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Most Common Writing Mistakes, Pt. 58: Too Much Description

The bad news is that this is a  big deal in narrative fiction. Get the balance of your description wrong, and it could throw off your entire story.

The good news is that once you understand how to examine and execute your descriptions, you will have taken your writing to the next level.

I’ve talked previously about the problems of too little (or, worse,  no ) description . Today, we’re going to examine what is perhaps the even more egregious side of this dilemma: too much description.

2 Reasons Readers Hate Too Much Description

While some authors may err too far on the other side and leave the entire visual world of their stories to their subtext, others among us might err too far in the opposite direction.

Not only do we give readers the descriptive details they  need , we belabor the point by telling them every little last detail—about the way every cranny of a setting looks, and not only how it looks  today , but how it looked in years past and maybe even how it’s going to look in the future.

The problem here is twofold:

1.  Lengthy descriptions are almost inevitably boring.

2. They’re boring because they  do not matter .

Readers are very trusting and obliging people. They will follow you anywhere and listen to anything you have to say  as long as there’s a point . This is true of the story in general, each scene within that story, right on down to  every word choice.

He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much.

This holds true in storytelling as well. If you’re reading a book and the author can’t prove himself in something so small as the word choices in his descriptions, then it’s highly unlikely he’s going to offer mastery in the bigger-picture areas of structure, arc, and theme.

Why Too Much Description Actually Pushes Readers Out of Your Story

The reason readers instinctively understand too much description is problematic is because it signals a deeper issue within the framework of the story. Namely, too much description saps the story of subtext .

Authors must find the perfect balance of telling readers  just enough for the story to make sense and come to life, without sharing  so much that readers are crowded right out of the story. Our goal as storytellers should be to create a partnership between our own imaginations and that of our readers’ . If we’re describing every little detail—both pertinent and not—what we’re creating instead is an on-the-nose narrative that has literally been described to death.

Why You Might Be Accidentally Using Too Much Description

There are generally three reasons an author might slip into the trap of using too much description.

1. You Aren’t Trusting Readers to “Get” It

Authors often get nervous about their abilities. They aren’t sure they’ve chosen the right quantity or quality of “telling” details to bring the scene to life for readers. So they pile on more descriptors and still more.

Overwriting is just fine in the beginning . In fact, sometimes it’s helpful to purposefully overwrite to help you dig deep and find the  best descriptors. But you must be wise enough and brave enough to pare back descriptions to their essence. When in doubt, pare it back as much as you dare, then bring in an objective reader to tell you if everything still makes sense.

2. You Love Your Story Details Too Much

Nobody is ever going to love your story more than you do. You love everything about it. You love the very specific pattern of wear on your protagonist’s bedroom carpet. You love your sidekick’s freckles so much you’ve counted every last one of them. You love your heroine’s opulent, gorgeous, and very expansive wardrobe.  Naturally , you want to share every one of these awesomesauce details with readers, because of course they’re going to find them just as awesome and fascinating as you do.

Except… they don’t. As I may have mentioned above, readers only care about stuff that matters—stuff that advances the plot, stuff that helps them understand the story and characters, stuff that fires their own imaginations without bogging things down.

On Writing by Stephen King (affiliate link)

As Stephen King says in On Writing :

Write with the door closed; rewrite with the door open.

In other words, once you decide to send your story out into the world for the enjoyment of readers, it doesn’t belong to you anymore and you must optimize its presentation to benefit  them , not to indulge your own obsessive passion about ultimately irrelevant details.

3. You’re Still Growing Your Story Sensibilities

As with all of narrative storytelling, learning to create the proper balance of description is a process of experience. Even with the best of intentions, none of us ace it the first (or thirtieth) time out of the gate.

The first step in learning to refine your descriptions is to be aware they probably  do need a little refining. Pay attention to them as you’re writing them, and particularly as you’re revising. Listen to their rhythm within the overall flow of the story. Question your word and detail choices. And, when all that is done, bring in reinforcements and ask others to pay special attention to anywhere they might find your descriptions growing tedious.

The 2 Most Common Areas to Look for Too Much Description

Ready to slay your unnecessary description wherever you can find it? Good. Let’s go find it!

For the most part, all descriptions fall into two categories: character description and setting description.

Character Description

What too much character description looks like.

I shook hands with the man. He had brown hair and brown eyes. He was six feet tall and skinny. He wore overalls and a brown suit coat. There were patches on the elbows and the knees. He also wore a hat with a hole in it. He had a mole beside his nose. His teeth were crooked. His sister stood beside him. She had red hair and blue eyes. She was five feet three and plump. She wore a dress and an apron, but no hat. Her teeth were also crooked.

What Just Enough Character Description Looks Like

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows (affiliate link)

Then Dawsey held out his hands. I had been expecting him to look like Charles Lamb, and he does, a little—he has the same even gaze. He presented me with a bouquet of carnations from Booker, who couldn’t be present; he had concussed himself during a rehearsal and was in hospital overnight for observation. Dawsey is dark and wiry, and his face has a quiet, watchful look about it—until he smiles. Saving a certain sister of yours, he has the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen, and I remembered Amelia writing that he has a rare gift for persuasion—I can believe it. Like Eben—like everyone here—he is too thin, though you can tell he was more substantial once. His hair is going grey, and he has deep-set brown eyes, so dark they look black. The lines around his eyes make him seem to be starting a smile even when he’s not, but I don’t think he’s over forty. He is only a little taller than I am and limps slightly, but he’s strong—hefted all my luggage, me, Amelia, and Kit into his wagon with no trouble. (From  The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows)

Should You Describe Your Character’s…

Blood Song by Anthony Ryan (affiliate link)

In my early books, I had a serious bent for giving all my heroines a “Grecian nose.” Honestly, I still have no idea what that even is, much less what it looks like. In general, faces are just plain hard to describe. Going into the details of forehead, jaw, lips, and nose takes up a ton of space and doesn’t generally impart too much useful knowledge to readers. Much better to do as Anthony Ryan did in his fantasy  Blood Song , when he had one character comment briefly but tellingly on the protagonist’s appearance:

“I’d heard you were handsome. You’re not. But your face is interesting.”

• Hair Color?

Color is arguably the most useful of all descriptors. Hair color, for all that it is  not generally an important characterizing detail,  is a useful visual detail. But it’s also a very small detail that should be mentioned a briefly as possible and in a way that does not jar the narrative out of its POV (see below).

Let me ask you this: Do you remember the eye color of your most recent checker at the grocery store? Me neither. In most instances, eye color is not an important visual detail. It is, however, an  intimate detail. We start noticing someone’s eye color when we really start paying attention to them, seeing them as an individual rather than just another person. The eyes are the windows to the soul, which means eye color only becomes important when it aids in providing that window.

Readers rarely need to know your protagonist is 5’11.5″ inches, 170 lbs. They do, however, need have a sense of the person’s build. Tall, muscular, short, plump, attractive, average, whatever. The smallest of physical descriptors can help readers imagine the right silhouette for your character.

The Lie That Tells a Truth by John Dufresne (affiliate link)

Sometimes clothes make the man, sometimes not. Early on in the story and in certain important scenes later on, a specific description of your characters’ clothing may be important to flesh out your world and set the stage. Otherwise, follow the rule John Dufresne offered succinctly in  The Lie That Tells a Truth :

[D]ress is only important in a story when it is important to the character.

And by “important,” he doesn’t mean “the character’s favorite pair of Chucks ever,” but rather “plot-advancing.”

• Scars/Special Features?

Do they matter to the story (e.g., the character has a bionic arm that let’s her defeat bad guys)? Do they define the character (e.g., the character is deeply ashamed of his disfiguring facial birthmark)? Do they establish the setting (e.g., tribal scars in a jungle setting, or green scales in an alien setting)? Then, by all means, describe them. Otherwise, what’s the point, right?

• As Seen by Other Characters?

Perhaps the trickiest part of character description is figuring out how to describe POV characters. Your protagonist, in particular, is going to be the most important person in the story and you want to provide readers the right visual image. But you also don’t want to break POV by having the character launch into a lengthy description of herself (or, just as cringe-worthy, an observation of herself in a mirror ).

The best rule of thumb is to describe only details that matter to the character and matter  in the moment . However, you can also cheat just a little. When your character scratches his hand through his hair, is he really thinking about “scratching his hand through his  black hair”? Nah. But he is aware  that his hair is black, so you can almost always get away with sneaking that little descriptor in there. No harm, no foul—and readers have a useful detail to add to their mental image.

Setting Description

What too much setting description looks like.

The man woke up. The room he was in was big, with rows and rows of beds for other patients. It was still dark, but he knew what he would see out the window: a road, then fields, then pine trees. There were a dozen windows in this room, tall ones from floor to ceiling. The curtains were white, as were the walls and the floor. Half a dozen fans dotted the ceiling. People tossed and turned in their beds. He knew all their names: Peter in the far corner, then Jim, Bob, Andrew, then him. Beyond the room was a desk for the nurse on duty, then long hallways and still more rooms, most just like this one.

What Just Enough Setting Description Looks Like

Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier (affiliate link)

At the first gesture of morning, flies began stirring. Inman’s eyes and the long wound at his neck drew them, and the sound of their wings and the touch of their feet were soon more potent than a yardful of roosters in rousing a man to wake. So he came to yet one more day in the hospital ward. He flapped flies away with his hands and looked across the foot of his bed to an open triple-hung window. Ordinarily, he could see to the red road and the oak tree and the low brick wall. And beyond them to a sweep of fields and flat piney woods that stretched to the western horizon. The view was a long one for the flatlands, the hospital having been built on the only swell within eyeshot. But it was too early yet for a vista. The window might as well have been painted gray. (From  Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier)

Should You Describe Your Setting…

• At the Beginning of the Book?

Half the trick of setting descriptions is finding the perfect place to put the details. As always, the descriptions only matter when they matter. So when  do they matter? They matter when readers need to be able to envision the scene and when new details are pertinent to the events of the plot.

The former is a pretty broad umbrella, which will first come into play at the very beginning of the book. You will need to describe enough of your initial setting to orient readers within the scene and, just as important, to give them a sense of the overall story world—whether it’s Texas or Westeros.

This does  not mean, however, that you need to describe every last bit of your overall setting right there at the beginning. Get readers oriented in that first scene, then start sowing additional details only as they become pertinent (for example, we have no idea what state or time Inman is in until further into the first chapter).

• At the Beginning of a Scene?

What about when you begin a new scene? You definitely  do need to orient readers afresh after every scene or chapter break . But should you begin with a full-on description of the setting every time? Well, ask yourself this: is the setting the most important part of this scene?

If, yes, definitely open with it. You may even be able to go ahead and describe it in full, depending on the scope of its importance.

If not, hold back a little. Introduce the scene hook, sketch a few setting details to help readers get their boots on the ground, then slowly dole out other pertinent descriptors as they become necessary (i.e., as characters begin to interact with them).

• The Second or Third Time It’s Entered?

What about already familiar settings? Readers have already seen your teenage protagonist’s bedroom several times. Do you need to describe it afresh every time to reorient them? Nope. The only details you need for repeat scenes are the  new ones. You’ve already given readers a mental image of this setting, which will remain fixed in their minds, unless and until you need to update it.

Mortal Engines by Philip Reeve (affiliate link)

What if you’ve got a huge, gorgeous, very unique setting? A mechanized city like in Philip Reeves’s  Mortal Engines or an antebellum cotton plantation like in Margaret Mitchell’s  Gone With the Wind ? Half the fun of reading about these places is getting to explore them. But that doesn’t mean you can get away with pages upon pages of detailed setting description.  Do share all interesting and important details with readers, but do it artfully, by sowing it into the action of the plot and the development of the character, making all the details you share  matter to the story, making them mean more than just words about brick and mortar.

Learning the art of avoiding too much description is ultimately the art of controlling your narrative. When you’re able to move past description as merely  description and bring it into play as a technique for advancing plot, character, and theme, through the judicious choice of telling details, you will raise the entire tenor of your book.

>>Click here to read more posts in the Most Common Writing Mistakes Series.

Wordplayers, tell me your opinion! As a reader, have you ever encountered a story with too much description? How did it affect your experience of the book? Tell me in the comments!

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K.M. Weiland is the award-winning and internationally-published author of the acclaimed writing guides Outlining Your Novel , Structuring Your Novel , and Creating Character Arcs . A native of western Nebraska, she writes historical and fantasy novels and mentors authors on her award-winning website Helping Writers Become Authors.

Too much description?… Yes, I have seen it in MSS sent for editing. More to the point, is being given too much, too soon.

One book I was given to edit would break every newly introduced character’s dialogue with a full description of his life story and physical features. Often these were a quarter of a page long, losing any flow the dialogue had.

But sometimes, in some genres, description is not only necessary, but vital to the plot. I write crime mysteries, and need to hide pointers and clues in my descriptive passages. Sometimes a book is returned to me from a beta reader with comments like “Where did that come from?” or “So… Who was that bloke who shot him?” because they’ve not picked up on those little details. I’ve then had to go back into the plot to add extra descriptive details… and hope that my less observant readers will notice them, while others won’t just see ‘spoilers’. It’s a fine line that we writers need to tread.

Excellent point. The problem isn’t so much how much description is being shared as when and where it’s being shared. As long as the details are doled out in a meaningful way, everything usually works out just fine.

I got so much from this article. I always do when you post something.

I found your point of describing eyes very interesting. You noted that we only notice a person’s eye colour when we get close/intimate. That is a helpful tool when describing the progression of a relationship.

Thanks for all you do!

Honestly, I’m a sucker for eye color in stories for this very reason. Used well, it can almost *define* a character.

Then again, sometimes a person’s eyes are the first thing you notice on someone. Because of the very intimate nature of observing eye color, it could create such an impact on the protagonist that he forgets to describe anything else.

This happened to me in real life. I saw a woman with T!H!E! absolute purest green eyes I had ever seen in my life. I just stood there wondering how it was even possible for several long moments as she talked with someone, and after I left I couldn’t even tell you her hair color.

(Also, those were her true eye color. She became my study hall teacher the next year and she didn’t wear contacts.)

A scene with a description like this would be great for introducing a character of prominence or power (even if that power us exerted over only one character). Someone commanding, someone who draws people in– even someone who is a traitor, whom the protagonist thought he knew well (those powerful, alluring eyes) but later realizes he never really knew her that well (wait, what color was her hair again?)

Just a thought. 🙂

*if that power is exerted. My bad.

True enough. Some eye colors–especially blue–are striking enough to be immediately noticeable.

Great article again, thanks. I tend to suffer from the reverse problem, getting three or four characters in a room who just talk and nothing ever gets described.

Part of the problem with writing any kind of speculative fiction is that you put so much into the worldbuilding that you don’t want to see any of it wasted. I’m an extreme case here, I even have wiring diagrams for my spaceships. I have to be very careful to cut it down to just what is needed.

On thing I did find helped a lot was studying Dudley Pope’s historical novels. He is a naval historian and knows everything there is to know about sailing warships. He’s very good at only describing what is needed for the characters.

I hear you. It’s easy to rock from one extreme to the other. I find it useful to identify which side of the spectrum you naturally fall on, then deliberately overwrite in the other direction, then edit as necessary.

Every time I read advice about not using too much description, all I can think of is The Hunchback of Notre-Dame and how Hugo takes 10 pages in the middle of the book to describe Notre-Dame as it looked in the 15th century, followed by thirty pages on how Paris looked in the 15th century. But the book is so amazing that I don’t look down on him for that, and I’m in awe of the guy for doing his research so well (long before internet) that you would’ve thought he’d lived back then. Lesson learned: if you’re a good enough writer, you can break all the rules and no one will object.

Personally, I tend toward a bit too much a character description and far too little setting description. I have very poor awareness of my surroundings in real life, so when writing in a deep PoV I’m always focused more on my characters’ thoughts and forget they should be observing the setting as well.

Hah! It’s true. And Les Mis is even more of a culprit. But, hey, all the rules go out the window when you break them brilliantly. 😉

I’m definitely finding that describing too much is one of my main issues in my current WIP. My betas have been point out the major spots, which has been super helpful in making me aware of my tendencies. Hopefully now that they’ve planted the seed I’ll be able to see it on my own as well!

*pointing* out. 🙂

Writing description is all about exercising our imaginations on the page. It’s a good thing! It’s just that we have to learn the discernment and discipline to understand what will be effective from the readers’ perspective, and what will not. Betas are great for that.

Another important lesson for writing, and one you lay out very well.

(What is this notion that writers have to study physiognomy and spend ten lines describing the separate pieces of someone’s face– as pieces, not as the impression they make? Sigh.)

One rule I have is: description is about consistent style. As in, ask yourself “Is this the amount of description I could write for *every* equally-important moment for the rest of my writing life?” If a paragraph seems like you’ve gotten sucked into a moment more than usual–and more than it deserves–you know the reader will notice the inconsistency too.

But I think when a writer discovers she love description as a style, she should go with that… and learn how to focus it so it builds layered power that supports the story, without going off on tangents. Or the writer who likes using less, should– and find out how to get in the right minimums.

We all have our own tastes in writing. Those ought to guide us to how much time we’ll be spending on what, and how to make that work.

Back in the days when people believed in phrenology (that a person’s personality was revealed in his facial features and head shape), it might have made more sense to launch into detailed facial descriptions. Certainly, I think half the reason modern authors struggle with this is in an attempt to mimic classic authors, such as Dickens.

Great article. One of my favorite authors is the late Taylor Caldwell. I love how she wove description into her scenes.

My mentor taught me about setting and description this way. You want to engage the reader’s imagination. Describe just enough to trigger an image in the reader.

For example: “a huge four-post bed with red curtains dominated the musty room. She had to sidestep around it to open the French doors to the balcony, but the effort was worth it when the lilac scented breeze wafted over her.”

Your image of this might not match mine & that’s okay. I don’t have to describe the room further.

This is another good example of the careful use of color. That one little pop of red brings the whole picture to life.

It’s interesting. In the scene I’m working on, my protagonist finally notices this other character’s eye color, just as she begins to fall for him. Up until now, she’d only looked at his hair.

Katie isn’t just a writer and reacher—she’s a mind reader, too ?

More to the point though, some of those “descriptions done right” are actually quite lengthy. The reason they don’t come across as such is they’re not delivered as laundry lists (info dumps), but rather integrated into the narrative to drive it forward. That’s a pretty important distinction, in my opinion (which you do drive home throughout your article).

It’s not necessarily about length or amount. The delivery is just as important.

My rule for writing description is that whatever I describe has to be relevant to some other element of the story – the character, theme, plot, etc. Most often I look to relevance to the character. If I’m describing something about the scenery, it has to be something that is important to the character or that gives insight to who he is or his state of mind. If the character wouldn’t notice it, or it wouldn’t have any impact on them in the long run, then why describe it? But that gives you so much opportunity to play with detail, just with a purpose.

I think another rule I have is to never ‘pause the story’ so to speak to describe something. I hate when I’m reading something and it just takes a paragraph or two out at the beginning of a scene to say “and here’s what this place looks like” without doing anything to advance the story or give insight into the character(s).

Good rule. Optimally, description should be about more than just sharing a visual image. It should pull double or triple duty in also sharing subtext or characterization.

My favorite character description is Jane Austen’s of Henry Tilney: “if not quite handsome, was very near it.” Who knows if his hair was dark or fair, or if he had an aquiline or Grecian nose? I think anyone would form their own mental image from that description. Not to mention that a character’s being very nearly handsome is much more endearing than his being devastatingly so.

I get bored very quickly with descriptions of anything that is supposed to be beautiful or grand or amazing. It just isn’t interesting to me. (Poorly developed Se, maybe?) But my tastes are very opposed to the cinematic style, and that’s certainly NOT a universal preference. I think most people are different from me in this respect. I do like descriptions of building floor plans, the layouts of towns, trees, small objects, and animals. And clothing, within reason. 🙂 Which I guess goes to show, you can’t please everyone, but that’s no excuse for writing descriptions that are so overblown or so bare that they please no one.

Good point! Imperfections are often the most attractive qualities in descriptions.

I have always loved the depth and texture in the beginning of The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame. It pulls me into the delightful world of Ratty, Mole, and the others quite well. My wife, on the other hand, couldn’t get passed that into the body of the book. I normally dislike too much description because it really doesn’t matter (as you point out so well). But, in some cases, pulling the reader into the world is critical to the reader being immersed enough in the world to live in that world for the duration of the book. One example of that is the Inkheart Trilogy by Cornelia Funke. She does a masterful job with her descriptions. As always, my two cents.

Beautiful prose makes a huge difference in the amount of description readers will be willing to swallow. If it’s poetic and lovely, it has value of its own.

