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110 Inspirational & Funny Wedding Toast Quotes to Make Your Speech a Hit

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

In This Article

As a part of the wedding party, you know it’s your job to plan the bridal shower , show the groom an awesome last night as a bachelor , and give a few words of wisdom.

Everyone loves funny wedding toast quotes, and funny wedding speeches. Excellent wedding toasts have love, romance, and a witty element braided into them. 

What is the purpose of a wedding toast?

Wedding toasts are reserved for the wedding party.

The purpose of a wedding toast is to wish and bless the couple for the new life together. It is a personalised wish meant for the newlyweds. It surely makes the wedding memorable. In the end, the guests raise their glasses and drink for the health, wealth and prosperity. 

What do you say at a wedding toast?

A wedding toast should be personalized and unique. While planning a wedding toast, ensure to follow these steps:

• Congratulate the couple
• Introduce yourself and your relationship with the couple/ bride/ groom
• Tell a story by using examples
• Raise your glass for the toast

Funny wedding toast quotes

The moment you get married, your freedom, sex life, and happiness are over! Or is it? This is the message that most funny wedding jokes have in common. 

If you are looking for best man speech openers or maid of honor speech quotes, consider including some funny marriage quotes. Here are some of the best inspirational and funny wedding toasts examples or funny wedding toasts one liners you can use to make your wedding speech memorable. 

Read our selection of cute and funny wedding toasts or funny lines for maid of honor speech to include in your wedding.

• “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
• “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight” – Phyllis Diller
• “It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party” – Nick Hornby
• “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles Schulz
• “Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”– Henry Kissinger
• “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Ann Bancroft
• “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” –George Burns
• “An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her” – Agatha Christie
• “True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.”– Mindy Kaling
• “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
• “Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce
• “There’s only one way to have a happy marriage , and as soon as I learn what it is, I’ll get married again.” – Clint Eastwood
• “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” – Michel de Montaigne
• “Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.” – Johnny Carson
• “May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.”
• “We are gathered here today to honor something so truly magical, so truly unique and wonderful, that it simply had to be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the doughnut wall.”

Inspirational wedding quotes

The best funny maid of honor speeches have an element of whimsical and romantic in them. When in search of wedding toast ideas, take a look at some of the inspirational wedding quotes to warm the hearts of the audience. 

 “You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.” —Toni Sciarra Poynter

• “To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you are the world.” – Bill Wilson
• “Love doesn’t make the world go round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning
• “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• “True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – Anonymous
• “But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” – Khalil Gibran
• “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” – Martin Luther
• “Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.” – Honore de Balzac
• “It is a full-time job being honest one moment at a time, remembering to love, to honor, to respect. It is a practice, a discipline, worthy of every moment.” – Jasmine Guy
• “Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect . If it’s not based on respect, nothing that appears to be goodwill lasts very long.” – Amy Grant
• “When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband entrusting his heart to her has an unfailing prize.” —Proverbs 31:10-11
• “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” —1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Wedding quotes on love and life

To make a good impression, you need both funny quotes to start a speech and poetic quotes to wrap it up. Consider adding some quotes on love and marriage into the wedding toast.

• “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” —Ogden Nash
• “If it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.” – Leo Tolstoy
• “Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” – Barbara Johnson
• “Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” – Alexander Smith
• “Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature, and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning, and unquenchable.” – Bruce Lee
• “A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.” – Dave Matthews
• “To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.” – Themis Tolis
• “We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
• “I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.” – Bob Newhart
• “The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person . You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.” – Julia Child
• “ But the key to our marriage is the capacity to give each other a break. And to realize that it’s not how our similarities work together; it’s how our differences work together.” – Michael J. Fox

Good marriage wedding quotes

Funny wedding toast quotes are a great way to start the speech or to end it. Wedding speeches need to be amusing. Also, they need to be motivational and bold. To make an impression include both romantic and funny quotes about marriage.

 “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin

• “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Joyce Brothers
• “Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.” – Amy Bloom
• “To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.” – Mark Twain
• “But to sustain a marriage for 50 years, you have to get real a little bit and find someone who is understanding and who you can grow with. My mom always says, ‘Marry the man who loves you a millimeter more.” – Ali Larter
• “It doesn’t matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other.” – Good Will Hunting
• “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with a person, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” – When Harry Met Sally
• “Only one is a wanderer. Two together are always going somewhere.” – Vertigo
• “Equal partnerships are not made in heaven—they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time.” ~ Bruce C. Hafen
• “Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.” – Franz Schubert
• “Marriage, like everything else in the world, is holy or unholy depending on the purpose the mind ascribes to it.” – Marianne Williamson
• “Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.” – James Dobson
• “When a marriage works, nothing on earth can take its place.” – Helen Gahagan
• “Experts on romance say for a happy marriage, there has to be more than a passionate love . For a lasting union, they insist, there must be a genuine liking for each other. Which, in my book, is a good definition of friendship.” – Marilyn Monroe
• “Marriage is a risk; I think it’s a great and glorious risk, as long as you embark on the adventure in the same spirit.” – Cate Blanchett

Funny marriage quotes

Funny wedding speeches are unforgettable and create great wedding memories if done properly and with moderation. Funny wedding toast quotes can make a real splash, so be careful not to let any negativity spill onto the couple’s big day. Consider adding some of the funny wedding speech quotes listed here. 

• “A man is incomplete until he’s married. After that, he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
• “If love means never having to say you’re sorry, then Marriage means always having to say everything twice.” – Estelle Getty
• “Love is blind — marriage is the eye-opener.” – Pauline Thomason
• “A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.” – Anonymous
• “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller
• “A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.” – Terry Pratchett
• “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman
• “Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.” – Sydney Smith
• “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.” – George Bernard Shaw
• “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage . We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays; I go Fridays.” – Henny Youngman
• “Before marriage, many couples are very much like people rushing to catch an airplane; once aboard, they turn into passengers. They just sit there.” – J. Paul Getty
• “Every marriage is a mystery to me, even the one I’m in. So I’m no expert on it.” – Hillary Clinton

Check out this hilarious wedding speech by the brother and take some cues:

Witty wedding quotes

Wedding toasts need some witty wedding quotes to be complete. A short wedding toast could make up for funny wedding toasts, but witty wedding quotes make up for a playful and catchy wedding speech. 

 “Always remember to fight with two words, ‘Yes Dear.’” – Anonymous

• “People are weird. When we find someone with weirdness that is compatible with ours, we team up and call it love.” – Dr. Seuss
• “Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner
• “Love is a present, so open it happily.” – Sepatu Usang
• “A good husband makes a good wife.” – John Florio
• “Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash
• “If you would be loved, love, and be lovable.” – Benjamin Franklin
• “Any fool can have a trophy wife. It takes a real man to have a trophy marriage.” – Allan K. Chalmers
• “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates
• “I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” – Lyndon B. Johnson
• “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash
• “Husbands are like fires – they go out when they’re left unattended.” – Cher
• “An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.” – Booth Tarkington
• “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
• “Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.” – Beverley Nichols
• “Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” —Mickey Rooney

Wedding toast about happiness

To conclude your search for wedding speech quotes, we have selected a list of wedding toast quotes about happiness. Funny wedding toast quotes accompanied by some awesome wedding toasts on happiness will undoubtedly fortify your position as the best man or maid of honor. 

• “Marriage is the most natural state of man and the state in which you will find solid happiness.” – Benjamin Franklin
• “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert A. Heinlein
• “Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our care by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation.” – Samuel Richardson
• “The secret to a happy marriage is if you can be at peace with someone within four walls, if you are content because the one you love is near to you, either upstairs or downstairs, or in the same room, and you feel that warmth that you don’t find very often, then that is what love is all about.” – Bruce Forsyth
• “Love one another, and you will be happy; it is as simple and as difficult as that.” – Michael Leunig
• “There is only one happiness in life – to love and be loved.” – George Sand
• “Happiness is only real when shared.” – Jon Krakauer
• “They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” – Tom Bodett
• “There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day, knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.” – Ronald Reagan
• “Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Wedding toasts with blessings

You care about the bride and groom and wish them well. However, you might be puzzled about how to put those good sentiments into your wedding toast. Take a look at these wedding toast quotes with classical blessings, and we are sure you will find something useful. 

• “May your love be like the misty rain, gentle coming in but flooding the river.” – Traditional African Blessing
• “May the road rise up to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, The sunshine warm upon your face, The rain fall soft upon your fields, And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.”– Irish blessing.
• “May their joys be as deep as the ocean, And their misfortunes as light as the foam.” – Armenian Blessing
• “Let’s drink to love, which is nothing—unless it’s divided by two.” – Irish blessing
• “Try to reason about love, and you will lose your reason.” – French proverb
• “May your love be modern enough to survive the times but old-fashioned enough to last forever.” – Anonymous
• “When love reigns, the impossible may be attained.” – Indian Proverb
• “No road is long with good company.” – Turkish proverb
• “He who treads the path of love walks a thousand meters as if it were only one.” —Japanese proverb
• “A life without love is like a year without summer.” —Lithuanian proverb
• “Do not measure your marriage by how much love you feel today: measure it by how much love you’ve offered today.” – Glennon Doyle Melton
• “Please make sure your glasses are charged and join me in toasting the new Mr and Mrs [NAME]. Ladies and gentlemen, to the bride and groom!”

When looking to make a funny wedding toast, why not incorporate some personal stories about the bride or groom? This is a great way to give the guests a personal insight into the more hilarious aspects of their courtship.

You can leave the anecdotes about crazy ex-boyfriends and girlfriends out of the equation, but feel free to include any adorable or funny moments you have shared or witnessed with the happy couple .

Here are some funny wedding jokes for speech and stories you can use as funny wedding toast quotes.

• “Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.”
• A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. “Once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?” One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory. “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?” The man yells, “Today’s the day!”
• “Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific.”
• “It’s been ten years since the invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids are nothing to look at either.”
• “Don’t be a slow learner! After his husband forgot the wedding anniversary , his wife tells him: ‘You’d better have something in front of the house, tomorrow, which goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds.’ The next day, she finds on the road, a bathroom scale.”
• “Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.”
• “Marriage is like the army. Everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlists.”
• My sister Tina was telling her husband, Kay, about a wonderful program she had watched on TV. The show gave a national award to heroic people who put themselves in grave danger to help out someone they hardly knew. Kay replied, “That sounds a lot like getting married.”
• “Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts? They were perfectly suited to each other.”

Wrapping it up

You want wedding toasts jokes or wedding toasts to be memorable, flattering, or funny toasts for weddings to make the bride or groom laugh, use these funny wedding toast quotes to add life to your speech, but don’t forget this is a celebration of two people coming together in love, so avoid using any quotes, jokes, or stories that will embarrass or disparage the happy couple. 

Remember, funny wedding toast quotes are only a part of the speech, and they have to be introduced with zest and taste. 

Have a look at the video given below to get an idea of how can you deliver a hilarious wedding speech.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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• Who Gives a Speech at a Wedding Reception? How to Write a Wedding Toast Tips for the Father of the Bride Speech How to Write a Best Man Toast Advice for the Maid of Honor Speech What to Know About a Newlywed Toast Public Speaking Experts' Wedding Speech Tips 60 Quotes to Use for Your Wedding Toast

60 Wedding Toast Quotes for Every Speech

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In This Article

Wedding day jitters  aren’t just for the couple. If you’ve been asked to give a  wedding toast , you may feel just as nervous on the big day as the couple getting married in anticipation of your speech. Public speaking is a nerve-wracking experience on its own, but when someone you’re extremely close to asks you to give a speech on what’s supposed to be the best day of their lives, the pressure is most certainly on. 

Unless you’re a standup comedian or an exceptionally gifted writer,  writing a wedding toast  can feel like a truly daunting task. If you can’t find the words to adequately express the emotions you felt watching these newlyweds get together, tie the knot, and eventually plan a future together, don’t sweat it—just borrow someone else’s. 

Incorporating famous  wedding toast quotes and sayings into your speech is a great trick to get the audience to laugh or tug at their heartstrings, which are both qualities of a memorable toast. Sure, you’ll also want to include a few personal anecdotes, but don’t feel the need to overdo it: The best wedding toasts are short, sweet, and make everyone in the room believe in true love.

