.

12. Some groups face systemic injustices and discrimination.

Some groups in society face systemic discrimination and injustice. Minority groups, marginalized communities, and vulnerable populations often struggle against unfair treatment, a lack of opportunity, and unequal access to resources.

As a society, we have come a long way toward promoting equality and justice for all. But we still have a long way to go to remedy the harms of discrimination and make sure everyone has a fair chance in life, regardless of their race, gender, internal orientation, disability status, or other attributes.

Racial minorities

Racial discrimination and racial injustice are still major problems. Minority groups face higher rates of poverty, unemployment, police violence, and incarceration. They have less access to healthcare, education, and economic opportunity. Systemic racism built into our institutions and policies continues to negatively impact people of color.

Women face discrimination and unequal treatment in the workplace, like unequal pay and a lack of career advancement opportunities compared to men. They experience high rates of domestic violence. In some cultures, women have little access to education, healthcare, and control over family planning. Legal rights and protections for women are still lacking in many parts of the world.

LGBTQ+ community

The LGBTQ+ community faces discrimination, stigma, and a lack of legal rights in many places. They experience high rates of harassment, violence, homelessness, and mental health issues. Same-gender marriage and adoption rights are still not recognized universally. Many face rejection from friends and family due to their internal orientation or gender identity.

People with disabilities

Those with physical, intellectual, and mental disabilities often face discrimination, lack of accommodation, and unequal access to public spaces, transportation, healthcare, education, and employment. Many live in poverty due to a lack of opportunity and difficulty finding gainful work. Legal protections against discrimination are not strongly enforced.

We all must work to remedy injustice, promote equal treatment under the law, and create a fair and just society for people from all walks of life. No one should face unfair barriers due to attributes outside of their control. Together, we can build a more equitable and inclusive world for all.

How do you cope with the unfairness of life?

It doesn’t seem fair that some people get to experience privilege and affluence and others don’t, does it? You may feel powerless to make a change in the world, but your life is still within your control. Here’s how you can start taking ownership of your own path:

1. Recognize and Accept Unfairness

No one likes to think about it, but unfairness is an unavoidable truth in life. No matter how hard you try or how much you think you deserve something, unfair things happen. Recognizing and accepting this can be difficult, but it’s key to gaining the strength to keep going when times are tough.

So, how do you recognize and accept the unfairness of life? Start by understanding that life is not fair for everyone not for you , and not for anybody else either. Treating yourself with compassion during hard times will help to remind you that everyone experiences their share of misfortune from time to time.

Often, unfairness can be seen as a test of emotional resilience ; it’s a reminder to stay strong and not give up in the face of struggle or disappointment. It also helps to look at how far you’ve come : learn from your past experiences so that they don’t become roadblocks as you move forward in your journey.

By acknowledging the nature of life’s inherent unfairness and recognizing its purpose, you can find inner strength when faced with an unjust reality.

2. Learn to Cultivate Gratitude and Perspective.

It may seem like life is simply unfair to you right now, but the feeling of helplessness is only natural. The best thing to do is to stop worrying so much and focus your energy on cultivating gratitude and perspective in your life.

When things don’t go your way, take a moment to look around and appreciate the good things in your life. Making a list of all the people, places, and moments that have brought you joy can be a powerful tool for reflection and refocusing on what makes life worth living.

It’s also a great reminder that even when times feel hard, they could always be worse. So, take advantage of these moments to practice gratitude and kindness.

Perspective

Life has its ups and downs, but if you take the time to look back over the course of your life, is it really that different than it was before? As you evaluate difficult situations, remember that it’s not just about what happened today, yesterday, or last week. It’s also about how you got here.

How did this decision lead up to this moment? You can learn so much by trying to understand how events unfolded in order to help make better decisions down the line.

Learning how to cultivate gratitude and perspective are two invaluable tools for dealing with unfair times in life. Not only will they help you move past unfortunate events more easily, but they will also serve as reminders of the more beautiful aspects of life as well as give you an opportunity for growth through reflection and insight.

3. Become more aware of your thoughts and feelings

There are many ways to cope with the unfairness of life. The first step is awareness, so you can start making changes in your life. When we’re stressed, it can be difficult for us to see that we’re feeling upset or angry about something. We need to know how we feel so that we can acknowledge what’s troubling us and take steps toward changing it, if necessary.

Life is what you make of it. The world, as we know it, is a reflection of our thoughts and feelings, our desires and fears . To this day, the majority of people believe that life has been unfair to them and that they were born into unjust circumstances.

I would like to challenge this assumption by explaining how you can change your response to what happens in your life, instead of waiting for life to give back all its natural blessings without asking for anything in return.

