love and hate essay topics

Love and Hate in Romeo and Juliet

By Chris Nayak Globe Education Learning Consultant

I love you! I hate you!

Have you ever said those words? Did you mean them? Have you had them said to you? How did that make you feel?

In Romeo and Juliet, the emotions of love and hate are the lifeblood of the play. Everything that happens seems to be caused by one, or both, of these two forces.  Shakespeare frequently puts them side by side: ‘Here’s much to do with love but more with hate’ , ‘my only love sprung from my only hate’ . Such juxtaposition of conflicting ideas is called antithesis, and Shakespeare loves using it. In every one of his plays, this clash of opposing ideas is what provides the dramatic spark to make the play come to life.

But in Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare makes frequent use of a particular type of antithesis: the oxymoron. This is when two conflicting ideas are contained within a single phrase, maybe in just two words.  We use oxymorons in everyday speech:

‘Act naturally’, ‘organised chaos…’

Romeo uses many of them:

‘Cold fire, sick health…’

Later, Juliet joins in:

‘Beautiful tyrant, fiend angelical…’

But this play has many more oxymorons that any other Shakespeare play. Why does he choose this literary technique for Ro meo and Juliet ?

For me, it’s the perfect way of capturing how you feel when you’re young. The extremes of new and worrying feelings and the fact that you can flip from one emotion to the opposite in a heartbeat.

How can you in one moment having  carefree and happing conversation with your parents, brother or sister or friend and then because of a look or a comment, you are filled with anger and hatred for people you know that you love/ Although it was a long time ago, this is exactly how I remember being as a teenager. And an oxymoron is just that – two extremes expressed in a second. Adults tend to qualify, quantify, and have more shades of grey. Perhaps they grow out of having feelings like this. But for some young people, this is how life is experienced.

Romeo shares this last viewpoint. When the Friar tells Romeo to see the positives in his banishment, Romeo attacks him, saying ‘thou canst not speak of that thou dost not feel’ . And why doesn’t the Friar feel this way? Because he’s old, says Romeo. ‘wert thou as young as I…then mightst thou speak’ .

The type of love and hate that Shakespeare is depicting in this play belongs to young people, and oxymorons are the way to show it. Of course, some of the older characters feel their version of these emotions (Lord Capulet and Lord Montague join the brawl in the first scene), but Shakespeare’s focus is on the younger generation.

But are love and hate really opposites?

Even though Shakespeare sometimes places them in opposition, maybe they are not as different as we might think. In the play, there seem to be a lot of similarities between people when they are full of love, and when they are full of hate.

Romeo’s describes the hate he feels when Tybalt kills his friend Mercutio as a fire raging inside him. ‘Fire-eyed fury be my conduct now’ he says. The Prince is similar, ordering the families to ‘quench the fire of your pernicious rage’ .

But Romeo uses similar imagery when burning with passion for Juliet. ‘She doth teach the torches to burn bright’ , he says. ‘Juliet is the sun’ , a ‘bright angel’ . Juliet also expresses her love in the same way: Romeo is her ‘day in night’ .

The author Elie Wiesel once said that ‘the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference’ . Despite all the opposites and contrasts in this play, maybe Shakespeare thinks the same.

What do you think?

We use cookies to ensure you get the best experience from our website.

Carry on browsing if you're happy with this, or find out how to manage cookies .

• Essay Samples
• College Essay
• Writing Tools
• Writing guide

↑ Return to College Essay

Essay about love and hate – Compare And Contrast Essay

Introduction

In my essay, I compare and contrast love and hate. I find their similarities and their differences. My work is based on the norms of western society and the casually excepted implications of each emotion, such as how love is considered positive and hate is considered negative. In my essay, I compare and contrast the two emotions from a matter-of-fact and semi-technical perspective.

Similarities

Both hate and love are emotions and both are felt by humans though the exact nature of love or its many definitions means it is a difficult emotion to define. Love does seem to have a lot of definitions, whereas the word hate has numerous definitions but they are all centered on the same thing.

Both are powerful emotions

It is fair to say that love and hate are powerful emotions. They may lead a person to be euphoric or very sad, and can both encourage anger and extreme happiness. It is possible to hate someone so much that you like it, and it is possible to love someone so much that you secretly hate them.

Both are very good for very good artistic expression

There are many artists and creators that say their work came from their emotions of either love or hate. It seems that they are both good for creating inspiration and for helping a person maintain a concentrated effort so that their creative project is finished.

One may cause the other

It is possible for love to cause hate and hate to cause love. They are both conflicting emotions, but people may hate a person whilst actually falling in love, and one person may fall in love only to start eventually hating the person they purport to love.

Differences

There are numerous differences that both love and hate have, and there also appears to be a lot of mixing of emotions. It is possible to love and hate a person or something at the same time. A good example of this is a person that is cheated on that both loves and hates the person that cheated.

One is perceived as negative and the other positive

This is the biggest difference between both love and hate. Love is seen as a positive and constructive emotion, whereas hate is seen as a negative and destructive emotion.

One is tied to negative actions and one tied to positive actions

There are things such as loving/hateful acts and things born or love or hate. Both appear to be similar in that they are attached to action, but love is tied to positive actions and events, whereas hate is attached to negative actions and events.

