the management of grief essay

“The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee Essay (Review)

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Short Story Analysis: Critical Review

“the management of grief”: summary, “the management of grief”: analysis conclusion, works cited.

To begin with, let us state that the story under consideration is the short story under the title “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee. She is and outstanding American writer who was awarded a National Book Critics Circle Award in 1988 for her book “The Middleman and Other Stories.” The stories are known for their engaging plots, well-thought structures and author’s writing style. We should admit that the story under consideration is a remarkable piece of writing that deserves our attention.

It is the only story about immigrants in Canada in her collection of books. In “The Management of Grief,” Mukherjee analyzes the catastrophe that is based on the 1985 terrorist bombing of an Air India jet occupied mainly by Indian immigrants that live in Canada. “The Management of Grief” analysis essay shall define the main lesson from the story by Bharati Mukherjee.

The story uses a first-person narrative, and it makes it moving and realistic. It is a mixture of narration and dialogue. The text abounds in specific terms, naming traditional Indian clothes and dishes. This creates a realistic atmosphere and makes the understanding of the theme easier for the reader. We feel as if we were members of their community of immigrants ourselves. So, the setting is the Indian community in Toronto struck by a heavy loss.

The “The Management of Grief” theme may be observed in the title; that is why we can say that it is suggestive. “The Management of Grief” tells us there exists such grief that every person has to face sooner or later. It is the death of our near and dear people, people who represent all lovely qualities of life for us, people who are the sense of our lives.

And our task is to accept and manage this grief properly, but for the “The Management of Grief” characters, this is even more complicated because they live in a foreign country with different traditions and mentality.

The message of the story can be formulated like this: every person is free to decide how to act in his life. The most important thing is peace in our soul that will come sooner or later, even if we have experienced severe grief. We have to look for the answers in our soul, not in the traditions and customs of our country.

As we have already mentioned, the story is told in the first person. The storyteller is Shaila Bhave, a Hindu Canadian who knows that both her husband, Vikram, and her two sons were on the cursed plane. She is the narrator and the protagonist at the same time, so the action unfolds around her.

Shaila makes us feel her grief. It is natural that tears may well up in our eyes while reading. Speaking about other characters of the story, we should mention Kusum, who is opposed to Shaila. Kusum follows all Indian traditions and observes the morning procedure while Shaila chooses to struggle against oppressive traditions, and she rejects them because she is a woman of the new world. Josna Rege says that “Each of the female protagonists of Mukherjee’s … recent novels is a woman who continually “remakes herself” (Rege 399).

And Shaila is a real exception to the rule. She is a unique woman who is not like other Indian women. We would say that she is instead an American or European woman: strong, struggling, intelligent, with broad scope and rich inner world.

The first two pages give us the idea of Indian values. It becomes clear from the very outset, from the opening sentence: “A woman I don’t know is boiling tea the Indian way in my kitchen” (Selvadurai 91).

From the short story analysis, it is evident that the storyteller depicts with much detail the grief and sorrow of those who have experienced this tragedy using such word combinations as “monstrously pregnant” (Selvadurai 91) and “deadening quiet” (Selvadurai 92). The atmosphere becomes more and more tense, and we can see that among all those people who have come to help, Shaila wants to scream.

In this part of the story, where we also get acquainted with Pam, Kusum’s daughter, who stayed alive, because her younger sister had flown instead of her. Here we see misunderstanding between the mother and the daughter as Pam is a westernized teenager, and that is the reason for their detachment. She is closer to Shaila than to her mother.

In the development of action that covers the major part of the text, we can see Shaila’s meeting with a representative of the provincial government, Judith Templeton. Shaila goes to the coast of Ireland to look once again at that very place, where the crash of the Air India jet took place.

She is accompanied by Kusum and several more mourners, who grieve too much, but still, have to identify the bodies. Here the atmosphere is very tragic. The mother cannot accept the reality, and she still thinks that she did not lose her family, because the boy on the photo does not look like her son and, moreover, he is an excellent swimmer so that he can be alive. It is tough to be the witness of the tragedy of a woman who has lost her children.

Then we come to know that Shaila decided to return to India, and there she understood that she had to go back to Canada. This is the climax of the story. We see that the woman has chosen the right way, though she is still not sure and wants to ask her family for advice.

To conclude, let us say that Bharati Mukherjee’s “The Management of Grief” is a tragic and melancholic story, but after all, it creates the impression of an open door, that is the optimistic note of the story. A person who manages the grief will never be alone.

Rege, Josna. “Bharati Mukherjee (1940– ).” The Columbia Companion to the Twentieth-Century American Short Story. Ed. Blanche H. Gelfant and Lawrence Graver. New York: Columbia University Press, 2000.

Selvadurai, Shyam. Story-Wallah: short fiction from South Asian writers. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2005.

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IvyPanda. (2018, June 25). “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee. https://ivypanda.com/essays/analysis-of-short-story-the-management-of-grief-by-bharati-mukherjee/

"“The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee." IvyPanda , 25 June 2018, ivypanda.com/essays/analysis-of-short-story-the-management-of-grief-by-bharati-mukherjee/.

IvyPanda . (2018) '“The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee'. 25 June.

IvyPanda . 2018. "“The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee." June 25, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/analysis-of-short-story-the-management-of-grief-by-bharati-mukherjee/.

1. IvyPanda . "“The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee." June 25, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/analysis-of-short-story-the-management-of-grief-by-bharati-mukherjee/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "“The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee." June 25, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/analysis-of-short-story-the-management-of-grief-by-bharati-mukherjee/.

Literary Theory and Criticism

Home › Literature › Analysis of Bharati Mukherjee’s The Management of Grief

Analysis of Bharati Mukherjee’s The Management of Grief

By NASRULLAH MAMBROL on May 29, 2021

The Management of Grief  is collected in The Middleman and Other Stories (1988), winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award. The idea of “middlemen” is central to these stories of immigrant experience; Bharati Mukherjee presents characters in fl ux as they cope with their positions: They are between cultures, between lifestyles, between the old and the new, between the persons they used to be and the persons they are becoming in their new lives. “The Management of Grief” is a fictional depiction of the June 25, 1985, terrorist bombing of an Air India Boeing 747 en route from Canada to Bombay via London’s Heathrow Airport. The crash killed all 329 passengers, most of whom were Canadian Indians. Mukherjee and her husband, Clark Blaise, had researched and written a book on the tragedy ( The Sorrow and the Terror [1987]). In an interview with the scholar Beverley Beyers-Pevitts, Bharati Mukherjee reminisces about the composition of this story: “ ‘The Management of Grief,’ the one which is most anthologized, I did in two sittings. Almost all of it was written in one sitting because I was so ready to tell that story” (190).