If you want something bad enough, then nothing will stop you from getting it, even if there are obstacles standing in your way.

We are all born with different abilities and talents, some with a silver spoon in their mouths and others with a golden one. Some people have to work hard for what they want, while others do not.

Some may have been lucky enough to be born into wealthy families who can afford to give them everything they need, but this doesn’t mean that you won’t have struggles of your own if you don’t get what everyone else gets on your birth certificate.

It’s easy to think that life isn’t fair because we’ve all experienced hardships or problems at some point in our lives, but remember: This doesn’t mean there isn’t hope for change.

You Can’t Change What Happens to You

When your best friend moves away, gets fired, or breaks up with their boyfriend or girlfriend and leaves town for good when these things happen, they’re just the way they are.

You can’t do anything about them other than respond appropriately in response to them and then go on with life as if nothing happened. They are part of who we are as humans; our lives are made up of who we have been and what has happened to us throughout our lives (both positive and negative).

You won’t change this fact about yourself by changing your circumstances; there isn’t any magic wand that will allow you access to another dimension where everything goes according to plan for everyone who lives there.

You Can Change Your Response

We all have a choice when we’re faced with situations like this. We can choose to be happy or sad.

If you feel sad, think about what you can change about your response:

• Change your perspective . Think about how the situation makes sense from an outside perspective, rather than from the perspective of someone who has been through it before and knows what’s coming next (e.g., “This is just one more thing out of our hands.”)
• Focus on what matters most in life instead of focusing on things that don’t matter at all (like dwelling in the past).

Don’t Dream Your Life Live Your Dreams: Make Them a Reality

4. learn to focus on what makes you happy, instead of what doesn’t..

“Focus on what makes you happy, and do what gives meaning to your life”   Barry Schwartz,  The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less

It’s easy to focus on the negative and dwell on everything that’s going wrong. But if you’re trying to find happiness, it’s important to look at the positive things in life as well.

When I was younger, I was always too preoccupied with what I didn’t have instead of focusing on all the things that I could control, which usually led me right back down into a pit of depression.

But now that I’ve learned how valuable it is for me (and others) to take time out each day just thinking about those things that make us smile or laugh out loud.

5. Be kind and be grateful for what you have

The world is full of people who have it worse than you do, so it’s easy to take things for granted and feel like your life is unfair. But if you’re always thankful for all the good things in your life, then this will help remind you that there are some people out there who have even less than what they deserve.

If you can’t do this, then try to see the positive side of things, or at least try not to focus on all the bad things that happen in life and only think about how lucky we are if we get through them alive, or just be able to wake up tomorrow morning without being paralyzed by fear from what could happen next time around.

Take time out for yourself : If there isn’t anything else going on during the day (and this includes family members),

*Try taking a break from work or school by spending an hour doing something relaxing, such as reading a book or listening to music .

* Talk about it: Talking about how you feel with someone who cares about you will help relieve some stressors in your life.

*Engage in a hobby or practice mindfulness.

* Get enough sleep at night before going to work each morning so that when daylight comes around again after midnight then there won’t be any need whatsoever.”

* Be kinder towards yourself by recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, rather than focusing on all the things that could go wrong if something bad happened (like losing an important job). It may sound silly, but sometimes asking someone else how they would handle an issue can help us get over ourselves enough so we can move forward with confidence instead of being stuck in fear mode all day long.

6. Find the Strength to Move Forward

It’s okay to feel sad, angry and frustrated when life feels unfair. After all, what other emotions should you be feeling in these trying times? It’s natural to have a range of emotions just don’t let them consume you.

What do you do when life doesn’t go the way you expected? How do you find the strength to move forward even though it feels like your world has been shattered?

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

It’s important to acknowledge and accept that life is unfair sometimes. We can try our best to control what happens around us, but at the end of the day, we’re not always in control. Accepting that will help ease your mind and free up inner strength for moving on.

2. Surround Yourself with Support

Having a strong support system help you process your emotions and provide comfort during difficult times. Being surrounded by family or friends who understand your situation can be incredibly beneficial in helping you cope with an injustice or unfairness that’s beyond your control.

3. Believe in Something Bigger

If you believe in something bigger than yourself, like a spiritual practice, religion, or force of nature, finding strength during tough times can be easier knowing that everything happens for a reason. Whether it’s fate, destiny, or luck, believing something greater is controlling your world can make unfairness seem more manageable.

4. Look for role models.

Find people who have faced or are facing similar struggles and see how they tackled them. Their stories of resilience might just be what helps you take control of your own path and find hope in an unjust world.

5. Practice self-care and self-compassion.

Take time to nurture yourself and practice self-love so that you can be in a better state of mind to tackle any obstacles that come your way.