If you’re not sure where to start with writing a wedding toast , we’re here to help. Get inspired with these 60 memorable wedding quotes for every speech. 

Classic Wedding Toast Quotes

• "There is only one happiness in life: To love and be loved." — George Sand
• "Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." — Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• "The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time." — Julia Child
• "Where there is love there is life." — Mahatma Gandhi
• "The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now." — Rick Warren
• "A  happy marriage  is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
• "There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage." — Martin Luther
• "Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead." — Oscar Wilde
• "The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." — Audrey Hepburn
• "When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too." — The Alchemist
• "You don't marry the person you can live with—you marry the person you can't live without." — Unknown
• "May this marriage be full of laughter, our every day in paradise." — Rumi

Funny Wedding Toast Quotes

• "It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." — Rita Rudner
• "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." — Benjamin Franklin
• "Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." — Phyllis Diller
• "May she share everything with her husband, including the housework." — Unknown Proverb
• "The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
• "Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" — Groucho Marx
• "By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." — Socrates
• "Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one." — Mae West
• "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
• "My husband and I have never considered divorce ... murder sometimes, but never divorce." — Dr. Joyce Brothers
• "Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
• "Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood

Romantic Wedding Toast Quotes

• "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." — Mignon McLaughlin
• "Grow old with me. The best is yet to be, the last of life for which the first was made." — Robert Browning
• " Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get—only with what you are expecting to give—which is everything." — Katharine Hepburn
• "In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine." — Maya Angelou
• "Being married is like having somebody permanently in your corner. It feels limitless, not limited." — Gloria Steinem
• "To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness." — Robert Brault
• "Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century." — Mark Twain
• "My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite." — Romeo and Juliet
• "You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." — Dr. Seuss

Famous Wedding Toast Quotes

• "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." — When Harry Met Sally
• "The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return." — Moulin Rouge
• "To me, you are perfect." — Love Actually
• "It’s like at that moment the whole universe existed just to bring us together." — Serendipity
• "Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy." — My Best Friend’s Wedding
• "True love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." — Wedding Crashers
• "I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone." — The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
• "It doesn’t matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other." — Good Will Hunting
• "May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life. And if you must cheat, then please cheat death. Because I couldn't live a day without you." — Leap Year
• "To love another person is to see the face of God." — Les Miserables
• "The heart’s not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in size the more you love." — Her

Religious Wedding Toast Quotes

• "Two are better than one." — Ecclesiastes 4:9
• "Through love serve one another." — Galatians 5:13 
• "I found the one whom my soul loves." — Song of Solomon 3:4
• "Follow the way of love." — I Corinthians 14:1
• "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." — Song of Solomon 8:7
• "Deep love is stronger than life." — Jewish Proverb
• "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." — 1 John 3:18
• "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." — Genesis 2:24
• "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." — Corinthians 13:4-5
• "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us." — 1 John 4:18-19
• "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." —Corinthians 13
• "Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs." —Proverbs 10:12
• "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." — 1 Corinthians 13:13
• "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." — Matthew 19:6
• "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good." — Romans 12:9
• "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." —Psalm 143:8

A Guide to Wedding Reception Toasts

• Who Gives a Speech at a Wedding Reception?
• How to Write a Wedding Toast
• Tips for the Father of the Bride Speech
• How to Write a Best Man Toast
• Advice for the Maid of Honor Speech
• What to Know About a Newlywed Toast
• Public Speaking Experts' Wedding Speech Tips
• currently on 60 Quotes to Use for Your Wedding Toast

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Funny Wedding Toasts

Funny wedding toasts are the perfect way to add a touch of humor to your wedding speech. A good toast can break the ice with a bit of laughter and put everyone at ease, while poking fun at the newlyweds in a loving way.

The following funny wedding toasts and examples are perfect for anyone raising a glass in honor of the new couple. You’ll find toasts for suitable for everyone, whether you’re a member of the wedding party or guests:

But beware, a poorly timed joke can fall flat, a tasteless remark can offend, and a poorly delivered anecdote can land with a thud. So, how does one successfully toast the matrimonial merriment?

Fear not, for we are here to guide you through the treacherous waters of wedding humor. With the following tips and examples, you’ll be crafting toasts that will have the newlyweds and guests rolling in the aisles.

How to give a funny wedding toast

Just follow these five simple steps to deliver a successful wedding toast to celebrate the newlyweds on their wedding day:

• Know your audience. What kind of jokes will they appreciate? Fun loving or a bit formal? Adjust your material accordingly.
• Keep it short and sweet. A well-placed zinger can have a much bigger impact than a rambling anecdote.
• Know your limits. There’s a fine line between funny and offensive. Don’t cross it. Avoid jokes that are mean-spirited or make light of sensitive topics.
• Practice makes perfect. Rehearse your toast beforehand to ensure a smooth and confident delivery.
• Most importantly, have fun! Loosen up and enjoy the moment. If you’re having fun, the audience will too.

Best funny wedding toasts from movies

1.) Marriage is like a tense, unfunny, version of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever. Knocked Up

2.) As Bill and Ted once said: Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes! Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

3.) I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is. Forrest Gump

4.) I love you. That’s why I make you miserable. Real Women Have Curves

5.) I love you even when you’re sick and look disgusting. Love Actually

More famous toasts and cheers from movies.

Short funny wedding toasts

1.) May your children be blessed with rich parents.

2.) Time to raise our glasses to the happy couple because I like both of you — do you have any idea how rare that is?

3.) Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. Remember: they also chose you. Cheers!

4.) Here’s to the new couple! May all your ups and downs come only in the bedroom.

5.) To the happy couple. May you share everything in live, especially the housework!

6.) Now let’s toast to the two secrets to a happy marriage. A good sense of humor and a short memory.

7.) To marriage — the only battle where, once a month, you sleep with the enemy.

8.) To love, laughter, happily ever after — and to these two beauties who paid for the free bar!

Video: 7 Easy Wedding Toasts

Witty wedding toasts.

1.) What do late nights, wild parties, and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those things from now on. But congratulations on your wedding!

2.) May your marriage be so solid it could last through being on a reality show.

3.) Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.

4.) Saying ‘I do’ at your wedding is like clicking ‘Accept’ any time something pops up on your computer screen: You do it despite having no idea what will come next. Congratulations on your marriage!

One-liners for wedding speech

1.) Getting married is easy! Sundays in Ikea are when it starts getting really tough.

2.) Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.

3.) You were married by a judge — you should have asked for a jury.

4.) Marry someone your own age because as your beauty fades, so will their eyesight.

5.) You two remind me of the classic couples. Romeo and Juliet. Homer and Marge. Gomez and Morticia.

6.) If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.

7.) Marry an archaeologist — they older you get, the more interested they become in you.

8.) Now for some advice from me. The secret to my happy marriage is dinner twice a week. My partner goes on Tuesdays and I go on Thursdays.

9.) Gosh, what an emotional day it’s been. Even the cake is in tiers!

10.) Marriage is a sacred bond between two people, and let me be clear… I said “sacred,” not “scared.”

11.) There’s only one way to have a happy marriage… and as soon as I learn it, I’ll get married again.

12.) We’re gathered here today to honor something that is so truly magical, special and wonderful. Of course I am talking about that cake!

13.) Marriage is a wonderful thing entered by two people. One who can’t sleep with the window shut, and the other who can’t sleep with it open.

14.) I don’t get all dressed up for just anyone, but when two people who are so in love tell me to put on my fancy clothes, this is what happens.

Closing lines

15.) I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: never stop laughing, even when the jokes are lame.

16.) And now for my final words of advice, if at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way (partner’s name) told you to do it.

17.) I’ll end this toast with my best advice — never go to bed mad. Instead, stay up and fight it out.

18.) They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but you two are so in love it astounds the entire universe.

19.) Congratulations to you three: (new couple’s names) and the big mound of debt you’ve incurred with this wedding reception.

20.) Remember: In life, there are only two tools anyone really needs in their toolbox — duct tape and WD40. Duct tape keeps things from moving when they shouldn’t, and WD40 gets things moving when they’re stuck.

Funny quotes for wedding toasts

1.) I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner

2.) Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. Henry Kissinger

3.) Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are. Will Ferrell

4.) The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Youngman

Quotes about love

5.) Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. George Burns

6.) True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part. Mindy Kaling

7.) All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles M. Schulz

8.) Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener. Pauline Thomason

9.) We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love. Dr. Seuss

Funny marriage advice quotes

10.) The secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf. Ruth Bader Ginsburg

11.) Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash. Dr. Joyce Brothers

12.) A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it. Unknown

13.) To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up. Ogden Nash

14.) The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. Anne Bancroft

15.) For marriage to be a success , every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. Catherine Zeta-Jones

16.) If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married. Unknown

We hope you’ve enjoyed reading these funny wedding toasts that they provide plenty of laughs to everyone at the reception.

Check out more helpful wedding lists here:

Wedding Blessings & Wishes

Best Wedding Songs

Marriage Quotes

By Greg Johnson | Published 11/21/2023

Greg Johnson is a website editor, writer, and content designer. For over 10 years, he has covered subjects like pop culture, music, sports, history, famous quotes, and kids jokes. He is co-founder and editor of ListCaboodle.

Wanderlust Quotes, Sayings

Mom Jokes For Kids

Laugh Out Loud! The Best Funny Wedding Quotes to Add to Your Big Day

by Antoinette Barajas

Are you looking for the perfect one-liner to add a bit of humor to your wedding speech or toast? Well, you’ve come to the right place! We’ve rounded up some of the funniest wedding quotes out there that will definitely have your guests in stitches.

From classic movie quotes to wise old sayings, these lighthearted and funny wedding quotes are sure to be a hit at your special day. Whether you’re looking for a funny quote to kick off your toast or something more sentimental and sweet, we’ve got you covered.

Let’s start with some romantic comedy classics: “Marriage is not about age; it’s about finding the right person.” -My Best Friend’s Wedding “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, alwys with the same person.” -Mignon McLaughlin “Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.” -Erich Segal

And now for some more modern takes on marriage: “Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.” -Anonymous “My husband and I have never considered divorce…murder sometimes, but never divorce.” -Rita Rudner “Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings…and lawyers.” -Richard Pryor

And last but not least, some classic words of wisdom: “The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of love and grace.” -Fawn Weaver “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” -Henny Youngman “A good marriage is like a casserole; only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.” -Anonymous

No matter what kind of humorous quote you choose to add to your wedding festivities, make sure it reflects both partners’ personalities and shares what makes them unique as individuals and as a couple. With these funny wedding quotes in hand, your guests will be laughing all night long!

Finding the Perfect Quote for a Wedding

A great quote for a wedding could be “The highest happiness on earth is the happiness of marriage”. This phrase emphasizes the joy and contentment that comes with committing to a life-long bond with someone you love. It also suggests that the couple should strive to make thir marriage a source of ever-growing happiness for one another. Another great quote could be “It doesn’t matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other.” This highlights the importance of finding someone who truly understands and respects one another, rather than just looking for outward perfection. Lastly, “True love stories never have endings” is an inspiring reminder that when two people come together in matrimony, their story will never truly end; instead it will continue to develop and grow over time.

Source: worldsbestweddingphotos.com

The Meaning of Marriage

A marriage caption is a short phrase or sentence that is used to descrie the couple’s union. It is usually written on the couple’s wedding invitation, website or social media account. Marriage captions are meant to capture the special moment of the union and express the couple’s love for each other. Captions can be as simple as “Just Married!” or they can be more elaborate such as “Two hearts, one love.” They can also incorporate humor with phrases like “He stole my heart so I’m taking his last name.” Whatever style you choose, a marriage caption should be meaningful and heartfelt.

Wedding Day Quotes to Inspire and Celebrate

Wedding day quotes can be a great way to express your love and devotion on such a special day. Quotes can add a personal touch to your vows, toasts, and other parts of the ceremony. They can also set the tone for the entire wedding day. When choosing wedding day quotes, it’s important to pick ones that reflect your relationship and values. Consider selecting quotes from meaningful books or poems, or use words that capture the emotion you want to convey. You can also find wedding day quotes online or in magazines. However, make sure that the quote accurately reflects your relationship and feelings before usig it on your big day!

Responding to a Question About Marriage

I appreciate your enthusiasm! Right now, my partner and I are enjoying the time we spend together and exploring our relationship. We don’t have any immediate plans to get married, but we’re always open to the possibility in the future. Thank you for your kind wishes!