There are quite a lot of differences when it comes to love and hate, and yet as emotions, they both seem to have a startling amount of similarities. The biggest reason for their differences seems to be based on the fact that they are two opposing emotions; however, it is possible for the two emotions to exist at one time and for both emotions to be seen as positive and negative.

Follow Us on Social Media

Get more free essays

Send via email

Most useful resources for students:.

• Free Essays Download
• Writing Tools List
• Proofreading Services
• Universities Rating

Contributors Bio

Find more useful services for students

Free plagiarism check, professional editing, online tutoring, free grammar check.

Essays About Love: 20 Intriguing Ideas for Students

Love can make a fascinating essay topic, but sometimes finding the perfect topic idea is challenging. Here are 20 of the best essays about love.

Writers have often explored the subject of love and what it means throughout history. In his book Essays in Love , Alain de Botton creates an in-depth essay on what love looks like, exploring a fictional couple’s relationship while highlighting many facts about love. This book shows how much there is to say about love as it beautifully merges non-fiction with fiction work.

The New York Times  published an entire column dedicated to essays on modern love, and many prize-winning reporters often contribute to the collection. With so many published works available, the subject of love has much to be explored.

If you are going to write an essay about love and its effects, you will need a winning topic idea. Here are the top 20 topic ideas for essays about love. These topics will give you plenty to think about and explore as you take a stab at the subject that has stumped philosophers, writers, and poets since the dawn of time.

For help with your essays, check out our round-up of the best essay checkers .

1. Outline the Definition of Love

2. describe your favorite love story, 3. what true love looks like, 4. discuss how human beings are hard-wired for love, 5. explore the different types of love, 6. determine the true meaning of love, 7. discuss the power of love, 8. do soul mates exist, 9. determine if all relationships should experience a break-up, 10. does love at first sight exist, 11. explore love between parents and children, 12. discuss the disadvantages of love, 13. ask if love is blind, 14. discuss the chemical changes that love causes, 15. outline the ethics of love, 16. the inevitability of heartbreak, 17. the role of love in a particular genre of literature, 18. is love freeing or oppressing, 19. does love make people do foolish things, 20. explore the theme of love from your favorite book or movie.

Defining love may not be as easy as you think. While it seems simple, love is an abstract concept with multiple potential meanings. Exploring these meanings and then creating your own definition of love can make an engaging essay topic.

To do this, first, consider the various conventional definitions of love. Then, compare and contrast them until you come up with your own definition of love.

One essay about love you could tackle is describing and analyzing a favorite love story. This story could be from a fiction tale or real life. It could even be your love story.

As you analyze and explain the love story, talk about the highs and lows of love. Showcase the hard and great parts of this love story, then end the essay by talking about what real love looks like (outside the flowers and chocolates).

This essay will explore what true love looks like. With this essay idea, you could contrast true love with the romantic love often shown in movies. This contrast would help the reader see how true love looks in real life.

An essay about what true love looks like could allow you to explore this kind of love in many different facets. It would allow you to discuss whether or not someone is, in fact, in true love. You could demonstrate why saying “I love you” is not enough through the essay.

There seems to be something ingrained in human nature to seek love. This fact could make an interesting essay on love and its meaning, allowing you to explore why this might be and how it plays out in human relationships.

Because humans seem to gravitate toward committed relationships, you could argue that we are hard-wired for love. But, again, this is an essay option that has room for growth as you develop your thoughts.

There are many different types of love. For example, while you can have romantic love between a couple, you may also have family love among family members and love between friends. Each of these types of love has a different expression, which could lend itself well to an interesting essay topic.

Writing an essay that compares and contrasts the different types of love would allow you to delve more deeply into the concept of love and what makes up a loving relationship.

What does love mean? This question is not as easy to answer as you might think. However, this essay topic could give you quite a bit of room to develop your ideas about love.

While exploring this essay topic, you may discover that love means different things to different people. For some, love is about how someone makes another person feel. To others, it is about actions performed. By exploring this in an essay, you can attempt to define love for your readers.

What can love make people do? This question could lend itself well to an essay topic. The power of love is quite intense, and it can make people do things they never thought they could or would do.

With this love essay, you could look at historical examples of love, fiction stories about love relationships, or your own life story and what love had the power to do. Then, at the end of your essay, you can determine how powerful love is.

The idea of a soul mate is someone who you are destined to be with and love above all others. This essay topic would allow you to explore whether or not each individual has a soul mate.

If you determine that they do, you could further discuss how you would identify that soul mate. How can you tell when you have found “the one” right for you? Expanding on this idea could create a very interesting and unique essay.

Break-ups seem inevitable, and strong relationships often come back together afterward. Yet are break-ups truly inevitable? Or are they necessary to create a strong bond? This idea could turn into a fascinating essay topic if you look at both sides of the argument.

On the one hand, you could argue that the break-up experience shows you whether or not your relationship can weather difficult times. On the other hand, you could argue that breaking up damages the trust you’re working to build. Regardless of your conclusion, you can build a solid essay off of this topic idea.

Love, at first sight is a common theme in romance stories, but is it possible? Explore this idea in your essay. You will likely find that love, at first sight, is nothing more than infatuation, not genuine love.