6. Know that it isn’t your fault.

You may feel like you’ve been dealt a bad hand in life, but don’t blame yourself a lot of the time, we simply don’t have control over our circumstances.

7. Find Your Power.

In order to take control of your own path, you first need to find your power. This power can come from within, through self-esteem and self-confidence , or it can be found in those around you—family, friends, and other support systems. Once you have identified your source of power, use it to guide you towards the knowledge and skills that will help you flourish in challenging times.

What Determines Self-Worth: 9 Factors (Not to Focus on)

8. find the meaning and purpose in your life.

It’s natural to feel like everything is outside of your control when life throws challenges your way. But believe it or not, you can still take back some level of control. Start by asking yourself what meaning and purpose you want your life to have.

Think of this exercise like mapping a path, but instead of a physical one, it’s a mental pathway, leading towards the goals and purpose you want to find in life. It’s up to you and only you to establish what it is you want out of life and take the steps necessary to make it happen.

What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? What causes do you stand for? These are just some of the questions that will help define your life’s purpose. Consider who has inspired you throughout your journey and how their story has shaped or motivated yours . Who are the people or things that bring positivity into your life?

After identifying goals for yourself, create action plans for turning them into reality. Consider what resources are at your disposal. Think about the skills that come naturally to you and how they can help bring those ideas from conception to implementation.

Life can be harsh, unpredictable, and sometimes downright cruel at times, but it doesn’t have to end there. By taking the time to focus on what truly matters in life and what drives us forward in our lives, we can start reclaiming some control and establishing a higher level of contentment.

Finding Purpose and Meaning in Life Despite Its Unfairness

Life is not always fair, but this doesn’t mean that it is devoid of any purpose or meaning. As hard as it may seem, finding purpose and meaning in life despite its unfairness is a key step to understanding and accepting the unfairness of life.

Firstly, it’s important to remember that life is about perspective. Everyone experiences different things in life, so the way you view life’s unfairness will depend on your own unique experience. You can find ways to make sense of the situations that feel unfair by taking a step back and reframing them in terms of what you can learn from them and where they may be leading you.

Secondly, it is essential to focus on what makes life meaningful to you finding things that give you joy and bring out the best in yourself will help provide perspective during tough times. This could involve getting involved in something that helps society, developing your creativity or engaging with your community.

Finally, it is important to remember that there are some things in life we cannot control; however, challenging yourself to change what you do have control over will help you find strength during times when things seem unfair. This could involve taking an active role in seeking out helpful insights or changing your expectations or beliefs about yourself and the world around you.

How to Determine Your Values:  A Guide to Find What Matters

How to find balance between accepting fate and taking control of our lives.

Fate is the idea that our future is fixed, predetermined, or preordained by some outside influence. It’s the belief that some higher power has arranged everything for us and our actions don’t really make a difference. On the other hand, taking control implies that you are in charge of your destiny and have the power to make decisions to shape your own future.

At first glance, it may seem like accepting fate and taking control of our lives are opposites. After all, one involves trusting that whatever happens is meant to be, while the other requires us to take on the responsibility of creating our own destiny.

But the truth is that they are deeply connected. When we accept the things we have no control over the events, people, and situations in our lives that can’t be changed we actually create space in our minds and hearts to focus more on the things we can control. Instead of worrying about something outside of our power, we can shift our energy towards productive goals and actions.

Once we understand this connection, it becomes much easier to find a balance between these two forces in life: accepting what’s out of our hands and taking action on what’s within it. Knowing when to embrace fate and when to take charge will lead us closer to achieving a fulfilling life.

It can be hard to find the balance between accepting fate and taking control of our lives, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. Here are a few tips for how you can do it:

1. Living Purposefully

It involves doing the things that matter most to us and focusing on our goals and dreams. Making conscious decisions about our lives, instead of simply allowing life to control us, is a way to take control of our own destiny.

For example, if you want to become a doctor, create a plan that outlines how you will make that happen what courses do you need to take? What will your timeline look like? How will you pay for your education? These are just some examples of how you can start taking control of your life while still accepting that there may be bumps in the road along the way.

2. Embracing Uncertainty

Accepting our fate means embracing uncertainty with an open mind and heart. This can be difficult, especially because uncertainty often carries shame and guilt. Instead of trying to close off from these feelings, try to sit with them and work through them so that you can move forward in a healthy way.

3. Letting Go of Expectations

It is key when it comes to finding balance between accepting fate and taking control of our own lives . We all have certain hopes or expectations when it comes to where we want to go in life. The difference is in how we approach those expectations. If we’re too rigid in our expectations, it might mean that we don’t leave room for unexpected surprises along the way or opportunities for growth and learning.