Another very good post, thank you.

When it comes to descriptions a good piece of advice I have come across is to describe things from the standpoint of what is likely to stand out to the character as far as their profession is concerned. A doctor will see a room differently than a carpenter and a office worker a garbage collector. So this is also something to keep in mind.

In my WIP my MC has the ability to sense the subtle energies within her environment so at times depending on what is going on this may be the first thing I focus on when she enters a new location, especially if their is animosity directed toward her which is from time to time. Even when she is meditating in one scene a little Japanese girl that has become quite fond of her is hiding and watching her and I explain the girls emotions through how Manitra perceives them in the fluctuations of those subtle energies.

Even when a character enters a scene it is good to focus on the things necessary to the plot and things that will naturally stick out to that character based on their background or their personality. Hence a very timid character is likely to see every shadow, and corner as a place where something bad could happen or perhaps even a shell shocked soldier.

Anyhow I think I have made my point and I am by now means trying to do your job and teach anyone anything, just sharing from the heart and hope something helps someone see this wonder diamond called writing from a different facet.

Keep the stimulating discussions coming.

I agree. We need to give readers enough of an overview to understand the space in which the details are going, but from there, it’s a matter of prioritizing those details that either advance the plot or develop the characters.

I loved Jean Auel’s “Earth’s Children” series until book 5. The 2 main characters were traveling slowly due to the elements. I remember thinking several times, “If she describes the snow and ice terrain one more time, I’ll scream.

And did you scream? 😉

No. I threatened, but stopped myself at the last minute. 🙂

Here is my last 10 cents on this post.

I think that it is important in character description to also take the opportunity of using it to show personality of the character, such as focusing on body language and gestures as well as physical details. I also believe that is a good idea to give just enough detail such as the most significant aspects of a character that stand out such as maybe a facial tick, bald spot, scar or whatever that identifies with them and that the reader could identify with.

With my MC, her eyes light up in intensity the more angry or flustered that she gets, it is a part of her alien biology so it is rarely necessary for me to speak about how angry she is through out my WIP because I establish this connection from the very beginning and build upon it throughout. She is a very emotional character that tends to get worked up quite a bit.

My other point is that through specific description of body language and physical appearance you can create enough of an image for a reader to get the take away that a character is gorgeous or pretty or even use the reaction of other characters to them to drive this home. This is an example brief description of a character I describe earlier in my story but am reintroducing in a different manner. There are many eyes taking notice of her along with my MC who is uncertain if this is the same person or not.

Traes’ new dance partner was quite a sight to behold, her feet glided with ease in those ankle strap platform heels, supporting a pair of legs whose smooth contours boasted the workmanship of a master artisan.

Whether a characters eyes go sprat wide and there heart starts racing as soon as character x appears on the scene or their hand slaps across their mouth and their stomach begins to churn when Miss X comes into view it doesn’t take a lot of detail per sae to get the point across of outward appearance.

Great thoughts. Show, don’t tell.

This has been so very helpful as I revise my MG novel. I tend to info dump, so it’s a good reminder to keep things simple and pertinent to my characters and plot. Thanks, K.M.!

Nothing wrong with info-dumping in the first draft, as long as you recognize and fix it later. 😉

Good article,

In the Azurian galaxy there were eight planets that were warmed by twin suns. From the suns a goddess was born. This goddess named herself Maia, the mother of all creation. She wasn’t happy with the eight existing planets so she created one. Maia looked down on the planet she created. She was pleased and decided this planet-in addition to having twin suns-would also have twin moons. She named her new world after herself for she was alone. So the planet Avanaria was born. Maia created beautiful seas and filled them with manner of life. Then she created the mountains and islands of various sizes upon which grew all luscious vegetation: flowers, vines, and tall beautiful trees. She placed fresh water lakes, rivers and streams through out the verdant landscape. She created birds over every color had she could think of and then created animals of all shapes and sizes. Then she scattered all these living things upon the numerous islands. But the goddess felt something was missing…intelligent beings! So she created many different species of magical beings-shape shifters, fairies, elves, dwarfs and different lesser deities. Her favorite were the mer-people. She was so pleased with them that she made them immortals and also made them gods to help her govern the rest of the planet. Now some of the other beings were also immortal, but they lacked control, and some of abilities. The merfolk had possessed. Maia became somewhat jealous, which led to this sage. Enjoy the adventure!

The island Elda Lamore was large, it had mountains, rivers and lakes. There was an abundance of trees, floral and fauna which creates flourishing homes for varied wildlife and the people whom reside there. There are six smaller islands the encircle Elda Lamore and they to are lush vibrant habitats for many. The palace was nestled in the foot hills Elda’s mountains. The palace grounds cover about 2,000 acres at least it has lush forests around two sides of it. There are farm lands where peasents grow produce both for the royal family and servents but also enough to feed everyone on the island. Nearer to the palace was the enchanted gardens that was well groomed and was truly a place of beauty and serenity inside the gardens are pools for beautiful fish and aviaries of exoctic birds whos colorful rivals those of the multitudes of flowers that create places for delicate butterlies and honey bees that create the most delicious honey on the planet. All around are well manicured lawns and sculpted bushes. The sweet scent from flowering fruit trees sooths and yet invigorates at the same time. Near the palace was a large dolphin fountain where beautiful koi and other colorful fish swim for the delight of visitors. Peackocks and other large colorful birds stroll around the grounds. Off to the left of the palace was a series of cottages and huts. These are for guests. Healers and servents one especially large building was the infirmary to house the ill and injured. Near the cottages are three salt water pools one is very large there was also two in the palaces private court yard for the royal family. Each cottage and hut also have private pools in their baths. The infirmary has four pools for those too ill to leave the building. It is important merfolk to be able to emerse in salt water every 7 hours that they reside on land. Merfolk can live on land as long as they can have salt water pools or the sea nearby. When they change back to their natural state they get fish tails where their hops and legs would be and gills behind their ears with the gills they can breathe both air when out of water and breathe under the water just like the fish they share the seas with. Away from the rest of the palace buildings are stables for horses and livestock . Next to this was the armory where weapons were stored and the guards and warriors resided. Next to this was the training grounds here men and women trained in the arts of weaponery, and stealth and defense and hand to hand combat although it has rarely been needed until now….

Is this too much description? What do you think?

The first paragraph sounds like a world fable–such as Indian creation myth. If that’s your intent, then “telling” style works well enough. However, in all honesty, I totally start to glaze out over the second paragraph. As a reader, I need a reason to care about the details being shared.

I plan on revising both. What would you suggest me do with the paragraphs?

Particularly, since these are opening paragraphs, I would cut them entirely and open with action. Then only share the details *as* they become necessary for readers to understand what’s happening.

Okay, thank you,

In the beautiful turquoise waters of the serene sea, swam two lone mermaids. It was a very warm sunny day and the water glimmered mini rainbows when the tails of the mermaids hit the water. The mermaids were on a journey, but had stopped for refreshment and a little rest before continuing on. The older of the two was Cara, she was a priestess of great abilities and the younger mermaid was Leilani Pearl…she was a mermaid princess. Both women were enjoying the warmth of the sun when Leilani noticed a figure swimming towards them. Cara, immediately rushed to Leilani’s side to protect the mer-princess if need be. As the figure grew closer, they could see it was a merman and a very handsome one at that. Leilani looked at this stranger swimming towards them. He was gorgeous with raven hair, bronzed skin that covered a very masculine body with strong muscular arms. His mertail was teal and amethyst scaled and very strong as it propelled him to the ladies. “Halt!!” commanded the priestess holding her hand up. “State your business!” Leilani watched intently to the man’s reaction. Her eyes were a deep at the moment as they changed with her moods. The man stopped and said. “My name is Zane Merrick,” he continued, “I wish you no harm,” The mysterious stranger smiled. Leilani noticed he had very white straight teeth. He noticed her staring and smiled at her, causing her to blush. She quickly turned to Cara and raised her lovely eyebrow in question. Cara who was telepathic searched the man’s thoughts. Zane feeling the probing relaxed and didn’t say a word as he knew she was seeing if he meant to harm them. At last he was trustworthy and intended no harm she spoke. “My name is Cara, I am priestess to our Goddess Leilani,” she said as she bowed to Leilani. Zane bowed to the young mer-princess and said. “it is an honor to meet you my lady,” then he bowed less deeply to Cara. “and you also my priestess,” The women were impressed by his good manners…Cara telepathically told Leilani they were safe for the moment. Zane noticed a shared look between the women and knew he passed some sort of test. He noticed the mer-princess watching him, Zane flashed her a dazzling smile and was pleased to see her blush. Leilani couldn’t believe she was blushing at a stranger! But then his eyes twinkled and he was no ordinary man and she was already smitten with him. Zane turned to Cara and asked them where the ladies were traveling. Cara looked at Leilani who nodded, “we are traveling to Elda Lamore Island, do you know of it?” Zane smiled, his brilliant blue eyes were sparkling. “In fact that is my destination as well, might I travel with you, my lady?” He asked turning to Leilani with the question part. “Yes,” she replied. “if you can keep up, we’d enjoy the company,” Then before Zain responded she turned and with a quick thrust of her tail she shot toward in the warm seas leaving Cara and Zane to follow. Zane chuckled as he admired Leilani’s beauty. Her hair was unbound and flowing behind her. It was shiny and raven like his with turquoise steaks. Her skin was gold and her tail was turquoise and amethyst. He noticed a birth mark on her left shoulder of a crescent moon in fish scales. Around her slender throat she wore exquisite pearls. He loved her fire and knew he was already smitten by her. This will be an interesting trip, he thought as he hurried to catch up with the women. Cara keeping close to Leilani could sense that Zane was very attracted to the young goddess, and likewise she was with him. I’ll have to keep an eye on both of them. She thought, but secretly she smiled. They would be a good pair she thought. Cara had been given as a hand maiden to Leilani when the goddess was born. As time went on Cara discovered she was a priestess and a powerful one, so she was sent to study with other priestess so she could learn how to use her many gifts. She could have left goddess then and become powerful in her own right. However she loved the young goddess and felt her place was with Leilani. Cara was also a beautiful woman, She had dark hair and slender build. Her tail was a lovely teal color. After what was quite a long journey the traveling trio finally reached the island. Although it was late, there was plenty of daylight left due to the planet having two suns. The merwomen hesitated while Zane swam to the beach, and then he quickly hauled himself ashore. Leilani couldn’t help but admire the strong bronzed back as he flipped his mertail on the beach then in an instant his tail split and morphed into two very muscular bronzed legs. Then with a clap of his hands, he magically addressed his nakedness, and leggings, a tunic, and leather boots covered his excellent body. Smiling, he reached out to help the ladies ashore. Leilani motioned for Cara to go first. She was suddenly feeling a little shy for some reason and it frustrated her. Cara smiled and allowed Zane to help her on shore, where she too quickly changed her mertail for legs then covered her body with a soft ankle length flowing lavender gown and sandals. Zane then offered his hand to Leilani. “My lady?” he smiled, but his eyes were intense. Leilani’s heart skipped a beat! She shook her head, “I can do it myself, thank you!” she spat out a bit sharply. Zane looked surprised, but bowed and said. “as you wish my lady,” and backed away. Cara’s eyes widened with disapproval at Leilani’s words and actions. Leilani blushed with shame, she didn’t know why she said and acted like that. She pulled herself on the beach. Zane turned his back while she quickly touched the pearls around her throat, instantly her tail morphed into two lovely golden brown legs. Another pearl she was clothed in an ankle length turquoise flowing gown similar to Cara’s. She was holding a pair of sandals to keep them dry. “You may turn around now,” Leilani said. Zain sucked in his breath, his eyes widening as he saw Leilani’s true beauty. He admired her raven locks that hung past her waist and covered her full breasts. Her figure was tall and slim, but with the right amount of curves he thought with a smile. Cara seeing the fire between the two of them and chuckled, in her heart she knew they would make a good match. Leilani took a step and cried out in pain as her bare foot stepped on a sea urchin practically hidden in the sand. Zane immediately swooped her up into his strong arms much to her embarrassment. “I’m okay,” She gasped as pain shot up her leg. Cara quickly got out her medicine bag. She found a potion and talking a gauzy strip of cloth soaked it with the potion then she gently wrapped it around Leilani’s throbbing foot. Then she gave the goddess something to drink from another bottle. She will be alright she assured a very worried Zane. Urchins are poisonous but the potion will cure it. However she won’t be able to walk for a while. She explained. Zane tightened his hold on Leilani, who was quite pale at the moment. I shall carry her, he thought, and then he declared, “She is light as a feather.” He grinned at Leilani. Leilani was terribly embarrassed, yet it felt very nice in his arms, and so they stared up the path to the enchanted gardens, and so their love story begins.

Is this good or does it need to be rewritten or has to much description?

Much better!

However, please remember this is not a critique site. I’m happy to respond to specific writing questions or to comment on very short excerpts of a few sentences. But I would appreciate it if longer excerpts weren’t posted frequently. Thanks!

Okay, thank you will do.

Character descriptions: He was gorgeous with raven hair, bronzed skin that covered a very masculine body with strong muscular arms. His mertail was teal and amethyst scaled and very strong as it propelled him to the ladies. Cara was also a beautiful woman, She had dark hair and slender build. Her tail was a lovely teal color He admired her raven locks that hung past her waist and covered her full breasts. Her figure was tall and slim, but with the right amount of curves he thought with a smile. Her raven hair was unbound and flowing behind her. It was shiny and raven like his with turquoise steaks. Her skin was gold and her tail was turquoise and amethyst. He noticed a birth mark on her left shoulder of a crescent moon in fish scales. Around her slender throat she wore exquisite pearls.

Do you want me to make these better I mean the descriptions?

Again, I’m sorry, but I’m not able to critique large excerpts.

What I would encourage you to do is closely examine the examples in this post, both the good and bad, and identify what it is you think works and doesn’t work about them. Then try to apply that to your own descriptions.

Okay, thank you. When you write the setting do you write long sentences or short sentences or weather?

Example: It was a warm day in the enchanted gardens on Planet Avanaria.

Leilani, the goddess of the serene waters was in the library looking at books in which it had a writing desk and book shelves filled with books.

A mix. You want to vary the rhythm of your prose. I would also try to stay away from phrases that start “it was a…”, as these are almost always telling. Instead, show readers what the day is like, e.g., “Warm sunlight filtered through the palm leaves…”

Okay, thank you. Where Leilani leaves there are twin suns and twin moons on Planet Avanaria.

Is your Dreamlander book have a galaxy or is it on earth?

Okay, thank you. Where Leilani leaves there are twin suns and twin moons on Planet Avanaria so it has about ten planets in the azurian systom.

Part of it is on Earth, part of it takes place on a parallel world.

“Do they matter to the story (e.g., the character has a bionic arm that let’s her defeat bad guys)?”

As a matter of fact, my superhero protag has exactly that. I haven’t ever taken time to describe it though, you just get to know it as you get to know her better through the story– that it’s charcoal grey, that it creates a bit of imbalance in her appearance (slightly thicker than her other arm), etc. That’s because I’ve been doing a slow reveal of a secret behind its origin that even the protag isn’t aware of.

Good post and very true. I’ve seen stories wherein the description of clothing was so extensive I thought I was reading a fashion magazine rather than a novel.

But it can be difficult to balance how much the reader needs to know with keeping the story moving. A friend wrote and self-published a book and had me proof it first, and that was one of the things I had to point out to her. She was giving too much information right at the start (information dump of sorts) trying to get the reader up to speed. But the effect was too overwhelming and was more apt to bore the reader so they didn’t continue. She was able to pare it back and omit some of it or shift it to elsewhere in the story where it fit a little more seamlessly and didn’t prove so distracting.

It definitely is a balance–and it’s definitely subjective. For example, fantasy novels often require far more description (including that of clothes) than do contemporary novels, simply because readers need more help in envisioning a strange world. But we still have to be careful not to go overboard, lest we bore them.

The moment our descriptions become a list, similar to bullet points, it loses much impact. When we resort more to telling than showing. The “goldilocks” solution? Not too much, not too little? Or, as you stated, “…hey, all the rules go out the window when you break them brilliantly…” Until then, incorporate all the senses—use color, and then, only enough. Is the phrase, with restraint? Thanks, Katie!

Definitely. As is evident in the examples I used in the post, good description isn’t necessarily *shorter* than bad description, and this is because it’s artfully posed, rather than simply a grocery list of items and details.

It’s what I said! ?

Very important and timely post, K.M. Early on I decided to be less descriptive of characters in my romance stories. I thought that I would let my readers imagine how they looked. Who was I to decide how you envisioned your perfect man or woman. Brhmp! Wrong answer. So then I started describing everything down to the color of a grasshopper’s eyes. My readers would comment, “You’re very descriptive, aren’t you?”Brhmp. Wrong answer again. So now I’ve worked at using the descriptions more naturally to layer and accentuate the story. So now less Brhmps. But I need your advice on a story I’m writing which is set in Paris. I don’t want to describe the typical landmarks, ex. Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triompe, Shakespeare and Company Bookstore, etc. The couple, Quille and Graham enjoying an intimate villa on New Year’s Eve. I’ve never been to Paris, but I can research the look of the French countryside and the floor plan, furniture, and rooms of a villa. I want to really concentrate more on describing the French cuisine since Graham is in culinary school in the States. What do you think Brhmp or thumbs up? Thank you for the post.

It’s all about offering a few well-placed evocative details. Sensory details *other* than sight (since they’re comparatively underused) are especially excellent. Play with the rhythm of the prose too. You can get away with more description if the presentation is utterly delicious.

Great advice. It’ll be a wonderful writing challenge for me. Thank you so much for taking the time. Just know I do appreciate you.

My pleasure! 🙂

Great post, thank you! I am always mindful of not overdoing descriptions, especially with characters. From a young age I’ve loved reading and developing “my version” of how a favourite character would appear. Hated it if a movie version was released and they chose the “wrong” actors for the part. LOL.

Now that I have started writing, I try to mould my characters by showing their personality, stance, actions and words more than their appearance. Once I feel satisfied that my MC’s have successfully been portrayed as worthy of a reader’s total attention will I begin to fill in little titbits of specific information about physical or facial appearance. With minor characters, I don’t get very specific at all. I just want the reader to know that they are naughty or nice, helpful or harmful etc. Their words or deeds will generally say all that is necessary for the reader to know about them.

Your posts teach me so much and constantly inspire me to keep going with my writing K.M. I’ve left it late in life to start actually writing a novel. I have journals with dozens of ideas and premises for different stories from a lifetime of dreaming that one day…! Trouble is, I may have to live to the age of one hundred and twenty to achieve them all.

I’m big on wanting to make sure I’m envisioning characters in line with how the author intended, so one of my pet peeves along these lines is when the author fails to describe the character well enough early on, only to stick in details later than completely mess with my own perception. :p

Agreed to all of the above. Though one of the critiques I got from a mentor was it was okay to put a *little* more descriptive detail than I had been since I was writing fantasy. I’d been erring on the side of sparsity.

One of my pet peeves, though, is when a character description is given late and I’ve already established something else in my mind. I don’t expect a detailed description right off the bat but I expect hair color, gender & an idea of their age within the first few pages. 3 chapters later and I’m going to be very annoyed to discover the 16-year-old brunette I’ve been picturing is a 27-year-old blonde.

I got dinged in the rough drafts of my first fantasy for too little description too. There’s a reason fantasy books tend to be almost twice the size of most other genres. 😉

I felt the need to describe hair length and clothing in my first book because I thought it was important. My protagonists were all metalheads who fully embraced the heavy metal lifestyle as did most of their compatriots. The antagonists had shorter hair and always dressed more conformist. Now that I write this, I realize that I didn’t have to use these descriptions in every encounter, which I seemed to do.

It’s funny how we, as authors, aren’t always aware of the overall effect we’re creating. This is why it’s so great to let a little time pass to give us perspective.

This is tricky for me. I don’t write “too much” description when I’m using contemporary settings — so little has to be explained. For a write-for-hire book the editors loved the descriptions I used for the “upper class” vampires (they didn’t sparkle. It was before Twilight so …). I didn’t go into too much detail, because I could use shorthand, e.g., a scene where two teenage boys are describing one of the unbeknownst-to-them vampire girls:

“She’s classy; you can tell because she gets her corsets from La Perla instead of Hot Topic.”

“What’s La Perla?”

“The Ferrari of lingerie.”