Yet you may discover that sometimes, love, at first sight, does happen. So, determine in your essay how you can differentiate between love and infatuation if it happens to you. Then, conclude with your take on love at first sight and if you think it is possible.

The love between a parent and child is much different than the love between a pair of lovers. This type of love is one-sided, with care and self-sacrifice on the parent’s side. However, the child’s love is often unconditional.

Exploring this dynamic, especially when contrasting parental love with romantic love, provides a compelling essay topic. You would have the opportunity to define this type of love and explore what it looks like in day-to-day life.

Most people want to fall in love and enjoy a loving relationship, but does love have a downside? In an essay, you can explore the disadvantages of love and show how even one of life’s greatest gifts is not without its challenges.

This essay would require you to dig deep and find the potential downsides of love. However, if you give it a little thought, you should be able to discuss several. Finally, end the essay by telling the reader whether or not love is worth it despite the many challenges.

Love is blind is a popular phrase that indicates love allows someone not to see another person’s faults. But is love blind, or is it simply a metaphor that indicates the ability to overlook issues when love is at the helm.

If you think more deeply about this quote, you will probably determine that love is not blind. Rather, love for someone can overshadow their character flaws and shortcomings. When love is strong, these things fall by the wayside. Discuss this in your essay, and draw your own conclusion to decide if love is blind.

When someone falls in love, their body feels specific hormonal and chemical changes. These changes make it easier to want to spend time with the person. Yet they can be fascinating to study, and you could ask whether or not love is just chemical reactions or something more.

Grab a science book or two and see if you can explore these physiological changes from love. From the additional sweating to the flushing of the face, you will find quite a few chemical changes that happen when someone is in love.

Love feels like a positive emotion that does not have many ethical concerns, but this is not true. Several ethical questions come from the world of love. Exploring these would make for an interesting and thoughtful essay.

For example, you could discuss if it is ethically acceptable to love an object or even oneself or love other people. You could discuss if it is appropriate to enter into a physical relationship if there is no love present or if love needs to come first. There are many questions to explore with this love essay.

If you choose to love someone, is heartbreak inevitable? This question could create a lengthy essay. However, some would argue that it is because either your object of affection will eventually leave you through a break-up or death.

Yet do these actions have to cause heartbreak, or are they simply part of the process? Again, this question lends itself well to an essay because it has many aspects and opinions to explore.

Literature is full of stories of love. You could choose a genre, like mythology or science fiction, and explore the role of love in that particular genre. With this essay topic, you may find many instances where love is a vital central theme of the work.

Keep in mind that in some genres, like myths, love becomes a driving force in the plot, while in others, like historical fiction, it may simply be a background part of the story. Therefore, the type of literature you choose for this essay would significantly impact the way your essay develops.

Most people want to fall in love, but is love freeing or oppressing? The answer may depend on who your loved ones are. Love should free individuals to authentically be who they are, not tie them into something they are not.

Yet there is a side of love that can be viewed as oppressive, deepening on your viewpoint. For example, you should stay committed to just that individual when you are in a committed relationship with someone else. Is this freeing or oppressive? Gather opinions through research and compare the answers for a compelling essay.

You can easily find stories of people that did foolish things for love. These stories could translate into interesting and engaging essays. You could conclude the answer to whether or not love makes people do foolish things.

Your answer will depend on your research, but chances are you will find that, yes, love makes people foolish at times. Then you could use your essay to discuss whether or not it is still reasonable to think that falling in love is a good thing, although it makes people act foolishly at times.

Most fiction works have love in them in some way. This may not be romantic love, but you will likely find characters who love something or someone.

Use that fact to create an essay. Pick your favorite story, either through film or written works, and explore what love looks like in that work. Discuss the character development, storyline, and themes and show how love is used to create compelling storylines.

If you are interested in learning more, check out our essay writing tips !

Themes of Love and Hate in William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet

How it works

Romeo and Juliet were two star crossed lovers who were inseparable from the second they met. Their love for each-other fueled countless arguments, family members to be killed, and in the end brought people closer than they would have ever imagined. I agree with the analysis of Romeo and Juliet from Analyzing the love between Romeo and Juliet (UK Essays). The two lovers caused clashes of love and hate which made the two families rival with each other more than they did before.

Romeo first laid eyes on Juliet at the Capulet’s masquerade. The two weren’t aware that they were from rival families, so they mingled. You can argue that love at first sight isn’t true, but in the case of Romeo, he fell in love with Juliet the instant he saw her. Him falling in love with Juliet not only got him to forget about Rosaline, but it ushered him to do unthinkable things. The love that Romeo and Juliet have for each other makes them willing to do anything for each other. Later, after the Capulet masquerade, Romeo snuck into the Capulets mansion to seek out Juliet. This scene is usually quoted as the balcony scene . Juliet appeared on the balcony, where Romeo was stalking her. Juliet stated that if Romeo had a different name, she would be perfectly fine with dating/marrying him. The only thing that is holding them back is their names; if the two were from rival families, they would be fine with marrying each other. Romeo makes a promise to Juliet, but is abruptly stopped by Juliet who states, Do not swear at all; Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry, And I’ll believe thee. [Act 2, page 17]. The two agree to meet the next morning to talk more. The next day, Romeo appears at Friar Lawrence’s cell, and asks him to marry him and Juliet. Friar Lawrence agrees to marry the two because he believes that the marriage of the two will ease the discord between the two families [UK Essays]. Romeo is marrying Juliet the next day because he does not want to waste any time with her. Their abrupt marriage shows the love that they have for each other, and how their relationship together will play out. Friar Lawrence references Romeo as his son, because of the connection that he has with Romeo. Romeo shows his love to Juliet by sneaking off into her house many times, and the two getting married a day after they got together. I feel that the early marriage is foreshadowing for the short amount of time that the couple will be alive. Even though they just met each other, they feel as if they already know so much about each other. Romeo is always leaving to go see Juliet, which is making a couple family members suspicious, such as Benvolio and Mercutio.