4. Take Action

At the same time, it’s important to take action and make decisions that are in your best interest. There will always be things that are out of our control, but we can still make choices that will lead us in the right direction. Whether it’s taking on a new job, starting a business, going back to school or investing in yourself, taking proactive steps towards your goals makes you more in control of your own destiny and gives you hope for the future.

5. Celebrate Small Wins

When life isn’t going your way, focus on small wins as a reminder that progress is possible even when the odds seem stacked against you. Celebrating small wins builds resilience. It is something we need to get through challenging times and boosts our sense of self-efficacy (our belief in ourselves). It also helps keep our focus on what matters most: staying resilient despite life’s injustices and having faith that good things will happen eventually.

Who Said Life Had to Be Always Fair?

If you have ever opened up the newspaper or your Facebook feed, you know this to be true. The world is full of people who are suffering in one way or another. People suffer from a disease, poverty, oppression, or the way they were born (even the appearance and more about themselves).

Life is a bit unfair. And you’re not the only one who feels this way. There are many people out there who are also living their lives in a world that seems unfair, but what can we do about it? Firstly , know that your situation is unique to you and no one else. It may seem like everyone else has it worse than you, but they don’t; they just have different circumstances that affect them differently from yours.

Second of all : although some things will be harder for you than others (and those things will probably happen sooner or later), there’s always hope for change. Things always get better as time goes on, if it doesn’t sound like it right now.

Maybe it won’t be so bad tomorrow… or next year… or even ten years from now, when we’re all old ladies sitting in our rocking chairs, reminiscing about how much fun we used to have together when life was simpler.

So, it is better to wake up our mind to see the truth/ the reality of the life .

Sometimes you are the one who has more advantages than someone else, and it seems unfair that people judge your success as your own doing and their failure as a result of their own shortcomings.

We all have different circumstances. Some people are born into more fortunate situations than others, and some are in less fortunate situations, but we all have to deal with what we’re dealt with in life. We don’t make our own luck or misfortune; it’s just part of being human.

Remember not only you, many people struggle with the question of why life is so unfair. They may feel that they have been dealt a bad hand, that they face more challenges than others, or that they are victims of fate or circumstance. But is life really unfair, or is it just our perception of it?

One way to approach this question is to consider the concept of fairness itself. What does it mean for something to be fair? How do we measure fairness? Who decides what is fair and what is not? These are not easy questions to answer, and different people may have different opinions and values. Another way to approach this question is to recognize that life is not a single entity but a complex and dynamic system of interconnected events, choices, and consequences.

Life is not something that happens to us, but something that we participate in and influence. We cannot control everything that happens in life, but we can control how we respond to it. We can choose to see life as a series of opportunities and challenges rather than as a series of obstacles and injustices.

Life is not fair or unfair; it is what we make of it. We can choose to focus on the positive aspects of life, such as our strengths, our passions, our relationships, and our goals. We can also choose to learn from the negative aspects of life, such as our mistakes, our failures, our setbacks, and our losses. We can use these experiences as sources of growth, resilience, and wisdom.

Life is not a competition or a comparison; it is a journey and a discovery. We can choose to appreciate the diversity and uniqueness of life rather than judge or envy others. We can also choose to celebrate our own achievements and contributions, rather than diminish or undermine them. We can use these moments as sources of joy, gratitude, and fulfillment.

We must live with the fact that life will not always be fair, no matter how hard we try. There are many people out there who have it worse than you do. This is just a fact of life that we must accept as we grow older and face the challenges and struggles of adulthood.

Life is not always as fair as you’d expect. You can’t change that. But you can change how you respond to it. Sometimes things indeed happen in life that make you wonder, “Why is life so unfair to me?” or feel angry, sad, or frustrated. But if we learn to focus on what makes us happy instead of what doesn’t, then those experiences become opportunities for growth instead of obstacles to it.

If you’re feeling down about life being unfair, don’t focus on the negatives. Instead, focus on what makes you happy and positive, and let those feelings carry you through your day. You may not be able to change what happens around us, but we can sure as heck change our own reactions towards them, and that will help us feel better in any situation.

It’s easy to get caught up in the feeling that life is unfair, but it’s important to remember that you have the power to create your own path. Some of the most essential steps are learning how to take control, identifying the views and beliefs that you want to live by, and taking the time to develop practices that will help you self-regulate your emotions and create positive change .