The reader can fill in the blanks from there. But in my own fantasy set in a Roman analogue world I went into a lot of description, which made my beta readers’ eyes glaze over. I lacked confidence they would “get” that the setting, as you said. I was also hampered because the words for everyday objects aren’t words we use now: we don’t describe dresses as a peplos or a chiton. Because the story is not on “Earth” I didn’t have the option of just saying “Grecian-style dresses,” especially as I don’t call the “Greeks” by that name. Streamlining was definitely a challenge.

What I am absolutely determined to do is to avoid deadening my readers’ souls with “Gormenghast” levels of description. The scene that still haunts me, years after I abandoned that book, is a scene where a servant is walking through a room on his way to some other place. I think it said he took a step — and then pages of descriptions follow, of the room and everything in it. Then he takes another step, and to my horror, he was still in the room! He hadn’t gotten out of it yet and I couldn’t bear to see what descriptions would follow that next step.

Hah! But at least you know your good taste is growing as you’re able to recognize the flaws in past books.

Jamie… your comment about ‘words no longer being used’ implies that you think readers won’t understand… or won’t be able to work it out.

Aren’t you being a little elitist? Aren’t you implying that your readers aren’t intelligent enough to pick up on words that are new to them, and get the gist (these days, they can always google them). Why dumb everything down to the level of comic books, lowest common denominator TV, Hollywood, and gaming?

If I’m writing a scene, with a character who is an expert in something, I’m not going to use words that he wouldn’t use to describe what he’s doing, just because those are the words Mrs. Housewife in the street might use.It wouldn’t feel real (e.g. she might call a locomotive a ‘train’, but to a train man, it’s only a train when it’s got wagons or carriages attached.).

An intelligent (though not necessarily informed) reader will accept the ‘new’ words because it all feels real to him or her.

As writers, we should not only entertain, but enrich our readers. Their vocabulary is a good place to start.

I’m sure I’ll make my share of mistakes in this one! I’m more worried about not giving enough description because my sentences tend to be more simplistic. Feedback from Beta-readers is probably the best thing to help I would think.

Reading wise I’ve seen the different ways authors utilize their descriptions. Some convey it very differently. I guess this would be their voice or style?

The literary types who intentionally over-utilize descriptions drive me nuts. George R.R. Martin is a wonderful author, but he does tend to get too wordy. Brad Thor has a particular use of heavy descriptions for characters but it’s borderline. Most of the authors I’ve read do a pretty good job though. Now it’s my turn to learn!

Thanks Katie

Honestly, learning the right balance of description is half the battle of learning to find your voice.

I used to have the attitude that “Shakespeare never used description, why should I?”

Of course, I know I’m not Shakespeare. I simply use him as proof that description is not necessary. Furthermore, it’s obvious that there are plenty of great stories with description. So I have tried (and will continue to try) to discern the purpose of it, and maybe even incorporate it into my stories.

And, of course, he was writing plays. 😉

Touche. Story alone is a mad hydra of forms within that of writing. I withdraw that point for further revision. Regardless, I still feel the need to analyze what I read and decide what makes it good, which I’m sure you will most certainly agree.

Totally agree! 🙂

I definitely have a hard time drawing the line between too much description and too little, although I tend to not describe enough. Thanks for the great article!

You’re not alone. All of writing is about finding the right balance. 🙂

Hi! I’m midst of a creative block due to “rules I have to follow”. I know this sounds weird, but I wrote a book without knowing any writing technique. But I’ve learned a lot with your blog (and others similar with helpful content) and I decided to rewrite it. I don’t know if you read and respond to recent comments in old posts, but I’ll shout for help anyway: First question: I have some minor characters that appear very very quick in the beginning, but they contribute a lot to history, and they gain greater prominence later. Should I describe them physically (without exaggeration of course) as soon as they are introduced, or may I do this later? Second question: I had read another post of yours about word count (I’m going crazy with it!!!), but I have an average of 1500 words/chapter. When it happens that a chapter has less than 1000 (I’ve read somewhere that this is not good), is everything okay or should I mend it to another by giving a line break etween the chapters? Thanks.

If the characters are important, I would probably go ahead and ground them in the readers’ minds with some solid physical descriptors–pacing of the story allowing, of course.

As for chapter length: it’s ideal if all the chapters are around the same length. But it’s not a dealbreaker if you have one that’s shorter or longer. Again, it depends on pacing. Sometimes it works to stitch it into a previous chapter, sometimes not.

Thank you! 🙂

I listen to your podcast RELIGIOUSLY. I typed in “I write too much description in my novel,” and this is the first article to appear. I think it’s kismet. Such a pleasure using your advice and always digging deeper into my decisions for my narrative.

it’s so weird before I would go to great pains to write just the right descriptions for chapters as they were made (reallll slow) now I find I do the dialogue first and fill in the rest later. My first chapter looks and reads different from how I do it now. I kind of want to (oh the horror) edit it again but don’t know if I should touch it at this time. Character growth? voice changing? Trying too hard last time? Ugg.

I’ve had an entire Sci-fy/fantasy saga in my head for more than ten years now. Finally, I have the chance to write it but I’m struggling with too much description. (I’m a verbose extravert in real life, so now I’m paying for it! XD) Thank you so much for this. It really helped. I needed a little guidance.

Generally, I never remark on sites however your article is convincing to the point that I never stop myself to say something regarding it. Please take time to visit my blog on Things to Avoid in Writing Romantic Suspense Novel Hope this will help.

Regards Monique

Just picked up Hogan’s alternate history book The Proteus Operation. First two paras are a bunch of blather about the color of the ocean and little seagulls following the ship (first para describing and then second para explicitly linking the sullen colors to the character’s mood). Totally bored me and reminded me of why I couldn’t get into that book 40 years ago.

And I say this as a served naval officer who can really truly chatter about the cool things you see on a submarine coming into port (dolphins and flying fish and fresh air and the like). But who the fuck cares about all that stuff when it’s so ancillary to the plot (which is not about oceanography, but about alternate history time travelers inventing the a bomb and such). If he had just told me the nuclear sub Narwhal was coming into port and the skipper was irked because he was carrying four spooks who he didn’t know what they were doing…that would be a hook! Not the damned two paras of filler.

Books are too damn long anyhows…then you put in filler? And all the fancy words for colors and adjectives and such don’t impress me. Give me nouns and verbs. And it’s not because I’m too dumb to get the complex crap. I’m too smart to think that’s good writing.

[…] is a multitude of examples that go into detail on how to trim down your prose. This one I found particularly informative when I was researching for this […]

[…] of description. In the article “Most Common Writing Mistakes, Pt. 58: Too Much Description” ( https://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/common-writing-mistakes-much-description/ ) K.M. Weiland discusses how getting description wrong can ruin a story. She states that there are […]

[…] much is too much description? [K.M. Wheiland has a thought on that.] I know that I usually lack in the description area and that my descriptions […]

[…] https://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/common-writing-mistakes-much-description/ […]

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37 Description

This morning, as I was brewing my coffee before rushing to work, I found myself hurrying up the stairs back to the bedroom, a sense of urgency in my step. I opened the door and froze—what was I doing? Did I need something from up here? I stood in confusion, trying to retrace the mental processes that had led me here, but it was all muddy.

It’s quite likely that you’ve experienced a similarly befuddling situation. This phenomenon can loosely be referred to as automatization: because we are so constantly surrounded by stimuli, our brains often go on autopilot. (We often miss even the most explicit stimuli if we are distracted, as demonstrated by the Invisible Gorilla study )

Automatization is an incredibly useful skill—we don’t have the time or capacity to take in everything at once, let alone think our own thoughts simultaneously—but it’s also troublesome. In the same way that we might run through a morning ritual absent-mindedly, like I did above, we have also been programmed to overlook tiny but striking details: the slight gradation in color of cement on the bus stop curb; the hum of the air conditioner or fluorescent lights; the weight and texture of a pen in the crook of the hand. These details, though, make experiences, people, and places unique. By focusing on the particular, we can interrupt automatization. We can become radical noticers by practicing good description. [1]

In a great variety of rhetorical situations, description is an essential rhetorical mode. Our minds latch onto detail and specificity, so effective description can help us experience a story, understand an analysis, and develop more nuance within a critical argument. Each of these situations requires different kinds and levels of description.

First Year Writing courses often dedicate at least some space to practicing description because 1) it’s employed in nearly all academic genres and disciplines, and 2) it requires a level of specificity and an attunement to detail that’s foundational to many other writing situations. It’s rare that a student will be penalized for being too specific. The opposite is usually the case. As Ken Macrorie explains in “The Poisoned Fish,” by the time students reach college they’ve often learned to race through writing assignments by deploying an academic jargon he calls “engfish,” a strange dialect that sounds fancy but doesn’t say much at all, precisely because it’s so general, abstract, or aloof from reality. An early emphasis on rich description can serve as writing salve.

Objective vs. Subjective Description

One of the traditional ways of thinking about the rhetorical nature of description is to distinguish between “objective” and “subjective” descriptions. In early 20th-century textbooks, such as F.V.N. Painter’s Elementary Guide to Literary Criticism , we get the following definitions:

Objective: “Objective description portrays objects as they exist in the external world. It points out in succession their distinguishing features.”

Subjective: “Subjective description notes the effects produced by an external object or scene on the mind and heart. The eye of the writer is turned inward rather than outward; he brings before us the thoughts, feelings, fancies that are started within his soul.” [2]

Although a bit crude, this distinction has stuck around. We can still find this framework in contemporary textbooks such as Mark Connelly’s Get Writing: Sentences and Paragraphs . Connelly provides the following example:

Objective: “The LTD 700 is a full-size sedan that seats six adults and gets 17 mpg. The base price is $65,000 and includes a GPS system, overhead DVD player, and power seats.

Subjective: “The LTD 700 is a gaudy, boxy throwback to the gas-guzzlers of the 1970s. It is grossly overpriced and laden with the high-tech toys spoiled consumers love to flaunt in front of their loser friends.” [3]

Both examples include basic details that classify them as “descriptive discourse,” but the second one contains more emotional language that more obviously reflects the judgments and values of the speaker.

Why would a writer choose to write more objectively or subjectively?

As with other rhetorical modes, what description looks like depends on the genre and purpose. It’s highly situational. We expect to find more objective-sounding descriptions in medical and law enforcement texts. A subjective description would look out of place in a medical textbook. But in personal stories, memoirs, and other more creative writing situations, objective descriptions would seem odd. Academic writer’s must carefully consider the purpose of their writing, as well as the conventions associated with the genre: is the assignment asking them to explore and communicate their subjective response to certain objects and experiences, or is it asking for a rigorously antiseptic account of the facts?

The first technique below will help you begin practicing  specificity , which is important for all forms of descriptive writing. The subsequent techniques will help students practice more complex and subjective forms of description, including “thick description,” experiential language, and constraint-based scene descriptions.

Building Specificity

Activity courtesy of Mackenzie Myers

Good description lives and dies in particularities. It takes deliberate effort to refine our general ideas and memories into more focused, specific language that the reader can identify with.

A taxonomy is a system of classification that arranges a variety of items into an order that makes sense to someone. You might remember from your biology class the ranking taxonomy based on Carl Linnaeus’ classifications, pictured here.

To practice shifting from general to specific, fill in the blanks in the taxonomy below. After you have filled in the blanks, use the bottom three rows to make your own. As you work, notice how attention to detail, even on the scale of an individual word, builds a more tangible image.

Compare your answers with a classmate. What similarities do you share with other students? What differences? Why do you think this is the case? How can you apply this thinking to your own writing?

Thick Description

Thick description as a concept finds its roots in anthropology, where ethnographers seek to portray deeper context of a studied culture than simply surface appearance.  In the world of writing, thick description means careful and detailed portrayal of context, emotions, and actions. It relies on specificity and rich milieu to engage the reader.

Consider the difference between these two descriptions:

Notice that, even though the description on the right is obviously longer, the word choice is more specific. The author names particular kinds of produce, along with specific adjectives, which sharpens the image. Further, though, the words themselves do heavy lifting—the nouns and verbs are descriptive too! “Customers blur” both implies a market (where we would expect to find “customers”) and also illustrates how busy the market is (“blur” implies speed), rather than just naming it as such.

Finally, rather than just referring to the “market” and “produce,” the second description interweaves customers, market architecture, and different kinds of produce. It’s buzzing with activity and different actants . As Norman K. Denzin explains, thick description “presents detail, context, emotion, and the webs of social relationships that join persons to one another.” [4] It is, in other words, highly contextual.

Effective thick description is rarely written the first time around; it is re- written. As you revise, consider that every word should be on purpose.

“Thick Description” Workshop

To practice a form of thick description, follow these steps:

• Choose an object you’re familiar with, and begin by listing as many objective details as possible. Practice specificity using the taxonomic method.
• Next, rewrite the description from Step 1, but now include details related to place and time . Give a setting.
• Finally, rewrite the description from Step 2, but show how individual actors (such as yourself) interact with the object.

Micro-Ethnography Workshop

An ethnography is a form of writing that uses thick description to explore a place and its associated culture. By attempting this method on a small scale, you can practice specific, focused description.

Find a place in which you can observe the people and setting without actively involving yourself. (Interesting spaces and cultures students have used before, include a poetry slam, a local bar, a dog park, and a nursing home.) You can choose a place you’ve been before or a place you’ve never been. The point here is to look at a space and a group of people more critically for the sake of detail, whether or not you already know that context.

As an ethnographer, your goal is to take in details without influencing those details. In order to stay focused, go to this place alone and refrain from using your phone or doing anything besides note-taking. Keep your attention on the people and the place.

Spend a few minutes taking notes on your general impressions of the place at this time.

• Use imagery and thick description to describe the place itself.
• What sorts of interactions do you observe? What sort of tone, affect, and language is used?
• How would you describe the overall atmosphere?

Spend a few minutes “zooming in” to identify artifacts—specific physical objects being used by the people you see.

• Use imagery and thick description to describe the specific artifacts.
• How do these parts contribute to/differentiate from/relate to the whole of the scene?

After observing, write one to two paragraphs synthesizing your observations to describe the space and culture. What do the details represent or reveal about the place and people?

Imagery and Vivid Description

Strong description helps a reader experience what you’ve experienced, whether it was an event, an interaction, or simply a place. Even though you could never capture it perfectly, you should try to approximate sensations, feelings, and details as closely as you can. Your most vivid description will be that which gives your reader a way to imagine being themselves as of your story.

Imagery is a device that you have likely encountered in your studies before: it refers to language used to “paint a scene” for the reader, directing their attention to striking details.

Here are three examples:

Bamboo walls, dwarf banana trees, silk lanterns, and a hand-size jade Buddha on a wooden table decorate the restaurant. For a moment, I imagined I was on vacation. The bright orange lantern over my table was the blazing hot sun and the cool air currents coming from the ceiling fan caused the leaves of the banana trees to brush against one another in soothing crackling sounds. (Anonymous student author, 2017. Reproduced with permission from the student author.):

The sunny midday sky calls to us all like a guilty pleasure while the warning winds of winter tug our scarves warmer around our necks; the City of Roses is painted the color of red dusk, and the setting sun casts her longing rays over the Eastern shoulders of Mt. Hood, drawing the curtains on another crimson-grey day. (Anonymous student author, 2017. Reproduced with permission from the student author.)

Flipping the switch, the lights flicker—not menacingly, but rather in a homey, imperfect manner. Hundreds of seats are sprawled out in front of a black, worn down stage. Each seat has its own unique creak, creating a symphony of groans whenever an audience takes their seats. The walls are adorned with a brown mustard yellow, and the black paint on the stage is fading and chipped. (Ross Reaume, Portland State University, 2014. Reproduced with permission from the student author).

You might notice, too, that the above examples appeal to many different senses. Beyond just visual detail, good imagery can be considered sensory language: words that help me see, but also words that help me taste, touch, smell, and hear the story. Go back and identify a word, phrase, or sentence that suggests one of these non-visual sensations; what about this line is so striking?

Imagery might also apply figurative language to describe more creatively. Devices like metaphor, simile, and personification, or hyperbole can enhance description by pushing beyond literal meanings.

Using imagery, you can better communicate specific sensations to put the reader in your shoes. To the best of your ability, avoid clichés (stock phrases that are easy to ignore) and focus on the particular (what makes a place, person, event, or object unique). To practice creating imagery, try the Imagery Inventory exercise and the Image Builder graphic organizer in the Activities section of this section.

Vivid Description Workshop

Visit a location you visit often—your classroom, your favorite café, the commuter train, etc. Isolate each of your senses and describe the sensations as thoroughly as possible. Take detailed notes in the organizer below or use a voice-recording app on your phone to talk through each of your sensations.

Now, write a paragraph that synthesizes three or more of your sensory details. Which details were easiest to identify? Which make for the most striking descriptive language? Which will bring the most vivid sensations to your reader’s mind?

Description Exercises for Story-Telling

This activity is a modified version of one by Daniel Hershel.

This exercise asks you to write a scene, following specific instructions, about a place of your choice. There is no such thing as a step-by-step guide to descriptive writing; instead, the detailed instructions that follow are challenges that will force you to think differently while you’re writing. The constraints of the directions may help you to discover new aspects of this topic since you are following the sentence-level prompts even as you develop your content.

• Bring your place to mind. Focus on “seeing” or “feeling” your place.
• For a title, choose an emotion or a color that represents this place to you.
• For a first line starter, choose one of the following and complete the sentence:
• You stand there…
• When I’m here, I know that…
• Every time…
• I [see/smell/hear/feel/taste] …
• We had been…
• I think sometimes…

4. After your first sentence, create your scene, writing the sentences according to the following directions:

• Sentence 2: Write a sentence with a color in it.
• Sentence 3: Write a sentence with a part of the body in it.
• Sentence 4: Write a sentence with a simile (a comparison using like or as)
• Sentence 5: Write a sentence of over twenty-five words.
• Sentence 6: Write a sentence of under eight words.
• Sentence 7: Write a sentence with a piece of clothing in it.
• Sentence 8: Write a sentence with a wish in it.
• Sentence 9: Write a sentence with an animal in it.
• Sentence 10: Write a sentence in which three or more words alliterate; that is, they begin with the same initial consonant: “She has been left, lately, with less and less time to think….”
• Sentence 11: Write a sentence with two commas.
• Sentence 12: Write a sentence with a smell and a color in it.
• Sentence 13: Write a sentence without using the letter “e.”
• Sentence 14: Write a sentence with a simile.
• Sentence 15: Write a sentence that could carry an exclamation point (but don’t use the exclamation point).
• Sentence 16: Write a sentence to end this portrait that uses the word or words you chose for a title.

5. Read over your scene and mark words/phrases that surprised you, especially those rich with possibilities (themes, ironies, etc.) that you could develop.

6. On the right side of the page, for each word/passage you marked, interpret the symbols, name the themes that your description and detail suggest, note any significant meaning you see in your description.

7. On a separate sheet of paper, rewrite the scene you have created as a more thorough and cohesive piece in whatever genre you desire. You may add sentences and transitional words/phrases to help the piece flow.

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Columns > Published on March 22nd, 2012

Writing Powerful Descriptions

Writing is an account of how people think. As a medium it's intrinsically empathic; it communicates patently human sensibilities. In order for a story to work, it needs to feel like real life, even when it’s actually something quite different. The more detailed and rich your descriptions, the better your writing will approximate the human experience, thereby establishing a connection with fellow minds.

The best descriptions are the ones that are completely original, easily understood and often reminisced. They're digestible yet impressionable, they say something profound but they’re palatable enough to be comprehended by anyone. It’s a difficult technique to master, an art form in itself, really.

Consider this a primer for writing good descriptions (here’s your first lesson: “good” isn’t a suitable or sufficient way to describe anything). To make things interesting  — and very embarrassing for me — I’ve dug up several of my own stories from years past to illustrate some truly awful blunders in description, each of which poisoned workshops at varying times during the earlier half of the last decade. Be warned: some major toadstools lie ahead.

Appeal to the senses

Words with strong sensory associations always increase your chances of yielding an empathic response. Why? When you appeal to our sensory faculties, you’re inviting us to imagine how something  feels . Literally.

In order to maximize that empathic response, try to appeal to all the senses as often as you can. Don’t just tell us what something looks like, tell us how it sounds, how it tastes. Recent studies show words containing sensory descriptions are so powerful they even stimulate areas of the brain that aren't used to process language. When we read a detailed account of how something smells, for example, our sensory cortex gets a signal. In other words, the brain often treats real experiences and reading about them as the same thing. If you really want to place your reader in the story, your writing should take advantage of our collective faulty wiring whenever you can.