In the immediate aftermath of the tragedy, the tale opens in Toronto in the kitchen of Shaila Bhave, a Hindu Canadian who has lost her husband, Vikram, and two sons, Vinod and Mithun, in the crash. Through Shaila, the central character, Mukherjee illuminates not only the community’s immediate reactions to the horrific event but also the Indian values and cultural differences that the well-meaning Canadian social worker Judith Templeton struggles vainly to comprehend. Valium mutes Shaila’s own grief as she commiserates with her neighbor Kusum, whose husband, Satish, and a talented daughter were crash victims. Kusum is confronted by her Westernized daughter Pam, who had refused to travel to India, preferring to stay home and work at McDonald’s; Pam now accuses her mother of favoring her dead sister. As well-intentioned neighbors make tea and answer phone calls, Judith Templeton asks Shaila to help her communicate with the hundreds of Indian-born Canadians affected by the tragedy, some of whom speak no English: “There are some widows who’ve never handled money or gone on a bus, and there are old parents who still haven’t eaten or gone outside their bedrooms” (183). Judith appeals to Shaila because “All the people said, Mrs. Bhave is the strongest person of all” (183).

Bharati Mukherjee/The New York Times

Shaila agrees to try to help on her return from Ireland, site of the plane crash. While there she describes the difficulties of Kusum, who eventually finds acceptance of her loss through her swami, and of Dr. Ranganathan, a Montreal electrical engineer whose entire family perished. Shaila is in denial and is actually relieved when she cannot identify as hers any of the young boys’ bodies whose photos are presented to her. From Ireland, Shaila and Kusum fl y to Bombay, where Shaila finally screams in frustration at a customs official and then notes, “One [sic] upon a time we were well brought up women; we were dutiful wives who kept our heads veiled, our voices shy and sweet” (189). While with her grandmother and parents, Shaila describes their differences—the grandmother observes Hindu traditions while her parents rebelled against them— and sees herself as “trapped between two modes of knowledge. At thirty-six, I am too old to start over and too young to give up. Like my husband’s spirit, I flutter between two worlds” (189). She reenters her old life for a while, playing bridge in gymkhana clubs, riding ponies on trails, attending tea dances, and observing that the widowers are already being introduced to “new bride candidates” (190). She considers herself fortunate to be an “unlucky widow,” who, according to custom, is ineligible for remarriage. Instead, in a Hindu temple, her husband appears to her and tells her to “ finish what we started together ” (190).

And so, unlike Kusum, who moves to an ashram in Hardwar, Shaila returns to Toronto, sells her house at a profi t, and moves to an apartment. Once again, Judith seeks her help, this time with an old Sikh couple who refuse to accept their sons’ deaths and therefore refuse all government aid, despite being plunged into darkness when the electric company cuts off their power. Shaila cannot explain to Judith, who as a social worker is immersed in the four “stages” of grief, that as a Hindu she cannot communicate with this Sikh couple, particularly because Sikhs were probably responsible for the bombing of the Air India fl ight. Still, she understands their hope that their sons will reappear and has difficulty sympathizing with Judith’s government forms and legalities. Shaila leaves Judith, hears her family’s voices exhorting her to be brave and to continue her life, and, on a hopeful note, begins walking toward whatever her new life will present.

Analysis of Bharati Mukherjee’s Stories

BIBLIOGRAPHY Beyers-Pevitts, Beverley. “An Interview with Bharati Mukherjee.” In Speaking of the Short Story: Interviews with Contemporary Writers. Oxford: University Press of Mississippi, 1997. Carb, Alison B. “An Interview with Bharati Mukherjee.” Massachusetts Review 29 (1988–1999): 645–654. Connell, Michael, Jessie Grearson, and Tom Grimes. “An Interview with Bharati Mukherjee.” Iowa Review 20, no. 3 (Fall 1990): 7–32. Hancock, Geoff. “An Interview with Bharati Mukherjee.” Canadian Fiction Magazine 59 (1987): 30–44. Mukherjee, Bharati. “The Management of Grief.” In The Middleman and Other Stories. New York: Grove Press, 1988. Pandya, Sudha. “Bharati Mukherjee’s Darkness: Exploring Hyphenated Identity.” Quill 2, no. 2 (December 1990): 68–73.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Grief — The Management of Grief by Bharati Mukherjee

The Management of Grief by Bharati Mukherjee

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Published: Jan 30, 2024

Words: 435 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Table of contents

Introduction, summary of "the management of grief", cultural identity and loss, coping mechanisms and strategies, the role of memory and remembrance, references:.

• Mukherjee, B. (1988). The Management of Grief. The Middleman and Other Stories
• Kogawa, J. (1981). Obasan. Penguin Random House Canada.
• Hirsch, M. (2008). Mourning and its relation to cultural identity. Mortality, 13(2), 123-135.

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“The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee: Analysi

“The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee first appeared in The New Yorker in 1988, later finding a home in her short story collection, “The Middleman and Other Stories.”

Introduction: “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee

Table of Contents

“The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee first appeared in The New Yorker in 1988, later finding a home in her short story collection, “The Middleman and Other Stories.” The story, lauded by critics and readers alike, explores themes of grief, loss, and the immigrant experience. Set against the backdrop of the Air India Flight 182 tragedy, it follows Shaila Bhave, a protagonist grappling with the immense loss of her husband and children. Through Shaila’s journey, Mukherjee poignantly portrays the struggles immigrants face in adapting to new cultures and reconciling their identities in the face of immense personal tragedy. The story’s enduring power lies in its unflinching portrayal of grief and its insightful exploration of the human condition.