• Life is NOT FAIR. It NEVER Will Be. It’s OK. – YouTube video
• 7 reasons why life isn’t fair and how to be better at accepting it.
• ABOUT NEW YORK; Life Is Unfair, but Not Always Tragic – New York Times Magazine
• The Paradox of Choice – Book by Barry Schwartz

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2 thoughts on “12 Reasons Why is life so Unfair: Exploring Life’s Injustices”

Most of what you write is wrong. Life is unfair. That’s the first one. Although when taken as a simplification, you can let that one pass. As I don’t want to write a long clarification, I’ll keep it very concise by only writing the broad concept. Life is what happens and that can never be fair or unfair. It happens. Only when you define life as concept as the results of people’s actions, then certainly and without a doubt, life is unfair. Because people are incredibly unfair. And they are because it benefits themselves. When a situation presents itself where someone will benefit from being fair, then they will be fair. Will you then say that life is fair? Of course not. Life is perceived as unfair because the overwhelming majority of human interaction is so that someone will benefit by treating another person unfairly. It is rare that one will benefit by treating others fairly. So, no, life is not unfair or fair for that matter, it’s just life. It happens. It’s people who are overwhelmingly unfair ( and it’s not 60-40 or even 80-20, its 99,9-0.1) .

“Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate your perspective on life and fairness. While it’s true that life can be unpredictable and people can be unfair, I believe that we can still strive to make the world a better place by treating others with kindness and respect. It’s important to remember that our actions have consequences and can impact others in ways we may not realize. That’s how our lives become unfair.

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Is Life Fair?

At the moment, my social media feeds border on conspiracy theory—not a surprise though; these days it is prolific. Remember when Hillary Clinton’s supporters were foaming vitriol in their disdain of Bernie Sanders’s refusal to acquiesce? Then remember when his side felt a different kind of burn, railing against the Democratic National Committee , the Associated Press , and any other organization that might have played a role in his defeat.

To be fair, nuanced conversation is plentiful. For every five intelligent comments, though, at least one clocks in on a “truther” level. After I posted what I felt to be a balanced piece by Glenn Greenwald, I was called a ‘dirty republican,’ that Hillary is a ‘gross, gross person,’ and that Bigfoot is real. I believe the last one was sarcasm, though at this point I can’t be sure.

Fairness is the concept circulating even if the word is rarely spoken. Clinton put in the work and won not only the popular vote, but the larger percentage of superdelegates as well. It’s not fair that Sanders won’t unite the Democratic Party. Or: the game was rigged from the outset. Sanders was never given a fair shake. 

Both of these arguments are valid, depending on your point of view—which, apparently, is why nuanced conversation is so challenging when everyone has a voice. Your POV becomes the only one worth contemplating, in your eyes at least. Questions of fairness far exceed this presidential cycle. They seem part of our DNA.

The root of Sanders’s message: corporate greed and bought politicians formed the unfair union now governing America. This notion resonates with a large portion of the populace. That’s because most people believe they deserve what they get, and that others abide by the same rule. The same argument holds true for Trump supporters: we work hard; we’re not winning. It isn’t fair.

As Matthew Hutson writes in the Atlantic, fairness is often tied to magical thinking. Many, in fact, treat the notion of karma like this. Do something good, it returns three-fold. Be greedy, or dishonest, or deceptive, and that too boomerangs back. Yet this philosophy simply isn’t true. Evil people live out their lives in relative peace, while compassionate and caring people die in horrific accidents. The planet doesn’t care about our desires and dreams. It just spins.

Hutson offers research as evidence. Job seekers feel more optimistic about landing a gig after they donate to charity. After the devastating 2008 earthquake in China, those who lost family and friends were likely to believe the ‘universe was unfair.’ Add some distance, however, and people had less problem thinking those ninety thousand deaths were deserved. Unsurprisingly, however, those people are less likely to suffer from depression and anxiety. Beliefs might not be true, but they are comforting.

Many examples of fairness are relatively benign. Others are not. Hutson cites rather disturbing research: “One study found that women who believe strongly that the world is fair are more likely than other women to blame the victim of a hypothetical stranger rape.”

This mindset creates biases, as evidence by another study showing employers to be less likely to hire someone that was laid off. There must be a reason they were fired: they deserved it. It’s easy to see how this feeds a vicious cycle, wherein you find yourself unemployable because all prospective employers feel the same.

And then, of course, there’s the ‘blessing in disguise’ argument: bad things happen to good people because, really, the bad thing is only leading to an even better thing. Optimistic, certainly, though also a function of our inability to accept randomness and bad luck.

Luck is a four-letter word to those who trust in a fair and just universe—even applying that term when landing a job or winning the lottery (the universe loves me!) shows how highly we think of ourselves. Everything is for our benefit, even the supposedly ‘bad’ things, those purposeful obstacles. Sadly, in this light, everything leads to suffering. If the better thing never comes, or is delayed too long, we fall into a funk.