The same applies to our relationships with the laws of physics. Words describing motion can stimulate the motor cortex, which is responsible for coordinating body movements. If you really want to simulate motion, try doing this while varying the rhythms in your sentences. Want to increase action? Put your subject directly before the verb. To slow down the motion (in other words, to add emphasis), shorten the sentence. If you want to bring things to a stop, try replacing a conjunction with a comma: The fields are barren now, deserted. Here’s another trick: if you want to temporarily “stop” time, try removing the verbs altogether.

Be specific

Avoid summary in your descriptions. Offer concrete information, engage us with moment-to-moment details, tell us about each detail, and how they affect the senses.

One of the most practical — and indeed, easiest — ways of laying out a descriptive foundation is to envision each scene before you write it. Literally close your eyes, see the scene and then write it down. For the time being, just let the image do its work; look closely at the objects in the scene, and describe them in a manner that’s as painfully specific as possible. Now — to establish storytelling authority — make sure the description is told from the proper subjective viewpoint: tell us how the character or narrator would see things from the POV you've established.

Here’s an especially bad slice of description from a story I wrote eight years ago:

Example (bad): It is hot.

“It is hot” would be fine if I were filling out a police report, or even writing a piece of journalism. But this was intended to be a work of fiction. Clearly, I hadn’t yet realized that by generalizing and not appealing to the readers' senses I missed an ideal opportunity to connect with empathizing human minds.

Example (better): The heat is oppressive, sweltering and exhausting, it sticks to the skin and makes ovens out of parking lots.

Some things to always consider when you’re writing a scene: do your word choices paint images, do they place us in the moment? Do they make us participants in the story instead of mere observers? Not only is this new sentence more specific, it brings in a few common experiences associated with heat (sticky skin, broiling parking lots), thereby placing readers into the action and increasing the chances of an empathic response.

Limit modifiers

It’s bad timing given my last example, but try to cut down on your adjectives and adverbs. Modifiers don’t specify words as much as you might think. More often than not, they actually abstract a thought, so sentences that rely on modifiers for descriptive strength are building on faulty foundations. You’ll be more successful if you instead find the verb that perfectly portrays the image you’re envisioning. When you edit your work, spend considerable time scrutinizing your sentences to make sure the action maximizes full descriptive potential.

Example (bad): They arrived at the house just behind the streaming line of fire trucks, their street alive in the opulent glow of lights and sirens, their house ablaze in a perennial bloom of orange and yellow.

Unfortunately, this story was published before I possessed the wherewithal to edit such obtuse overwriting. Looking at it five years later, the sentence would have been fine if I simply cut down on the modifiers and let the action breathe.

Example (better): They arrived at the house just behind the fire trucks, the street alive in a glow of lights and sirens, their house ablaze.

Notice how this version places an emphasis on the verbs. Moreover, there’s another advantage gained here. In the first version, the sentence ends with a description of the colors of the blaze, hardly essential information. Now emphasis is placed on the most important information in the sentence (and in this case, the entire story): the burning house. If you want to draw extra emphasis to anything, put it at the end of the sentence. Placing it at the beginning is a close second. Never bury important information in the middle.

Use figurative language

Ever wonder why metaphor and analogy are such powerful — not to mention, popular — tools? Figurative language is an unmatched ally in descriptive pursuits. It gives the writer a chance to deconstruct a specific, subjective event and recast it into something familiar.

The human mind is engineered to see patterns. Anytime you disguise a comparison as a statement (which is what happens with a metaphor) you’re bringing the subject into a new relationship. You’ve established one pattern as being analogous to another pre-existing pattern, and we begin to see a small part of the world in a different way. It takes some creative know-how to make figurative language fly however, and metaphors that are confused, off-base or cliché can ruin an otherwise stellar piece of writing. The analogous relationships you establish have to be earned.

Example (bad): The overcast September sky stared back under a blanket of ashen gray.

First of all, I could happily live the remainder of my days without ever hearing clouds being referred to as a “blanket” again (ditto for “cotton”). Description this familiar tells me I wasn’t particularly inspired when I wrote it, back in 2005. Then there’s the semantic clumsiness of it all. “Blanket of ashen gray?" Why not just write “ashen gray blanket,” or better yet, “gray blanket?” Finally, do skies really “stare back?" The figurative appeals here (clichéd metaphor, awkward personification) seem careless, even lazy. If I were to rewrite the phrase today I might say something like this:

Example (better): There was an orange burn where the sun had been, and the mutilated animal shapes of cloud lay scattered in the tear of dusk.

It’s overkill, but you get the idea. Say something that both reconstructs the subject and enables the reader to see the world in a new, yet recognizable, light.

Also, avoid well-worn words and everyday figures of speech. Describing a farmhouse as “quaint," or using phrases like “before he knew it,” are so familiar the reader treats them as boilerplate and usually skips over them entirely. Always try to describe something in a way that’s never been described before.

Get to the point

If there’s a single take-away I want readers to get from a column that focuses on description, it’s this: avoid obfuscating and pointless over-writing. It’s not the job of the writer to besiege the reader, either with a litany of unimportant details or some long-winded, faux intellectual attempt at armchair discourse. Unfortunately, it seems nearly every writer (myself included) goes through this cringe-inducing phase where we pillage the dictionary or treat our keyboards like calculators. Works resulting from this mindset offer very little descriptive assistance for the reader, and a lot of later embarrassment for writers guilty of these storytelling snafus. When it comes to description, focus on the most telling details rather than caving in to your writerly proclivities to lean on the pen. You’ll thank me later.

Example (bad): He wondered if there was some deeper meaning to it, if the heat spoke of the true workings of this city, the only place he’d known really, and if he tried hard enough he could find an answer that satisfied him, an explanation beyond what those fortunate to have everything and those cursed with nothing have always been forced to accept, if nature’s brutality revealed a final authority, and man’s need to find reason with it was little more than a grotesque delusion that he could make sense out of nothing.

What a mess! Sentences like this reveal a practice that’s very common today, where writers spin these syntactical Triple Lindies in the hopes they can somehow scare people into liking their work. There’s a sort of bullying insecurity afoot here, because the delivery seems to operate off the idea that if readers don’t like the work, clearly it means they “didn’t understand it.” In actuality, this hat trick works on very few people, and incidentally, what’s on the page here says very, very little. This section’s descriptive duties would’ve been much more effective if I had ditched the dime-store existentialism and described instead what the character was thinking, in terms more fitting of his POV. The fundamental disregard to work within the descriptive framework of the character I established — to choose authorial square jawed smugness instead of revealing things the way the character would have seen them, in other words — reveals a rudimentary mishandling of narrative. In the end, it’s the writer who suffers the most from this kind of cloying pedantry, because he/she has deliberately girded the sentences’ potential strengths with mindless clutter.

Example (better): He wondered if the heat revealed nature’s final authority, and that man’s need to find reason with it was little more than a grotesque delusion that he could make sense out of nothing.

The sentence’s newfound pith reestablishes some aphoristic value that was completely submerged in the verbiage. It’s still not a very good sentence, mind you, but it’s far less annoying than what was on the page before. Maybe someday I’ll go back and further try to clean up this mess-terpiece, but until then I’m more than happy to let my purple prose serve as a lesson in moderation and sensibility. Here’s hoping you can also learn from your mistakes — as well as mine.

Find out about Jon Gingerich's 'Fundamentals of Short Fiction' class , which begins todfay! (few seats still available!)

About the author

Jon Gingerich is editor of O'Dwyer's magazine in New York. His fiction has been published in literary journals such as The Oyez Review, Pleiades, Helix Magazine , as well as The New York Press , London’s Litro magazine, and many others. He currently writes about politics and media trends at www.odwyerpr.com . Jon holds an MFA in creative writing from The New School. Some of his published fiction can be found at www.jongingerich.com .

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A Guide to Descriptive Writing

by Melissa Donovan | Jan 7, 2021 | Creative Writing | 9 comments

What is descriptive writing?

Writing description is a necessary skill for most writers. Whether we’re writing an essay, a story, or a poem, we usually reach a point where we need to describe something. In fiction, we describe settings and characters. In poetry, we describe scenes, experiences, and emotions. In creative nonfiction, we describe reality. Descriptive writing is especially important for speculative fiction writers and poets. If you’ve created a fantasy world, then you’ll need to deftly describe it to readers; Lewis Carroll not only described Wonderland  (aff link); he also described the fantastical creatures that inhabited it.

But many writers are challenged by description writing, and many readers find it boring to read — when it’s not crafted skillfully.

However, I think it’s safe to say that technology has spoiled us. Thanks to photos and videos, we’ve become increasingly visual, which means it’s getting harder to use words to describe something, especially if it only exists in our imaginations.

What is Descriptive Writing?

One might say that descriptive writing is the art of painting a picture with words. But descriptive writing goes beyond visuals. Descriptive writing hits all the senses; we describe how things look, sound, smell, taste, and feel (their tactile quality).

The term descriptive writing can mean a few different things:

• The act of writing description ( I’m doing some descriptive writing ).
• A descriptive essay is short-form prose that is meant to describe something in detail; it can describe a person, place, event, object, or anything else.
• Description as part of a larger work: This is the most common kind of descriptive writing. It is usually a sentence or paragraph (sometimes multiple paragraphs) that provide description, usually to help the reader visualize what’s happening, where it’s happening, or how it’s happening. It’s most commonly used to describe a setting or a character. An example would be a section of text within a novel that establishes the setting by describing a room or a passage that introduces a character with a physical description.
• Writing that is descriptive (or vivid) — an author’s style: Some authors weave description throughout their prose and verse, interspersing it through the dialogue and action. It’s a style of writing that imparts description without using large blocks of text that are explicitly focused on description.
• Description is integral in poetry writing. Poetry emphasizes imagery, and imagery is rendered in writing via description, so descriptive writing is a crucial skill for most poets.

Depending on what you write, you’ve probably experimented with one of more of these types of descriptive writing, maybe all of them.

Can you think of any other types of descriptive writing that aren’t listed here?

How Much Description is Too Much?

Classic literature was dense with description whereas modern literature usually keeps description to a minimum.

Compare the elaborate descriptions in J.R.R. Tolkien’s  Lord of the Rings  trilogy  with the descriptions in J.K. Rowling’s  Harry Potter series  (aff links). Both series relied on description to help readers visualize an imagined, fantastical world, but Rowling did not use her precious writing space to describe standard settings whereas Tolkien frequently paused all action and spent pages describing a single landscape.

This isn’t unique to Tolkien and Rowling; if you compare most literature from the beginning of of the 20th century and earlier to today’s written works, you’ll see that we just don’t dedicate much time and space to description anymore.

I think this radical change in how we approach description is directly tied to the wide availability of film, television, and photography. Let’s say you were living in the 19th century, writing a story about a tropical island for an audience of northern, urban readers. You would be fairly certain that most of your readers had never seen such an island and had no idea what it looked like. To give your audience a full sense of your story’s setting, you’d need pages of detail describing the lush jungle, sandy beaches, and warm waters.

Nowadays, we all know what a tropical island looks like, thanks to the wide availability of media. Even if you’ve never been to such an island, surely you’ve seen one on TV. This might explain why few books on the craft of writing address descriptive writing. The focus is usually on other elements, like language, character, plot, theme, and structure.

For contemporary writers, the trick is to make the description as precise and detailed as possible while keeping it to a minimum. Most readers want characters and action with just enough description so that they can imagine the story as it’s unfolding.

If you’ve ever encountered a story that paused to provide head-to-toe descriptions along with detailed backstories of every character upon their introduction into the narrative, you know just how grating description can be when executed poorly.

However, it’s worth noting that a skilled writer can roll out descriptions that are riveting to read. Sometimes they’re riveting because they’re integrated seamlessly with the action and dialogue; other times, the description is deftly crafted and engaging on its own. In fact, an expert descriptive writer can keep readers glued through multiple pages of description.

Descriptive Writing Tips

I’ve encountered descriptive writing so smooth and seamless that I easily visualized what was happening without even noticing that I was reading description. Some authors craft descriptions that are so lovely, I do notice — but in a good way. Some of them are so compelling that I pause to read them again.

On the other hand, poorly crafted descriptions can really impede a reader’s experience. Description doesn’t work if it’s unclear, verbose, or bland. Most readers prefer action and dialogue to lengthy descriptions, so while a paragraph here and there can certainly help readers better visualize what’s happening, pages and pages of description can increase the risk that they’ll set your work aside and never pick it up again. There are exceptions to every rule, so the real trick is to know when lengthy descriptions are warranted and when they’re just boring.

Here are some general tips for descriptive writing:

• Use distinct descriptions that stand out and are memorable. For example, don’t write that a character is five foot two with brown hair and blue eyes. Give the reader something to remember. Say the character is short with mousy hair and sky-blue eyes.
• Make description active: Consider the following description of a room: There was a bookshelf in the corner. A desk sat under the window. The walls were beige, and the floor was tiled. That’s boring. Try something like this: A massive oak desk sat below a large picture window and beside a shelf overflowing with books. Hardcovers, paperbacks, and binders were piled on the dingy tiled floor in messy stacks.  In the second example, words like  overflowing  and  piled are active.
• Weave description through the narrative: Sometimes a character enters a room and looks around, so the narrative needs to pause to describe what the character sees. Other times, description can be threaded through the narrative. For example, instead of pausing to describe a character, engage that character in dialogue with another character. Use the characters’ thoughts and the dialogue tags to reveal description: He stared at her flowing, auburn curls, which reminded him of his mother’s hair. “Where were you?” he asked, shifting his green eyes across the restaurant to where a customer was hassling one of the servers.

Simple descriptions are surprisingly easy to execute. All you have to do is look at something (or imagine it) and write what you see. But well-crafted descriptions require writers to pay diligence to word choice, to describe only those elements that are most important, and to use engaging language to paint a picture in the reader’s mind. Instead of spending several sentences describing a character’s height, weight, age, hair color, eye color, and clothing, a few, choice details will often render a more vivid image for the reader: Red hair framed her round, freckled face like a spray of flames. This only reveals three descriptive details: red hair, a round face, and freckles. Yet it paints more vivid picture than a statistical head-to-toe rundown:  She was five foot three and no more than a hundred and ten pounds with red hair, blue eyes, and a round, freckled face.

10 descriptive writing practices.

How to Practice Writing Description

Here are some descriptive writing activities that will inspire you while providing opportunities to practice writing description. If you don’t have much experience with descriptive writing, you may find that your first few attempts are flat and boring. If you can’t keep readers engaged, they’ll wander off. Work at crafting descriptions that are compelling and mesmerizing.

• Go to one of your favorite spots and write a description of the setting: it could be your bedroom, a favorite coffee shop, or a local park. Leave people, dialogue, and action out of it. Just focus on explaining what the space looks like.
• Who is your favorite character from the movies? Describe the character from head to toe. Show the reader not only what the character looks like, but also how the character acts. Do this without including action or dialogue. Remember: description only!
• Forty years ago we didn’t have cell phones or the internet. Now we have cell phones that can access the internet. Think of a device or gadget that we’ll have forty years from now and describe it.
• Since modern fiction is light on description, many young and new writers often fail to include details, even when the reader needs them. Go through one of your writing projects and make sure elements that readers may not be familiar with are adequately described.
• Sometimes in a narrative, a little description provides respite from all the action and dialogue. Make a list of things from a story you’re working on (gadgets, characters, settings, etc.), and for each one, write a short description of no more than a hundred words.
• As mentioned, Tolkien often spent pages describing a single landscape. Choose one of your favorite pieces of classic literature, find a long passage of description, and rewrite it. Try to cut the descriptive word count in half.
• When you read a book, use a highlighter to mark sentences and paragraphs that contain description. Don’t highlight every adjective and adverb. Look for longer passages that are dedicated to description.
• Write a description for a child. Choose something reasonably difficult, like the solar system. How do you describe it in such a way that a child understands how he or she fits into it?
• Most writers dream of someday writing a book. Describe your book cover.
• Write a one-page description of yourself.

If you have any descriptive writing practices to add to this list, feel free to share them in the comments.

Descriptive Writing

Does descriptive writing come easily to you, or do you struggle with it? Do you put much thought into how you write description? What types of descriptive writing have you tackled — descriptive essays, blocks of description within larger texts, or descriptions woven throughout a narrative? Share your tips for descriptive writing by leaving a comment, and keep writing!

Further Reading: Abolish the Adverbs , Making the Right Word Choices for Better Writing , and Writing Description in Fiction .

I find descriptions easier when first beginning a scene. Other ones I struggle with. Yes, intertwining them with dialogue does help a lot.

I have the opposite experience. I tend to dive right into action and dialogue when I first start a scene.

I came across this article at just the right time. I am just starting to write a short story. This will change the way I describe characters in my story.

Thank you for this. R.G. Ramsey

You’re welcome!

Great tips and how to practise and improve our descriptive writing skills. Thank you for sharing.

You’re welcome, Bella.

Hello Melissa

I have read many of your articles about different aspects of writing and have enjoyed all of them. What you said here, I agree with, with the exception of #7. That is one point that I dispute and don’t understand the reason why anyone would do this, though I’ve seen books that had things like that done to them.

To me, a book is something to be treasured, loved and taken care of. It deserves my respect because I’m sure the author poured their heart and soul into its creation. Marking it up that way is nothing short of defacing it. A book or story is a form of art, so should a person mark over a picture by Rembrandt or any other famous painter? You’re a very talented author, so why would you want someone to mark through the words you had spent considerable time and effort agonizing over, while searching for the best words to convey your thoughts?

If I want to remember some section or point the author is making, then I’ll take a pen and paper and record the page number and perhaps the first few words of that particular section. I’ve found that writing a note this way helps me remember it better. This is then placed inside the cover for future reference. If someone did what you’ve suggested to a book of mine, I’d be madder than a ‘wet hen’, and that person would certainly be told what I thought of them.

In any of the previous articles you’ve written, you’ve brought up some excellent points which I’ve tried to incorporate in my writing. Keep up the good work as I know your efforts have helped me, and I’m sure other authors as well.

Hi Stanley. Thanks so much for sharing your point of view. I appreciate and value it.

Marking up a book is a common practice, especially in academia. Putting notes in margins, underlining, highlighting, and tagging pages with bookmarks is standard. Personally, I mark up nonfiction paperbacks, but I never mark up fiction paperbacks or any hardcovers (not since college).

I completely respect your right to keep your books in pristine condition. And years ago, when I started college, I felt exactly the same way. I was horrified that people (instructors and professors!) would fill their books with ugly yellow highlighting and other markips. But I quickly realized that this was shortsighted.

Consider an old paperback that is worn and dog-eared. With one look, you know this book has been read many times and it’s probably loved. It’s like the Velveteen Rabbit of books. I see markups as the same — that someone was engaging with the book and trying to understand it on a deeper level, which is not disrespectful. It’s something to be celebrated.

Sometimes we place too much value on the book as a physical object rather than what’s inside. I appreciate a beautiful book as much as anyone but what really matters to me is the information or experience that it contains. I often read on a Kindle. Sometimes I listen to audio books. There is no physical book. The experience is not lessened.

I understand where you’re coming from. I used to feel the same way, but my mind was changed. I’m not trying to change yours, but I hope you’ll understand.

You’ve provided some great information and advice. One thing I might add–it is helpful to consider the POV character. For example, what will they notice in a restaurant? A police officer may notice the placement of the exits, the tattooed man carrying a side-arm, the security cameras on the ceiling, etc. The descriptive items he would notice would be very different from those of an elderly grandmother or a fifteen-year-old teenaged girl.

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Writing 101: Creating Effective Description

So what tools do writers possess for bringing a setting to life through description? Let’s break down the different techniques.

Sensory Details

First, the senses. You’re probably familiar with them: sight, taste, smell, touch, and sound . Sight is the easiest to write and the one we think of first when setting up a scene, but you want to get into the habit of putting yourself into a scene and feeling it with all your senses.

What might your character be hearing ? Like the whistle of a kettle or a dripping faucet? What about physical sensations, like the warmth of the sun on his skin or the feel of damp sand between his toes?

Readers want to experience what your hero is experiencing. Going beyond sight grounds readers in the story and makes the setting feel rich with detail in their minds—and this in turn makes your fictional world feel more realistic.

Manipulating Mood through Word Choice

Now that we know how to make readers experience a story with their senses, how can we make them experience it emotionally using description? This writer’s magic trick is accomplished through the subtle power of word choice .

That’s right, friend, by being intentional about the words you choose you can make the reader feel whatever you want them too—without them even realizing it! Pretty neat, huh?

But you don’t want to choose any mood for your scene. Whenever you introduce a setting, your hero should have an emotional reaction to it, and this should influence the words you use to describe it. After all, readers want to experience what the hero is experiencing, right? This means his feelings about his surroundings too.