Main Events in “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee

• Tragic Revelation: Shaila learns of the Air India Flight 182 bombing that took the lives of her husband and children. She travels to Toronto for identification and to begin the process of mourning.
• Community of Sorrow: Shaila finds connection and support among survivors and victims’ families, bonding with Gita and Mrs. Devi who share her pain.
• Media Intrusion: Shaila is subjected to intrusive visits from acquaintances and journalists seeking to sensationalize her grief.
• Disillusionment with Media: Shaila grows disillusioned with the media’s portrayal of her, feeling misrepresented and exploited.
• Support Group: Shaila finds solace and understanding in a survivors’ support group, where shared experiences of loss create a space for healing.
• Cultural Adaptation: Shaila grapples with the challenges of assimilation in Canadian society while striving to preserve her Indian heritage.
• Memorial Planning: Shaila plays an active role in organizing a memorial for bombing victims, finding purpose and community through creativity and organization.
• Romantic Involvement: Shaila forms a complicated romantic connection with Gita’s brother, Vikram, navigating the complexities of love intertwined with grief.
• Cultural Reckoning: Shaila returns to India to scatter her family’s ashes, confronting cultural differences and conflicting emotions upon her homecoming.
• Resilience and Closure: The story concludes with Shaila’s ongoing process of grief management. She finds purpose and demonstrates the resilience of the human spirit after immense tragedy.

Literary Devices in “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee

• Allusion : A reference to a well-known person, place, event, or work of literature. Example: The protagonist’s husband is referred to as a “modern-day Orpheus” for his love of music and ability to charm others.
• Imagery : The use of vivid language to create sensory experiences for the reader. Example: The protagonist describes the “uncanny calm” she feels upon entering her home after the bombing.
• Irony : A contrast between what is expected and what actually happens. Example: The protagonist, a grief counselor, struggles to manage her own grief.
• Metaphor : A comparison between two unlike things without using “like” or “as”. Example: The protagonist describes her grief as an “undertow” pulling her under.
• Personification : Giving human qualities to non-human things. Example: The protagonist describes the ashes of her family members as “dust devils” swirling around her feet.
• Foreshadowing : Hints or clues about what is to come later in the story. Example: The protagonist’s initial reluctance to join a support group foreshadows her eventual reliance on it for connection.
• Flashback : A scene or event from the past that is presented in the story. Example: The protagonist remembers a conversation with her husband about their future plans.
• Simile : A comparison between two unlike things using “like” or “as”. Example: The protagonist describes her grief as “a weight, like a backpack full of rocks.”
• Symbolism : The use of an object, person, or situation to represent a larger idea or concept. Example: The scattering of ashes in the Ganges River symbolizes spiritual release and completion of a journey.
• Motif : A recurring theme or image throughout a literary work. Example: Water imagery recurs throughout the story, symbolizing grief and emotional turmoil.

Characterization in “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee

Major Themes in “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee

• Grief and Loss: The story’s core focus is the profound grief and loss felt by Shaila Bhave after the terrorist attack claims her husband and sons. Mukherjee delves into the despair and overwhelming emptiness associated with immense tragedy, “There is nothing I can do, the doctor tells me, no drug to take to bring them back” (Mukherjee). Shaila’s grief is further complicated by her feelings of guilt and responsibility, believing she should have insisted they fly earlier.
• Identity and Culture: Mukherjee explores the complexities of identity and culture. As an Indian immigrant in Canada, Shaila finds herself torn between her traditional Indian upbringing and the Western culture she inhabits. This tension is highlighted in scenes like her discomfort with prescribed medication and her preference for traditional mourning rituals.
• Community and Belonging: The story highlights the importance of community and belonging. Shaila finds comfort and connection with other victims’ families, particularly Gita and Mrs. Devi who share her unique experience of pain and loss. Additionally, she bonds with the Sikh community, who are unfairly targeted following the terrorist attack. These connections provide Shaila with support and a sense of belonging during her darkest hours.
• Acceptance and Healing: The story emphasizes the themes of acceptance and healing. Shaila ultimately begins the process of accepting her loss and moving towards healing. Her decision to become a grief counselor for other victims’ families gives her life renewed purpose and meaning, “Slowly, I am beginning to be of use” (Mukherjee). Mukherjee emphasizes that healing is a gradual and challenging journey, but one that is ultimately attainable.

Writing Style in “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee

• Vivid Imagery: Mukherjee creates powerful sensory experiences. Shaila describes the “stench of jet fuel and melted metal” after the crash, or the “uncanny calm” she feels upon entering her empty home. These details ground the emotional experience in tangible reality.
• Metaphor and Simile : Mukherjee uses figurative language to express Shaila’s grief. Her emotions are an “undertow” threatening to consume her, or the weight of her loss is “like a backpack of rocks.” These comparisons create a visceral understanding of her suffering.
• Symbolism : Objects and actions hold deeper meaning. The scattering of ashes in the Ganges represents a spiritual release, while Shaila’s eventual enrollment in an art class hints at a creative and hopeful future.
• Internal Monologue: The story largely unfolds through Shaila’s thoughts and narration. This allows deep insight into her perspective, her struggles with cultural dissonance, and the gradual process of managing her grief.
• Empathy and Nuance Mukherjee demonstrates deep empathy for her characters, especially Shaila. She doesn’t shy away from difficult emotions like guilt or disillusionment, painting a complex portrait of healing.

Literary Theories and Interpretation of “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee

Questions and Thesis Statements about “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee

Short Question-Answers about “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee

Q: What is the significance of the title, “The Management of Grief,” in Bharati Mukherjee’s story?

A: The title highlights the ongoing and complex nature of grief. Rather than offering a straightforward path to healing, the term “management” suggests Shaila must learn to live with her loss and find ways to cope over time. This reflects the story’s portrayal of grief as a non-linear journey rather than a finite problem to be solved.

Q: How does the protagonist’s response to the terrorist attack challenge traditional Western ideas of grief and mourning?

A: Shaila’s response presents a departure from typical Western portrayals of grief, which often focus on individual processes and subdued emotional expression. Instead, Mukherjee emphasizes communal practices like collective cremation and open displays of mourning. The support Shaila finds in connecting with other victims’ families further highlights how shared experiences of loss can be a powerful element of healing, something that may be less explored in Western-centric narratives.

Q: How does the story address the theme of cultural identity?

A: The story centers cultural identity through Shaila’s experience as an Indian immigrant in Canada. The internal conflict she experiences as she attempts to balance her traditional upbringing with her Canadian surroundings becomes a recurring theme. This is illustrated in her discomfort with the prescribed medication and her preference for familiar mourning rituals.

Q: How does the protagonist’s experience of grief reflect the broader theme of trauma in the story?

A: Shaila’s individual experience of grief is intrinsically linked to the collective trauma of the terrorist attack. Her flashbacks, overwhelming guilt, and difficulty processing the event are all hallmark symptoms of trauma, indicating that both she and the wider community are working through deep psychological wounds. This connection highlights how trauma can fundamentally shape the nature of grief.