Our brains hate gaps in any story. Unknown and unknowable reasons are excruciating; we create narratives to fill in the gaps. We’ll even overlook the actual reason if the one concocted by our imagination sounds better. Like religion, this invented balancing of the scales does make a difference: it makes us feel better and more confident regardless of the reality of our speculation.

And there is value in that—to us. The problem is other people lose out by our ignorance, witnessing a world lorded over by invented karma police. As Hutson concludes, “No, life’s not fair. And in a cruel twist, our wish to see it as fair keeps us from making it so.”

Image: Scott Olson / Getty Images

Derek Beres is a Los-Angeles based author, music producer, and yoga/fitness instructor at Equinox Fitness. Stay in touch  @derekberes .

Starts With A Bang Can science prove the existence of God? What it means if there’s no life anywhere else in the Universe, and what we know so far. “Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves […]

Getting Past the Unfairness of Life: 3 Reasons, 3 Ways

Changes in mindset can help you move past life's hardships and get on with life..

Posted September 16, 2014 | Reviewed by Matt Huston

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When I was a freshman in college, I received a call from a family member telling me that my mother was in the hospital. It was a surprise to hear because my mom was young and healthy as far as anyone knew, but I was told that I needed to come home. Although I lived less than two hours away, when I got to the hospital, she was unconscious and she passed away soon after I arrived. She had suffered a severe brain aneurysm and doctors told me there really was never any chance that she would survive.

It was a difficult time, to say the least. I was only 19 years old. Certainly nothing that life-changing had ever happened to me before, and it would be a lie if I said it wasn't a struggle to get through each day. Then, six months later, I received another call. It was about my grandmother. She, too, had suffered a fatal brain aneurysm. And just like that, without warning, the two most important people in my life were gone.

It was hard to understand and I had a difficult time getting past the unfairness of it all. Although it's a natural place for people to go when they lose something very important to them, as the days, weeks, and months passed, I was unconsciously letting myself become preoccupied by the unfairness of life. It seemed like everything even marginally negative that happened after their deaths was interpreted by me as unfair. If I got a parking ticket on campus, it was "unfair" (even though I had parked in a zone where I wasn't supposed to park). If it was raining on a day I had to walk to class, it was "unfair" (even though I was living in a city where rain was common). If I accidentally stubbed my toe, it was "unfair." Having that kind of negative mindset, of course, was adding considerably more stress to my life, but at the time, I couldn't see it.

Fortunately, a few months after her death, I found the strength to go through some of the things my grandmother left behind, and among them I found a small card with the Serenity Prayer written on it: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

Although I didn't share my grandmother's religious beliefs, the message struck me and stayed with me. Instead of immediately going to "that's unfair" in my head whenever something negative happened, I found myself thinking about whether I had control over it, and if I did, what I could have done to change the outcome. In fact, finding that card led to a series of changes to my mindset that not only changed my mental direction, but I also suspect it was the impetus underlying many of the personal and professional choices I've made and continue to make on my journey through life.

In the words of author/illustrator Mary Engelbreit, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” And that's what I did. Although there may be some truth to the belief that some people are born optimists and some are born pessimists, it's also true that life throws unanticipated challenges at everyone from time to time. And although those challenges may change the way you view the world, that change certainly doesn't need to be permanent. Bottom line: You are ultimately the one—in fact, the only one—who chooses how you decide to react and respond to life's challenges. That includes how long you grieve, how long you brood, how long you stay angry, and how long you choose to be happy.

Why You Should Choose to Get Past the Unfairness of Life

1. Fair is not a useful concept.

If you experience or witness something you see as unfair or unjust and you can do something about it, then you should. Allowing that cannonball to sit in your stomach does you absolutely no good. In fact, it adds unnecessary stress to your life.

However, much of the "unfairness" that happens in the world is not within our control. And if that's the case, how productive is it to dwell on what's fair and unfair? Quoting author Jonathan Lockwood Huie , "'Fair' is not a useful concept. Life is not 'fair.' You can't make life 'fair.' You can get angry. You can complain about life not being 'fair.' You can attempt revenge —perhaps violently. You can inflict great suffering upon yourself in the name of life being 'unfair.' And life is still not 'fair.'"

2. Viewing yourself as a victim tends to keep you in the past and promotes a sense of powerlessness.

We often refer to those who have experienced injustice or a traumatic event as victims. However, some feel that the label, victim, has negative connotations that stigmatize those who are trying to overcome their traumatic experiences. As therapist Shannon Shiefer points out, "No one likes to raise their hand and scream, 'Me! Me! when asked, 'Have you ever been a victim?' However, we are all victims to something in our life."