The Meaning of Happy Couple Quotes

Happy couple quotes are statements or expressions that celebrate the joys of being in a relationship with someone special. They are often used as affirmations to reinforce positive feelings and express appreciation for each other. Examples of happy couple quotes include: “We fit together like two puzzle pieces,” “I can’t imagine a day without you,” and “You make my heart skip a beat.” Quotes like these emphasize the value of companionship and the beauty of finding someone who complements you in every way.

Source: brides.com

Creating the Perfect Wedding Vibes

Wedding vibes refer to the overall look, feel, and atmosphere of a wedding. They encompass all aspects of the day, from the venue and attire to the decor, color palette, and florals. Wedding vibes are determined by the couple’s personal style, as well as their preferences for different elements of the day.

When choosing a wedding vibe, couples should consier what kind of ambiance they want to create on their special day. Some popular wedding vibes include romantic garden-style weddings with lots of greenery and florals; rustic country-style weddings with woodsy accents; modern city-style weddings with sleek decor; classic elegance with timeless details; or whimsical fairy tale-inspired weddings with dreamy touches.

Once a wedding vibe is established, your vendors will be able to help bring it to life! From selecting the perfect venue that embraces your chosen style to creating unique floral arrangements that match your color palette, your vendors will be able to provide expert guidance in making sure your wedding day vision is properly executed.

The Benefits of Wedding Simple

A wedding is a special event that celebrates the union of two people in marriage. It is typically attended by family and friends, who witness the couple exchange vows and rings as a symbol of their commitment to each other. The ceremony can take place in a variety of settings, ranging from a church or synagogue to a beach or garden. Depending on the couple’s culture and beliefs, there may also be religious ceremonies or rituals incorporated into the wedding day. After the ceremony, guests often gather for a reception where food and dance are shared in celebration of the newlyweds.

Posting Wedding Photos

Posting wedding photos can be done in a variety of ways. One of the easiest methods is to post them on social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and Flickr. To do this, simply create an album on your chosen platform and upload the photos you wold like to share. Invite family and friends to view the album and you’re all set! For those who want more control over how their wedding photos are shared, creating their own website is an option. This will allow you to organize your photos into galleries and create custom text to accompany each image. Additionally, there are services like Shutterfly that will help you design custom photo books or collages for sharing with loved ones. Finally, if you want to make it easy for guests to share their own wedding photos, consider setting up a Wedding Photo Swap page or using a photo-sharing site like Cluster.

Wishing a Happy Wedding

Congratulations on your wedding day! May your special day be filled with joy and everlasting love. Wishing you both a lifetime of happiness, peace, and companionship. May your bond of marriage be strengthened by each passing year and may you continue to share the same enthusiasm for life that brought you together. Enjoy this remarkable moment and the many wonderful memories you are about to create together. Here’s to a beautiful beginning!

Source: boredpanda.com

The Meaning of Wedding Toast Quotes

Wedding toast quotes are words of wisdom, expressions of love, and heartfelt messages shared during wedding toasts. These meaningful words are oten used to express the couple’s appreciation for one another, their loved ones, and their future together. Common wedding toast quotes include classic sayings like “love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction” or “where there is love there is life.” They can also be personal messages from the couple expressing gratitude for those who have supported them throughout their relationship. Whether it’s an intimate gathering or a large celebration, these meaningful quotes celebrate the couple’s happy union.

Keys to a Happy Marriage: What Makes a Marriage Last?

Happy marriage quotes are often used to inspire couples and remind them of the importance of working toether to create a strong and successful relationship. A happy marriage is based on two people coming together, understanding each other’s differences, accepting them and learning to enjoy each other’s company. It is also important for couples to keep communication open, be honest with each other and make an effort to resolve issues before they become too big. Lastly, it is useful for both partners to put in effort into the marriage and not take it for granted by putting in time and energy into making it a successful union.

What Is the Optimal Age to Get Married?

The ideal age to get married with the least likelihood of divorce in the first five years is 28 to 32, according to marriage and family therapist Carrie Krawiec. This age range is often referred to as the “Goldilocks theory” because it’s considered not too old and not too young.

At this age, individuals tend to have more life experience, greater emotional maturity, and a beter understanding of what they want out of a relationship. They are also more likely to have a better financial situation and be better equipped for maintaining healthy relationships. Additionally, couples at this age may have had enough time to establish careers, invest in property, or work on other life goals before settling down.

Marriage is a big decision and should not be taken lightly. If you’re considering marriage at any age, it’s important to make sure you are on the same page as your partner about what you both want out of the relationship and how you plan on making it work in the long run.

Accepting a Marriage Proposal

When you say yes to marry your partner, it is a momentous occasion that should be celebrated. A simple and heartfelt “Yes!” or “Of course I’ll marry you!” is often all that is needed. However, if you want to make the moment even more special, you can add words of affirmation such as “I can’t believe this is happening” or “I’m so happy.” You can also match your partner’s body language and tone to show them that you really mean it. Saying yes to marriage is a big step and should be done with love and commitment.

Source: theamm.org

Announcing My Upcoming Marriage

I am getting married, or I am tying the knot. This phrase is used to express the commitment of two people to enter into a marriage contract and begin ther lives together as husband and wife. The phrase ‘tying the knot’ is an informal way of expressing this commitment, as is ‘taking the plunge’, which implies taking a leap of faith in committing to each other. Alternatively, one could metaphorically ‘walk down the aisle’ to signify the journey they are taking towards becoming married. In more casual vernacular, one could say they are ‘getting hitched’ or ‘getting spliced’. For a more old-fashioned expression one might say they are ‘plighting their troth’.

In conclusion, funny wedding quotes can offer a unique and humorous way to celebrate the big day. Whether you’re looking for a light-hearted joke or a heartfelt sentiment, funny wedding quotes are sure to make your guests smile. They’re also great for adding personality to your ceremony and reception, from funny vows to hilarious cake toppers. No matter how you choose to use them, funny wedding quotes will add an element of fun and joy to your special day that can’t be replicated.

Funny Wedding Speech Examples

Are you getting ready to give the best man or maid of honor speech at your best friend’s wedding reception? Bravo to you! Humor is frequently a fabulous addition to any toast, and we’d go as far as saying that funny wedding toasts, when done right, can put everybody in a great mood. The key is to remember to choose something relevant to your audience, reasonably age-appropriate, and not too abstract or otherwise over-the-top.

Everyone loves a hilarious wedding toast , and the goal is to engage the audience and to honor the couple. It is not the time to do your stand-up routine or embarrass the newlyweds! You want to make everyone chuckle, not wonder who Captain Inappropriate is.

That’s why we’ve pulled together wedding toast quotes we thought achieved both objectives perfectly.

Check out a few wedding toast quotes and speeches to inspire you and help make your toast memorable below!

FUNNY WEDDING TOAST QUOTES

• “Here’s to the bride – may she share everything with her husband…and that includes the housework.”
• “May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first.”
• “To the groom: Early in your marriage, you will find it difficult to get the last word in any discussion. With time, though, you will learn how to always get the last two words in every discussion — just make sure the words are ‘Yes dear.’”
• “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner.
• “By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”—Socrates.
• “Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”–Henry Kissinger.
• “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”–Henry Youngman.
• “I’m so glad we all had a night to rehearse getting drunk for the wedding reception.”
• “I hope you get so many wedding gifts that you don’t realize none are from me.”
• “Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.”
• “Two bits of advice to the new bride: One, tell your new husband that you have to have one night a week out with the girls, and, two, don’t waste that night with the girls.”
• “As you slide down the banister of life, may all the marital splinters be pointed in the right direction.”

FUNNY WEDDING SPEECH EXAMPLES

“For those that don’t know me, [Groom] and I go back all the way to middle school. This means we go back to a time when [Groom} looked more like Chunk from The Goonies and less like the suave man sitting before us tricking [Bride] into thinking that watching him do the Truffle Shuffle in the mirror isn’t in her near future.

[Groom] really is the best friend I could have ever asked for. Growing up, we lived across the street from each other, so he was always really more convenient than anything else. The fact that there was an inground pool in his backyard didn’t hurt the relationship either.

But now we sit here [x] years later, [Groom] has grown into a wonderful man, and he’s sure to be a wonderful husband to you [Bride]. As long as you can get past his infatuation with Teletubbies and the fact that he went as Tinky Wink for Halloween in the fourth grade, I think you’ll make it through anything!”

MAID OF HONOR

“Good evening, everyone! My name is [Maid of Honor]. For those that don’t know me, the bride and I go way back. In fact, we literally go all the way back to the sandbox. We met at the park one afternoon. She was drawn to my homemade mullet. I was drawn to the giant chocolate stain on her shirt. “That’s my kind of lady,” I thought. We’ve been best friends ever since.

[Bride] is the absolute best friend I could have ever asked for. She’s also quite the one-a-kind woman. She can burn a bowl of cereal, and she refuses to use a turn signal. She thought tuna was chicken until second grade because that’s what her mom kept telling her, so she’d eat a tuna salad sandwich on a snowflake roll with the family. I watched her debate it with our teacher. We had a lesson on the ocean and the kinds of fish and mammals that live there.  I’m still impressed to this day because eventually, Mr. Marshall threw up his white flag.

But look at her now. Besides the fact that she had the “Chicken of the Sea” debate far before Jessica Simpson, she’s grown into such a stunning, intelligent, and successful woman. [Groom], you’re a lucky, lucky fellow. She will devote the same love and commitment that I’ve felt from her over the years to you, and that is priceless.

Congratulations [Bride] & [Groom], I wish you infinite years of happiness.”

FUNNIEST SISTER OF THE BRIDE SPEECH EXAMPLE – RAP STYLE

This sister of the bride speech is so clever, funny, inspirational and full of love. It’s a sister of the bride speech rapped to Eminem’s song. You have to watch this hilarious sister of the bride toast.

FATHER OF THE BRIDE GIVES FUNNY SPEECH

The father of the bride speech typically makes wedding guests shed a few tears. But this father presented a toast that was heartfelt and funny. If you are looking for father of the bride speeches check this one out!

A FEW KEY WEDDING TOAST TIPS

• When preparing your wedding toast, think about your relationship with the bride or groom. Find a quiet place to write down your history: how you met, favorite memories, what you’ve been through. You’re pretty much guaranteed to find something sweet or funny to talk about.
• Remember to consider the bride and groom’s actual relationship. While your speech is going to mainly be about one of them, it’s still essential to talk about the new spouse.
• Humor is always a good thing. Making people laugh helps them relax, listen to what you’re saying, and like you! If you can, begin your speech with a funny story or joke, just remember to keep it PG!
• Be sincere! As maid of honor or best man, it can be tempting to “dig” at the happy couple, but keep in mind that this is an extraordinary day for them. While humor is important, it shouldn’t override making the couple feel special. Keep this in mind when choosing stories!
• Preparation is just as necessary as inspiration. Write down the entire thing or make notes, but no matter what, don’t wing the darn thing! That only works in movies–in real life, it can lead to disaster.
• Keep it short and sweet. Three minutes is generally ideal, and definitely don’t go longer than five!
• Say thanks. Thank whoever is hosting the occasion, whether it’s the parents, the couple, or someone else

Most of all, remember to relax and have a great time!

Emma Loves Weddings

Wedding Ideas and Planning Tips

Ceremony & Reception ▪ Events & Parties

82 Funny Wedding Quotes to Make You and Your Partner Laugh

These funny marriage phrases from famous authors and others will give you ideas for toasts, wedding vows, and even anniversary cards..

The newlyweds are toasted by their family and friends at the reception. We feel compelled to send the newlywed couple our best wishes and words after witnessing such a lovely union. While we like a romantic quote , it's possible to have too much of a good thing when it comes to sayings about marriage. Therefore, we believe that it is always a good idea to include some wed funny quotes. Use any of these humorous wedding phrases as inspiration for your card or guestbook comment and watch it stand out from the rest.

If you're the bride and groom, a member of the wedding party or just someone searching for some inspiration for your vows or the maid of honor speech you'll be giving, a little humor may go a long way toward reaching that ideal middle ground. It's a fantastic method to keep the audience engaged and develop your comic timing.