Love is the most prevalent theme in act two since Romeo married Juliet within 24 hours of meeting her, and after that he went to see her daily. Love plays a crucial role in the foreplay of the story; not only does it push the plot of the story on, but it is the backbone of the entire play. This act / scene is what determines the end of the actual play. Not only did Romeo and Juliet’s love cause people to fight each other, but it also brought people together. In act 2 scene 3, Tybalt sends Romeo a threatening message. Romeo receives this message because Tybalt finds Romeo unwelcomed at the Capulet ball. Tybalt was challenging Romeo to a fight, which was utterly pointless because when they were going to fight, Romeo and Juliet were already engaged. The fight led to two deaths; both Tybalt and Mercutio are slain after the fight. At the very end of the play, after Romeo and Juliet commit suicide (Juliet commits suicide because she believed that Romeo was dead, and since she loved him so much, she believed that it would be best if she committed suicide alongside Romeo), the Montagues and Capulets come together and stop fighting. These deaths could have been prevented if the two families had put aside their differences and come together. It took five people dying for the Montagues and Capulets to realize that their qualms were pointless. Romeo and Juliet had a love that was able to cause the deaths of multiple people.

To conclude, love is the most present theme in act two of Romeo and Juliet. Not only did they marry in the same day, but they also died together (later in the story). The two star crossed lovers filled the text with their love. They would have gone through it all for each other. Their love was the prime source of fuel for all the conflicts, friendships, etc. that occurred throughout the course of a week. The inseparable couple met one night at a masquerade, and ever since their lives have been lived to basically serve each other, which as I previously stated, caused more fights and conflicts than anything else that happened during their age. Love and hate are thrown around like a hot potato during act two. Shakespeare uses the day as a buildup for what happens during the nighttime. Their relationship goes by in a heartbeat because of this. As seen in act two scene two, JULIET: At what o’clock to-morrow Shall I send to thee? ROMEO: At the hour of nine . This is the buildup for the actual events that are going to happen during the day. Later on, Romeo is going to ask Juliet to marry him, but they sadly commit suicide after a lack of good communication kept Romeo from receiving a letter about the plan that Friar Lawrence had composed.

Cite this page

Themes of Love and Hate in William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. (2019, Dec 09). Retrieved from https://papersowl.com/examples/themes-of-love-and-hate-in-william-shakespeares-romeo-and-juliet/

"Themes of Love and Hate in William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet." PapersOwl.com , 9 Dec 2019, https://papersowl.com/examples/themes-of-love-and-hate-in-william-shakespeares-romeo-and-juliet/

PapersOwl.com. (2019). Themes of Love and Hate in William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet . [Online]. Available at: https://papersowl.com/examples/themes-of-love-and-hate-in-william-shakespeares-romeo-and-juliet/ [Accessed: 3 Sep. 2024]

"Themes of Love and Hate in William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet." PapersOwl.com, Dec 09, 2019. Accessed September 3, 2024. https://papersowl.com/examples/themes-of-love-and-hate-in-william-shakespeares-romeo-and-juliet/

"Themes of Love and Hate in William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet," PapersOwl.com , 09-Dec-2019. [Online]. Available: https://papersowl.com/examples/themes-of-love-and-hate-in-william-shakespeares-romeo-and-juliet/. [Accessed: 3-Sep-2024]

PapersOwl.com. (2019). Themes of Love and Hate in William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet . [Online]. Available at: https://papersowl.com/examples/themes-of-love-and-hate-in-william-shakespeares-romeo-and-juliet/ [Accessed: 3-Sep-2024]

Don't let plagiarism ruin your grade

Hire a writer to get a unique paper crafted to your needs.

Our writers will help you fix any mistakes and get an A+!

Please check your inbox.

You can order an original essay written according to your instructions.

Trusted by over 1 million students worldwide

1. Tell Us Your Requirements

2. Pick your perfect writer

3. Get Your Paper and Pay

Hi! I'm Amy, your personal assistant!

Don't know where to start? Give me your paper requirements and I connect you to an academic expert.

short deadlines

100% Plagiarism-Free

Certified writers

Essay Service Examples Life Hate

Love Versus Hate

• Proper editing and formatting
• Free revision, title page, and bibliography
• Flexible prices and money-back guarantee

Our writers will provide you with an essay sample written from scratch: any topic, any deadline, any instructions.

Cite this paper

Related essay topics.

Get your paper done in as fast as 3 hours, 24/7.

Related articles

Most popular essays

In America, hate has become a prevalent force in our culture. Every day, you hear about shootings,...