Does the hero find this place scary? Beautiful? Peaceful? Choose words that communicate what the hero is feeling—or even better, ask yourself, “What words would my hero use to describe this?”

Let’s take a look at the power of word choice with this quick example:

The castle loomed atop the cliff, its sharp spires slicing through the clouds. The iron bars of the gate had been wrenched open and now resembled the mangled ribs of a skeleton.

Notice how I didn’t say the castle was scary or creepy, though that’s likely the impression/feeling you got. Instead, I used words like loomed, sharp, slicing, wrenched, mangled, and the comparison to a skeleton’s ribs all help create a creepy, foreboding mood.

This is also an example of showing vs.telling . Instead of telling you the castle was creepy, I showed you through my word choice. Whenever you can, opt for showing over telling when appropriate .

“Wait, why are we talking about film?” you ask. “What does this have to do with writing?”

Allow me to explain.

A story plays out like a film in the mind, yes? Because of this, we can steal a few film tricks and apply them to our descriptions.

When you watch a movie and a new setting is introduced, it will usually be done with an extreme long shot that includes a large amount of the landscape such as a city or farm so the viewer can see where the action will take place. This is also called an establishing shot.

Then, the camera will narrow its focus to a normal long shot, which might show something like a house, kitchen, train station, etc. where the scene will take place.

Narrow the focus again to a full shot, and this allows the viewer to see more details of the character’s costumes and their surroundings.

Narrow the focus yet again to a mid-shot and we see the characters from the waist-up, allowing us to focus on their facial expressions and emotional reactions.

Narrow the focus one more time and we have a close-up of characters facial expressions or important objects.

So how does this translate into writing? We can use this technique to organize our descriptions and help them flow clearly in the reader’s mind. You do this by starting your description with a wide “establishing” shot, and then narrowing your focus.

For example:

The barn was tucked away in a meadow between two oaks, its tin roof rusted and black paint peeling. Sam shoved open the door and glanced over the rows of empty stalls and then upward at the vaulted loft filled with moldy hay. He kicked aside a rotting bucket and a mouse darted into the shadows. Wrinkling his nose, he crouched to examine the droplets of blood soaked into the earth among the spilled grain and mouse droppings.

Notice how I started with an establishing shot and kept narrowing the focus until we had a close-up description of the blood splatters. This not only helps the reader get their bearings in the scene, but it follows the natural way we experience a place—we notice the overall picture before we begin to zero-in on tiny details.

Specific Nouns

Getting as specific as possible with nouns in your description will make your world feel more realistic and create a much sharper image in the reader’s head.

Instead of “red flowers” say “poppies,” and instead of “fancy car” say “Lamborghini.”

Also, this requires you do your research. You should be able to specifically name things in your story no matter the culture or time period, such as the character’s clothing, the food they eat, the weapons used, etc.

If you’re writing a sci-fi story and your hero walks into a room full of “scientific equipment” not only is this a lousy mental image for the reader, but its lazy writing. What sort of equipment are they using? What is it called? What does it look like? It’s your job to find out.

Finally, one of the important parts of good description is balance, or knowing what to describe and when.

For example, the middle of an intense action scene is not a good time to unload a bunch of description. The reader simply won’t care and it will just get in the way. Save the description for the slower parts of your story where you are setting up a scene or introducing a new setting, character, important object, or what-have-you.

Also, you need to be discerning about what you choose to describe because you can’t (and shouldn’t!) describe everything. You’ll end up overwhelming the reader and weakening the description because they won’t be able to remember it all. So what should you focus on?

Here are 3 things to consider:

1) Choose the most important details, or the details that make the place interesting or different.

2) Choose specific details in order to set a certain mood.

3) Choose the details your character would notice. (For example, a hunter might admire a collection of rifles while a bookworm might admire a bookshelf in the same room. Different people notice different things).

But how much description is too much? This will vary based on your writing style and the type of story you’re telling.

For example, literary fiction can have longer passages of description because readers of that genre will expect and even enjoy it. But in a Young Adult action novel you’re going to want to go light on the description because your audience will have less patience.

Basically, a good rule of thumb is to tell the audience just enough to give them a clear picture and avoid any confusion. How much detail that entails, however, is up to you.

What’s your biggest challenge when writing description? What sorts of details bring a story to life for you? Let me know in the comments!

P.S. Behind on the Writing 101 series? Click to catch up! Part 1 (The Fundamentals of Story), Part 2 (Writing Term Glossary), Part 3 (Creating a Successful Hero & Villain), Part 4 (Unraveling Tension, Conflict, and Your Plot), Part 5 (Let’s Talk Dialogue), and Part 6 (Setting and Worldbuilding).

Ready for Part 8? Click here to learn about Tips and Resources for the Grammatically Challenged Novelist!

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3 thoughts on “ Writing 101: Creating Effective Description ”

Great post, Kaitlin! I agree that it’s important to keep sensory details and mood in mind when describing something. The narrator / POV character will describe the same setting differently when she’s happy than when she’s angry or sad. And finding a balance between what to describe and what to leave out helps strengthen your writing, too.

It’s funny, because I’m actually drafting a post for my blog on description, from an editing standpoint. (Specifically, how to cut down on overdescription.) I think I’ll include a link to this post at the end of mine so readers can check it out if they want more information. 🙂

Yes, getting into the head of your POV character can definitely influence your descriptions in interesting ways! That sounds like a great post topic, I look forward to reading it! And I would be honored if you linked to my post ^.^ Thanks for stopping by, Sara!

This post has some amazing tips in it! I love using action words (like in your castle example) to really create mood in my writing. They can really bring how the character is feeling into it without saying ‘she didn’t like this place,’ etc. Sometimes I struggle though to bring in textural details, such as the feeling of an armchair, and scents as I tend to naturally focus on sight and sound. Thanks for the great post! 😀

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How much description is necessary?

I have trouble imagining things. With me everything is blurred, as if I were almost blind. That's why I find it hard to describe things. For example, the protagonists enter a castle. I have a very rough idea of what the castle looks like. But when it becomes more precise, it becomes much more difficult. I couldn't say exactly how the rooms are decorated, only that they are decorated. I'm always worried that I won't describe enough and the readers can' t get a picture of the setting. How much description is necessary and when is it too little?

• creative-writing
• description

• 2 If you like, you can also ask (in a separate question) how to help yourself visualise a location. –  Galastel supports GoFundMonica Commented Jan 31, 2019 at 21:25
• "Blindness" of this sort is sometimes known as aphantasia . –  Spitemaster Commented Feb 1, 2019 at 19:13

5 Answers 5

A complaint from readers if description is not sufficient goes something like: "It felt like floating heads were talking in a white room."

Readers wish to feel grounded . You don't necessarily need to do this with external detail and description (but there is a quick work around for that, below the first quote box). You can instead do it with internalization, ideas and reactions, and so on. Instead of describing the castle, for example, describe the person's response to the castle:

It was like being alone in a cave. So big, with nothing to to focus on, nothing familiar, nothing comforting--just open space and hard surfaces. It made him nervous to even be there. He hesitated to make any noise at all, afraid the sound would echo.

That's mostly internal stuff and vague externalities, but it grounds the reader. You want the reader to be grounded more often than not.

Now, if you decide what you want is external detail and can't picture it in your head, simply pull up an image online. Google image 'castle' and you will see the following details without any imagination needed:

Soaring turrets, ivy draped stonework, softened edges--perhaps from centuries of rain, narrow windows occasionally dotting the walls, grey and brown brick ...

Those are details from the outside of the castles, but you can specify inside a castle in your search.

This is a similar trick to the common advice regarding dialog--just pay attention. Listen and look and take notes. You are allowed to do this. :) You are allowed to use tools like this, especially if it helps you reach a better story.

How much description is necessary is a matter of style, taste and to a certain extent, genre.

Some genres, such as Young Adult, possibly crime and others tend towards more broad strokes when it comes to description.

Other genres, such as fantasy, sci-fi and literary (not exactly a genre, but you know what I mean) usually indulge in much more heavy description.

Whether you should write a lot of description or not, you need to learn from experience. If you enjoy painting a vivid, detailed picture, then great! Tha's what you should do.

But if you find it bogs you down and you just want to get back to the action / dialogue then you have your answer.

Having said that, it is almost always a good idea to use specifics in description, even if they are sparse. So saying the room was 'decorated' is not much help. Even saying there were tapestries on the walls would be better. Describing the exact content of the tapestries is even better.

But you say that you have trouble visualising that level of detail, in which case, I have a few suggestions:

Images - I'm a huge fan if using images to inpire and inform my writing. Look up castles in a Google image search. Browse until you find one you like, then narrow your search to images of that specific castle. What details do you notice from the photos? The content of the tapestries? The colour and style of the stones? The number and shape of the turrets? Does it remind you of something, like a skull or a tree or a mountain?

Blueprints - just another form of images I suppose, but I find it very helpful to find example blueprints of the places I'm decsribing. This can help you make sure your charcters don't do anything logistically impossible and can also give you ideas about how the surroundings can incluence the plot, such as tables and chairs getting in the way of an argument or brawl.

I wrote this article a long time ago that goes into more detail - you may find it useful: https://www.novel-software.com/blog?article=developing-locations-and-settings

Description isn't just visual.

You did a pretty decent job describing your "blindness" to imagining how something looks.

Let's imagine that castle....

• How does it sound ? (echos indoors? surrounded by ponds with singing frogs? what about hearing more outside noises when inside? I can imagine the windows are non-existent or not very tight, but then the walls are thick, so is sound more muted or more noticeable?)
• How does it smell ? (musty? old? mineraly from stonework? can you smell forests or ponds or other open space when indoors?)
• How does it *feel?" (are the walls very sturdy or do they seem like they're going to fall down? Is the floor thick and unyielding? Is it cold?)
• Where is it located compared to other places? (Far away from regular houses? Was it difficult to get to?)

All of these things will immerse your reader in the setting and help her/him to imagine being there. Even if you were good at visual description, you would need to involve the other senses.

As a direct answer, yes you need description and you need some of it to be visual. It can be small things if the setting is familiar. I've never been in a real castle but they're so common in books and movies that I can imagine one. If I was reading a book set in a castle, I wouldn't need more than a few words here and there that oriented me to the type and size of castle and a few other details as needed. But if the setting was someplace else and not familiar, I would need more.

You don't need (or want) pages of description. It's best to weave it into the story. Perhaps a short paragraph setting the scene then a line here, two lines there, and a few evocative adjectives.

The best way to know if you've done too little (or too much) is to ask people to read your work. There's no hard and fast rule. If they don't understand the setting or can't immerse themselves in it, then you need more. If they're bored with the long descriptions and want to get back to the story, then you need less.

Not a direct answer to the question, but I find that it can help to look through dictionaries to find the right nouns, adjectives, and verbs to describe a setting, especially if it's somewhere architectural like a castle.

In this particular instance you might find the following two lists of castle-related words useful:

https://www.macmillandictionary.com/us/thesaurus-category/american/castles-towers-and-fortifications

http://medievalcastles.stormthecastle.com/castle_words_terms_and_definitions.htm

Examples from the first list:

belfry noun - the part of a tower that has a bell in it bell tower noun - a tower of a church or other building in which there is a bell campanile noun - a tall tower with a bell at the top, especially one near a church but not a part of it

Examples from the second list:

Motte and Bailey: an early form of castle where a large mound of dirt was built up then a wooden fortification was placed on top. This wooden fortification was in the shape of a timber fence that formed a circle like a crown at the top of the mound. The Mound is the motte, and the timber fence and the space it enclosed is the Bailey. Ashlar - Blocks of smooth square stone. They can be of any kind of stone.

The same goes for any sort of setting, or even a character or event you're trying to describe. Trying to describe a character? Look up a list of facial-feature descriptors. here, for example is a list of terms just for describing a person's eyes:

https://www.macmillandictionary.com/us/thesaurus-category/american/describing-the-appearance-of-someone-s-eyes

(edit: adding a more direct answer to the question)

As for how much description is necessary, it depends on the pacing as well as the desired tone you want to achieve in that section.

For instance you might glide over a whole event by saying something like:

"He strode through the gates, across the busy courtyard, and didn't stop until he stood before the throne"

Or draw it out a bit:

"He entered under the tall arching gates and strode across the courtyard, now full of milling townsfolk, livestock, and a retinue of soldiers. None of these gave him much heed and he was able to enter into the winding hallways on the other side. The air in the stone halls was damp and chill and he hastened forward down a series of torch-lit halls and dim chambers until he found the throne room. No guards warded the great oaken doors so he slowly heaved one open and slid through the opening, then swiftly crossed the chamber until he stood before the throne.

Something to keep in mind:

Your readers are not stupid and they have imaginations of their own.

You don't need to write a lot of description, just enough so they can form an idea of what people, places and things look like.

Here are techniques you can use:

Pick out a novel you enjoyed reading. Start reading it again, and when a character or a location is introduced, make a list of the adjectives the author uses to describe that person or place. Odds are it's only about three.

Pick a visual example, then describe it with two to four words. Do an internet search for 'castle interior' or 'palace throne room' then pick an image you like and describe it with a few adjectives.

In one novel, a character was referred to only as 'the girl in the orange sweater' despite appearing in a series of tense scenes.

• And conversely, too much detail will turn off many. "Boy&girl watched a romantic film together and enjoyed it" is far more believable than "Boy&girl watched The English Patient together and enjoyed it" because the boy would have started making snide remarks after 20min and a full-blown argument involving one's sister and the other's mother would have broken out by minute 45. [...] Basically, superficial detail like that precise title will just annoy some readers, date the story, and break the spell of those that were taken by your story (as they imagined themselves & their favourite movie) –  user3445853 Commented Feb 1, 2019 at 13:49
• 1 Exactly. Writing "Protagonista's raven hair cascaded over her smooth shoulders like wave of midnight sky, with the whisper-soft ends coming to rest at her slim shapely hips." will make the reader throw your book away in an airport trashcan. –  TheLeopard Commented Feb 1, 2019 at 17:20
• 1 @TheLeopard I would absolutely read a book like "Protagonista of the Raven Hair" - assuming it was consistently as obviously satirical and over-the-top as that. –  Jedediah Commented Feb 1, 2019 at 19:37

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Fearful Whispers: Crafting Descriptions of Fear in Creative Writing

My name is Debbie, and I am passionate about developing a love for the written word and planting a seed that will grow into a powerful voice that can inspire many.

Have you ever found yourself so immersed in a chilling novel that you couldn’t help but feel a shiver crawl up your spine? Or stumbled upon a short story that left you with a lingering sense of unease long after you closed its pages? It’s the power of fear, intricately woven within the tapestry of the written word, that has the ability to captivate readers and keep them yearning for more. Crafting descriptions of fear is an art that takes both finesse and creativity, allowing writers to summon emotions that stimulate the senses and send our imaginations into overdrive. In this article, we’ll explore the intricacies of fear-inspired writing, diving deep into the realm of fearful whispers, and uncovering the secrets to crafting spine-chilling descriptions that will haunt your readers long after they’ve put down your work. So, grab your pens and prepare to delve into the chilling labyrinth of fear that lies within creative writing.

– Understanding the Power of Fear in Creative Writing

Understanding the power of fear in creative writing, physical sensations:, – crafting vivid imagery: describing fearful environments and atmospheres, – tapping into the senses: painting fear through descriptive language, – portraying fear through characters: facial expressions, body language, and dialogue, – utilizing narrative techniques: building suspense and tension in fearful moments, utilizing narrative techniques: building suspense and tension in fearful moments, – transforming fear into art: balancing descriptions and reader imagination, – mastering the art of fear: tips and tricks for conveying authentic emotions, mastering the art of fear: tips and tricks for conveying authentic emotions, frequently asked questions, insights and conclusions.

When it comes to creative writing, fear is a force that holds incredible power. It has the ability to captivate readers, ignite their imaginations, and keep them on the edge of their seats. Fear is a powerful emotion that can be harnessed to create intense and memorable stories. Here’s a closer look at why fear is such a potent tool in the world of creative writing:

• Evoking empathy: Fear has a unique way of tapping into our deepest emotions and vulnerabilities. By incorporating elements of fear into our writing, we can make readers feel a profound and genuine connection to the characters and situations they encounter. Whether it’s a gripping horror story or a thrilling suspense novel, fear sows the seeds of empathy, allowing readers to experience the narrative on a visceral level.
• Building suspense: Suspense is a crucial ingredient in any compelling story. Fear creates tension, and tension keeps readers hooked. From building anticipation with eerie descriptions to gradually revealing the unknown, fear drives the pace and rhythm of a story, leaving readers eager to uncover what lies ahead. By skillfully weaving fear into our writing, we can create a rollercoaster of emotions that keeps readers eagerly turning pages .
• Exploring the human condition: Fear is a fundamental part of the human experience. By delving into its depths within our writing, we can tackle universal themes such as mortality, vulnerability, and the pursuit of survival. Fear allows us to explore the complexities of human nature and confront the dark aspects of ourselves and society. Through this exploration, we provide readers with a mirror to reflect upon their own fears and, ultimately, find solace or inspiration within the narrative.

Fear is a powerful tool that should not be underestimated in the realm of creative writing. By understanding its allure and impact, we can effectively harness its power to create unforgettable stories that resonate with readers long after they’ve turned the final page.

– Exploring the Anatomy of Fear: Emotions, Physical Sensations, and Actions

Fear, an intrinsic part of the human experience, manifests itself in a myriad of ways. Understanding the anatomy of fear involves delving into the complex interplay between our emotions, physical sensations, and subsequent actions. Let’s explore this intriguing phenomenon further:

• Paranoia: Fear can often induce an overwhelming sense of paranoia, causing individuals to perceive potential threats where none exist.
• Anxiety: One of the most common emotions associated with fear, anxiety can lead to restlessness, unease, and an intense apprehension regarding future events.
• Terror: At the extreme end of the spectrum, terror overwhelms our senses, paralyzing us with an acute and visceral fear that can be debilitating.
• Racing Heart: When fear takes hold, our heart rate tends to spike, flooding our body with adrenaline and preparing us for a “fight or flight” response.
• Sweat-soaked Skin: Fear stimulates our sweat glands, leaving us with clammy skin as our body tries to regulate temperature amid heightened anxiety.
• Dilated Pupils: Our eyes become windows to our fear, dilating to allow more light in, sharpening our vision but making us hyperaware of our surroundings.

The actions we take while experiencing fear are as diverse as the individuals themselves:

• Avoidance: Fear frequently triggers a deep-seated instinct to avoid the source of our fear, be it a situation, place, or person.
• Fight: Some individuals may choose to confront their fears head-on, summoning the courage to face the threat and combat it with determination.
• Freezing: Fear can immobilize us, leaving us frozen in our tracks, momentarily unable to make any decisions or take action.

Crafting vivid imagery is a powerful tool for evoking fear in readers and creating an atmosphere of tension and unease. To describe a fearful environment, it’s important to engage the senses and paint a detailed picture that allows readers to immerse themselves in the scene. Use the following techniques to masterfully describe fearful environments and atmospheres:

• Choose descriptive and evocative words: Opt for words that convey darkness, foreboding, and danger. Words like “ominous,” “chilling,” and “sinister” can set the tone for a fearful environment.
• Engage the senses: Describe the sights, sounds, smells, and even tastes that amplify the feeling of fear. Depict the flickering shadows, the echoing footsteps, the acrid scent of decay, or the metallic tang of blood in the air.
• Create contrast: Contrast can heighten the sense of fear. Describe how a sliver of moonlight barely illuminates the sinister silhouette of a gnarled tree or how the silence is shattered by a sudden, bone-chilling scream.
• Utilize figurative language: Metaphors, similes, and other forms of figurative language can evoke fear by creating powerful associations and comparisons. For example, you can liken the relentless footsteps to the beating heart of a predator, or describe the dark woods as a labyrinth of nightmares.

By employing these techniques, you can skillfully describe fearful environments and atmospheres, transporting readers to the heart of terror and immersing them in a world filled with apprehension and suspense.

Fear, a powerful emotion that can consume us, has the ability to transport us into worlds of frightening uncertainty. And what better way to harness this power than through the art of descriptive language? By skillfully employing vivid and evocative words, an author can tap into our senses, painting fear onto the canvas of our imagination.

One of the most effective ways to evoke fear is through tactile imagery. Describing the sensation of cold sweat trickling down one’s spine or the clammy touch of fear on the skin, these physical sensations make the reader empathize with the characters, experiencing their fear firsthand. Furthermore, expertly incorporating visual imagery allows readers to visualize eerie scenes. For example, the moon casting long, haunting shadows on an abandoned street or the flickering candlelight revealing only glimpses of a mysterious figure lurking in the darkness.