Suggested Readings: “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee

Scholarly articles.

• Explores how Mukherjee uses the short story format to explore themes of belonging and displacement, with a focus on Shaila’s identity crisis.
• Looks at how the story challenges conventional immigrant narratives and the ways trauma impacts Shaila’s experience of multiple cultures.
• You can search on academic databases like JSTOR, Project MUSE, or your library’s research resources for terms like “Management of Grief” + “Mukherjee” to see if newer articles exist.
• Likely contains a chapter or section analyzing “The Management of Grief” within Mukherjee’s larger body of work.

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“The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee

Introduction.

Bibliography

In her short story The Management of Grief , Bharati Mukherjee describes the feelings of a person, who has lost her family. The author shows how the main character Shaila Bhave tries to overcome this tragedy. Apart from that, she compares her reaction to that of other people, who have suffered similar lot. The title of this novella contains the word “management”, which is certainly hardly applicable in this case, because grief cannot be managed or controlled in any way. In this regard, we may remember Judith Templeton with her “textbook on the grief management” (Bharati, 363). This person is willing to help but she clearly lacks the understanding. As for Shaila Bhave, we may say that she passes through several stages and eventually, the protagonist finds the strength to move ahead.

At the very beginning, Shaila is surrounded by her neighbors, who try to help her around the house; she is so utterly shocked that she does not pay any attention to them. Everything reminds of her husband and sons. Subconsciously, she still believes that her most near and dear ones have not perished. The only consolation for her is to sit with Kusum: the woman who has also been bereft of her husband.

They practically do not speak with one another, because there is no need to exchange words as they understand each other perfectly well. Shaila is a paragon of calmness and reserve, and in part, this is the reason why Judith Templeton appeals for her help. However, Shaila acknowledges to herself “I wish I could scream, starve, walk into Ontario Lake, jump from a bridge” (Mukherjee, 357). By suppressing her most intimate emotions, the protagonist hopes to live through the feeling of loss. Furthermore, she does not want other people to see her sufferings because hysteria for her is a sign of impermissible weakness.

Overall, we can single out two ways in which she “manages” her grief: first, she immediately associates herself with her companions in misfortune such as for instance Kusum and Dr. Ranganathan, who are able to put themselves in her position. But the main reason is that they give her at least some illusion of hope. They believe that there is the slimmest chance of someone surviving in the air crash.

Nevertheless, later she realizes that this hope is a kind of self-deception, which cal leads only to a deadlock. Many of her acquaintances refuse to accept that their relatives have died, and they blame themselves for their deaths, as an old man whom Shaila encounters. The author describes it in the following way “I have protected this woman as best I could. She is the only person I got left. …. I will not sign for it I will not pretend that I accept” (Mukherjee, 366). Finally, the main character comes to the belief that the only way to survive is not to deny this fact but to accept it.

It should be pointed out that the author makes the ending of this novella very abrupt and readers can only make conjectures concerning Shailas future. The main character admits that she does not know “where the voyage she has begun will end” (Bharati, 367). Certainly, it is extremely difficult to start life anew but hopefully she can do it. It seems that Bharati Mukherjee deliberately makes readers form their own conclusions. I am not sure that I can identify myself with the narrator in any way, because fortunately, I have never had similar experience. Thus, it is impossible for me to say how exactly I would have reacted.

Perhaps, I would have also sought company of those who can feel empathy for me. Nonetheless, Shailas calmness is not typical of me. Besides, much depends upon a persons age, Shaila is in her middle thirties, and I cannot tell how I would have behaved at such age. Again, I would like to emphasize the idea we do not know anything about this womans future, probably, she will manage to find a way of living even despite such horrible scar.

Janet E. Gardner, Jack Ridl, Beverly Lawn, Peter Schakel. “Literature: A Portable Anthology”. Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2003.

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The Management of Grief

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Navigating Cultural Divides

As a newly-widowed immigrant, Shaila Bhave must negotiate many large and small cultural differences between her native and her adopted land. Most obviously, there are the cultural differences between herself and Judith Templeton , a brisk young Canadian government official. Templeton’s businesslike demeanor and overly pragmatic conception of “grief management” are deeply off-putting to Bhave, even while she takes some of Templeton’s advice: for example, moving out of her old family home and into her own apartment. At the same time, Bhave also feels assimilated enough to reject the path that her grieving friend Kusum has taken (moving back to India and joining an ashram). She often feels as estranged from Indian ways as she does from Canadian ways, and she must find some middle ground between the two.

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What is grief?

Myths and facts about grief and grieving, the grieving process, the 5 stages of grief, symptoms of grief and loss, types of grief and loss, finding support for grief and loss, taking care of yourself as you grieve, coping with grief and loss stages of grief, the grieving process, and learning to heal.

Whatever loss you’ve suffered, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. But by understanding the types and stages of grief, you can find healthier ways to cope.

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness.

The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight. These are normal reactions to loss—and the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be.

Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with bereavement, the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense type of grief—but any loss can cause grief.

The most common sources of grief are:

• Bereavement
• Death of a pet
• Divorce or relationship breakup
• Loss of health
• Losing a job
• Loss of  financial stability
• A miscarriage
• Loss of a cherished dream
• A loved one’s  serious illness
• Loss of a friendship
• Loss of safety after a trauma
• Selling the family home

Even subtle losses in life can trigger a sense of grief. For example, you might grieve after moving away from home, graduating from college, or changing jobs.

Whatever your loss, it’s personal to you, so don’t feel ashamed about how you feel, or believe that it’s somehow only appropriate to grieve for certain things. If the person, animal, relationship, or situation was significant to you, it’s normal to grieve the loss you’re experiencing. Whatever the cause of your grief, though, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness and help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and eventually move on with your life.

The grief of losing a loved one

Whether it’s a close friend, spouse, partner, parent, child, or other relative, few things are as painful as losing someone you love. After such a significant loss, life may never seem quite the same again. But in time, you can ease your sorrow, start to look to the future, and eventually come to terms with your loss.

The pain will go away faster if you ignore it

Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

It’s important to “be strong” in the face of loss.

Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.

Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.

Grieving should last about a year.

There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.

Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.

Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss—but that’s not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more integral to defining the people we are.

Grieving is a highly individual experience; there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you.

Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried—and  there is no “normal” timetable for grieving . Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.

How to deal with the grieving process

While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.