• Criminal Behavior

A hate crime is when one or more than one person goes against one person or a group, most times...

In May this year, a bill offering protection from attacks committed against police officers on the...

• Romeo and Juliet

Romeo and Juliet by playwright William Shakespeare is a tragic love story. It has two main...

Social media has developed rapidly over the past 20 years, from Instagram and Snapchat to...

Hate crimes motivated by race and ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity and...

• First Amendment
• Freedom of Speech

The First Amendment is one of the most significant and widely used amendments today. In this paper...

• Black Lives Matter
• Perspective

In recent years, the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement has sparked passionate debates and garnered...

Throughout U.S history, hate crimes have been known as a crime that someone is motivated to commit...

Join our 150k of happy users

• Get original paper written according to your instructions
• Save time for what matters most

Fair Use Policy

EduBirdie considers academic integrity to be the essential part of the learning process and does not support any violation of the academic standards. Should you have any questions regarding our Fair Use Policy or become aware of any violations, please do not hesitate to contact us via [email protected].

We are here 24/7 to write your paper in as fast as 3 hours.

Provide your email, and we'll send you this sample!

By providing your email, you agree to our Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy .

Say goodbye to copy-pasting!

Get custom-crafted papers for you.

Enter your email, and we'll promptly send you the full essay. No need to copy piece by piece. It's in your inbox!

Home — Essay Samples — Literature — Romeo and Juliet — Love In Romeo And Juliet

Love in Romeo and Juliet

• Categories: Romeo and Juliet

About this sample

Words: 618 |

Published: Mar 13, 2024

Words: 618 | Page: 1 | 4 min read

Cite this Essay

Let us write you an essay from scratch

• 450+ experts on 30 subjects ready to help
• Custom essay delivered in as few as 3 hours

Get high-quality help

Verified writer

• Expert in: Literature

+ 120 experts online

By clicking “Check Writers’ Offers”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy . We’ll occasionally send you promo and account related email

No need to pay just yet!

Related Essays

1 pages / 497 words

2 pages / 1023 words

3.5 pages / 1634 words

4 pages / 1790 words

Remember! This is just a sample.

You can get your custom paper by one of our expert writers.

121 writers online

Still can’t find what you need?

Browse our vast selection of original essay samples, each expertly formatted and styled

Related Essays on Romeo and Juliet

Love is a universal theme that has captivated writers, poets, and artists for centuries. From Shakespeare's tragic tale of Romeo and Juliet to modern-day romantic comedies, love has always been a central focus in storytelling. [...]

Romeo and Juliet, one of William Shakespeare's most famous plays, is a tragic love story that is filled with foreshadowing. In this essay, we will analyze the use of foreshadowing in the play and how it contributes to the [...]

Regret is an emotion that plagues us all at some point in our lives. It is a feeling of remorse or sadness about something that we wish we had done differently. As a college student, I have experienced my fair share of regrets, [...]

In William Shakespeare's iconic play, "Romeo and Juliet," the theme of fate looms large over the tragic love story of the titular characters. From the very beginning, the audience is made aware of the inevitable doom that awaits [...]

Romeo and Juliet, one of Shakespeare's most famous plays, narrates the tragic love story of two teenagers from different houses hating each other, who are destined to die this young but had chances, especially Romeo, for taking [...]

Romeo and Juliet, the world’s most well-known “young, star-crossed lovers”, have been seen as the model of “true love” since their roles first graced the stage of the Globe Theatre. But was the pair actually in love? Were they [...]

Related Topics

By clicking “Send”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement . We will occasionally send you account related emails.

Where do you want us to send this sample?

By clicking “Continue”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

Be careful. This essay is not unique

This essay was donated by a student and is likely to have been used and submitted before

Download this Sample

Free samples may contain mistakes and not unique parts

Sorry, we could not paraphrase this essay. Our professional writers can rewrite it and get you a unique paper.

Please check your inbox.

We can write you a custom essay that will follow your exact instructions and meet the deadlines. Let's fix your grades together!

Get Your Personalized Essay in 3 Hours or Less!

We use cookies to personalyze your web-site experience. By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy .

• Instructions Followed To The Letter
• Deadlines Met At Every Stage
• Unique And Plagiarism Free

• Relationships

It’s a Thin Line Between Love and Hate

Why we hate the people we love..

Posted March 27, 2018 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

• Why Relationships Matter
• Take our Relationship Satisfaction Test
• Find a therapist to strengthen relationships

Love and hate are similar in being directed toward another person because of who he or she is. Despite this similarity, the two seem like polar opposites. Very often when we love someone, we want them to thrive. When we hate someone, we are more likely to wish they would suffer — or at least change who they are.

Yet we do not have to listen to The Persuaders' soulful vocals to know that love and hate can coexist. If you've ever loved, you know that you can hate a person you love. But how is that possible?

She Is a Bad Person for Not Loving You

The most obvious scenario in which you hate and love a person at the same time is one in which your love is not reciprocated. If you think you are basically a lovable person, it can be hard to comprehend that someone you love might not love you. If you lack confidence already, this will be a further blow to your self-esteem . If you have some self-worth, you may temporarily be fooled into thinking that the lack of reciprocation of your love reveals a fundamental flaw in the other person. If you direct your negative feelings at the person because of this “flaw” in his or her personality , you are bound to hate him or her (at least a little).