Famous Wed Funny Quotes about Marriage

Get ready to write the best wedding toast ever! Start out the process of writing your wedding wishes with a dash of comedy to lighten the mood. Here is a collection of wed funny quotes from famous and well-known people. These clever gems will make your greeting cards or guestbook entries the talk of the party.

“Marriage is like a roller coaster: the ups and downs are thrilling, but you might find yourself screaming at times.” — Ellen DeGeneres “Marry someone who can make you laugh in the middle of an argument. That's true love!” — Oprah Winfrey “Love is the same as like, except you feel sexier.”  — Judith Viorst “If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.” —  Sigmund Freud “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”  — Prince Phillip “What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” — Cindy Garner “An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.” — Booth Tarkington “No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!”  — Homer Simpson “One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’” — Michelle Obama “Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell “Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you.” — Chip Gaines “Love is the same as like, except you feel sexier.”  — Judith Viorst “A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.” — Frank Sinatra “Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner – just so they can have the last word.” — Janet Periat “I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”  — Rita Rudner “I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” — Cameron Esposito “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr  “In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” — Rita Rudner “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” — Benjamin Franklin Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”— Unknown “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck “A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short.” — André Maurois “When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” — Molly Mcgee “When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” — Helen Rowland Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?” — Dennis Miller “Marriage is like vitamins: We supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”  —   Anonymous “Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.”  —  Anonymous “Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you.” — Chip Gaines

Cute & Funny Marriage Quotes That Never Fail To Make Couples Smile

Create a toast to the happy couple using some cute and funny phrases and send it to your best friend who just tied the knot. We have highlighted all kinds of humorous quotations from unique to quirky to heartfelt!

29. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” —  Albert Einstein 30. “A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.” — Anonymous 31. “Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” — Ogden Nash 32. “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” —  Michel de Montaign 33. “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” —  Ogden Nash 34. “Webster's Dictionary defines wedding as ‘the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.' Well, you know something? I think you guys are two medals. Gold medals.” — The Office 35. “If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” — Miles Davis 36. “Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and woman gets her master’s degree.” —  Rama Kochhar 37. “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.” —  Eddie Cantor 38. “You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” —   Rey Woodman 39. “Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schultz 40. “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.” — Leo Tolstoy   41. “Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” —  Mickey Rooney 42. “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.” —  Albert Einstein 43. “An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.” —  Booth Tarkington 44. “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” —  Catherine Zeta-Jones  45. “Marriage is a workshop….. Where husband works and wife shops.” —  Anonymous 46. Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks? — Janet Periat

Funny Wedding Quotes About Wife

Any married person will tell you that a sense of humor and the ability to laugh with and occasionally at the person you love most are just as important as loyalty, love, patience, and respect in laying the foundations for a happy and lasting marriage. It may come as a surprise, but laughter may really strengthen a marriage. Like making us feel closer to our partner, lowering our stress levels, boosting our immune systems, and improving our mood. So, to get things started, grab your wife, get comfortable, and read some funny marriage quotes below.

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47. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” —  Rodney Dangerfield 48. “My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.” — Jack Benny 49. “When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” — Molly McGee 50.   “If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.” —  Sigmund Freud 51. “My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food. She goes on tuesdays, I go Fridays.” —  Henry Youngman 52. “If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” —  Sam Levenson  53. “My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.” — Lee Judge 54. “Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.” — Joginder Singh 55. “She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.” — St Elmo's Fire 56. “Look, you want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up, she's there. You come back from work, she's there. You fall asleep, she's there. You eat dinner, she's there. You know? I mean, I know that sounds like a bad thing, but it's not.” — Everybody Loves Raymond 57. “There are only three things women need in life: Food, water and compliments.” — Chris Rock 58. “In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.” —  Woody Allen 59. “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” — Winston Churchill 60. “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” — H.V. Prochnow 61. “I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” — Lyndon B. Johnson 62. “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” — Socrates

Funny Wedding Quotes About Husband

It's true that words can't always express how deeply we feel for those we love, but they can offer us great comfort and even laughter. If you're looking for some wed funny quotes or wedding anniversary quotes to share with your hubby, here's a great selection.

63. “The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.” —  Groucho Marx 64. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Anne Bancroft 65. I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is. — Forrest Gump 66. “What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.”  – Cindy Garner 67. “Behind every great man, there's a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey 68. “You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!” — Bill Maher 69. All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”— Red Skelton  70. “Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” — Jerry Seinfeld 71. “An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”  — Agatha Christie

Funny Wedding Wishes For Bride and Groom

You can't find the right words to express how delighted you are for them. If you find yourself in a situation where words fail you, these humorous best wishes for the bride and groom should help you out.

72. “Your life had something missing without your husband. But with them, now you are completely finished. Let’s celebrate!” 73. “On your wedding day, I would like to disclose the secret to a happy married life…well it is such a secret that no one knows it. Here’s wishing you both a very happy married life.” 74. Do not expect that your husband will change after marriage. You will have to guide him through the process. Happy wedding!” 75. “Congratulations! Now you're one – one bed, one remote, one bathroom! Congratulations on your union as life partners!” 76. “You are so excited to make your partner happy and loved always. Then you will find out that you did nothing but annoy each other instead. Congratulations! 77. “Before you got married, you were madly in love with each other. Now you will be be mad at each other as well.” 78. “Saying I do while getting married is like blindly clicking on the I Accept checkbox while installing new software in your computer. You do it despite having no clue of what will come next.” 79. “Well, now it’s the beginning of the end for you. No more beers, no more night out with the guys but at least you have a loving wife. Congrats!” 80. “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together – problems that never existed before you married. But since you’ve picked your problems, let’s celebrate. Cheers!” 81. “If you were dying to cook for someone your whole life, you could have just come to me. But anyway, wish you a happy married life ahead babe!” 82. “Your marriage today marks the end of your happy love story and marks the beginnings of your never-ending war. May the best player win.”

What are funny wedding quotes?

The purpose of funny wedding quotes is to inject some lightheartedness and humor into wedding ceremonies, speeches, cards, and messages by expressing hilarious and witty sentiments about marriage, love and relationships.

Why Funny Marriage Quotes are Special at Weddings?

Weddings are made even more memorable and enjoyable with the use of funny marriage quotes. Guests will feel more at ease and connected to one another and the celebration as a whole thanks to the healing power of laughter. These funny anecdotes from the married couple's journey are a testament to the care and work that goes into maintaining a happy and healthy partnership.

How can funny marriage quotes be used at weddings?

Wedding toasts, vows, invitations, cards, guest books, and photo captions are just some of the scenarios where funny marriage quotes can be used. They may also be used as wedding decorations or in wedding toasts to add a lighthearted atmosphere to the special day.

Can I add humor to my wedding hashtag using funny wedding quotes?

Yes! Incorporating humorous wedding quotes into your hashtag is a great way to make it more entertaining and memorable for your guests on social media.

Final Thoughts

These funny quotes for newly married couple are some of the best ways to wish your friends well on their new journey while also pulling their leg (like we always do) in a lighthearted way. After all, there are a lot of funny greetings for newly married couple, short wishes, quotes, and templates out there, and sometimes that's all we really need to put words to what we feel on the inside. These humorous wedding card quotes are sure to warm the couple's hearts as well as their minds. So, please do give it a try. So, bookmark these wed funny quotes for newlyweds and send them to your friends in a way that they will never forget. With these amusing quotations, you may make your wedding speech the best one ever.

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As friends, we have the privilege of sharing in the joy​ of our loved ones on their special​ day. One⁣ way ⁢to add⁢ some‍ extra charm ⁢and laughter to a wedding ⁣celebration is through the use of⁤ funny quotes. Whether it’s a lighthearted toast or a playful⁣ Instagram caption, a well-chosen wedding quote can‌ bring a smile to everyone’s ⁢face. In this article, we’ve compiled a selection of witty and humorous⁤ wedding‌ quotes that are perfect for friends to share on such an affectionate​ occasion. So, if you’re looking to‍ add a touch ⁣of humor and‌ warmth to your friend’s wedding, ⁣keep reading for some‍ delightful wedding quotes‌ that are sure to ⁣make‍ everyone chuckle.

Table of Contents

• Funny Wedding ⁢Quotes ⁤to Bring Laughter ⁣to Your Friends’ Big​ Day
• Choosing ‍the Perfect ‌Funny Wedding‍ Quote for Your Friends
• Inject ⁢Some ‍Humor into ⁣the Wedding Speech with These ⁤Funny Quotes
• How to ⁣Incorporate Funny ⁣Wedding Quotes into Your Toast for Friends
• Capturing ​the Joy of Friendship​ with Hilarious Wedding⁢ Quotes
• The Best Funny Quotes ‍to Share with Friends on⁤ Their Wedding Day
• Creating Memorable Moments ⁣with Hilarious Wedding Quotes for‍ Friends

The Way Forward

Funny wedding quotes to bring laughter to​ your ‍friends’ big day.

Weddings are a⁢ time of joy, love, and celebration, but that doesn’t​ mean the atmosphere can’t ‍be lightened up with a good ​laugh. Whether you’re writing a toast, ‍a card, or just ​want to inject some‌ humor into the big ‌day, funny wedding ⁤quotes can be the perfect⁣ way​ to bring laughter to your friends’ special occasion. From well-known comedians to anonymous​ sources, there is no shortage of hilarious ⁤and⁢ heartwarming quotes to ​add a‍ touch of humor to any wedding.

One famous quote that’s sure to⁣ bring a smile ‌to everyone’s face is, “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, ⁤always with ​the same person.” This lighthearted quote​ by Mignon McLaughlin captures the essence of enduring ‌love and‍ the humor that comes with it. ⁤Another chuckle-worthy gem is, “Marriage is a wonderful​ institution, but who wants ⁢to‌ live in an institution?” This quote by Groucho‍ Marx is a playful reminder‍ that being married⁢ doesn’t mean losing ‌your sense of humor.

If ⁤you’re looking for a quote to use in a wedding toast,⁢ consider‌ using, “Marriage is like a deck of cards.⁤ In ⁤the beginning, ​all⁤ you need is two hearts and a ‍diamond. By⁤ the end, you wish you had a ​club and a spade.” This funny and ​relatable quote⁢ by unknown perfectly captures the ups and downs of​ marriage in a ​light and humorous way. No matter what the couple’s sense of humor may be, there’s ⁣a funny ​wedding quote out there⁢ to ⁢suit their personalities and bring laughter ‌to their big day.

Choosing the Perfect⁤ Funny Wedding Quote for Your Friends

When ‍it comes to ⁣your friend’s wedding, finding the perfect funny wedding quote⁤ is a great way to ⁢add some‌ humor⁢ and lightheartedness ⁣to their special day. Whether you want to include a funny quote ⁣in your ​wedding‍ speech, on a card, or ‍as part ⁣of a wedding gift, there are plenty of hilarious and touching options to choose from.

One great option is a ⁣quote from famous comedians or ⁤movies that your ‍friend loves. Quotes from movies ‌like “The Princess Bride” or TV ‌shows⁢ like “The Office” ​can add a unique and personalized touch to your wedding message. Alternatively, you can choose⁣ a more traditional⁤ wedding quote and add a funny twist to ⁣it, making it⁤ both sentimental and ⁤humorous. No matter‌ which route you choose, adding ⁢a funny wedding quote to your friend’s special day will surely bring laughter and joy to everyone involved.

Finally, consider ⁢the couple’s personalities when choosing⁣ a funny wedding quote. Whether they love⁤ puns, sarcasm, ⁢or slapstick humor, you can find a quote that ‌perfectly matches their style and will bring a ‌smile to their faces.⁣ Ultimately, the perfect‍ funny wedding quote for your friends is the one⁢ that brings a genuine⁤ and‍ heartfelt laugh to their wedding day,‍ making it a memory that they will cherish forever.

Inject Some Humor into the Wedding Speech⁢ with These Funny⁣ Quotes

Weddings are a time​ for laughter, joy, and love. Adding a touch of humor to your wedding speech can lighten the mood and create happy memories for ⁢years to​ come. Whether you’re the best man, ‍maid of honor, or‌ a⁢ close ​friend of⁤ the⁤ bride⁤ or groom,⁣ injecting some funny quotes ⁤into your speech ⁤is sure‍ to get ​some laughs from the crowd. Here are some funny ⁢wedding ⁢quotes to⁣ help you spread the joy on your friend’s ⁢special day.