• Tactile Imagery: Describing the sensations of fear through touch, such as cold sweat or trembling hands.
• Visual Imagery: Painting fear by creating vivid and eerie visual scenes, like sinister shadows or dimly lit environments.
• Sound Imagery: Utilizing sounds such as creaking floorboards or distant whispers to heighten the atmosphere of fear.
• Olfactory Imagery: Appealing to the sense of smell by describing the acrid stench of fear or the musty odors of decrepit settings.

Fear is a powerful emotion that often drives the actions of characters in a story. When it comes to portraying fear convincingly, various elements such as facial expressions, body language, and dialogue play crucial roles in creating a gripping narrative.

Facial expressions can effectively convey fear to the audience. A character’s widened eyes, furrowed brows, or trembling lips can instantly communicate their sense of terror. By emphasizing these facial cues through vivid descriptions or illustrations, writers and artists can immerse readers or viewers deeper into the character’s state of fear.

Body language is another vital aspect in portraying fear. When a character is scared, their body tends to react instinctively to the stimulus. Trembling hands, a clenched jaw, or a hunched posture can demonstrate their vulnerability and heightened state of anxiety. By incorporating these subtle physical cues into a character’s description or illustration, storytellers can add depth to their portrayal of fear.

Dialogue can also contribute significantly to the portrayal of fear. Through their words, characters can reveal their inner worries and express their apprehensions. Stuttering, rapid speech, or shaky voices can accentuate their fear and help the audience connect with their emotional turmoil. By using descriptive language and emphasizing tone, writers can effectively convey the intense emotions that accompany fear in a way that resonates with readers or viewers.

Mastering the art of portraying fear through characters requires a combination of nuanced facial expressions, body language, and well-crafted dialogue. By artfully utilizing these elements, storytellers have the power to evoke a sense of fear that lingers with the audience long after the story is told.

When it comes to creating engaging and thrilling stories, mastering the art of building suspense and tension in fearful moments is essential. By utilizing narrative techniques, writers can effectively captivate their audience and keep them on the edge of their seats. Here are a few techniques that can heighten the suspense and tension in your storytelling:

• Effective pacing: Alter the pace of your narrative to control the emotional intensity of the scene. Slow down the tempo during crucial moments, offering detailed descriptions and diving into the character’s thoughts and emotions. Conversely, quicken the pace during action-packed sequences to generate a sense of urgency and unease.
• Well-placed cliffhangers: Ending a chapter or scene with a suspenseful revelation or unresolved conflict can leave readers desperate for answers. By providing them with just enough information to pique their curiosity, you can ensure they keep turning the pages, eagerly awaiting the resolution to the tension-filled moment.
• Building anticipation: Foreshadowing and hinting at future events can generate a sense of anticipation and dread. By dropping subtle clues throughout your narrative, you can plant seeds of unease in the reader’s mind, preparing them for a fearful moment that is yet to come.

Implementing these techniques can significantly enhance the suspense and tension in your storytelling, immersing readers in a world where fear lurks around every corner. Remember to balance these moments with periods of relief to prevent overwhelming your audience. By skillfully weaving suspense into your narrative, you can create an unforgettable reading experience that will leave your readers gripping the edge of their seats.

When it comes to writing, description plays a vital role in engaging readers and bringing the story to life. However, it’s often a challenge to strike the right balance between providing enough detail to captivate the reader’s imagination and allowing them to fill in the gaps with their own creativity. One area where this challenge is particularly evident is when it comes to describing fear.

Transforming fear into art requires finesse and careful consideration. Rather than explicitly telling readers what to fear, skilled writers use evocative language and sensory details to convey the emotions associated with fear. By relying on the power of suggestion, writers allow the reader’s imagination to take over, creating a more personalized and immersive experience. This approach not only enhances the emotional impact of the story but also allows readers to connect with the protagonist on a deeper level. Through skillful balance, writers offer just enough description to guide the reader’s imagination while leaving room for their own interpretation.

• Use vivid language and strong adjectives to create a sense of unease without explicitly describing the fear itself.
• Focus on describing the physical sensations and reactions of the character, such as racing heartbeats, trembling hands, or heightened senses.
• Utilize metaphors and similes to evoke a strong emotional response in the reader.

By employing these techniques, writers can transform fear into art, engaging the reader’s imagination and allowing them to actively participate in the storytelling process. Remember, the goal is not to dictate every aspect of the reader’s experience but to provide a framework that allows them to interpret and engage with the fear in their own unique way.

Fear is a powerful emotion that can captivate an audience and truly immerse them in a story. Whether you’re an aspiring actor, writer, or simply someone looking to better convey fear in your everyday life, mastering the art of expressing authentic fear can be a game-changer. Here are some invaluable tips and tricks to help you tap into this emotion and leave a lasting impact:

• Understand the source: To convey fear convincingly, delve deep into the source of the fear your character or situation is experiencing. By understanding the underlying reasons behind the fear, you can create a more genuine portrayal that truly resonates with your audience.
• Physicality matters: Fear manifests itself physically, so pay attention to both your body language and facial expressions. Use your body to your advantage, allowing it to tremble or become tense, while maintaining eye contact with intensity. Showcase fear through your posture and gestures, creating an authentic portrayal that will evoke a genuine emotional response from your audience.
• Breath control: Fear can result in shallow or erratic breathing. Practice controlling your breath to mimic the effects of fear, such as quickened breaths or even holding your breath momentarily. This deliberate control will enhance the believability of your performance and allow your audience to truly connect with the emotions you’re expressing.

Mastering the art of fear is not about simply pretending to be scared; it’s about evoking genuine emotions within yourself and your audience. Remember, practice makes perfect , so take the time to experiment with different techniques and discover what works best for you. By incorporating these tips and tricks into your repertoire, you’ll be well on your way to truly mastering the art of fear and creating memorable and authentic emotional experiences for everyone involved.

Q: What is the purpose of crafting descriptions of fear in creative writing? A: Crafting descriptions of fear allows writers to evoke emotions in readers, creating a more immersive and engaging reading experience. It helps to build tension and suspense, making the story more realistic and relatable.

Q: How can writers effectively describe fear in their writing? A: By using sensory details, such as sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch, writers can paint a vivid picture of fear in the reader’s mind. Additionally, incorporating strong verbs, metaphors, and powerful language can enhance the impact of the description.

Q: Are there any specific techniques that writers can employ to describe fear? A: Yes, writers can make use of similes to compare fearful situations to something familiar, creating a stronger connection for the reader. They can also employ foreshadowing or create a sense of anticipation to build fear gradually throughout the narrative.

Q: What are some common mistakes writers should avoid when describing fear? A: Writers should avoid relying on clichés or overused phrases, as it can detract from the originality and impact of their writing. It is also important not to overlook the emotional and psychological aspects of fear, as these elements can greatly enhance the believability of the description.

Q: Can you provide an example of a well-crafted description of fear? A: Certainly! Here’s an example: “Her heart pounded in her chest like a relentless drum, each beat echoing the terror coursing through her veins. The darkness enveloped her, suffocating any semblance of comfort, as she strained her ears to catch any sound that might reveal the lurking danger nearby.”

Q: What role do pacing and sentence structure play in describing fear? A: Pacing and sentence structure significantly impact the portrayal of fear in writing. Short, fragmented sentences and quick-paced descriptions can convey a sense of urgency and panic, while longer, more complex sentences can build tension and apprehension.

Q: How can writers ensure that their descriptions of fear have an emotional impact on readers? A: To have an emotional impact, writers should tap into the character’s internal thoughts and feelings associated with fear, balancing physical and emotional descriptions. By revealing the character’s vulnerability and vulnerability, readers can better empathize and connect with the experience of fear.

Q: Can readers experience fear through descriptions alone? A: Yes, skilled writers can make readers experience fear through descriptions alone. Through effectively painting a vivid and intense picture in readers’ minds, along with immersing them in the characters’ emotional journey, writers can evoke fear even without any tangible threats or danger.

Q: Is there a limit to how much fear can be described in a story? A: While fear can be a powerful tool in storytelling, overusing it can desensitize readers and dilute its impact. It is crucial to balance fear with other emotions, character development, and plot progression to maintain the desired effect without overwhelming the reader.

Q: Are there any valuable exercises or resources for writers looking to enhance their description of fear? A: Absolutely! Writers can benefit from practicing free writing, allowing their thoughts and emotions to flow freely without judgment. They can also read books or stories known for their captivating descriptions of fear and analyze how the authors construct scenes to evoke emotions in readers.

In conclusion, mastering the art of crafting descriptions of fear in creative writing adds depth and intensity to our stories, leaving readers feeling truly captivated and unsettled.

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Describing Sadness in Creative Writing: 33 Ways to Capture the Blues

By: Author Paul Jenkins

Posted on August 25, 2023

Categories Creative Writing , Writing

Describing sadness in creative writing can be a challenging task for any writer.

Sadness is an emotion that can be felt in different ways, and it’s important to be able to convey it in a way that is authentic and relatable to readers. Whether you’re writing a novel, short story, or even a poem, the ability to describe sadness can make or break a story.

Understanding sadness in writing is essential to creating a believable character or scene. Sadness is a complex emotion that can be caused by a variety of factors, such as loss, disappointment, or loneliness. It’s important to consider the context in which the sadness is occurring, as this can influence the way it is expressed.

By exploring the emotional spectrum of characters and the physical manifestations of sadness, writers can create a more authentic portrayal of the emotion.

In this article, we will explore the different ways to describe sadness in creative writing. We will discuss the emotional spectrum of characters, the physical manifestations of sadness, and the language and dialogue used to express it. We’ll also look at expert views on emotion and provide unique examples of describing sadness.

By the end of this article, you’ll have a better understanding of how to authentically convey sadness in your writing.

Key Takeaways

• Understanding the emotional spectrum of characters is essential to creating a believable portrayal of sadness.
• Physical manifestations of sadness can be used to convey the emotion in a more authentic way.
• Authenticity in describing sadness can be achieved through language and dialogue, as well as expert views on emotion.

33 Ways to Express Sadness in Creative Writing

Let’s start with some concrete examples of sadness metaphors and similes:

Here are 33 ways to express sadness in creative writing:

• A heavy sigh escaped her lips as a tear rolled down her cheek.
• His eyes glistened with unleashed tears that he quickly blinked away.
• Her heart felt like it was being squeezed by a cold, metal fist.
• A profound emptiness opened up inside him, threatening to swallow him whole.
• An avalanche of sorrow crashed over her without warning.
• His spirit sank like a stone in water.
• A dark cloud of grief descended on her.
• Waves of sadness washed over him, pulling him under.
• She felt like she was drowning in an ocean of melancholy.
• His eyes darkened with sadness like a gathering storm.
• Grief enveloped her like a wet blanket, heavy and smothering.
• The light in his eyes dimmed to a flicker behind tears.
• Sadness seeped through her veins like icy slush.
• The corners of his mouth drooped like a wilting flower.
• Her breath came in short, ragged gasps between sobs.
• A profound melancholy oozed from his pores.
• The weight of despair crushed her like a vice.
• A haunted, hollow look glazed over his eyes.
• An invisible hand squeezed her heart, wringing out all joy.
• His soul curdled like spoiled milk.
• A silent scream lodged in her throat.
• He was consumed by a fathomless gloom.
• Sorrow pulsed through her veins with every beat of her heart.
• Grief blanketed him like new-fallen snow, numbing and icy.
• Tears stung her eyes like shards of glass.
• A cold, dark abyss of sadness swallowed him.
• Melancholy seeped from her like rain from a leaky roof.
• His spirit shriveled and sank like a deflating balloon.
• A sick, hollow ache blossomed inside her.
• Rivulets of anguish trickled down his cheeks.
• Sadness smothered her like a poisonous fog.
• Gloom settled on his shoulders like a black shroud.
• Her sorrow poured out in a river of tears.

Understanding Sadness in Writing

Describing sadness in writing can be a challenging task.

Sadness is a complex emotion that can manifest in different ways. It can be expressed through tears, sighs, silence, or even a simple change in posture. As a writer, you need to be able to convey sadness effectively to your readers, while also avoiding cliches and melodrama.

One way to approach describing sadness is to focus on the physical sensations and reactions that accompany it. For example, you might describe the feeling of a lump in your throat, or the tightness in your chest. You could also describe the way your eyes become watery, or the way your hands tremble.

These physical descriptions can help your readers to empathize with your characters and feel the same emotions.

Another important aspect of describing sadness is the tone of your writing. You want to strike a balance between conveying the depth of the emotion and avoiding excessive sentimentality.

One way to achieve this is to use simple, direct language that conveys the emotion without resorting to flowery language or overwrought metaphors.

When describing sadness, it’s also important to consider the context in which it occurs. Sadness can be a response to many different situations, such as loss, disappointment, or rejection. It can also be accompanied by other emotions, such as anger, confusion, or melancholy.

By considering the context and accompanying emotions, you can create a more nuanced and realistic portrayal of sadness in your writing.

Finally, it can be helpful to draw on examples of how other writers have successfully described sadness. By studying the techniques and descriptions used by other writers, you can gain a better understanding of how to effectively convey sadness in your own writing.

In conclusion, describing sadness in writing requires a careful balance of physical descriptions, tone, context, and examples. By focusing on these elements, you can create a more nuanced and effective portrayal of this complex emotion.

Emotional Spectrum in Characters

In creative writing, it’s important to create characters that are multi-dimensional and have a wide range of emotions. When it comes to describing sadness, it’s essential to understand the emotional spectrum of characters and how they respond to different situations.

Characters can experience a variety of emotions, including love, happiness, surprise, anger, fear, nervousness, and more.

Each character has a unique personality that influences their emotional responses. For example, a protagonist might respond to sadness with a broken heart, dismay, or feeling desolate.

On the other hand, a character might respond with anger, contempt, or apathy.

When describing sadness, it’s important to consider the emotional response of the character. For example, a haunted character might respond to sadness with exhaustion or a sense of being drained. A crestfallen character might respond with a sense of defeat or disappointment.

It’s also important to consider how sadness affects the character’s personality. Some characters might become withdrawn or depressed, while others might become more emotional or volatile. When describing sadness, it’s important to show how it affects the character’s behavior and interactions with others.

Overall, the emotional spectrum of characters is an important aspect of creative writing. By understanding how characters respond to different emotions, you can create more realistic and relatable characters. When describing sadness, it’s important to consider the character’s emotional response, personality, and behavior.

Physical Manifestations of Sadness

When you’re feeling sad, it’s not just an emotion that you experience mentally. It can also manifest physically. Here are some physical manifestations of sadness that you can use in your creative writing to make your characters more believable.

Tears are one of the most common physical manifestations of sadness. When you’re feeling sad, your eyes may start to water, and tears may fall down your cheeks. Tears can be used to show that a character is feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

Crying is another physical manifestation of sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may cry. Crying can be used to show that a character is feeling deeply hurt or upset.

Numbness is a physical sensation that can accompany sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may feel emotionally numb. This can be used to show that a character is feeling disconnected from their emotions.

Facial Expressions

Facial expressions can also be used to show sadness. When you’re feeling sad, your face may droop, and your eyes may look downcast. This can be used to show that a character is feeling down or depressed.

Gestures can also be used to show sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may slump your shoulders or hang your head. This can be used to show that a character is feeling defeated or hopeless.

Body Language

Body language can also be used to show sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may cross your arms or hunch over. This can be used to show that a character is feeling closed off or defensive.

Cold and Heat

Sadness can also affect your body temperature. When you’re feeling sad, you may feel cold or hot. This can be used to show that a character is feeling uncomfortable or out of place.

Sobbing is another physical manifestation of sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may sob uncontrollably. This can be used to show that a character is feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

Sweating is another physical manifestation of sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may sweat profusely. This can be used to show that a character is feeling anxious or nervous.

By using these physical manifestations of sadness in your writing, you can make your characters more realistic and relatable. Remember to use them sparingly and only when they are relevant to the story.

Authenticity in Describing Sadness

When it comes to describing sadness in creative writing, authenticity is key. Readers can tell when an author is not being genuine, and it can make the story feel less impactful. In order to authentically describe sadness, it’s important to tap into your own emotions and experiences.

Think about a time when you felt truly sad. What did it feel like? What physical sensations did you experience? How did your thoughts and emotions change? By tapping into your own experiences, you can better convey the emotions of your characters.

It’s also important to remember that sadness can manifest in different ways for different people. Some people may cry, while others may become withdrawn or angry. By understanding the unique ways that sadness can present itself, you can create more authentic and realistic characters.

If you’re struggling to authentically describe sadness, consider talking to a loved one or best friend about their experiences. Hearing firsthand accounts can help you better understand the nuances of the emotion.

Ultimately, the key to authentically describing sadness is to approach it with empathy and understanding. By putting yourself in the shoes of your characters and readers, you can create a powerful and impactful story that resonates with your audience.

Language and Dialogue in Expressing Sadness

When writing about sadness, the language you use can make a big difference in how your readers will perceive the emotions of your characters.

Consider using metaphors and similes to create vivid images that will help your readers connect with the emotions of your characters.

For example, you might describe the sadness as a heavy weight on the character’s chest or a dark cloud hanging over their head.

In addition to using metaphors, you can also use adjectives to describe the character’s emotions. Be careful not to overuse adjectives, as this can detract from the impact of your writing. Instead, choose a few powerful adjectives that will help your readers understand the depth of the character’s sadness.

For example, you might describe the sadness as overwhelming, suffocating, or unbearable.

When it comes to dialogue, it’s important to remember that people don’t always express their emotions directly. In fact, sometimes what isn’t said is just as important as what is said.

Consider using subtext to convey the character’s sadness indirectly. For example, a character might say “I’m fine,” when in reality they are struggling with intense sadness.

Another way to use dialogue to convey sadness is through the use of behaviors. For example, a character might withdraw from social situations, stop eating or sleeping properly, or engage in self-destructive behaviors as a result of their sadness.

By showing these behaviors, you can help your readers understand the depth of the character’s emotions.

Finally, when describing sadness, it’s important to consider the overall mood of the scene. Use sensory details to create a somber atmosphere that will help your readers connect with the emotions of your characters.

For example, you might describe the rain falling heavily outside, the silence of an empty room, or the dim lighting of a funeral home.

Overall, when writing about sadness, it’s important to choose your words carefully and use a variety of techniques to convey the depth of your character’s emotions.

By using metaphors, adjectives, dialogue, behaviors, and sensory details, you can create a powerful and emotionally resonant story that will stay with your readers long after they’ve finished reading.

Expert Views on Emotion

When it comes to writing about emotions, it’s important to have a deep understanding of how they work and how they can be conveyed effectively through writing. Here are some expert views on emotion that can help you write about sadness in a more effective and engaging way.

Dr. Paul Ekman

Dr. Paul Ekman is a renowned psychologist who has spent decades studying emotions and their expressions. According to Dr. Ekman, there are six basic emotions that are universally recognized across cultures: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise, and disgust.

When it comes to writing about sadness, Dr. Ekman suggests focusing on the physical sensations that accompany the emotion.

For example, you might describe the heaviness in your chest, the lump in your throat, or the tears that well up in your eyes. By focusing on these physical sensations, you can help your readers connect with the emotion on a deeper level.

While sadness is often seen as a “negative” emotion, it’s important to remember that all emotions have their place in creative writing. Disgust, for example, can be a powerful tool for conveying a character’s revulsion or aversion to something.

When writing about disgust, it’s important to be specific about what is causing the emotion. For example, you might describe the smell of rotting garbage, the sight of maggots wriggling in a pile of food, or the texture of slimy, raw meat.

By being specific, you can help your readers feel the full force of the emotion and understand why your character is feeling it.

Overall, when it comes to writing about emotions, it’s important to be both specific and authentic. By drawing on your own experiences and using concrete details to describe the physical sensations and causes of emotions, you can create a more engaging and emotionally resonant piece of writing.

Unique Examples of Describing Sadness

When it comes to describing sadness in creative writing, there are many unique ways to convey this emotion to your readers. Here are some examples that can help you create a powerful and moving scene:

• The crying scene : One of the most common ways to show sadness is through tears. However, instead of just saying “she cried,” try to describe the crying scene in detail. For instance, you could describe how her tears fell like raindrops on the floor, or how her sobs shook her body like a violent storm. This will help your readers visualize the scene and feel the character’s pain.
• The socks : Another way to show sadness is through symbolism. For example, you could describe how the character is wearing mismatched socks, which represents how her life is falling apart and nothing seems to fit together anymore. This can be a subtle yet effective way to convey sadness without being too obvious.
• John : If your character is named John, you can use his name to create a sense of melancholy. For example, you could describe how the raindrops fell on John’s shoulders, weighing him down like the burdens of his life. This can be a creative way to convey sadness while also adding depth to your character.