• Acknowledge your pain.
• Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
• Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
• Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
• Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
• Recognize the difference between grief and depression.

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up.

The 5 stages of grief are:

Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”

Anger: “ Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”

Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”

Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in time. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that’s okay. Contrary to popular belief,  you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through  any of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won’t experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you’re supposed to be in.

Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief: “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but  there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss.  Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”

Grief can be a roller coaster

Instead of a series of stages, we might also think of the grieving process as a roller coaster, full of ups and downs , highs and lows. Like many roller coasters, the ride tends to be rougher in the beginning, the lows may be deeper and longer.

The difficult periods should become less intense and shorter as time goes by, but it takes time to work through a loss. Even years after a loss, especially at special events such as a family wedding or the birth of a child, we may still experience a strong sense of grief.

While loss affects people in different ways, many of us experience the following symptoms when we’re grieving. Just remember that almost anything that you experience in the early stages of grief is normal—including feeling like you’re going crazy, feeling like you’re in a bad dream, or questioning your religious or spiritual beliefs.

Emotional symptoms of grief

Shock and disbelief. Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If a pet or someone you love has died, for example, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though you know they’re gone.

Sadness. Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.

Guilt. You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (feeling relieved when a person died after a long, difficult illness, for example). You may even feel guilty for not doing more to prevent your loss, even if it was completely out of your hands.

Fear. A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. If you’ve lost your partner, your job, or your home, for example, you may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure about the future. You may even have panic attacks . The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.

[Read: Dealing with Uncertainty]

Anger. Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry with yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.

Physical symptoms of grief

We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including:

• Lowered immunity
• Weight loss or weight gain
• Aches and pains

Since the experience of grieving following the loss of someone or something important to you tends to be unique to you, it’s difficult to label any type of grief as either “normal” or “abnormal”. However, there are types of grief that fall outside the expected symptoms and reactions described above. These include:

Anticipatory grief

As the name suggests, anticipatory grief develops before a significant loss occurs rather than after. If a loved one is terminally ill, for example, you have an aging pet, or you know that your retirement or job loss is imminent you may start grieving your loss before it has fully unfolded.

[Read: When a Loved One is Terminally Ill]

Like conventional grief, anticipatory grief can involve a mix of confusing emotions, particularly anger. Some people even equate it to giving up hope and refuse to allow themselves to grieve before their loss has occurred. However, anticipatory grief can also give you chance to prepare for your loss, resolve any unfinished business, or say your goodbyes, for example.

Disenfranchised grief

Disenfranchised grief can occur when your loss is devalued, stigmatized, or cannot be openly mourned. Some people may minimize the loss of a job, a pet, or a friendship, for example, as something that’s not worth grieving over. You may feel stigmatized if you suffered a miscarriage or lost a loved one to suicide .

Disenfranchised grief can also occur when your relationship to a deceased is not recognized. Some people may consider it inappropriate to grieve for a work colleague, classmate, or neighbor, for example. As a close friend or same-sex partner you may be denied the same sympathy and understanding as a blood relative. This can make it even more difficult to come to terms with your loss and navigate the grieving process.

Complicated grief

The pain at a significant loss may never completely disappear, but it should ease up over time. When it doesn’t—and it keeps you from resuming your daily life and relationships—it may be a sign of complicated grief.

Complicated grief usually arises from the death of a loved one , where the loss has left you stuck in a state of bereavement. You may be unable to accept your loved one has gone, search for them in familiar places, experience intense longing, or even feel that life isn’t worth living.

If you’re experiencing complicated grief and the pain from your loss remains unresolved, it’s important to reach out for support and take the steps that will enable you to heal.

The pain of grief can often cause you to want to withdraw from others and retreat into your shell. But having the face-to-face support of other people is vital to healing from loss. Even if you’re not comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s important to express them when you’re grieving.

While sharing your loss can make the burden of grief easier to carry, that doesn’t mean that every time you interact with friends and family, you need to talk about your loss. Comfort can also come from just being around others who care about you. The key is not to isolate yourself.

Turn to friends and family members. Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Rather than avoiding them, draw friends and loved ones close, spend time together face to face, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Often, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need—whether it’s a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or just someone to hang out with. If you don’t feel you have anyone you can regularly connect with in person, it’s never too late to build new friendships .

Accept that many people feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who’s grieving. Grief can be a confusing, sometimes frightening emotion for many people, especially if they haven’t experienced a similar loss themselves. They may feel unsure about how to comfort you and end up saying or doing the wrong things. But don’t use that as an excuse to retreat into your shell and avoid social contact. If a friend or loved one reaches out to you, it’s because they care.

Draw comfort from your faith. If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you—such as praying, meditating, or going to church—can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.

Join a support group. Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers, or see the links below.

[Read: Support Groups: Types, Benefits, and What to Expect]

Talk to a therapist or grief counselor. If your grief feels like too much to bear, find a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving. If in-person therapy is not accessible to you, consider online therapy , which can be just as effective.

Beware how you use social media

Speak to a licensed therapist.

BetterHelp is an online therapy service that matches you to licensed, accredited therapists who can help with depression, anxiety, relationships, and more. Take the assessment and get matched with a therapist in as little as 48 hours.

Social media can be useful in letting others know about your loss and reaching out for support. However, it can also attract Internet trolls who post inappropriate, insensitive, or even abusive messages. To spare yourself additional pain and heartache at this time, you may want to limit your social media use to closed groups rather than public postings that can be commented on by anyone.

When you’re grieving, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time.

Face your feelings. You can try to suppress your grief, but you can’t avoid it forever. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety , substance abuse, and health problems.

Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Even if you’re not able to talk about your loss with others, it can help to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal, for example. Or you could release your emotions by making a scrapbook or volunteering for a cause related to your loss.

Try to maintain your hobbies and interests. There’s comfort in routine and getting back to the activities that bring you joy and connect you closer to others can help you come to terms with your loss and aid the grieving process.

Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.

Look after your physical health. The mind and body are connected. When you feel healthy physically, you’ll be better able to cope emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising . Don’t use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.

[Read: Self-Medicating Depression, Anxiety, and Stress]

Plan ahead for grief “triggers.” Anniversaries, holidays, and important milestones can reawaken painful memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it’s completely normal. You can plan ahead by making sure that you’re not alone, for example, or by marking your loss in a creative way.

For more help facing up to and managing distressing emotions like grief…

Use HelpGuide’s free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit .

Grief and loss resources

In the U.S.:  Crisis Call Center  at 775-784-8090

UK:  Cruse Bereavement Care  at 0808 808 1677

Australia:  GriefLine  at (03) 9935 7400

Other support:

Find a GriefShare group meeting near you  – Worldwide directory of support groups for people grieving the death of a family member or friend. (GriefShare)

Find Support  – Directory of programs and support groups in the U.S. for children experiencing grief and loss. (National Alliance for Grieving Children)

Chapter Locator  for finding help for grieving the loss of a child in the U.S. and  International Support  for finding help in other countries. (The Compassionate Friends)

If you're feeling suicidal…

Seek help immediately. Please read  Suicide Help , talk to someone you trust, or call a suicide helpline:

• In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255.
• In the UK, call 08457 90 90 90.
• In Australia, call 13 11 14.
• Or visit  IASP  to find a helpline in your country.

More Information

• Guide to Mourning - A guide to preparing for and mourning the death of a loved one. (Harvard Medical School Special Health Report)
• For Teens: How to Cope - Article for teens on how to cope with grief and loss. (TeensHealth)
• Coping with Reminders - Tips for coping with the grief that can resurface even years after you’ve lost a loved one. (Mayo Clinic)
• The Importance Of Mourning Small Losses - Understanding disenfranchised grief. (NPR)
• 4 Types of Grief Nobody Told You About - Examines less common reasons for grief such as loss of identity, safety, and dreams. (Psychology Today)
• Depressive Disorders. (2013). In Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders . American Psychiatric Association. Link
• Zisook, S., & Shear, K. (2009). Grief and bereavement: What psychiatrists need to know. World Psychiatry, 8 (2), 67–74. Link
• Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Stroebe, W. (2007). Health outcomes of bereavement. The Lancet, 370 (9603), 1960–1973. Link
• Simon, N. M., Wall, M. M., Keshaviah, A., Dryman, M. T., LeBlanc, N. J., & Shear, M. K. (2011). Informing the symptom profile of complicated grief. Depression and Anxiety, 28 (2), 118–126. Link
• Corr, C. A. (1999). Enhancing the Concept of Disenfranchised Grief. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 38 (1), 1–20. Link
• Johansson, A. K., & Grimby, A. (2012). Anticipatory grief among close relatives of patients in hospice and palliative wards. The American Journal of Hospice & Palliative Care, 29 (2), 134–138. Link

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The Management of Grief

Bharati mukherjee.

Ask LitCharts AI: The answer to your questions

Managing Versus Experiencing Grief

The central conflict of “The Management of Grief” is between those directly experiencing grief (represented by the protagonist Shaila Bhave ) and those who know about grief secondhand (represented by Judith Templeton , a Canadian government official who manages the government benefits for the family members of those killed in the plane bombing at the story’s center). Judith reads textbooks on “grief management” and insists that there are proper steps—“rejection, depression, acceptance, reconstruction”—to manage grief…

Bureaucracy

Judith Templeton ’s approach to grief exemplifies a kind of bureaucratic coldness that the story condemns. At the beginning of the story, Judith—a white Canadian woman—enlists Shaila to help her navigate “the complications of culture, language, and customs” that she faces when she meets with grieving families who immigrated from India. Judith seems, on the one hand, aware of her own shortcomings—and, by extension, those of the Canadian government—when communicating with families affected by the…

Secular vs. Spiritual

The story presents two divergent approaches to grieving loved ones lost in the plane bombing: a secular approach (represented by calmness in the face of grief) and a spiritual one, in which families find peace. Judith , a representative of the secular world of the Canadian government, first identifies Shaila as a potential community intermediary because she admires that Shaila reacted to the tragedy with extraordinary calmness. But Shaila views this calmness as somewhat unnatural…

Hope, Duty, and Despair

The phrase “a parent’s duty is to hope” comes up multiple times throughout the story. Dr. Ranganathan first says it when he suggests that Shaila ’s sons, and others on the plane, may have been able to swim to safety. “It’s a parent’s duty to hope,” he says, and Shaila is flooded with relief. She later says that she packed the suitcase she brought to Ireland, where she has gone to identify the bodies of…

Navigating Cultural Difference

When Judith initially asks for Shaila ’s assistance, Shaila responds by saying that she won’t be able to help and that “we must all grieve in our own way.” Each person’s “own way” to grieve depends, the story suggests, on both their culture and their own personal, lived experience. For example, the Sikh couple maintains hope that their sons will return. Dr. Ranganathan finds refuge first in a kind of optimistic pragmatism and then by…

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Good Grief: What Does It Mean to Mourn in a Healthy Way?

Understanding the importance of "healthy grief" is essential..

Posted August 22, 2024 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

• Understanding Grief
• Take our Depression Test
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• Although everyone experiences the loss of a loved one, death often remains a taboo subject in our society.
• Grief is a natural part of life and a reflection of the love we have for the person who died.
• Starting a dialogue about grief can validate mourners’ experiences and ensure they receive support.

Death may be universal, but it’s still a taboo subject in this country.

Perhaps because American society is so focused on remaining youthful and forestalling aging, we have not done a good job of acknowledging death and supporting individuals who are grieving.

There may never be a better time to begin doing so. New York Life Foundation’s most recent State of Grief Report showed that 68 percent of respondents would like a more open dialogue around the topic of grief.

Grief is a natural part of life and a reflection of the love we have for the person who died. However, our society’s culture of silence surrounding bereavement has not only limited our ability to recognize the painful aspects of grief but has also denied us opportunities to identify and talk about how we can grieve in healthy and adaptive ways.

A common sentiment from bereaved families is that they feel external pressure to “get over” the death of their loved one within a certain period. However, grief does not have a set timeline, and for most individuals, waves of grief will ebb and flow over the course of their lives.

The new diagnosis of Prolonged Grief Disorder now included in the DSM-5 -TR – the “bible” of mental health – can be misleading because the name itself implies that if one is grieving after a certain amount of time, they are necessarily grieving in an unhealthy way. This notion can make people even more hesitant to express their true feelings about their loss, fearing that someone might think they’re “crazy” or “abnormal” if they still long for their person or continue to feel distressed after a number of years have passed since the death.

Compounding this hesitancy, many well-intentioned family members and friends are often so concerned about saying the “wrong thing” after a death that they don’t say anything at all, leading to an even more profound sense of isolation for those mourning.

Sometimes, grieving in healthy ways requires us to let other people know what’s most helpful to us, including talking about our person, sharing memories of the person, and acknowledging their continued absence.