She's right. Bad things happen every day, but humans can be quite resilient . By stepping out of the victim mindset and viewing yourself as a survivor, you may find it easier to move forward and play an active role in creating a new outlook for yourself. As former journalist and author of Shadows of Heroes Miron Varouhakis writes, "Not only does 'survivor' sound more positive, it also focuses on the future rather than the past... The word 'survivor' symbolizes empowerment, courage and strength..."

3. Negative thoughts and emotions inhibit positive change.

Thoughts: When you're perceiving most or all of your experiences in a negative way, it is extremely difficult to move forward in a positive direction. However, negativity is hard to escape. Even if nothing negative is happening in your own life, tragic, depressing stories are rampant in the media. Death, war, victimization, violence, natural disaster—if you turn on the news, you're guaranteed to get a huge dose of these negative experiences tightly packed into a half-hour segment, often with graphic video footage to keep the visual memory lodged in your brain to replay over and over.

That's not to suggest that you should bury your head in the sand and ignore current events, or pretend that bad things don't happen. They clearly do. People are killed every day in senseless violence. Children get hurt. Tragic accidents happen. Loved ones pass away. However, in reality, what we hear and see on the news and the unfairness that happens in our personal lives are typically outliers in a world of mostly positive, kind, and pleasant interactions.

Just think of the number of times in a day that someone holds a door open for you, helps you with a purchase, smiles at you, says thank you, washes your clothes, gives you a hug or a pat on the back, compliments you, says they love you, picks up something you dropped, drives you somewhere, or any of the hundreds of things that people do for others that they don't have to do. Now compare that to the unfortunate or negative experiences you have in a typical day. Fortunately, for most people, the good greatly outweighs the bad. It's just more common to dwell on the bad than to celebrate the good.

Emotions: The emotions that people typically feel when something unjust or unfair occurs can be a double-edged sword. If they are controlled and channeled properly, they can lead to positive change. If not, they can worsen an already bad situation. Although anger initially causes a surge in someone's energy level, impulsive, anger-driven actions rarely are productive or produce positive results. As author and blogger Lori Deschene notes, taking a stand against an injustice "doesn’t require us to act with aggression . It requires calm, careful planning and acting ...."

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't feel anger or even outrage over some of the unfortunate, sometimes horrific injustices that happen in your life and in our world. To the contrary, those feelings are normal reactions in those circumstances. But it's your responsibility to control those powerful and potentially dangerous emotions, and it's your choice as to the direction you take to create change. In short, if you allow the negativity and unfairness that happens in the world to capture your attention , consume your thoughts, and control your emotions, you're likely to find it difficult if not impossible to feel good about the world and your part in it.

Ways to Move Past the Unfairness in Life

As Deschene points out, those who don't allow the unfairness of life to make them chronically bitter, angry, or miserable are not "better" than others. They aren't oblivious to unfairness nor are they people who haven't experienced injustice, hardship, or unfairness in their lives. They're also not people who sit idly by and accept whatever happens without taking a stand. They simply adopt and practice a mindset that helps them avoid being pulled down and consumed by life's challenges. It's not always easy, and for most people, it takes practice. However, anyone who chooses to do it can do it.

Here are three ways to make that happen:

1. Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself if it's worth the energy you're putting into it .

For most, it's human nature to have an immediate and negative reaction to something that seems unfair. However, sometimes when that "unfairness" is put into perspective, it's often something not worth stressing yourself out over. If someone cuts the line at the movie concession stand, that's not fair. Maybe you say something, maybe you don't. Maybe if you say something, the person has a snarky response which makes you even more upset. But at the end of the day, you need to ask yourself if that person, who was either really distracted or just plain rude, is worth the energy that you're putting into the experience. Why let someone you have no investment in interfere with your enjoyment of the movie you're getting ready to watch? When you consider the big picture (no pun intended), a rational, unemotional mind would probably say no.

2. Be conscious of what you can and can't control.

Staying with the line cutter as an example, you have no control over the choice that person made. The only thing you have control over is how you decide to respond. So often, the situations that people get most upset about and stress out over are situations that they have no control over; for example, what someone else did or didn't do. However, the reality is, you have no control over what someone else does or doesn't do. And if you have no control over it, it is a complete waste of good energy to ruminate over it. That doesn't make the situation any more or less fair or just. It's just the way it is. The only thing you have control over is how you respond. So before you expend a lot of energy, ask yourself if this is something you have control over.

As Deschene writes,

"We can’t change mistreatment that happened in the past. We can address mistreatment that’s happening now. We can’t change someone else’s decision or behavior if they aren’t willing to change. We can change how we respond to them (and choose to help educate and positively influence them). We can’t change that tragedies have occurred, in our own lives or in places across the globe. We can support causes that seek to prevent future tragedies, or even spearhead our own. And we can’t guarantee specific outcomes for our actions, but we can increase our odds of making a difference by being clear-headed, patient, and consistent. Sometimes there will be unfair things that we simply need to accept, and it might feel instinctive to fight that. We’re only human, and we will sometimes give in to our emotional responses. What’s important is that we try to move beyond them so we don’t let the things we can’t control take control of us."