Remember, when describing sadness in creative writing, it’s important to be specific and use vivid language. This will help your readers connect with your character on a deeper level and feel their pain.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some effective ways to describe a person’s sadness without using the word ‘sad’.

When describing sadness, it’s important to avoid using the word “sad” as it can come across as cliché and lackluster. Instead, try using more descriptive words that evoke a sense of sadness in the reader. For example, you could use words like “heartbroken,” “bereft,” “devastated,” “despondent,” or “forlorn.” These words help to create a more vivid and emotional description of sadness that readers can connect with.

How can you describe the physical manifestations of sadness on a person’s face?

When describing the physical manifestations of sadness on a person’s face, it’s important to pay attention to the small details. For example, you could describe the way their eyes become red and swollen from crying, or how their mouth trembles as they try to hold back tears. You could also describe the way their shoulders slump or how they withdraw into themselves. By focusing on these small but telling details, you can create a more realistic and relatable portrayal of sadness.

What are some examples of using metaphor and simile to convey sadness in creative writing?

Metaphors and similes can be powerful tools for conveying sadness in creative writing. For example, you could compare a person’s sadness to a heavy weight that they’re carrying on their shoulders, or to a storm cloud that follows them wherever they go. You could also use metaphors and similes to describe the way sadness feels, such as a “gnawing ache” in the pit of their stomach or a “cold, empty void” inside their chest.

How can you effectively convey the emotional weight of sadness through dialogue?

When writing dialogue for a character who is experiencing sadness, it’s important to focus on the emotions and feelings that they’re experiencing. Use short, simple sentences to convey the character’s sadness, and avoid using overly complex language or metaphors. You could also use pauses and silences to create a sense of emotional weight and tension in the scene.

What are some techniques for describing a character’s inner sadness in a way that is relatable to the reader?

One effective technique for describing a character’s inner sadness is to focus on their thoughts and feelings. Use introspection to delve into the character’s emotions and describe how they’re feeling in a way that is relatable to the reader. You could also use flashbacks or memories to show why the character is feeling sad, and how it’s affecting their current actions and decisions.

How can you use sensory language to create a vivid portrayal of sadness in a poem or story?

Sensory language is an effective way to create a vivid portrayal of sadness in a poem or story. Use descriptive words that evoke the senses, such as the smell of rain on a sad day or the sound of a distant train whistle. You could also use sensory language to describe the physical sensations of sadness, such as the weight of a heavy heart or the taste of tears on the tongue. By using sensory language, you can create a more immersive and emotional reading experience for your audience.

BRYN DONOVAN

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Master List for Describing Weather

A lot of writers struggle with describing settings. I’ve written before about how to describe settings and why it matters , but a few people have told me they’d like me to do some of my master lists for writers to help them out!

I have a weird love for creating lists like this, so I’m happy to do it. “How to describe weather” seemed like a good place to start. This way, you won’t get stuck trying to figure out how to describe nice weather, or thinking up ways to describe rain. Hopefully, this will make your writing go faster.

I always include simple as well as more creative ways to describe or write about weather. Sometimes, the simple word is the one you want! I included dryness and humidity in a few of the categories because it felt weird for them to get their own.

As always, this is not a comprehensive list, and I might add to it. My list will probably make you think of other possibilities, too. Bookmark or pin it for future writing reference!

HOT WEATHER 

blazing sunshine

glaring sun

baking in the sun

sun-drenched

scorching heat

extravagant heat

relentless sun

like a suana

dense tropical heat

radiating heat

blistering heat

oppressive heat

insufferable heat

suffocating heat

heat pressing down

searing sun

shimmering heat

like an oven

like a furnace

WARM / PLEASANT WEATHER

(“Pleasant” is a matter of opinion, of course.)

a beautiful day

a clear day

a temperate day

a golden day

a glorious day

heavenly weather

bright and sunny

a gorgeous spring day

a dazzling summer day

a brilliant autumn day

a vivid blue sky

a cloudless sky

fluffy white clouds

gentle sunshine

lazy sunshine

kind sunshine

filtered sunlight

dappled sunlight

welcome warmth

one of those rare, perfect days

the kind of day that made people forget to worry

the kind of day that lifted people’s moods

COOL WEATHER

refreshing air

stimulating cool air

invigorating cool air

bracing cool air

a nip in the air

a brisk day

a chilly day

weak sunshine

GRAY / OVERCAST WEATHER

(Most people don’t like gray days, so most of these descriptions are negative. I love them, so I had to add a few positive descriptions.)

colorless sky

a soft gray sky

a dove-gray sky

a gray day made for books and tea

steel-gray sky

granite sky

cement-gray sky

threatening clouds

foreboding clouds

COLD WEATHER

glacial air

bitter cold

brutal cold

bone-chilling cold

penetrating cold

devastating cold

numbing cold

punishing cold

dangerous cold

unforgiving cold

too cold to talk

so cold it burned one’s lungs

so cold it took one’s breath away

like a blast from a hair dryer

a gust of wind

insistent winds

heavy winds

strong winds

cutting wind

whipping winds

biting wind

wintry squall

violent gale

howling wind

shifting winds

restless wind

fresh breeze

soft breeze

balmy breeze

perfumed breeze

slight breeze

hint of a breeze

stirring breeze

wind rustling through the trees

fine drizzle

gray drizzle

pebbles of falling rain

spitting rain

stinging rain

steady rain

rain falling in torrents

cascades of rain

rain beating down

shower of rain

sheets of rain

hard-driving rain

pelting rain

lashing rain

slashing rain

THUNDER AND LIGHTNING

rumbling in the distance

a roll of distant thunder

crash of thunder

crackle of thunder

crack of thunder

clap of thunder

bang of thunder

booming thunder

rattled with thunder

earth-shaking thunder

tempestuous

a furious storm

flash of lightning

streaks of lightning

SNOW AND ICE

flurries of snow

dancing flakes

snowflakes floating down

snowflakes wafting down

swirling snow

falling thick and fast

big flakes falling like petals

blinding snowstorm

raging blizzard

sparkling expanses

blankets of white

caked with snow

boulders of snow

branches coated in ice

glittering ice

crystallized by frost

silvered with frost

clouds of mist

swirling mist

billowing fog

cloaked in mist

cocooned in fog

shrouded in fog

enveloped by fog

smothered by fog

made mysterious by fog

the fog rolled in

the fog was burning off

the fog was lifting

the fog was clearing

the fog was dissipating

I have many lists like this in my book  Master Lists for Writers: Thesauruses, Plots, Character Traits, Names, and More . Check it out!

Do you describe weather conditions in your writing? Do you have a favorite example of a weather description? Let me know in the comments! Thanks for reading, and happy writing!

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21 thoughts on “ master list for describing weather ”.

In my current WIP, weather is a crucial element. Not only is the woman in the romance a professional photographer — of weather — but it is a weather phenomenon, namely a tornado, that brings them together. So the description of the sky and the weather is quite detailed in places (specially as the supercell storm roars down on them).

On another angle, the phrase “gloriously sunny” is one that despite having that horrible “ly” adverb (shudder) is so evocative of the type of weather and the POV character’s attitude (and possibly even the type of weather that has gone before), that it’s powerful. It says a huge amount with only two words.

Hi Chris! Oh, wow…that’s a lot more detailed than most of us ever get in writing about the weather. It sounds like a great premise!

I will need this list as I begin edits next month on my WIP. I currently live in Hawaii, but am writing a story at Christmas time in Vermont. 🙂 Thank you!

Aw, nice! That’s some very different weather from what you’re used to. 🙂

It really is! And traveling to the climate I need isn’t ideal right now. So, off to the freezer I go! 🙂

Wow! This is fantastic. Thanks. You ARE a master at this.

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This is comprehensive! It’s bookmarked for future use. Thanks!

Thanks, Steve, I’m glad you liked it!

Amazing list that goes beyond the words that I struggle with – especially describing the rain-painted setting of Snowdonia.

Love your lists. You don’t have one for beaches by any chance? Would this, including the weather be another book by any chance??

Hi, Nicole! It’s funny you should ask. 🙂 I am going to release a second, more expanded version of MASTER LISTS FOR WRITERS . It’s going to have several setting descriptions in there (including a whole list for beaches!), and the weather list will be in there, too! I’m hoping to get it done before November of this year, but we’ll see. Thanks for asking!

That’s awesome and look forward to it’s release.

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I am in Chinan. I happened to enter this web-link and want to learn more about writing, I wonder if there are any descriptive passages. I can only find some words and expressions…

That was really useful. Thank you!

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This list is fabulous. Thank you for sharing it. I will be consulting it when incorporating weather elements into writing my next picture book.

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How To Describe Clouds In Writing (100+ Examples & Words)

Clouds, ever-present in our skies, are more than just fluffy formations. They hold stories, emotions, and atmospheres within their wispy contours.

Here is how to describe clouds in writing:

Describe clouds in writing by focusing on their shape, color, texture, movement, altitude, density, size, associated sounds, interaction with light, weather implications, emotional tone, and symbolism. Use vivid words and phrases to bring these elements to life in your narrative.

In this guide, we’ll explore different types of clouds and key elements to bring them to life in your writing.

Types of Clouds

Table of Contents

Here are some of the most common types of clouds to describe in your writing:

• Cirrus : High-altitude, thin clouds, often wispy and light, suggesting fair weather but sometimes indicating a change.
• Cumulus : Fluffy, cotton-like clouds, generally white and often seen during sunny days, symbolizing cheer and tranquility.
• Stratus : Layer-like, flat clouds covering the sky like a blanket, often gray, associated with overcast days and light rain.
• Nimbostratus : Dark, thick clouds, covering the sky and bringing continuous rain or snow, a harbinger of gloom.
• Cumulonimbus : Towering, imposing clouds often associated with storms and extreme weather, symbolizing turmoil or tension.

Elements of Clouds to Describe in a Story

Now, let’s go over the key elements of clouds to describe in your stories.

You’ll want to consider describing the:

Clouds take on myriad shapes, each telling a different story. The shape of a cloud can reflect the mood of a scene or hint at changes in the weather.

• “The clouds morphed into dragons and castles, fueling my daydreams.”
• “Wispy clouds stretched across the sky, like paint strokes on a blue canvas.”
• “The clouds were cotton balls, dotting the expanse of blue.”
• “Dark, ominous clouds loomed overhead, foretelling a storm.”
• “The clouds twisted into spirals, as if dancing to an unseen melody.”
• “Ragged clouds frayed at the edges, torn by the wind’s unseen hands.”
• “Clouds shaped like anvils warned of the thunderstorm’s approach.”
• “Fluffy, shapeless clouds meandered lazily across the sky.”
• “The clouds formed a thick blanket, smothering the sun.”
• “Sharp-edged clouds cut through the sky, a contrast to the soft sunset.”

The color of clouds can set the tone of a scene, from serene blues to fiery oranges and reds, or somber grays.

• “The clouds blushed pink and orange at sunset, a canvas of warmth.”
• “Gray clouds, heavy with unshed rain, darkened the horizon.”
• “The clouds were a brilliant white, glowing in the midday sun.”
• “Black clouds swirled above, menacing and heavy with threat.”
• “Golden clouds crowned the morning sky, heralding a new day.”
• “The clouds turned a soft lavender in the twilight.”
• “Dark blue clouds hovered at dusk, heavy with mystery.”
• “Silver-lined clouds glimmered, promising hope amidst the storm.”
• “Pale yellow clouds drifted, touched by the dawn’s early light.”
• “The clouds were tinged with red, echoing the sunset’s last flames.”

Texture brings clouds to life, giving them character and depth, from smooth silkiness to rough, tumultuous appearances.

• “The clouds were smooth, like a layer of cream spread across the sky.”
• “Rough-edged clouds, ragged from the wind, scudded across the horizon.”
• “The clouds appeared soft, inviting one to imagine lounging on them.”
• “Turbulent clouds churned in the sky, a tumult of grays and whites.”
• “Delicate, fine-textured clouds filtered the sunlight, casting gentle shadows.”
• “Thick, woolly clouds blanketed the sky, a protective cover.”
• “Feather-like clouds brushed the blue canvas above in gentle strokes.”
• “Granular clouds, clumpy and uneven, hinted at the brewing storm.”
• “The clouds were sleek, streamlined by the high winds.”
• “Fluffy, airy clouds bounced along the sky, light and ephemeral.”

The movement of clouds adds dynamism to a scene, reflecting the passage of time or the whisper of the wind.

• “The clouds drifted lazily, unhurried by the gentle breeze.”
• “Swift-moving clouds raced across the sky, heralding a change.”
• “The clouds seemed to dance, swirling and twirling gracefully.”
• “Slow, meandering clouds mirrored my leisurely Sunday thoughts.”
• “The clouds surged forward, like an army on the move.”
• “Gentle clouds glided smoothly, a serene procession in the heavens.”
• “Rapidly changing clouds mirrored my tumultuous emotions.”
• “The clouds crept across the sky, stealthy and unnoticed.”
• “Energetic clouds zipped by, energizing the day.”
• “Stagnant clouds hung heavily, mirroring the oppressive mood.”

The height of clouds in the sky can influence the perspective and scale in a narrative, from lofty and remote to close and intimate.

• “High cirrus clouds, distant and ethereal, decorated the upper reaches of the sky.”
• “Mid-level clouds hovered, forming a canopy over the landscape.”
• “Low-hanging clouds brushed the treetops, a misty embrace.”
• “Elevated clouds towered above, guardians of the sky.”
• “The clouds sat high, untouchable and serene in their lofty domain.”
• “Clouds at eye level swept past, close enough to touch.”
• “Distant clouds, small from altitude, painted the horizon.”
• “The clouds rose high, stretching upwards, ambitious and proud.”
• “Low, dense clouds created a ceiling of gray above.”
• “Sky-high clouds seemed to touch the edge of space.”

The density of clouds can convey everything from lightness and clarity to oppression and heaviness.

• “The clouds were thin, barely veiling the sun.”
• “Dense clouds packed the sky, a solid gray expanse.”
• “Sparse clouds allowed ample sunlight, casting light shadows.”
• “Thick clouds blanketed the sky, a heavy lid over the earth.”
• “Light, scattered clouds dotted the blue, a delicate pattern.”
• “Solid clouds formed an unbroken ceiling, reflecting my somber mood.”
• “The clouds were airy, a gossamer layer in the sky.”
• “Opaque clouds blocked the sun completely, a foreboding barrier.”
• “Wispy clouds, sparse and delicate, adorned the sky.”
• “The clouds were so dense, they merged into a singular mass.”

The size of clouds can be used to reflect magnitude, from grand and imposing to small and insignificant.

• “Huge clouds dominated the sky, awe-inspiring in their magnitude.”
• “Tiny clouds speckled the sky, modest in their presence.”
• “Enormous clouds loomed overhead, almost overwhelming.”
• “Small, delicate clouds flitted across the vast blue.”
• “Gigantic clouds towered, a display of nature’s grandeur.”
• “Petite clouds, almost unnoticed, added a subtle charm.”
• “Massive clouds stretched across the horizon, a majestic display.”
• “Little clouds, like puffs of cotton, adorned the sky.”
• “The clouds were colossal, dwarfing the landscape below.”
• “Minute clouds, barely discernible, hinted at tranquility.”

While clouds themselves are silent, their presence can suggest sounds, enhancing the sensory experience in a story.

• “The clouds seemed to whisper secrets to the wind.”
• “Thunder rumbled from the belly of the dark clouds.”
• “The silent clouds moved soundlessly, a mute ballet above.”
• “Rain hissed as it fell from the dense, gray clouds.”
• “The clouds, thick and heavy, muffled the world’s sounds.”
• “Wind howled around the storm clouds, a symphony of fury.”
• “The clouds’ quietness accentuated the birds’ cheerful songs.”
• “Snowflakes whispered down from the soft, white clouds.”
• “The clouds passed in silence, observers to the earth’s noises.”
• “Lightning crackled from the charged, electric clouds.”

Interaction with Light

Clouds interact with light in various ways, creating a play of shadows and colors that can set a scene’s tone.

• “The clouds filtered the sunlight, softening the day’s harshness.”
• “Sunbeams pierced the clouds, spotlights on the ground below.”
• “Shadows shifted as clouds moved across the sun’s path.”
• “The clouds glowed with the sunset’s fiery colors.”
• “Moonlight silvered the edges of the night clouds.”
• “The clouds cast a dappled pattern, light dancing on the earth.”
• “Sunrise turned the clouds pink, a gentle awakening.”
• “The clouds dimmed the daylight, a soothing gray filter.”
• “Rainbow hues fringed the clouds, a celestial spectacle.”
• “The clouds, heavy with rain, darkened the afternoon light.”

Weather Association

Clouds are often harbingers of weather, their presence hinting at what’s to come.

• “Cumulonimbus clouds warned of the approaching storm.”
• “Gentle clouds promised a day of clear, calm weather.”
• “Gray, heavy clouds foreshadowed rain’s imminent arrival.”
• “Fast-moving clouds hinted at a changing weather pattern.”
• “The unbroken cloud cover suggested a day of steady rain.”
• “Sparse clouds indicated a continued stretch of sunny days.”
• “Dark clouds amassed, a prelude to thunderstorms.”
• “Wispy clouds, high in the sky, signaled fair weather.”
• “The rapidly darkening clouds hinted at a sudden downpour.”
• “The steady build-up of clouds foretold a snowstorm.”

Emotional Tone

Clouds often mirror or contrast the emotional tone of a scene, adding depth and resonance.

• “The cheerful, fluffy clouds matched my joyful mood.”
• “Gloomy clouds echoed my somber thoughts.”
• “The turbulent clouds mirrored my inner turmoil.”
• “Peaceful clouds calmed my restless spirit.”
• “Foreboding clouds intensified the sense of dread.”
• “The playful movement of the clouds lifted my spirits.”
• “Melancholic clouds resonated with my longing.”
• “The serene clouds provided a counterpoint to my anxiety.”
• “Threatening clouds amplified the tension in the air.”
• “The bright, clear sky and sparse clouds reflected my optimism.”

Clouds can symbolize various themes and motifs, adding layers of meaning to a narrative.

• “Clouds like white doves symbolized peace in the turmoil.”
• “The ever-changing clouds represented life’s constant flux.”
• “Dark clouds stood as symbols of impending doom.”
• “Light, ethereal clouds symbolized freedom and escape.”
• “The cloud’s shadow on the ground was a metaphor for grief.”
• “Bright, sunlit clouds symbolized hope amidst despair.”
• “The solitary cloud was a symbol of isolation.”
• “Clouds gathering at sunset symbolized an ending and a beginning.”
• “The storm cloud was a metaphor for internal conflict.”
• “Clouds parting to reveal blue sky symbolized clarity after confusion.”

50 Best Words for How to Describe Clouds in Writing

Here are some of the best words for how to describe clouds in writing:

• Feather-like
• Translucent

50 Best Phrases for Describing Clouds in Writing

Here are the best phrases for describing clouds in your stories:

• “Like tufts of cotton in a painter’s sky.”
• “Whispers of vapor in the azure expanse.”
• “Gentle giants marching across the horizon.”
• “Silhouettes of gray in a stormy ballet.”
• “Ivory peaks touching the heavens.”
• “Shadows of the skies, heavy with tales.”
• “Veils of mist cloaking the mountaintops.”
• “Golden edges kissed by the sunset.”
• “A tapestry of light and shadow.”
• “Flotilla of dreams in a sea of blue.”
• “Majestic towers heralding the storm.”
• “Gloomy blankets, dampening the earth’s spirits.”
• “Fleeting whispers of the passing breeze.”
• “Guardians of the twilight, tinged with pink.”
• “Wandering spirits of the upper world.”
• “Silent witnesses to the unfolding day.”
• “The sky’s mood, ever-changing and capricious.”
• “Sun’s canvas, painted in hues of gray.”
• “Messengers of the impending tempest.”
• “Symphony in white, conducted by the wind.”
• “Soft as the down of newborn birds.”
• “Charcoal smudges on the horizon’s edge.”
• “Melancholy giants, ponderous and slow.”
• “Misty shrouds, heralds of the morning light.”
• “Invisible ink slowly spreading across the sky.”
• “Gossamer threads woven by the dawn.”
• “A dance of light, air, and water.”
• “A quilt of white, stitched by the breeze.”
• “Spectral shapes in a dreamy expanse.”
• “The sky’s emotion, raw and unfiltered.”
• “Celestial wanderers on an endless journey.”
• “Ships of vapor, sailing the sky’s ocean.”
• “The sun’s soft touch on the morning clouds.”
• “Moody canvases of the tempest’s art.”
• “Fragile lacework against the blue infinity.”
• “Nature’s poetry, written in vapor and light.”
• “A parade of shapes, ever-evolving.”
• “The day’s first blush on sleepy clouds.”
• “Midnight sentinels, guarding the moon’s realm.”
• “Echoes of the sky’s deepest thoughts.”
• “Rosy fingers of dawn caressing the clouds.”
• “Monoliths of mist, standing tall and proud.”
• “A world aloft, free and untamed.”
• “The gentle sigh of the resting earth.”
• “A canvas for the sun’s farewell.”
• “The night’s veil, adorned with silver.”
• “A prelude to the celestial nocturne.”
• “Harbingers of change, aloft and unseen.”
• “A fleeting embrace of the departing sun.”
• “Whimsical shapes, a child’s imagination set free.”