Another common concern expressed among mourners is that “giving up” the pain of their loss means that they will also lose their connection to the deceased or fail to honor their memory . But there are many ways of connecting to our deceased loved ones that do not center exclusively on intense pain and sorrow.

For example, we can feel close to the person who died by engaging in the same activities that they used to enjoy or living life the way they would have wanted us to live. We can identify things that we had in common with the person and carry on those traits and behaviors as a means of honoring their memory.

Although we may feel burdened with thoughts about how the person died, especially if the cause of death was violent or tragic, we can find ways of transforming the circumstances of the death into something that can prevent other people from suffering in the same way. For example, we can raise money for a relevant cause or pursue a career that directly addresses the circumstances of the death.

Research shows that adaptive grieving is the norm and that most bereaved individuals will go on to lead healthy, happy lives. However, it is also true that a significant minority of individuals can feel so “stuck” in their grief that it impairs their ability to function, sometimes requiring treatment.

We can begin to address this problem by having an open dialogue about grief, which can normalize and validate mourners’ experiences and ensure that those who do need a higher level of support receive it.

Together, we can build a more grief-informed society, one in which we never have to grieve alone. We can start building this society today, by openly naming grief, accepting that it’s part of our reality, and recognizing it in all its forms, including its positive, generative aspects.

In this way, we can transform our tragedies into triumphs and painful endings into hopeful new beginnings.

A version of this post also appears in MindSite News.

Julie Kaplow, Ph.D. , is a professor of psychiatry at Tulane University, the executive director of the Trauma and Grief Center at the Meadows Mental Health Policy Institute, and the executive director of the Trauma and Grief Center at CHNOLA.

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The Management of Grief Essay

Diane Andrews Henningfeld is an associate professor at Adrian College. She holds a Ph.D. in literature and writes widely for educational publishers. In the following essay, she examines Mukherjee's use of contrasts and unbridgeable gaps in "The Management of Grief."

Bharati Mukherjee's short story, "The Management of Grief" serves as the final story in the 1989 collection The Middleman and Other Stories . Mukherjee won the National Book Critic Circle Award for fiction for this collection, and in 1989, the story appeared in The Best American Short Stories, 1989 , edited by Margaret Atwood and series editor Shannon Ravenel. Critics have continued to review the collection favorably.

Jonathan Raban, for example, in The New York Times Book Review , June 19, 1988, writes that Mukherjee's "writing here is far quicker in tempo, more confident and more sly than it used to be." However, although many critics and scholars comment on the quality of the...

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“We Can’t Let Go”: Navigating Dance in a (Post-)Conflict Society

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This is an accepted article with a DOI pre-assigned that is not yet published.

Violence and precarity in Manipur is its past and current. What becomes of dance when violence spills over to various parts of society? What does it mean to be haunted by unspeakable memories of violence and yet dance for self and community, region and nation? The essay is written collaboratively and individually by co-authors - practitioners and researchers who have worked on exhuming the sublimated tensions and contradictions in dance cultures of Manipur (India) in the last decade. Though chronologically years apart, they find ideological connections in the demands of the peoples from their government. On the back of historical and cultural circumstances, such demands, fear, or violence arise from exclusionary processes of being minority communities within the nation. Biswas conducted her doctoral fieldwork through agitation, riots and blockades during the Inner Line Permit (ILP) movement (2014-2016). Babina’s doctoral fieldwork began during months of COVID-19 pandemic (2020) and concluded in May 2023 as violent clashes between two ethnic communities broke out. “What will remain of our dances when we are gone?” is often asked of us during conversations with peoples; “we can’t let go” of hope or fear, they assert. The purpose of the essay is two-fold: we look back on methods, ethics and care involved in fieldwork with interlocutors who have witnessed violence, while we witnessed violent events ourselves. Secondly, we deliberate on observance of rituals and staged performances while our interlocutors grapple with experiences of loss, grief and trauma framed by conflict, exclusion, and an overall fraught silence to their demands. We further deliberate on what remains of dance in Manipur at a time of rising tensions and divisions.

Keywords: ethnography, everyday life, conflict, remains, social - ritual dances, Manipur, south Asia

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Biswas, D & Devi, B. (2024) '“We Can’t Let Go”: Navigating Dance in a (Post-)Conflict Society', Conversations Across the Field of Dance Studies . 43(0) doi: 10.3998/conversations.5959

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Biswas, D & Devi, B. “We Can’t Let Go”: Navigating Dance in a (Post-)Conflict Society. Conversations Across the Field of Dance Studies. 2024 6; 43(0) doi: 10.3998/conversations.5959

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Biswas, D & Devi, B. (2024, 6 30). “We Can’t Let Go”: Navigating Dance in a (Post-)Conflict Society. Conversations Across the Field of Dance Studies 43(0) doi: 10.3998/conversations.5959

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• Pregnancy Loss

This Miscarriage Grief Group Brought Me Unexpected Healing After My Second Loss

One thing no one tells you about having a miscarriage is that social media quickly becomes a nightmare.

After my second loss , my algorithm was constantly serving me baby-related posts due to interactions I'd had while still pregnant. Each time I'd scroll, I'd be bombarded with shower inspiration or birth-prep tips, and there was no way to let the app know I was no longer pregnant without "liking" photos and videos covering other topics. Even still, it can take some time for the algorithm to adjust.

Desperate for relief, I decided to type the word "miscarriage" into my search bar and discovered an account called The Miscarriage Doula . While I was initially drawn in by the inspirational quotes and helpful statistics regarding pregnancy loss, what really intrigued me was the fact that the founder, Arden Cartrette, also offered counseling and group sessions for a reasonable fee.

Cartrette – who is trained to be both a birth and bereavement doula — created The Miscarriage Doula in 2020, shortly after the birth of her first living son. She realized she was still experiencing grief from her previous losses and it inspired her to connect with those who had similar experiences, particularly with first trimester loss.

"I literally sat down and was like, 'Well, what could I have used that I didn't have?'" Cartrette says. "I didn't have a big support system around me and I really relied on the miscarriage community on Instagram. So, I wanted to create something that was community-based but that wasn't impersonal — how could I make it as personable as possible?"

What began as one-on-one counseling services evolved into the addition of group sessions. For one day each week over the course of six weeks, 10 to 12 people experiencing pregnancy loss could meet via Zoom to tell their stories, discuss coping mechanisms, and share helpful information. The main rules for joining were that you must do so from a private place, away from any living children, and if you became pregnant during that time period, you'd have to share it with the moderator first before announcing it to the group.