1. **”A good marriage is like a casserole, ​only those responsible for it really⁢ know what goes into it.”​ – Unknown** 2. **”Marriage is a workshop where the husband⁢ works and the wife shops.” -​ Unknown** 3. **”Marriage lets you​ annoy one ⁣special person for ⁤the rest of your life.” ⁣- Unknown** 4. **”Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on ⁢X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns** 5. **”The ​best way to get most husbands to ⁢do something is‌ to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” -‍ Ann Bancroft**

Adding these humorous quotes to your wedding speech⁢ can add a lighthearted touch to the occasion. Remember ⁣to personalize your speech and choose quotes that⁢ reflect the ‌personality and humor of the bride and groom.‍ Whether you’re aiming for a giggle or⁤ a belly‍ laugh, these ‌funny quotes ‌are sure to⁢ add‌ a ⁤memorable and⁤ light-hearted touch⁣ to the wedding ‍festivities.

How to Incorporate⁤ Funny ‌Wedding ​Quotes into ⁣Your Toast⁣ for Friends

Are you tasked with giving a toast at your friend’s wedding and are⁤ looking⁢ for ways to incorporate some humor into your speech? Funny wedding ‍quotes can be the perfect addition to⁣ your ​toast, adding a touch of lightheartedness and laughter to the special occasion. Here’s how to⁤ seamlessly incorporate funny wedding quotes into ‍your toast ‌for friends.

First, ​think about the ⁢personality of the couple and select quotes that align with their sense of humor. Whether they enjoy‍ slapstick comedy or dry wit, tailor ​your quotes to their tastes. Consider ⁢inside jokes‌ or​ shared experiences that you can ⁢playfully reference within the quotes to make them even more meaningful and⁤ funny for the ‍couple and​ guests.

Next, ⁣timing is ⁤key. Plan your delivery of the quotes strategically throughout your toast to keep the audience engaged and entertained. You can start⁢ with a​ funny⁣ quote​ to​ break ​the ​ice ⁢and set the tone for the rest ⁣of your⁣ speech. Then, sprinkle ‌in a few more quotes at points where they naturally fit ⁢within the flow of ⁤your toast. **Remember to maintain ‌a good balance of humor and sentimentality to ensure your⁣ toast is both funny and touching.** ‍With ‌these​ tips in mind, you’ll​ be able to incorporate funny wedding quotes into your toast for friends⁢ with ease, leaving ​everyone in stitches and​ making it a memorable part⁢ of their special​ day.

Capturing the Joy of Friendship‌ with Hilarious Wedding Quotes

Weddings are a celebration of love, ⁣and what​ better way to capture the joy​ of friendship than with hilarious wedding quotes? Whether​ you’re giving a speech as the best man or⁤ maid of honor, or you simply want to​ add some humor to your‍ wedding card message, funny ‌quotes are a great way ‌to lighten the mood and bring a smile to everyone’s faces. Here‍ are some side-splitting quotes ‍that are perfect ​for celebrating the special bond ‍of friendship on your friends’ big day:

• “A good⁢ friend knows all your best stories. A⁣ best friend ​has​ lived them with you⁢ – at your wedding!”
• “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is ​two hearts and a diamond.​ By the ‌end, you wish‌ you had a‌ club and a spade!”
• “To⁤ keep your marriage ⁣brimming, ​with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong – admit it; whenever you’re right –‍ shut up!”

Every wedding⁢ needs a good laugh, and these funny quotes are sure to bring ‍some lighthearted humor to the festivities.⁤ Whether you’re the one getting married or you’re there to support your friends​ on ‌their big day, these quotes are the perfect addition to any wedding celebration!

The ‌Best Funny Quotes to Share with Friends on Their Wedding Day

Are you attending‍ your friend’s⁤ wedding and ⁣looking for the perfect way to lighten⁢ the ‌mood? Look no⁤ further! We’ve compiled a​ list of the best funny ‍quotes to share with your friends on‍ their special day. These hilarious quotes are sure to ​make the happy couple smile and add a touch of humor to‍ their wedding celebration.

Without further ado, here are some ⁣of the ⁣best⁢ funny quotes⁤ to share with your friends on⁢ their wedding ‍day: – “A successful marriage‍ requires ⁢falling in love many​ times, always with the​ same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin – “Marriage is a ⁤wonderful institution, but who wants to​ live in an institution?” ⁢– Groucho Marx – “Being married is like having a best friend who doesn’t remember anything you say.” – Anonymous – ‍”Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.” – Anonymous

Feel free to share these quotes with your friends⁣ on their wedding day⁢ to bring a smile to their faces. These funny and lighthearted quotes are a great‍ way to⁢ show your support and ⁢celebrate their special day​ in a memorable way. After‌ all, laughter is the ‌best medicine, and what better time to ‌spread joy than at ‌a wedding

Creating Memorable Moments⁣ with Hilarious Wedding Quotes‍ for Friends

Are you⁣ looking for the perfect way to add some laughter‌ and joy to your ⁢friend’s⁢ wedding ⁤day? ‌Look no further than these hilarious wedding quotes that are sure to ​create unforgettable ⁢moments. Whether you’re giving ⁢a toast, writing‌ a​ card,⁣ or just want to‌ make the couple smile, these funny quotes are the ideal way‌ to add a touch of​ humor to ⁢the special day.

**”Marriage is a⁣ workshop… where the husband⁢ works and the wife shops!”** This quote is ⁢perfect for adding a‌ bit of‍ humor to any wedding speech​ or card. ⁢It’s sure to get a chuckle from the newlyweds and their guests, and it’s a ⁣lighthearted way to celebrate the ⁤joy of marriage.

**”A​ good marriage is one where⁢ each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.”** This quote is a great way to⁢ add a touch of‌ humor ⁢to‌ your friend’s wedding day. It’s a lighthearted reminder that marriage ​is all about love, laughter, and supporting each‌ other through thick ⁤and ‌thin.

Whether you’re‍ looking for ⁣the perfect quote to ⁤include in your wedding toast, card, or just want to bring some joy to your friend’s special day, these hilarious wedding quotes are sure to create memorable moments that the couple will cherish for years to come.

Q: Why include funny quotes in a wedding speech for ⁤a friend? A: Adding ⁣some humor to a wedding speech can help ease the⁣ tension⁣ and make the ‍moment more enjoyable for everyone. It also shows your close bond with the couple and ​can create lasting memories.

Q: What are some lighthearted quotes ​to include in ⁤a wedding speech for friends? A: “Marriage lets you annoy one ⁣special person ⁣for the rest ⁣of your life.”‍ -Unknown

Q: ​How do I ​know if a funny quote ‌is appropriate⁤ for ⁢the occasion? A: Consider the couple’s personalities and your relationship with them. Choose a quote that is light-hearted and uplifting, and ⁣make sure it aligns with the overall tone‌ of⁤ the ⁣wedding.

Q: Can funny quotes be used during ⁣the wedding ceremony itself? A: It’s best to save the funny quotes for the ⁣reception or speeches,‌ where ‌they can be​ more​ fitting. The wedding ceremony itself is typically ​a more solemn and sacred ⁤occasion.

Q: Are there any ‍cultural or religious considerations ⁣to keep in ‍mind when using funny quotes at⁤ a wedding? A: Yes, it’s important to be mindful​ of the ‍couple’s backgrounds ⁣and beliefs. Some cultures and religions may have different ⁢customs and expectations ‍for wedding speeches, so it’s best to err⁤ on the side of caution.

In conclusion, adding a touch of humor​ to your wedding speeches and toasts can bring joy and laughter to the celebration. Whether⁢ you ⁢choose‌ a funny wedding quote ​or come up with ⁤your own lighthearted words, sharing some humor with ⁣your friends on their special day ⁢can create unforgettable memories. So, don’t ⁣be afraid to add⁣ a bit of laughter to ​the‌ mix‍ and ⁤celebrate the love and joy of the occasion with some funny wedding quotes for⁤ friends. After all, a wedding is a time for love, laughter, and ⁢ creating beautiful memories that will⁣ last a lifetime. Cheers to the happy couple!

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30 Funny Opening Lines for Wedding Speeches

Handy one-liners to make the guests lol.

If you've read our post on how to make a great best man speech , you'll know that we recommend starting with a joke , and here, we're sharing 30 foolproof examples of funny opening lines for wedding speeches! The beauty of this list is that it works for any wedding speech, whether you're a groom , bride, best man , bridesmaid , groomsman, bridesman, groomsmaid, father of the bride, father of the groom, mother of the bride, mother of the groom, granny or grandad, or just a close pal with a knack for public speaking!

Boasting everything from eye roll-worthy classics to offbeat gags, our round-up of funny opening lines for wedding speeches is sure to have something to suit your personal style, and many of them can be customised to pack an even bigger punch on the day. Kick off with one of these gems, and you'll not only put the audience at ease, you'll set yourself up for a terrific wedding speech!

Note: [Name] can indicate yourself, the bride/groom, the couple as a whole, or another member of the bridal party!

1. “Gosh, what an emotional day it’s been. Even the cake is in tiers!”

2. “Hi everyone! I’m [Name] and it’s time for me to give the speech I frantically scribbled down 15 minutes ago!”

3. "The couple have requested that I don't share any embarrassing stories... so that's it from me! Thanks for listening!"

4. "[Name], I love you so much, and I really hope you'll feel the same about me after you hear my speech."

5. "I just want to start by congratulating [previous speaker's Name] on their wonderful speech. I always knew it would be hard to follow and I was right, I couldn't follow a word of it."

6. "The couple actually had a bit of trouble finding someone to make a speech today. They started by asking their funniest friend, and they said no. Then they asked their most charming friend, and they said no. After that, they asked their best-looking friend and, again, they said no. Then they asked me, and, after already turning them down three times, I couldn't refuse again."

7. "Ladies and gentlemen, today we witnessed a unique event in history - it's the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!"

8. "[Name] and I share the same sense of humour, so if you don't like my jokes, you can blame them!"

9. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to celebrate something truly magical. Something so rare and fortuitous and wonderful that it simply must be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the open bar/donut wall/photo booth/[Name] wearing a tie ."

10. "Where do I start with [Name]? They're kind, intelligent, gorgeous, charming... [directed at them] sorry, I'm having trouble reading your writing, you'll have to tell me the rest later."

11. "I think we can all agree that it's been a fantastic day. But unfortunately that ends right here with my speech."

12. "Loyal. Kind. Honest. Generous... That's enough about me, I'm here to talk about [Name]!"

13. "I'd like to begin my speech by giving the happy couple some relationship advice, but unfortunately I'm single and spend most of my time trying to coax my cat into little outfits/browsing Doctor Who fan sites/playing Rock Paper Scissors with Alexa."

14. "A few months ago, [Name] called me up and asked, 'What are your feelings on marriage?' I had to tell them that, while I was very flattered, I wasn't ready to settle down just yet."

15. "Can everyone hear me OK? If you can't hear me in the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you're not missing anything."

16. "Hello everyone! I'm [Name]. I'm sure you all know me as (Name's best friend/sister/mum/dad), but if you don't, well done on sneaking into the wedding unnoticed!"

17. "Before I begin, I must explain that, this morning, [Name] asked me to remove anything resembling innuendo from my speech. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to go through it again, but if I come across anything risqué, I'll whip it out immediately."

18. "[Name] knows that I'm a bit nervous about this speech, and they gave me some great advice. They said 'Don't try to be too charming, witty or intellectual... just be yourself!'"

19. "All of us gathered together in this room, we've got something really important in common - none of us have got a clue what I'm going to say next!"

20. "I was told that the secret to a good speech is to start with something that's relevant to everyone in the audience. So here it goes - all of your cars have been stolen."

21. "I want to start by saying that, of all the weddings I've attended over the years, this one is, by far, the most recent."

22. "I'd like to start by congratulating [Name] on their excellent taste... in speakers."

23. "Before we start, can everybody do me a favour and get up off their seats? Now can everyone take one step backward, please? Now can everyone move one step to the right? And now can everyone move one step left? Thank you. Someone told me that the key to giving a good speech was to move people, but I think they must have been having me on, because this is going terribly!"

24. "I'm so happy to be overseeing the only five minutes of today that [bride or groom's Name] didn't plan. Only joking, they went over my speech with me at the bar half an hour ago. [Pulls extra page out of pocket] But I did manage to hide one page!"