Love Takes Away Your Personal Freedom

It is easy enough to see how love and hate can coexist in cases of unreciprocated love . But you can hate a person you love even when your love is reciprocated, and even when you have an overall thriving relationship with them. This is one of the things that is paradoxical about love and love relationships — whether romantic or not.

Having an actual "we-spend-time-together" relationship with another person on the basis of love ( romantic love , friendship love, parental love) requires giving up a little of your autonomy and personal freedom. Sometimes you need to spend time with the other person. This leaves less time to do things that you would rather do at that very moment. Certainly, when my alarm goes off at 5:30 in the morning so I can get ready to drive my daughter to school, I would much rather turn off the alarm and roll over for some more shut-eye — all else being equal. But not all else is equal.

When you have a relationship with another person, there will inevitably be times when you need to set aside your own preferences and heed the wishes or needs of the other.

Sometimes you need to find a middle ground. If my daughter wants to watch three movies, and I want to watch one, we might end up watching two. Meeting the other person halfway also entails giving up some of your personal freedom.

In Western cultures, at least, where the importance of autonomy and personal freedom is repeatedly emphasized, having to let go of your freedom to some extent may not always feel right, especially not if you are used to being on your own and doing whatever you want (Brogaard, 2017). You may perceive the giving and the dealmaking as a sacrifice or punishment . If you see your significant other as the reason for your loss of personal freedom, you may hate them a little — or a lot.

Love Makes You Vulnerable

In order to have a meaningful relationship with another person, you need to be able to be yourself. That is not always a good thing. We cannot always show our true colors to the people at work, in the grocery store, or on the subway. But you need to be able to do some of that at home. You need to let the other person see, and hear about, your weaknesses. But this means that you become vulnerable.

We can hurt a person who is vulnerable considerably more than a person who has her guard up all the time. That is part of what it means to be vulnerable. Because vulnerability increases the chance that you might get hurt, being vulnerable can be scary. It’s risky business. Having to take that risk and live with that risk can be overwhelming to the point that our love becomes mixed with the occasional bout of hate.

The Other Person Has Flaws

But you are not the only person who must show your true colors. The other person in the relationship must open up as well and be able to act like themselves. When this happens, you see sides of them that are not always pleasing — all the bad traits that most others wouldn’t even dream of attributing to them. You have to live with all the bad habits and annoying behaviors that you might once upon a time have found endearing . Fortunately, the sporadic bouts of hate you may experience when your beloved's habits and behaviors get on your nerves can coexist with your love for him or her.

Ambivalence

When love blends with hate , this is a case of ambivalence. In functional relationships, the ambivalence tends to be short-lived. The love trumps the hate. But ambivalence lasts longer whenever two emotions or desires genuinely compete. This is a common scenario: You are sad because your sick puppy died, but happy that he didn’t have to suffer anymore. You are surprised when your sister is late (yet again), but you had kind of expected it. You are attracted to and feeling repulsed by the person you just started seeing. You are in love with two people, but now it’s time to choose who to be in a relationship with. Or you hate your spouse as much as you love him and have some difficult decisions to make.

That Thin Line

The Persuaders were not, in fact, singing about hating and loving a person at the same time, but about love turning to hate. When lead singer Douglas “Smokey” Scott laid those vocals down, it was because his woman had sliced him up like cold cuts after he had stepped all over her night after night. Suddenly, her love turned to hate.

This doesn’t just happen in hit songs and Hollywood movies. Love can turn to hate in a matter of minutes. This makes a lot of sense when we look at how the brain processes love and hate. Zeki & Romaya (2008) looked at people's brains while viewing images of the faces of people they either loved or hated. The results revealed that some of the same brain areas were activated in the two conditions. One of those areas is the insular — a brain region that determines the intensity of an emotion and how strongly we take it to be associated with what we perceive (in this case, the person). The insular does not determine whether the emotion is positive or negative.

Hate and love thus both seem to be involved in the neural processing of what is sometimes referred to as the arousal effect of emotion (this is a technical term, so arousal can be negative). It seems that an emotion with a high arousal effect can quickly turn from positive (love) to negative (hate).

That thin line will send us downhill again and again. We hardly ever see it coming. Intense love can seem so lasting and forever that it’s almost surrealistic when we realize how quickly it can turn into hate.

Brogaard, B. (2017). "The Rise and Fall of the Romantic Ideal," In R. Grossi & D. West (eds.), The Radicalism of Romantic Love: Critical Perspectives (pp. 47-63). Taylor and Francis.

Zeki S, Romaya JP (2008). “Neural Correlates of Hate”, PLoS ONE 3: e3556

Berit Brogaard, D.M.Sci., Ph.D. , is a professor of philosophy and the Director of the Brogaard Lab for Multisensory Research at the University of Miami.