Signing up for the recurrent loss support group truly changed my life. Here's how my experience went.

What It's Like to Be in a Miscarriage Grief Group

Each Thursday at 8pm, I would log on and connect with a small group of women, all of whom were scattered around the country and at different stages in their fertility journey . Some had living kids, some were still trying, some had ectopic or chemical pregnancies, and some painfully had to terminate for medical reasons . Everyone was welcome.

Each session was dedicated to a different topic, and with Cartrette as our moderator, we'd discuss everything from navigating friendships to the medical testing we'd completed. It all felt like valuable information, some of which I would have never learned from my doctor or during a panic-induced Reddit spiral. Although we were given prompts, the conversations were casual, and I found it to be so helpful that, when my first six weeks were up, I signed up for another round of sessions — and ended up having six totally different yet equally meaningful chats with another group of women who experienced pregnancy loss.

Arguably, one of the best parts about joining this grief group was that each cohort got their own WhatsApp group chat. Here, we were free to share photos of pets, vacation plans, and — most importantly — openly vent. These people who could understand what I was going through and relate to all the little things, like why a celebrity pregnancy announcement might ruin my day. They also shared personal knowledge on blood tests or invasive procedures, and I was able to do the same for them.

Even after the official sessions end, the group chats remain active, which has definitely helped me feel less alone. If a family member makes a weird comment or grief hits me unexpectedly, I know there's a safe place to turn to for support. My groups have really rallied around me and, no matter what I'm feeling, I know many of them have been through it, too.

My Biggest Takeaways From Joining a Miscarriage Grief Group

Hearing other pregnancy loss stories has confirmed that there's no "right" way to grieve . One person might celebrate their baby's due date each year, while others find the day they miscarried to be more meaningful. I've met people who are done trying to conceive and some who have gone through multiple losses, but are still trying.

It was also helpful to open up about my own journey — the physical pain that came with passing both of my losses at home and the trauma I experienced afterward, including how triggering blood and periods can be. Things I felt guilty about, like panicking and flushing my first miscarriage, were met with support, understanding, and similar stories — something that was invaluable to me.

"I think sometimes the world sees miscarriage as this simple, tiny moment in life, and it's so much more than that," says Cartrette. "Miscarriage doesn't just happen in a day or an hour. It can happen over a month, physically. But then emotionally it's...I consider it a whole year of emotional just grief and navigating life. And even after that year is up, somebody isn't healed...It's a long process."

The reality is, everyone's journey after pregnancy loss looks different and that's OK. What worked for me may not work for you. But joining a grief group after my miscarriage helped me heal — and if you're going through something similar and searching for answers, I couldn't recommend it more.

Samantha Sutton is a freelance writer with over a decade of experience. During the course of her career, she has written for POPSUGAR, InStyle, Stylecaster, Page Six, Real Simple, and more. When she is not covering women's lifestyle topics or working with publications as a stylist, she can be found somewhere between Staten Island, where she grew up, and upstate New York, where she resides with her husband, J.T., and their dog, Poppy.

• Personal Essay

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Journal of Materials Chemistry A

Advanced janus coatings for thermal management and synergistic flame retardancy in textiles.

In the context of low-carbon and energy conservation initiatives, smart thermal management textiles for the human body, which operate without energy consumption and pollution, are gaining increased attention. However, conformal to human skin, ensuring the fire safety of these textiles remains a critical challenge for their practical application. Meanwhile, complicated and changed environments demand a high self-adaptation for designed textiles. This study introduces a dual-mode textile designed for freely switching radiative cooling (RC) and solar heating (SH). The textile is created by applying a high-white flame retardant and black phosphorus to both sides using a convenient scrape coating method. The combination of the cooling layer (90.0% solar reflectance and 95.9% infrared emissivity) and the heating layer (80% solar absorptivity) provides a comfortable thermal environment for the human body. Furthermore, the Janus coating, consisting of advanced flame retardants, synergistically enhances the textile's fire safety, confirmed by a limiting oxygen index of 28.0%, a reduction of 40.1% in peak value of heat release, and self-extinguishing properties. This research presents a simple and available approach to creating dual-mode smart textiles for maintaining a comfortable micro-environment towards changed seasons and weather, significantly contributing to the development of fire-safe personal thermal management technology.

• This article is part of the themed collection: Journal of Materials Chemistry A HOT Papers

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L. Qi, W. Cai, J. Li, T. Cui, L. Chen, J. Gao, B. Fei, Y. Hu, L. Song, Z. Gui and W. Xing, J. Mater. Chem. A , 2024, Accepted Manuscript , DOI: 10.1039/D4TA04320K

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Trump and Allies Forge Plans to Increase Presidential Power in 2025

The former president and his backers aim to strengthen the power of the White House and limit the independence of federal agencies.

Donald J. Trump intends to bring independent regulatory agencies under direct presidential control. Credit... Doug Mills/The New York Times

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By Jonathan Swan Charlie Savage and Maggie Haberman

• Published July 17, 2023 Updated July 18, 2023

Donald J. Trump and his allies are planning a sweeping expansion of presidential power over the machinery of government if voters return him to the White House in 2025, reshaping the structure of the executive branch to concentrate far greater authority directly in his hands.

Their plans to centralize more power in the Oval Office stretch far beyond the former president’s recent remarks that he would order a criminal investigation into his political rival, President Biden, signaling his intent to end the post-Watergate norm of Justice Department independence from White House political control.

Mr. Trump and his associates have a broader goal: to alter the balance of power by increasing the president’s authority over every part of the federal government that now operates, by either law or tradition, with any measure of independence from political interference by the White House, according to a review of his campaign policy proposals and interviews with people close to him.

Mr. Trump intends to bring independent agencies — like the Federal Communications Commission, which makes and enforces rules for television and internet companies, and the Federal Trade Commission, which enforces various antitrust and other consumer protection rules against businesses — under direct presidential control.

He wants to revive the practice of “impounding” funds, refusing to spend money Congress has appropriated for programs a president doesn’t like — a tactic that lawmakers banned under President Richard Nixon.

He intends to strip employment protections from tens of thousands of career civil servants, making it easier to replace them if they are deemed obstacles to his agenda. And he plans to scour the intelligence agencies, the State Department and the defense bureaucracies to remove officials he has vilified as “the sick political class that hates our country.”

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