25. Guys, before I start, just some housekeeping notes, the venue has asked that you don't stand on any of the chairs and tables for my standing ovation."

26 . I sincerely hope that each day of [Insert names] marriage is better than the the one before, the only thing is that also means they'll look back on today, their wedding day, and say that it was the worst day of their lives.

27. I’ve been worried about giving this speech for a while now. You'll be glad to hear, that last night I slept like a baby. I woke up every two hours, bawling my eyes out.

28. Please keep clapping and cheering to a minimum. I’m terribly hungover. I know, you shouldn’t drink the night before a wedding, but I couldn’t very well let the groom/bride drink alone, could I?

29. Just some last messages here to read out: one from [NAME’S] football team for [PARTNER] " Apologies we couldn’t all be there today, good luck with [NAME], we found him/her to be useless in most positions, but wishing you all the best for tonight ."

30. Before I start ladies and gentlemen, let us observe a few moments of silence in memory of the 3,000 prawns, 250 chickens, and the many, many carnations, roses and wedding coordinators who selflessly gave their lives to make this wedding celebration possible.

Loved these opening lines for wedding speeches? We also have a handy checklist of people you need to remember to thank !

Image credits

Marc lawson photography, via one fab day, see more in:.

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50 Great Quotes for Wedding Toasts--That Your Audience (Probably) Hasn't Already Heard

Here are great quotes that can pump up your speech..

Leaders often find themselves having to speak in public, and even the best public speakers can find it a challenge to pull out something new to say. With summer bringing wedding season, chances rise that you'll need to--or want to--make a toast or speech at someone's nuptials.

Whether you want to address love or marriage with warmth, or maybe a bit of humor, here are 50 quotes to use as a clever addition or the springboard for something more.  

1. "It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy--it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others." -- Jane Austen, " Sense and Sensibility "  

2. "Whenever we manage to love without expectations, calculations, negotiations, we are indeed in heaven."

-- Rumi  

3. "I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the window open."

-- Ogden Nash, " I do, I will, I have "  

4. "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

-- Lao Tzu  

5. "I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close."

-- Pablo Neruda, " One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII "  

6. "In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine."

-- Maya Angelou  

7. "Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It's a choice."

-- Fawn Weaver, " Happy Wives Club "  

8. " Nothing good ever comes of love. What comes of love is always something better"

-- Roberto Bolaño, " Amulet "  

9. "In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all."

-- Anne Sophie Swetchine  

10. "Matrimony is a process by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had."

-- Francis Rodman  

11. "Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single."

-- Anonymous  

12. "A perfect marriage is one in which 'I'm sorry' is said just often enough."

-- Mignon McLaughlin, " The Neurotic's Notebook "  

13. "A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished."

-- Zsa Zsa Gabor, Newsweek  

14. "Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage."

-- Sydney J. Harris   

15. "That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting husband and wife is like the first moment of rest or refuge from a great weariness or a great danger."

-- George Eliot, " Silas Marner "  

16. "You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear."

-- Oscar Wilde  

17. "You don't love someone because they're perfect; you love them in spite of the fact that they're not."

-- Jodi Picoult, " My Sister's Keeper "  

18. "I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me."

-- Roy Croft, " Love "  

19. "Love doesn't make the world go round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile."

-- Franklin P. Jones  

20. "They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for."

-- Tom Bodett   

21. "Romance is the glamor which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze."

-- Elinor Glyn   

22. "What is Love? I have met in the streets a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, the water passed through his shoes and the stars through his soul."

-- Victor Hugo, " Les Miserables "  

23. "I love and am loved, fully and freely, nothing expected, more than enough received."

-- Amy Tan, " The Hundred Secret Senses "  

24. "For true love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have. And if you go to draw at the true fountainhead, the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow."

-- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry  

25. "Love is blind despite the world's attempt to give it eyes."

-- Matshona Dhliwayo  

26. "The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make, not just on your wedding day, but over and over again, and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife."

-- Barbara de Angelis, " Are You The One For Me? "   

27. "I love and am loved, fully and freely, nothing expected, more than enough received."

28. "The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep."

-- A. P. Herbert  

29. "And when will there be an end of marrying? I suppose, when there is an end of living!"

-- Tertullian, "Treatises on Marriage and Remarriage: To His Wife : An Exhortation to Chastity: Monogamy"  

30. "When the one man loves the one woman and the one woman loves the one man, the very angels desert heaven and come and sit in that house and sing for joy."

-- "Brahma Sutras"  

31. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?"

-- George Carlin  

32. "Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."

-- James Baldwin, "In Search of a Majority"  

33. "Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage--they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

-- Rita Rudner  

34. "Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a love, everyone becomes a poet." [[This quote is thought to not actually have been said by Plato. Actual quote: "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet."]]

-- Anonymous

35. "You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person who you cannot live without."

-- Aleatha Romig, "Consequences"  

36. "We love because it's the only true adventure."

-- Nikki Giovanni, "Love: Is a Human Condition"  

37. "Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place."

-- Zora Neale Hurston  

38. "Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century."

-- Mark Twain, "Mark Twain's Notebook"  

39. "There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship."

-- Iris Murdoch, "A Severed Head"  

40. "Marriage must constantly fight against a monster which devours everything: routine."

-- Honoré de Balzac, "The Physiology of Marriage"  

41. "Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses."

-- Ann Landers  

42. "I first learned the concept of non-violence in my marriage."

-- Mohandas "Mahatma" Gandhi  

43. "There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first."

-- Adela Rogers St. Johns  

44. "Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around."

-- Bob Marley  

45. "Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new."

-- Ursula K. Le Guin, "The Lathe of Heaven"  

46. "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind. And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."

-- William Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream"  

47. "Don't ever think I fell for you or fell over you. I didn't fall in love, I rose in it."

-- Toni Morrison, "Jazz"  

48. "Let men tremble to win the hand of woman, unless they win along with it the utmost passion of her heart!"

-- Nathaniel Hawthorne, "The Scarlet Letter"  

49. "Love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the beginning."

-- Esther Perel, "Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic"  

50. "In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic; a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts; an enabler rather than a reformer."

-- H. Norman Wright

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• Bridal Shower
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In This Article

• Traditional Script
• Non-Religious Script
• Short Script
• Casual Script
• Simple Script
• Best Officiant Speech
• Ring Exchange Wording
• Funny Wedding Vows
• How to Add Humor into the Script
• Wedding Party & Reception

Funny Wedding Ceremony Script Samples For Perfect Ceremony

kreativwedding via Instagram

A funny wedding ceremony script can turn your day into one that is so unforgettable. Yet the problem lies in creating the perfect funny wedding script without resorting to dark humor. The regular traditional and religious wedding script has a skeleton that serves as guidelines. But for the funny script, it gets creative from the wedding officiant speech, and down to close. So, for your simple wedding ceremony of all types, see below funny wedding script ideas.

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Is it common to include humor in a wedding ceremony script?

Absolutely! The Paris Celebrants recomends, “For our fun-loving couples seeking a more light-hearted touch, infusing humor into the ceremony script adds a delightful and personal element. This lighthearted approach is a charming way to celebrate love with laughter, creating memorable moments that resonate with the couple’s playful spirit. Whether it’s humorous anecdotes, witty or clever remarks woven into the script, the aim is to craft a ceremony that reflects the couple’s unique sense of joy and camaraderie. It’s a wonderful opportunity to blend the sincerity of the occasion with a touch of levity, creating an unforgettable and joy-filled experience for everyone involved.”

Funny Marriage Ceremony Script For Traditional Wedding

“ Officiant: Everyone please sit. First, I’d like to begin by welcoming everyone and thanking every one of you for being here on this happiest of days. It’s no accident that each of you is here today, and each of you was invited to be here because you represent someone important in the individual and collective lives of NAME and NAME. I truly can’t think of a better venue than _________ [“paradise” for a destination wedding, “this beautiful church” for a more religious affair, etc.] for an occasion that I know is not only monumental for the wedded couple to be but for all of us who are lucky to know and love them as individuals; but even more so as a perfect pairing.

The most remarkable moment in life is when you meet the person who makes you feel complete. The person who makes the world a beautiful and magical place. The person with whom you share a bond so special that it transcends normal relationships and becomes something so pure and so wonderful, that you can’t imagine spending another day of your life without them. For NAME, that happened about 20 years ago when s/he met me and we became best friends [add some humor if your officiant is a friend]. But about X years ago s/he met NAME, who is pretty wonderful, too. I know how deeply these two care for and love one another, and I feel privileged to be here today among all of you as a witness of their commitment to a lifetime of love for one another.

I think I’ve had the good fortune to meet most of you here today at some point or another, but for those of you whom I haven’t met, my name is [short biographical info about how the officiant knows the couple].”

The Love Story

“ Officiant: Now, NAME and NAME have asked that I keep this speech short, classy, and family-friendly, and politely asked me to leave out stories that are unflattering to either of them. So I’ve had to redline stories about previous flings…drugs or alcohol…encounters with the police…but I do feel comfortable saying, “I told you so.” This is exactly what I said when I learned that NAME and NAME’s relationship was becoming truly serious.

As a third-party spectator to their developing love, it was extremely clear that the two of them represent a perfect pairing because each of them complements the other so well. They balance one another, and while each of them is a tremendous individual on their own, together they are even better. And being better together, as a team, a unit, and partners in crime, is what has been many years in the making and ultimately leads us to be here today, witnessing their commitment to one another in front of those they love most.

I wish I could tell you a single story about NAME and NAME that summarizes their relationship and how they enrich each other’s lives, and the lives of each of us, but the truth is there isn’t one single event that is a good encapsulation of what they mean to me, to each other and all of us. But what I do know is that both of them care deeply and passionately for each other; they protect each other; they make each other laugh and think outside themselves; that time magically seems to both fly and slow down when they’re together. They help each other in ways that are obvious and unnoticed but always appreciated.

I also know that it’s not just anyone with whom you can have communication with simply a look, or remember the weirdest names of each other’s lift drivers, or surprise each other with reservations at a restaurant you’ve been eyeing for years, or say “I’m sorry” every time it’s warranted (…eventually). They do that for and with each other.

But it’s also my personal experiences with NAME and NAME that highlight the quality of their love. It doesn’t matter if I’m with them in person, or simply in a bizarre group text with them—when I’m engaging with NAME and NAME, I am always enjoying myself. And I am certain that that’s part of what makes them so special to each of us: how happy and contented we feel when we are with them. And what I wish for them on their wedding day is that their life together as a team is one of complete contentment; full of those moments that they wish would never end, and that they continue to make one another smile and laugh as they make each of us do.”

“Dearly beloved and honored guests: We are gathered together here to join NAME and NAME in the union of marriage. This contract is not to be entered into lightly, but thoughtfully and seriously, and with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities. The grooms/brides/bride and groom have each prepared vows that they will read now.”

[Exchanging of vows]

“ Officiant: And now: NAME, do you take NAME to be your husband/wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him/her, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him/her forevermore? [“I do.”] And NAME, do you take NAME to be your husband/wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him/her, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him/her forevermore? [“I do.”] “

“ Officiant: NAME and NAME will now exchange rings as a symbol of love and commitment to each other. Rings are a precious metal; they are also made precious by you wearing them. Your wedding rings are special; they enhance who you are. They mark the beginning of your long journey together. Your wedding ring is a circle—a symbol of love never-ending. It is the seal of the vows you have just taken to love each other without end. NAME, please place the ring on NAME’s left hand and repeat after me:

As a sign of my love

That I have chosen you

Above all else

With this ring, I thee wed.

And NAME, please place the ring on NAME’s left hand and repeat after me:

With this ring, I thee wed.”

The Good Wishes

“ Officiant: To make your relationship work will take love. Continue to date each other. Take time to show each other that your love and marriage grow stronger with time. It will take trust to know that in your hearts, you truly want what is best for each other. It will take dedication to stay open to one another—and to learn and grow together. It will take loyalty to go forward together, without knowing exactly what the future brings. And it will take commitment to hold true to the journey you have both pledged today.”

The Declaration of Marriage / The Kiss

“ Officiant: And now by the power vested in me by _______________, it is my honor and delight to declare you married. Go forth and live each day to the fullest. You may seal this declaration with a kiss. I am so pleased to present the newlyweds, NAMES.”