3 Full Examples of How to Describe Clouds in Different Genres

One of the best ways to learn how to describe clouds in writing is to read real examples of how to talk about clouds in different kinds of stories.

So, here are three full examples.

Mystery Genre

The clouds hung low, like silent witnesses shrouded in gray.

Their ominous presence loomed over the old mansion, casting a foreboding pallor over the scene. Each cloud seemed to hold a secret, drifting lazily yet with a purpose, as if aware of the mysteries unfolding beneath them. The sun, a mere spectator, struggled to pierce through their dense congregation, creating a chiaroscuro of light and shadow that played across the neglected garden.

In the eerie silence, the clouds appeared as ghostly sentinels, guardians of the untold tales that lay hidden in the heart of the estate.

Fantasy Genre

Above the mystical lands of Eldoria, the clouds danced like ethereal spirits in the sky.

Their shapes shifted continuously, from majestic dragons to soaring phoenixes, each form telling a story of ancient magic and untold power. The clouds glowed with an inner light, hues of pink, gold, and lavender painting a tapestry of dreams against the canvas of the sky.

As the heroes journeyed through enchanted forests and over mystical mountains, the clouds followed, whispering secrets of the old gods and the mysteries of the stars. In this realm, the clouds were not mere vapors, but living, breathing entities, woven into the very fabric of Eldoria’s magic.

Romance Genre

The clouds above mirrored the soft, tender feelings blossoming between them. Each cloud was a fluffy testament to the gentle, burgeoning love. As they walked hand in hand along the beach, the sunset cast the clouds in a romantic palette of pinks, oranges, and purples, each hue melting into the next like their intertwining hearts.

The clouds, in their serene beauty, seemed to celebrate the couple’s newfound love, drifting peacefully in the sky, embodying the tranquility and depth of their emotions.

Under this celestial tapestry, their kisses tasted of promise, the clouds bearing silent witness to their deep, abiding connection.

Here is a good video about how to describe clouds in writing:

Final Thoughts: How to Describe Clouds in Writing

Exploring the diverse and dynamic nature of clouds can add depth and beauty to your writing.

For more creative insights, continue exploring our website’s articles.

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How to Describe a Storm in Writing

Whether they're ruthless tornadoes or torrential hurricanes, storms can add atmosphere and conflict to a personal narrative or story. The use of vivid description is a crucial tool for bringing these weather phenomena to life on paper and moving your plot forward. Using figurative language and active verbs can help you place readers right in the middle of the rain, wind and thunder.

Mighty Metaphors and Storm Similes

A simile is a type of description that makes an explicit comparison between two things using the words "like" or "as." A metaphor, by contrast, is a direct comparison that does not use these words. You can use these devices to create surprising descriptions of your storm. If you're describing a hailstorm, for example, you might use a simile to write, "The hailstones clattered to the ground like marbles spilled from a box." To use a metaphor, you might write, "An avalanche of hailstones fell from the sky."

The Sound of Storms

In real life, the sounds of nature are often key indicators of approaching storms. You can bring these sound effects to your descriptions by using onomatopoeia, a device where words mimic the sounds of their meaning. For example, if a thunderstorm figures prominently in your story, the thunder could "rumble" or "boom," rain could "patter" against the windows" and wind could "rush" across a field. Try making a list of all the sounds the storm in your narrative might involve and brainstorm onomatopoeic words to describe them.

The Character of Storms

If a storm is central to your story's conflict, you might consider having the weather literally take on a life of its own. Personification occurs when a writer gives human characteristics, such as actions and emotions, to an inanimate object. If your characters are trapped in open water during a hurricane, you might write, "The angry waves smacked against the side of the boat." Although water can't feel anger, the description of the waves as "angry" adds emotional texture and characterization to the storm.

Vivid Verbs

Because bad weather can often get out of control, describing a storm is not the time to skimp on verb usage. Weak verbs, such as "was" or "were," drain your descriptions of energy rather than infuse them with detail. Using specific, active verbs for the storm's motion gives readers a more detailed image of the story's events. For example, the sentence, "The dark sky was lit up by lightning," is a good start, but revising it to include an active verb can make the description even more forceful: "Lightning flashed across the sky."

• Western Michigan University: Basics of Metaphor and Simile
• Read Write Think: Onomatopoeia
• Universal Design for Learning: Literary Devices: Personification
• Writing Commons: Avoid Unnecessary "To Be" Verbs"

Kori Morgan holds a Bachelor of Arts in professional writing and a Master of Fine Arts in creative writing and has been crafting online and print educational materials since 2006. She taught creative writing and composition at West Virginia University and the University of Akron and her fiction, poetry and essays have appeared in numerous literary journals.

KathySteinemann.com: Free Resources for Writers

Word lists, cheat sheets, and sometimes irreverent reviews of writing rules. kathy steinemann is the author of the writer's lexicon series..

Ways to Describe Breath & Breathing: A Word List for Writers

(Discover even more words in The Writer’s Body Lexicon .)

Reading a good book might seem as natural as breathing. Writing one? Not so much. Writers often labor over words, including breath and breathing .

Before proceeding, let’s look at the differences between breath and breathe .

Breath (noun; short ea as in wealth and soft th as in truth ): the air taken into or expelled from the lungs during respiration

Breathe (verb; long ea as in tease and hard th as in writhe ): to take air into and then expel from the lungs; to respire

If you have trouble keeping the words straight, remember that the verb breath e ends with an e , and v e rb contains an e .

Throughout this post, breath and breathing can often be interchanged.

Emotion Beats and Physical Manifestations

The way characters breathe, or don’t breathe, shows their emotions.

Alarm, anxiety, concern, dread holding one’s breath shallow, fast breaths

Anger , rage noisy breathing loud speech with short breaths between sentences

Anguish, depression, despair hyperventilation shaky, shallow breaths

Annoyance holding one’s breath berating someone else for breathing or chewing too loudly

Attraction, desire holding one’s breath fast breaths

Calmness, patience, peacefulness, serenity quiet, breathy voice deep, relaxed breaths

Confidence puffed-out chest deep, relaxed breaths

Disbelief short gasp holding one’s breath for a moment

Emotional distress, pain labored breathing hyperventilation

Envy, jealousy breathing through clenched teeth muttered insults under one’s breath

Fear, fright, terror holding one’s breath shallow, rasping breaths

Frustration holding one’s breath rapid expulsion of air

Guilt deep breaths uneven breathing

Happiness , satisfaction breathy giggles deep, relaxed breathing

Hatred loud breathing short, rapid breaths through flared nostrils

Hopefulness deep breaths holding one’s breath

Impatience releasing a pent-up breath loud breathing

Infatuation, love deep breaths checking one’s breath behind a raised hand

Insecurity slumped posture, shallow breathing checking one’s breath behind a raised hand

Irritation noisy inhalations through nostrils pulling in a huge breath and holding it

Nervousness, worry quick, shallow breaths inhaling through nostrils and exhaling through pursed lips

Overwhelm labored breathing, panic attack loud exhalation accompanied by low moan

Paranoia short, shallow breaths holding one’s breath

Pride, self-satisfaction deep breaths puffed-out chest

Relief sighing releasing a large pent-up breath

Scorn puffed-out chest exhaling with a pfft sound

Shock, surprise breathless voice sudden audible inhalation through mouth

Unease humming under one’s breath breathing that keeps time with a song playing in one’s mind

If you need additional beats, consult a body language dictionary . (As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.)

Adjectives to Describe Breath and Breathing

Labored? Effortless? Panic-stricken? An asthmatic’s breathing will differ from that of an athlete or a nervous job applicant.

As you peruse this list of descriptors, bear in mind that many are opinion adjectives .

A and B abdominal, abortive, abrupt, absent, accidental, acrid, agonized, agonizing, alcoholic, angry, anguished, anticipatory, apathetic, apprehensive, aromatic, asthmatic, audible, automatic, autonomic, bad, bated, bibulous, bitter, blissful, blistering, bloody, blustery, boozy, brisk, brittle, bug-free, bug-infested

C and D calculated, calm, carefree, careful, carnivorous, carrion, casual, cautious, chest-swelling, choking, clammy, clattery, cloying, condescending, confident, congested, conscious, constrained, contemptuous, convulsive, cool, crisp, croaky, dank, decisive, deep, deliberate, demonic, desperate, despondent, difficult, dispassionate, dispirited, dolorous, dramatic, drawn-out, dry

E and F easy, effortless, emotionless, energizing, ephemeral, erratic, euphoric, exaggerated, exasperated, excruciating, exhilarating, expectant, experimental, explosive, extended, exuberant, exultant, faint, fainting, fearful, feeble, fervent, fetid, fiery, final, first, fitful, flaming, fleeting, foamy, forced, foul, fragmented, fragrant, frantic, frenzied, fresh, frigid, frosty, frothy, full, fusty, futile

G and H gagging, gaseous, gasping, gentle, germy, ghastly, glottal, gratifying, greedy, grim, groaning, gulping, gusty, guttural, hacking, half-hearted, harsh, hasty, haunting, heady, heavy, histrionic, hoarse, hopeful, hot, humid, hurried, hushed, husky, hysterical

I to L icy, impatient, impotent, inaudible, indifferent, indignant, indistinct, ineffectual, instinctive, intentional, intermittent, intoxicating, invigorating, involuntary, irregular, jerky, jittery, jubilant, labored, laborious, languid, last, lazy, lengthy, lethargic, light, lingering, liquor-laced, listless, long, long-suffering, loud, lusty, luxurious

M to O malodorous, mechanical, meditative, melancholy, melodramatic, moaning, much-needed, mucousy, muffled, nasty, natural, nauseating, nervous, noiseless, noisy, noxious, obvious, odious, offensive, off-putting, ominous, optimistic

P pained, pain-free, painful, painless, panicky, panic-stricken, panting, peaceful, pent-up, plaintive, pleasurable, polluted, portentous, potent, powerful, preliminary, premature, preparatory, prolonged, pronounced, protracted, pungent, purposeful, putrid

Q and R quick, rabid, racking, ragged, rancid, rank, rapid, rapturous, rasping, raspy, rattling, raw, reflex, refreshing, regular, relaxed, repugnant, repulsive, resolute, restorative, resurgent, retching, reticent, revitalizing, revolting, rhythmic, robust, rotten, rousing, rueful, rushed

S saccharine, salty, satisfying, self-confident, self-important, serene, shaky, shallow, sharp, shrill, sibilant, sickening, sickly, silent, slight, slow , sluggish, smoky, smooth, snobbish, snotty, sobbing, sober, soft, sonorous, sooty, sorrowful, sour, spasmodic, spicy, spiritless, sporadic, sputtering, squeaky, staccato, stale, steady, steadying, stealthy, stertorous, stinky, stomach-churning, subdued, sub-glottal, sudden, sullen, supercilious, sweet, syrupy

T and U tense, tentative, terse, testy, theatrical, thin, throaty, tight, timid, timorous, tiny, torpid, torturous, toxic, tranquil, tremulous, turbulent, uncontrolled, uneasy, unenthusiastic, unfettered, unholy, unimpeded, unpleasant, unruffled, unsatisfying, unstable, unsteady, unworried, useless

V to W vexed, vile, visible, vital, voluntary, walloping, warm, wary, weak, weary, welcome, whimpering, whooping, whopping, wintry, wistful, woozy

Similes and Metaphors

Friedrich inched toward the end of the dark tunnel, and pushed the cover with a tentative palm. Frischluft! Gott sei Dank! He swallowed his first breath of freedom in his new country.

Even if you don’t know a word of German, you’ll understand the analogy of freedom to fresh air.

Here are a few more idea-starters:

• cloyingly sweet, like honey mixed with maple syrup
• convulsive as a newborn’s first gulps of air
• crisp as a winter wind
• laborious as a mountain climber’s gasps at high altitude
• like a sofa cushion wheezing under the weight of a sumo wrestler
• like a tire hissing its way to pancake status
• like a whisp of morning mist
• like ill-tuned bagpipes
• like the puffs of an accelerating steam engine
• like the rhythmic whoosh and clunk of a blacksmith’s bellows
• noisy as a pressure-relief valve
• shrill as a dentist’s drill
• welcome as fresh air to a pearl diver breaking the surface of the sea
• wheezier than an asthmatic without an inhaler
• with a snore that rumbles the rafters like an earthquake

Breath Scents

Wordsmiths often include the scent of breath by making figurative comparisons. Just about anything a person eats, tongues, inhales, or stuffs in the mouth will transfer its scent.

This list contains a sampling of figurative and literal comparison starters.

A to E acetone, another man, another woman, apples, an ashtray, an autopsy, a baby’s bellybutton, a bar, beef jerky, bratwurst, Brussels sprouts, bubblegum, cannabis, a cesspit, cherry pie, cigarette butts, compost, cough syrup, dead [fill in the blank], death, dirty bath towels, dog breath, espresso, an ex-girlfriend’s lipstick, expectorant

F to T fish, glue, a horse’s butt, a hospital, kitty litter, limes, Mary Jane, meatballs with gravy, medicine, a moldy public shower, a nursing home, nutmeg, onions, oranges, oysters, pepper, rancid cheese, road kill, rotten meat, rotten socks, sauerkraut, snuff, something dead, sour milk, spice, strawberries, sulfur, tacos, tequila, a toilet

See also the Scents sections of 600+ Ways to Describe Beards and 800+ Ways to Describe Chins .

Verbs (1): Transitive

A patient’s shallow breathing could alarm her doctor or disquiet a visitor. A wounded soldier’s breath might seep through his teeth . The breath of a man in a snowstorm will warm his hands.

Commonality: each verb or phrasal verb requires a direct object, as do those in the following list.

A to F alarm, billow (across, into, over, through), blow (across, into, over, through), bubble (from, out of, over, through), burst (from, out of, through), caress, come in, concern, disquiet, distend, drift (from, out of, over, through), erupt (from, out of), explode (from, out of), flood, flow (from, out of, through), foam (out of, through), froth (from, out of, over, through)

I to W intoxicate, puff (across, into, over, through), seep (from, out of, through), surge (from, out of), tickle, trickle (from, out of), unnerve, unsettle, waft (across, into, over, through), warm, weave (across, into, over, through), whoosh (across, into, over, through), worry

Verbs (2): Intransitive

When included in verb phrases, many intransitive verbs become transitive. For example: His breath rattled . In this sentence, rattled stands alone (intransitive). His breath rattled in his chest. What did his breath rattle in? It rattled in his chest. Rattled in is a transitive phrasal verb.

B to W bugle, burble, catch, cease, escape, fail, freeze, gurgle, halt, hitch, pause, quicken, rattle, reek, resume, smell, stink, stop, whistle

Verbs (3): Verbs that Take Breath or Breathing as an Object

These verbs and phrasal verbs represent what characters can do with or to their breath/breathing or to that of others.

For example:

• She fought for breath .
• The nurse listened to the baby’s breathing .
• The scarf muffled his breath .
• He suppressed his breathing .

B to T block, catch, cease, check out, control, cover up, crave, draw (in), exhale, fight for, force out, freshen, gasp, gulp, heave, hinder, hold, huff, impede, inhale, let loose, let out, listen to, lose, monitor, muffle, muzzle, need, notice, obstruct, puff out, release, save, snuff out, spit out, squeeze (from, out of), stifle, stop, struggle for, suck in, suppress, take (away), trap

Nouns to Replace Breath and Breathing

Too many repetitions of breath and breathing in your WIP ? Consider alternatives:

C to W choke, exhalation, expiration, gasp, gulp, hiss, huff, hyperventilation, inhalation, lungful, morning miasma, mouthful of air, pant, puff, rattle, snore, snort, snuffle, splutter, wheeze, wind

Story Props

Try to develop a storyline or subplot with one or more of the following props.

A and B aromatherapy, asbestos, aspiration, asthma inhaler, bad news, bee allergy, belching, bitter almond odor (evidence of cyanide poisoning), breath spray, breathalyzer, bronchitis, brown bag (for puffing into during hyperventilation attack), burglary

C to G cayenne pepper, chest cold, choking, cold hands (blowing on them), COPD, corset, cough syrup, cystic fibrosis, decaying teeth (bad breath), dental braces, dental bridge, dental retainer, dentist, diaphragm, free diving, girdle, goldenrod

H to P halitosis, haunted house, Heimlich maneuver, high-altitude training, hyperventilation, ketoacidosis (possible diabetes), lung cancer, lung transplant, marathon race, meditation, mountain climbing, mouse, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, muffler, organ donor, oxygen mask, panic attack, peanut allergy, plastic bag, plugged nose, pneumonia

R to Y rescue breath, scarf, scuba mask, shortness of breath, ski mask, smog, snake, snorkel, spider, strep throat (bad breath), stressful situation, suffocation, tantrum, tax audit, tongue piercing, tonsillitis (bad breath), tuberculosis, Valsalva maneuver (scuba diving), ventilator, wasp allergy, yoga

See also the Nouns section of 600+ Ways to Describe Lips and Mouths .

Clichés and Idioms

A search for “living, breathing” and “living and breathing” at Google produces millions of search results — strong evidence that writers should avoid phrases such as the following:

• a living and breathing culture
• a living and breathing document
• a living, breathing being
• a living, breathing monster

Opt instead for descriptors such as alive, animate, aware, conscious, reactive, responsive, sentient, or vibrant .

Included way too often by some writers are characters releasing a breath they didn’t realize they had been holding. More than a couple of times per novel, and readers will notice.

Here are a few more overused phrases, with suggested replacements.

• below one’s breath: discreetly, softly, quietly
• breath of fresh air: different, innovative, new, refreshing
• in the next breath: immediately, next, then
• in the same breath: concurrently, instantaneously, simultaneously
• out of breath: breathless, gasping, winded
• to breathe one’s last: die, expire, perish
• to get one’s breath back: rally, rebound, recover
• to speak under one’s breath: mumble, murmur, mutter
• to take a breather: chill, relax, rest
• to take one’s breath away: astonish, awe, shock, surprise
• waste of breath: futile, pointless, useless
• with bated breath: anxious, eager, excited
• with every breath: continuously, incessantly, nonstop

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10 thoughts on “ Ways to Describe Breath & Breathing: A Word List for Writers ”

This list is really helpful and insightful.

Thanks. Stay cool, Jazzierights!

Thank you, Kathy. After a couple of months away from writing, my brain needed your very helpful list of words. Cheers, Louise Forster.

Good luck with your writing, Louise. I’m glad you found the list helpful.

Thanks for the detailed post regarding ways to describe breathing. My issue is breathing related, but not in regards to describing breathing in descriptive/narrative writing. It’s more so how to show it in dialogue.

To give you more context, my character (alongside 4 other characters), are running, and have been for some time. While running, my character answers a question asked by another character, and because of the prolonged physical exertion, their breathing is heavy. In real life, when you talk during strenuous exercise, you can only speak in short bursts. Maybe 4-5 words before needing a breath.

My question is how to structure the dialogue to show this heavy breathing while they’re speaking. Should it be structured like, “If I run *gasp* for any longer *gasp* I think I’m gonna *gasp* pass out!”?

I just don’t know how to structure the dialogue so it shows the heavy breathing without being too disruptive. I know this isn’t exactly what this post is about, but I couldn’t find anything about structuring heavy breathing into dialogue.

Kind regards, Footrot Flats

Why not try a simple approach, Footrot?

He gasped several times as he spoke. “If I run … for any longer … I think I’m gonna … pass out!”

Maybe even remove several times .

Thanks your feedback, and stay safe!

Thanks for your reply Kathy.

They say keeping it simple is the best approach. Thanks for responding to my query in a way that simplifies my writing.

Take care and stay safe Footrot Flats

My pleasure!

Thank you Kathy for another helpful word list!

Thanks for stopping by, Kate!