3. Consciously monitor negative thoughts and emotions, and turn them into positive actions.

When something negative happens, it's very common for people to start engaging in negative self-talk . "That was unfair." "She was mean." "I was supposed to be there." "I could have been more careful." And all of those things may well be 100 percent true, but they all keep you trapped in the past. They're thoughts and feelings about what happened, and as noted above, there is absolutely nothing that you can do, think, or feel that is going to change something that has already happened.

To bring about positive change, your focus needs to be on the present and the future. To do that, you have to make a concerted effort to monitor your thoughts and feelings. Analyze your self-talk and ask yourself:

• Is this thought (or feeling) positive or negative?
• Is it something I have control over?
• Is it something that happened in the past?
• Is there something I can do now or in the future that might produce a change?

If the answers are negative, no, yes, and/or no, then stop the thought and change it. Many cognitive psychologists suggest that you actually visualize a STOP sign and tell yourself, "This is not productive" as a way to facilitate this process. It's also important to remember that this is a process and it takes practice. As author and educator Kendra Cherry writes, "Being a positive thinker is not about ignoring reality in favor of aspirational thoughts. It is more about taking a proactive approach to your life. Instead of feeling hopeless or overwhelmed, positive thinking allows you to tackle life's challenges by looking for effective ways to resolve conflict and come up with creative solutions to problems."

Cherry goes on to say that staying positive is not necessarily easy, but the impact that it will have on your mental, emotional, and physical well-being will be "well-worth it." She adds, "It takes practice; lots of practice. This is not a step-by-step process that you can complete and be done with. Instead, it involves a lifelong commitment to looking inside yourself and being willing to challenge negative thoughts and make positive changes." In fact, some of the strongest and most productive movements against injustice have been when people have channeled their anger, sadness, and disappointment into positive action.

Taking positive action is a choice. Certainly, challenges and hardships happen in our lives that make us feel sad or angry. In fact, these are normal emotions to feel for a period of time after something negative happens in our lives. We grieve losses. We regret mistakes. We get upset when we or someone else is treated unfairly. However, at some point, we have to make a decision. Do I want to live in the past, or do I want to live in the present and work toward a positive future? Only you can make that choice, but I hope this article has provided you with sound reasons and ways to choose the present if you haven't gotten to that point yet, and if you have, good reasons to stay there.

© 2014 Sherrie Bourg Carter , All Rights Reserved

Sherrie Bourg Carter is the author of High Octane Women: How Superachievers Can Avoid Burnout (Prometheus Books, 2011).

Sherrie Bourg Carter, Psy.D. , psychologist and author of "High Octane Women: How Superachievers Can Avoid Burnout," specializes in the area of women and stress.

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The Never-Ending Debate: Is Life Fair?

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Essay; Is Life Unfair?

By William Safire

• July 19, 1999

''Life is unfair,'' said President John F. Kennedy when asked about the resentment that reservists, who had ''done their time,'' felt about being called up for Vietnam service.

In his most philosophical extemporaneous comment, he ruminated aloud: ''There is always inequity in life. Some men are killed in a war and some men are wounded, and some men never leave the country. . . . It's very hard in military or personal life to assure complete equality. Life is unfair. . . .''

Certainly the Kennedy family saga has been marked by more than its share of violent tragedy. Joe, the eldest son, died a World War II combat hero; John and Robert were felled by assassins; and Ted's life was marred by the accidental death at Chappaquiddick, from which he has spent the last 30 years redeeming himself both in politics and as the binding patriarch of the Kennedy clan.

In light of all that suffering, Ted Kennedy once wondered if a curse had been laid upon the family. Ever since, whenever death or shame rained on one of its many members, ''the Kennedy curse'' was evoked. As dynasty was denied, writers likened the series of national and personal disasters to Shakespearean dramas, while clergy turned to passages from the Book of Job.

That seeming curse pervaded the media coverage of the search for the missing plane with John F. Kennedy Jr. and his wife and her sister, and of the sad vigil at the famed Kennedy compound. Fusing this tragedy to all the others accentuated its historic resonance. Not just did a famous man and his accomplished companions, the Bessettes, die, but the Kennedy dream seemed to have died again. All the what-ifs returned.

I don't believe in curses or any other form of predestination. Owning the Hope diamond or opening King Tut's tomb brought nobody bad luck. Allowing for genetic breaks, we are free to make much of our own fate.

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