The twist to a traditional wedding ceremony script is the infusion of humor that’s decent and relatable. The traditional wedding ceremony script template is well maintained. But also laced with decent humor. Such a comedic wedding ceremony script calms the nerves of guests and lightens the atmosphere. This is a wedding ceremony script that has been for ages, but with a twist. You could make the vows or ring exchange wording funny.

Wedding Ceremony Script For A Non-Religious Ceremony

“We are gathered here today to celebrate one of life’s greatest moments, the joining of two hearts. In this ceremony today we will witness the joining GROOM/BRIDE and GROOM/BRIDE in marriage. Today we have come together to witness the joining of these two lives. For them, out of the routine of ordinary life, the extraordinary has happened. They met each other, fell in love, and are finalizing it with their wedding today. Romance is fun, but true love is something far more and it is their desire to love each other for life and that is what we are celebrating here today. But today is also a celebration for the rest of us, for it is a pleasure for us to see the love in bloom, and to participate in the union of two people so delightfully suited to one another. And to have a couple of cocktails in the process. So let’s get on with it already!”

Words of Wisdom

“A good marriage must be created. In marriage, the “little” things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say, “I love you” at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is standing together and facing the world. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is not only marrying the right person — it is being the right partner”

“Face each other and hold hands (repeat after me) I, GROOM/BRIDE take you GROOM/BRIDE to be my husband/wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever. I will trust you and honor you I will laugh with you and cry with you. I will love you faithfully Through the best and the worst, Through the difficult and the easy. Whatever may come I will always be there. As I have given you my hand to hold So I give you my life to keep

GROOM/BRIDE AND GROOM/BRIDE I would ask that you always treat yourself and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together today.

Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness, and kindness that your marriage deserves. When frustration and difficulty assail your marriage – as they do to every relationship at one time or another – focus on what still seems right between you, not only the part that seems wrong. This way, when clouds of trouble hide the sun in your lives and you lose sight of it for a moment, you can remember that the sun is still there. And if each of you will take responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and happiness.”

I Do’s

“GROOM/BRIDE do you take GROOM/BRIDE to be your awful wedded Husband/Wife? (“I do”) Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him/her, and be faithful to him/her? (“I do”) Do you promise to take out the trash and pick up your clothes off the floor? (“I do”) And do you promise to love him/her even when he/she is cranky (“I do”)

GROOM/BRIDE do you take GROOM/BRIDE to be your awful wedded Husband/Wife? (“I do”) Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him/her, and be faithful to him/her? (“I do”) Do you promise not to whine at him/her when he/she forgets to take out the trash or pick up his clothes from the floor? (“I do”) And do you promise to love him/her after he/she has been out all night with the boys/girls? (“I do”)”

Ring Exchange (who has the rings) (repeat after me)

“There are 3 rings of marriage. The wedding ring, The Engagement ring, and the suffering. We hope the latter can be held to a minimum. I GROOM/BRIDE, take thee, GROOM/BRIDE to be my Husband/Wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, in joy and sorrow, and I promise My love to you. And with this ring, I take you as my Husband/Wife, for as long as we both shall live.”

Closing Comments

“To make your relationship work will take love. This is the core of your marriage and why you are here today. It will take trust, to know, that in your hearts, you truly want what is best for each other. It will take dedication, to stay open to one another – and to learn and grow together. It will take faith, to go forward together, without knowing exactly what the future brings. And it will take commitment, to hold true to the journey you both have pledged to today. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you . . . . . .”

“You may kiss your HUSBAND/WIFE. I would like to introduce the happy couple.”

A humorous wedding ceremony script that’s non-tradition gives you the opportunity to show your personality. The humor goes as far as you can take it because the script becomes flexible. This type of script suits the secular, civil, and agnostic wedding, because there’s no mention of culture, spirituality, or supreme beings. A wedding script non-religious funny type is formal yet humorous. The wedding sermons are traditional without faith mentioned.

Short Funny Wedding Ceremony Script

“Welcome, family, friends, and loved ones. We are gathered here today, surrounded by the beauty of creation and nurtured by the sights and sounds of nature to celebrate the wedding of Daniel and Sara.

You have come here from near and from far away to share in this commitment now they make to one another, to offer your love and support to their union, and to allow Daniel and Sara to start their married life together.

Marriage is a bold step into an unknown future. It is risking who we are for the sake of who we can be. In marriage, two lives are intimately shared; and the blending of the two must not diminish either one. Rather, it should enhance the individuality of each partner.

If the old fairy-tale ending “and they lived happily ever after….” is taken to mean “They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,” then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, and your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love.”

Declaration of intent and vows exchange:

“Daniel and Sara, please join hands, look at one another now and remember this moment in time.

Officiant: Groom, do you take Bride to be your wife? I do. Do you promise to take out the trash and pick up your clothes off the floor? I do.

Officiant: Bride, do you take Groom to be your husband? I do. Do you promise to love her even when she is cranky? I do.

Officiant: Daniel, please take Sara’s hand and repeat after me.

Sara, I take you as you are/ loving who you are / I promise from this day forward/ To fill our lives with adventure and our home with laughter/ To inspire you to grow as an individual / To love you completely/ I will laugh with you and cry with you.

Officiant: Sara, please take Daniel’s hand and repeat after me.

Daniel, I take you as you are/ loving who you are / I promise from this day forward/ To fill our lives with adventure and our home with laughter/ To inspire you to grow as an individual / To love you completely/ I will laugh with you and cry with you.”

Giving of rings

“Officiant: Please present the rings

There are 3 rings of marriage. The wedding ring, The Engagement ring, and the suffering. We hope the latter can be held to a minimum.

Daniel, as you place this ring on Bride‘s finger, repeat these words after me:

This ring symbolizes my love for you/ and the commitments we made today

Sara, as you place this ring on Groom‘s finger, repeat these words after me:

This ring symbolizes my love for you/ and the commitments we made today.”

Conclusion & Pronouncement

“Daniel and Sara, you have come here today of your own free will and in the presence of family and friends, have declared your love and commitment to each other. You have given and received a ring as a symbol of your promises. By the power of your love and commitment to each other, and by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may now share your first kiss as husband and wife.

Congratulations. Friends and family, I now present to you the newly married couple. Let’s hear it for ‘em!”

With all the readings, sayings, and vows, wedding ceremonies can quickly get too formal and emotional with a tense environment. Guests get bored and begin to zone out or do other things that take their attention off the ceremony happening. So if you want to get their attention, you need a short funny wedding ceremony script.

One that is brief and straight to the point, yet humorous enough that it will keep the guests laughing and attentive. Regardless of your wedding style, a little humor works. Humor sits best within your officiant address, wedding readings, your vows, and presentation of the couple.

Funny Casual Wedding Ceremony Script

“Welcome everyone to this joyous occasion, where two people who are absolutely crazy about each other have decided to take the leap into marriage. Today, we’re going to witness the union of [Bride] and [Groom], who have chosen to combine their lives, their hearts, and their Netflix accounts.

[Bride] and [Groom], do you take each other to be your lawfully wedded partner in crime? Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish each other, even when [Groom] forgets to take out the trash or [Bride] leaves the toilet seat up?

[Pause for response]

Now, before we get to the exchanging of rings, I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge the important role that smartphones have played in [Bride] and [Groom]’s relationship. From their first awkward text messages to their endless stream of funny memes, their phones have been a constant source of entertainment and connection. So, I’d like to invite everyone to take out their phones right now and snap a photo of the happy couple.

Okay, let’s move on to the exchanging of rings. [Bride], please place the ring on [Groom]’s finger and repeat after me: “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment, I will always be there for you.

[Groom], please place the ring on [Bride]’s finger and repeat after me: “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment, I will always be there for you.

And now, by the power vested in me by the Internet and this awesome couple’s love for each other, I pronounce you husband and wife! You may now kiss each other, but please don’t get too carried away, we still have cake to eat.

[Everyone cheers and the newlyweds kiss]

Congratulations to [Bride] and [Groom], may your love continue to grow stronger with each passing day, and may your Netflix queue never run out of new shows to watch together.”

Looking for a casual and lighthearted wedding ceremony script? Here are a few things to keep in mind. Consider the tone you want to set for your wedding. If you’re going for a more laid-back and relaxed vibe, a casual wedding ceremony script can help create that atmosphere.

When choosing a wedding ceremony script, look for one that reflects your personality and relationship. If you’re a fun-loving couple who enjoys making each other laugh, a funny ceremony script can be a great way to showcase that. A good wedding ceremony script should strike a balance between humor and sentimentality.

Simple Funny Wedding Ceremony Script

“Welcome everyone to the wedding of [Bride] and [Groom]! We’re gathered here today to celebrate the union of these two wonderful people who have decided to join their lives together in the bonds of holy matrimony… or at least until they get sick of each other’s bad puns.

[Bride] and [Groom], do you promise to love and cherish each other, even when one of you forgets to do the dishes or leaves the toilet seat up? Do you promise to always support each other’s dreams, even if those dreams involve becoming a professional cheese sculptor? And do you promise to never stop laughing together, even when life gets tough?

Now, let’s move on to the exchanging of rings. [Bride], please place the ring on [Groom]’s finger and repeat after me: “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment, and as a reminder that I’m still willing to put up with your dad jokes.

[Groom], please place the ring on [Bride]’s finger and repeat after me: “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment, and as a reminder that I promise to always bring you coffee in bed.”

And now, by the power vested in me by… well, my ability to read this script, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may now seal your marriage with a kiss, but please try to keep it PG-13, we don’t want to scare the children.

Congratulations to [Bride] and [Groom], may your love be as strong and resilient as your ability to survive each other’s cooking.”

To create a fun and memorable wedding ceremony, choose a simple and funny script that’s light, personal, and appropriate for your audience. Practice with your officiant to ensure it flows smoothly. Enjoy your special day celebrating love!

Best Wedding Officiant Speech

“Welcome everyone!

On this beautiful day, _______ and _______ have brought us together to celebrate their love and union in matrimony. Thank you all for joining us and being a part of their love story. _______ and _______ also wanted to thank _______ and _______, who are sitting in the front row, for blessing this union and always being an example of unconditional, pure love.

After years of nurturing a beautiful, strong relationship, it’s great to see these two tying the knot and taking the next step towards building a family. If you’ve had the fortune that I have, you have witnessed _______ and _______ meet, from a rom-com worthy friendship to falling deeply in love.

I remember the day _______ told me about their first date. There was a light in her eyes that I’d never seen before. She was excited and nervous. She worried that ______ didn’t feel the same connection she felt. Little did she know that _______ was already calling her “the one?”

It warms my heart to see the way _______ looks at _______. He looks at her as if she’s the last and only woman on Earth, and to him, I know she is. I’ve seen these two be there for each other through life’s unexpected twists and turns, only growing closer and stronger from each setback. I’ve seen them share laughs, collect a library of inside jokes, and most shocking of all, I’ve seen _______ share her desserts with _______, which is when I knew this was serious.

Marriage isn’t easy but I trust these two. I have trust in their love, their friendship, and their commitment to one another. I know they’ll be there for each other, I know they’ll be loyal, and I know they’ll spend the rest of their lives growing and learning from one another. With that, I think it’s time to let them speak about their love.”

A funny wedding officiant speech combines funny wedding sermons for laughs. This is one of the best funny wedding officiant speech ideas.

Ring Exchange Wording Funny Samples

• “I give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise to be with you. And in your face for as long as I live.”
• “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love for you. Let it be a reminder that I am always by your side, sharing your stuff. And that I will always be a faithful partner to you.”
• “(Name), I give you this ring as a symbol of my love. As it encircles your finger, may it remind you always that you are surrounded by my enduring love. And you’re stuck with me forever.”

Funny Wedding Ceremony Vows

• “I, take you (insert fiancé’s name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, for even poorer when I’ve been shopping, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”
• “In front of our friends and family gathered here, I promise to love and cherish you in good times and in bad. I promise to put down the toilet seat – and to replace the toilet roll when it’s over and to never, ever, ever forget our wedding anniversary or your birthday.”
• “I promise to love you as much as I do our dog. From this day forward, I will lint roll the chairs whenever your parents visit. I will love you in sickness and in health, as long as you take care of the vet visits. I promise to cuddle you as much as I do (pet’s name) and pick up treats for you whenever he gets some too.”