• Find a Therapist
• Find a Treatment Center
• Find a Psychiatrist
• Find a Support Group
• Find Online Therapy
• United States
• Brooklyn, NY
• Chicago, IL
• Houston, TX
• Los Angeles, CA
• New York, NY
• Portland, OR
• San Diego, CA
• San Francisco, CA
• Seattle, WA
• Washington, DC
• Asperger's
• Bipolar Disorder
• Chronic Pain
• Eating Disorders
• Passive Aggression
• Personality
• Goal Setting
• Positive Psychology
• Stopping Smoking
• Low Sexual Desire
• Child Development
• Self Tests NEW
• Therapy Center
• Diagnosis Dictionary
• Types of Therapy

Sticking up for yourself is no easy task. But there are concrete skills you can use to hone your assertiveness and advocate for yourself.

• Emotional Intelligence
• Gaslighting
• Affective Forecasting
• Neuroscience

ORIGINAL RESEARCH article

The deeper the love, the deeper the hate.

• 1 Center for Studies of Psychological Application, South China Normal University, Guangzhou, China
• 2 Guangdong Key Laboratory of Mental Health and Cognitive Science, South China Normal University, Guangzhou, China
• 3 School of Psychology, South China Normal University, Guangzhou, China
• 4 Cognition and Human Behavior Key Laboratory of Hunan, Department of Psychology, Hunan Normal University, Changsha, China

Love and hate are basic human affects. Previous research has focused on the classification, functions, and other aspects of these two affects. However, few studies have been conducted on the relationship between love and hate. The present study investigated whether similarity within romantic partners was associated with greater feelings of love in the absence of betrayal, and greater hate induced in the presence of betrayal by using vignettes to induce love and hate in a sample of 59 young adults. The results showed that people who shared similar values and interests with the target persons were more likely to experience stronger love. Additionally, stronger feelings of love were associated with greater hate after the relationship was broken, suggesting a link between romantic love and hate. Our study revealed a complex picture of love and hate. People have different emotional reactions toward different target persons in the context of romantic love and hate. If one loves someone deeply and sometimes hates that person, the feeling of love may still be dominant in the context of betrayal. However, if one does not love that person, hate will be a much stronger feeling than love.

Introduction

Love and hate are important human affects that are of long-standing interest in psychology. Increasingly, empirical research has been carried out on the relationship between love and hate. However, traditional psychological theories have mainly focused on love, especially romantic love. These include Sternberg’s (1986 ) triangular theory of love and the three-stage model of love ( Fisher, 1989 ; Fisher et al., 2006 ). Love has been defined as an action ( Swensen, 1972 ), attitude ( Rubin, 1970 ), experience ( Skolnick, 1978 ), and even as a prototypical emotion ( Fehr and Russell, 1991 ; Post, 2002 ; Sober, 2002 ; Wyschogrod, 2002 ). Collectively, these definitions suggest that love is a multi-faced phenomenon ( Ekman, 1972 ; Izard, 1977 ; Tomkins, 1984 ). Hate, within the context of a romantic relationship, arises mainly from a relational betrayal. Researchers have proposed a concept related to romantic hate, romantic jealousy, which describes the negative attitudes, anger, and fear associated with having a relationship partner ( Yoshimura, 2004 ).

Love and hate are related to each other in a complex manner; the methodological approaches used by previous researchers have limited effectiveness in exploring the intricate relationship between love and hate. In addition, there has been little research on the psychological mechanisms that could explain the interrelations between love and hate. Therefore, our study investigates how these two affects are related. To pursue such a research objective, one must consider how best to induce varying levels of feelings of love.

Previous studies have found that attraction is a crucial condition for the development of romantic love ( Cutler et al., 1998 ; Braxton-Davis, 2010 ; Miller and Maner, 2010 ). Similarity, rather than complementarity, plays a key role in attraction ( Berscheid and Reis, 1998 ; Luo and Klohnen, 2005 ; Hudson et al., 2014 ). Many aspects of similarity have been studied in relation to attraction. In the current study, we focused on similarity in ideologies. That is, persons with similar ideologies (defined here in terms of values and interests) tend to form longer lasting and more harmonious relationships ( Buunk and Bosman, 1986 ; Lemay and Clark, 2008 ). Ideological similarity also implies commonalities in behaviors which further contribute to mutual attraction in the context of romantic love ( Schafer and Keith, 1990 ). From this perspective, similarity may be a key factor that influences the degree of love. In addition, researchers found that differences in excellence levels, such as those relating to ability and achievement, between partners would also be an important factor influencing romantic relationships ( Conroy-Beam et al., 2016 ).

In the present study, we manipulated the level of similarity and the level of excellence to induce different levels of love. That is, we concurrently varied the levels of similarity and excellence of different targets. We explored whether participants felt stronger love for a target who was more similar to themselves when the targets and participants were of the same level of excellence. Additionally, we were also interested in whether participants have different emotional reactions toward different target persons in the context of romantic love and hate.

We examined two research questions in the current research. First, would there be greater feelings of love between two persons if they were more similar to each other? Second, under certain conditions, does a person’s love generate a corresponding level of hate when negative events occurred to his or her romantic partner?

In this study, we implemented a paradigm similar to what has been used in previous research ( Takahashi et al., 2009 ), and adapted the scenario method to induce love and hate. The characters in the scenario included one protagonist and three targets. Participants read the scenario and imagined that they were the protagonist and were in a romantic relationship with one of the target. We induced different levels of love by manipulating the degree of similarity (e.g., values and interests) and excellence (e.g., ability and achievements) between the protagonist and target persons in the vignettes. We also induced hate using vignettes that showed target persons betraying the protagonist, such as going on dates or having affairs with people of the opposite-sex. We hypothesized that greater similarity between a participant (protagonist) and a target would be associated with greater feelings of love, and that when negative events occur with the protagonist’s romantic partner, the target would be associated with greater feelings of hate.