When you personalize your wedding ceremony vows, they become evergreen. Feel free to use our samples above. It’s a nice idea to make your ring exchange wording funny. This portrays heart and humor at for the wedding ceremony .

How to Incorporate Humor into the Ceremony Script

josie_lee via Instagram

When incorporating humor into the ceremony script, it is crucial to strike a careful balance. Tailor the humor to align with the couple’s personalities, preferences, and cultural context, while also considering the comfort and enjoyment of the couple, guests, and officiant. Ensure that the humor enhances the celebratory atmosphere without overshadowing the significance of the occasion.

• Welcoming and Engaging the Guests with a Lighthearted Opening : – Start the ceremony with a warm and humorous welcome to set a lighthearted tone. – Incorporate funny remarks or anecdotes about the couple or the wedding day itself to engage the guests from the start.
• Personalizing the Love Story: – Share funny and endearing stories about the couple’s journey together. – Highlight humorous moments or inside jokes that showcase their unique relationship and personalities.
• Including Humorous Vows or Promises to Each Other: – Infuse the vows or promises with light-hearted humor, incorporating funny promises or playful banter between the couple. – Use comedic timing and delivery to make the vows memorable and enjoyable for both the couple and the guests.
• Encouraging Laughter and Interaction During the Ring Exchange: – Add a humorous comment or playful gesture during the ring exchange to lighten the mood and create moments of laughter. – Encourage the couple and guests to share in the joy and celebrate the special moment with humor.
• Including a Comedic Interlude or Performance: – Incorporate a comedic interlude or performance, such as a fun reading, a humorous poem, or a lighthearted musical performance, to provide a moment of comedic relief and entertainment. – Ensure the comedic interlude aligns with the overall theme and atmosphere of the wedding ceremony.

Couples are stepping out of the box and making their wedding scripts modern. They incorporate a funny wedding script into religious, non-religious, and even traditional scripts. Preparing the best wedding officiant speech, vows, and ring wordings are not left out. Make your wedding stay in the memories of guests by adding some humor. Take a cue from our script samples above and shine on your day.

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48 Hilarious Wedding Puns, Jokes & Quotes

Love, laughter and happily ever after? We hope that’s how you feel after reading 48 of our favourite wedding puns, jokes and quotes! Get ready to add a dash of humour and a sprinkle of wit to your wedding day.

Need more laughs? Check out funny wedding vows for him, her & them! 

When to use wedding puns, jokes & quotes

There are lots of great times and places to drop a few wedding puns or jokes on your wedding day and leading up to it. The key is to find times and places that are low key, where a bit of humour will add to your wedding and not detract from a meaningful moment.

Some of the best places for a wedding pun include:

• Your wedding website
• Social media captions on your wedding photos
• Wedding signs
• Wedding ceremony programs

All of these options are great because they’re written – many puns only make sense when you can see how they’re spelled. It can be harder to get the joke across if your audience only hears you and can’t see the pun. And as funny as puns can be, sometimes it’s more of a “quick chuckle” than a “roar with laughter” moment, making them better suited to times when guests can enjoy them on their own.

Another place you may want to incorporate wedding jokes or funny quotes would be in your wedding toasts and speeches. In fact, many of our jokes below work perfectly in a speech. However, we will advise you to proceed with caution. Remember that this is a wedding, not a comedy show!

Tips for adding jokes, puns and funny quotes to your wedding

Like most things in life: Less is more when it comes to funny wedding vows , jokes, puns and quotes. Use them sparingly! Even if everyone knows you two are big goofballs, your wedding is still an important day that you should take seriously. Have fun but don’t forget why you’re getting married (and no, it’s not to practice your stand up routine!).

Choose wedding puns and jokes that mean something to you . A funny pun about a dentist in love will be a lot funnier if you or your spouse-to-be actually are dentists! If none of the examples below apply to your situation, they can still inspire you to find or write a joke that plays on who you two are.

Don’t be offensive . No one wants their wedding to be full of crude language, cringe moments or vulgar jokes. Remember, there are likely grandparents and little children present! Avoid talking about exes, hot button issues or anything that would embarrass someone in the room.

And please, don’t go for a tired sexist wedding joke . We’ve all heard the jokes about how marriage is a life sentence, men don’t listen and women are always shopping. Not only are these jokes unfunny and untrue, they’re also just boring! Obviously the couple getting married believe in marriage, so there’s no need to make a joke everyone has heard before mocking their choice. Trust us, you’re better than that.

Now that you know the do’s and don’ts of wedding fun, let’s get into some examples!

20 hilarious wedding puns

• What was the best part of the wedding? The reception; it really took the cake.
• The groom couldn’t stop making wedding puns during the ceremony. He said he was just “altar-ing” the mood.
• The couple hired a vegetarian DJ so he could turnip the beets.
• For butter or worse, a toast to the newlyweds!
• When she told us her fiancée was an author, we knew she had found Mrs Write.
• The famous musician proposed to the person he was in love with. He did it with a kneel diamond.
• This might sound cheesy, but you’re really grate. Life is gouda with you!
• Two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord.
• I hear vampire weddings really suck.
• The couple were both music lovers, so they exchanged “notes” instead of vows.
• I cannoli be happy when I’m with you because you make life sweet.
• We’re keeping the wedding casual, so consider it a lack tie affair.
• I had cold feet, but my partner reassured me they were just “icing” on the wedding cake.
• It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers.
• Words can not espresso how much you mean to me. It’s a whole latte love!
• Now that they are married, they are both footloose and fiancé free.
• The dentist had strong fillings for his new spouse.
• Marrying in July is pretty brave, but what can you expect from these two sweat-hearts?
• The details about the bouquet toss are still up in the air.
• Let’s not argue over whether it’s a cravat or a bow. Let’s just call it a tie.

18 wedding jokes – perfect for funny wedding speeches!

• When your spouse gets a little upset, just remember a simple “calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get them a lot more upset.
• What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married? Can’t elope.
• Now, I did ask for a microphone but was told one wasn’t available. So if you can’t hear me at the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you’re not missing out on anything.
• Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.
• What can I say about a person who is kind to everyone they meet? A person who is smart, gifted, stunning, successful and so much more? A top human in every situation? Well, enough about me, let’s move onto the newlyweds.
• Luckily we didn’t have a Runaway Bride situation. It was more like Runaway Bridal Expenses!
• Today we witnessed a unique event in history – it’s the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!
• Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
• I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: never stop laughing, even when the jokes are horrible.
• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to steal the covers from for the rest of your life.
• Well, what can I tell you about the happy couple? I’ve known them for about 10 years, they’re funny, intelligent, kind, beautiful… sorry, wrong wedding!
• What did Cinderella say when her wedding photos didn’t show up? Someday my prints will come!
• For those of you who don’t know me, my name is (Name). My full name is actually ‘(Name) would-you-like-a-drink.’ For those of you who I chat with at the bar later, I’d appreciate it if you could use my full name.
• Marriage is full of surprises but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?”
• The couple has informed me that the buffet this evening is charged on a cost-per-head basis. So, on their behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming…
• And so, without further ado, let me ask those of you who still can to stand up and join me in a toast to the newlyweds!
• May your marriage be so solid it could last through being on a Bravo reality TV show.
• I would like to reintroduce the most important people here tonight. We know them, we love them and it’s probably why we’re all here…the bartenders!

10 funny wedding quotes

• “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash
• “Marriage is like vitamins: We supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke
• “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
• “Is marriage just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin?” – Monica Hesse
• “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin
• “The best thing to ever happen to a marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” — Rick Reilly
• “True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” – Mindy Kaling
• “Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.”  – George Burns
• “I’m going to get married because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” — Wendy Liebman
• “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

Whether you choose to add any to your wedding day, we hope these wedding puns, jokes, quotes and funny lines got you laughing! Keep smiling as you plan an awesome wedding, custom ceremony and have the best marriage ever!

52 Funny Wedding quotes about marriage

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Funny wedding quotes about marriage is what probably all of your married guests will relate to, so they  are the perfect way to inject humor into your day. Whether it’s the best man telling the funniest marriage jokes at the reception or Dad imparting some funny marriage advice, your pretty much on safe ground as everyone will relate to this. No tumbleweeds at this reception!

We’ve rounded up 52 of the funniest wedding quotes about married life, wedding jokes and wedding anecdotes which can be used in a variety of ways at your wedding from wedding captions on signage to ice breakers at your reception among guests.

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Getting married and being married is not without its challenges and as always seeing the funny side of things often shines a light on what makes us different, imperfect and often accepting. Funny quotes about marriage are a great ice breaker and can have guests in fits of laughter and of course are so relatable for most couples.  Funny married life quotes and marriage jokes could easily be incorporated into your wedding decor at your reception.

Funny quotes about marriage are a great way to get guests talking and sharing common ground so I would totally frame these and have them scattered around the wedding reception, you can use these as wedding captions on signage.

Guests could write funny wedding jokes and funny marriage quotes into your guest book so leaving ideas around could provide some helpful inspiration. Funny quotes about marriage would also lend themselves to be written with wishes in wedding cards.  All taken in good humour of course.

Funny Wedding Quotes about Marriage

These famous wedding quotes about marriage from some very well known and prominent people will really go down well and are versatile enough to be used as a way of injecting humor into marriage wishes you might write in a card or a guest book.

• “What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” CINDY GARNER
• “An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.” BOOTH TARKINGTON
• We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.” HENRY YOUNGMAN
• “There are only three things women need in life: Food, water and compliments.” CHRIS ROCK
• “You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!” BILL MAHER
• In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.”          RITA RUDNER
• “Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner – just so they can have the last word.” JANET PERIAT
• “Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” JERRY SEINFELD
• When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” MOLLY MCGEE
• “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me.” WINSTON CHURCHILL
• “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops” HENRY YOUNGMAN
• “My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” HENRY YOUNGMAN
• One day my wife’s credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife! ANONYMOUS
• When I tried to do a search for marital advice on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does. – anonymous  coolfunnyquotes.com  
• If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. – coolfunnyquotes.com SIGMUND FREUD
• All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”—Red Skelton
• “There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.”  Oscar Wilde
• A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person – MIGNON MCLAUGHLIN
• There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage. MARTIN LUTHER
• Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife. FRANZ SCHUBERT
• In marriage do thou be wise: prefer the person before money virtue before beauty, the mind before the body, then thou hast a wife, a friend, a companion, a second self. WILLIAM PENN
• Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.  SIMONE SIGNORET
• Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquility of a lovely sunset. ANN LANDERS
• A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. ANONYMOUS
• Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: You have to start over again every morning.H JACKSON BROWN, JNR
• Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.     HELEN ROWLAND
• They say love is blind…and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.    MAE WEST
•  My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food. She goes on tuesdays, I go Fridays. HENRY YOUNGMAN
• When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad. HELEN ROWLAND
• More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. DOUG LARSON
• Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories. JOHN WILMOTT
• Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning is two hearts and a diamond. After 10 years you need a club and spade. CARRIE
• The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. GROUCHO MARX
• Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one. MAE WEST
• Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.    CLINT EASTWOOD
• Marriage is grand. Divorce, 200 grand.~ANONYMOUS
• “We both said, ‘I do!’ and we haven’t agreed on a single thing since.” ~ So I Married an Axe Murderer
• A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. ~ ZSA ZSA GABOR
• My husband and I have never considered divorce … murder sometimes, but never divorce. DR. JOYCE BROTHERS
• Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?” – DENNIS MILLER
• My wife had us register for fine china, because you never know when the Pope is going to swing by and want a microwaved hot dog on a $200 plate.” -JIM GAFFIGAN
• Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”— UNKNOWN
• “At every party there are two kinds of people … those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”— ANN LANDERS
• “I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” Lyndon B. Johnson
• It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”— Rodney Dangerfield
• “After seven years of marriage, I am sure of two things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you’ll need two bathrooms … both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.”— Dennis Miller
• “My parents only had one argument in 45 years. It lasted 43 years.”— Cathy Ladman​
• Marriage: sometimes soul-mates, sometimes cell-mates. – RORY ELDER
• The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. – H.V. PROCHNOW
• Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks? – JANET PERIAT
• Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish saying it” – HELEN ROWLAND

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