Materials and Methods

Participants.

Sixty volunteers, recruited from different colleges, participated in the experiment. One participant had misunderstood the instructions and was thus excluded from the analyses. As a result, the final studied sample consists of 59 participants (30 men, 29 women, age M = 20.2 years, SD = 1.5). None of the participants reported any previous diagnoses of psychiatric or neurological illnesses. Roughly 18% of the participants said they were looking for a relationship, 33% were in a relationship, 24% had experienced a break-up, and the remaining 25% had not been in any relationships. The study was approved by the Ethics Committee of the School of Psychology at South China Normal University. Each participant had provided written informed consent prior to participating in the experiment. They were also given small tokens of appreciation for their participation.

The vignettes used in the present experimental paradigm were adapted from a previous study that investigated the neural correlates of envy and schadenfreude ( Takahashi et al., 2009 ). The vignettes were modified to fit the present romantic love context, according to the previous definitions of love ( Hatfield and Sprecher, 1986 ; Schafer and Keith, 1990 ). The people in the vignettes included one protagonist and three targets (i.e., targets A, B, and C) corresponding to three manipulated conditions (see Supplementary Material). Participants were asked to study and understand the vignettes thoroughly and to imagine themselves as the protagonist in the vignettes. Target A was described as a person of equal level of excellence and high similarity to the protagonist, target B as equal level of excellence and low similarity to the protagonist, and target C as low level of excellence and low similarity to the protagonist (target C). See Supplementary Table S1 for details.

Questionnaire

We used the 15-item Passionate Love Scale (PLS; Hatfield and Sprecher, 1998 ) to measure the degree of love evoked by each participant in the vignettes. An example of an item in the PLS is, “I would rather be with him/her than anyone else…” Participants rated each item according to the degree of passionate love they perceived (1 = none; 9 = extremely passionate love). The PLS is suitable for individuals who are and are not in a relationship, and for individuals who have never been in a romantic relationship ( Hatfield and Sprecher, 1986 ; Aron et al., 2005 ). The reliability and validity of this scale have been established in previous studies ( Hatfield and Sprecher, 1986 ; Fehr, 1988 ; Hendrick and Hendrick, 1989 ; Fehr and Russell, 1991 ). Cronbach’s alpha coefficient was 0.94 in the present study.

Learning Materials

The experiment consisted of two parts. We induced feelings of love toward the targets in the participants (the protagonists) in Part 1 (Figure 1 ), and feelings of hate toward the targets in Part 2 (Figure 2 ).

FIGURE 1. Part 1 consisted of three phases: studying the materials, rating on the computer, and completing the PLS. This figure presents a schematic depiction of the stimuli and rating task design of Part 1 ( love ). First, a fixation cross hair was presented for 1000 ms followed by the experimental stimuli (Lover A, Lover B, and Lover C) that were displayed for 2000 ms or until response. The top line in each stimuli-containing rectangle indicated a target person, the middle line indicated the domain of comparison (excellence and similarity), and the bottom line indicated the specific traits in these two domains.

FIGURE 2. Part 2 consisted of two phases: rating on the computer and completing the PLS. This figure presents a schematic depiction of the stimuli and rating task design of Part 2 ( hate ). Specific traits of Lover A, Lover B, and Lover C were presented as in Part 1. Each trait was followed by a subsequent negative event, which was presented for 2000 ms or until response. The top line indicated a target person, and the bottom line indicated a negative event. A 1000 ms inter-stimulus interval was interleaved between each trait and negative event.

First, participants were asked to read a story and imagine that they were the protagonist (see Supplementary Material). Next, the participants were asked to recall relevant key details about themselves by responding to sentences beginning with “I am…” Following this, participants were instructed to read three vignettes describing three different situations. Each vignette involved the protagonist and three targets. Participants were asked to recall the information relating to each target through free recall. Participants were then asked to imagine that they were in a romantic relationship with the target.

Ratings and Measurements

We used E-Prime 2.0 to present the items in a random order [we included 15 core items from each vignette into the reading materials of each target (see Supplementary Table S1)]. After the participants studied the materials, they completed the rating task on the computer and then completed the PLS in both Part 1 and Part 2. Participants gave one love score per item per target person in Part 1 and one hate score per negative event per target person in Part 2, as well as two PLS scores before and after the negative events.

In Part 1, we asked participants to imagine themselves as the protagonist when reading the scenario, and then rate each trait presented in terms of how much love they felt toward a target based on the presented features of the three targets (1 = none; 6 = extreme love). After that, we used the PLS to measure participants’ feelings of love with the three targets.

In Part 2 of the experiment, the background characteristics of A, B, and C were unchanged; however, we created vignettes in which the targets betrayed the protagonist, for example by having an affair with someone of the opposite sex (see the negative events in Supplementary Table S1). Participants were then asked to rate how much hate they felt toward A, B, and C (1 = none; 6 = extreme hate). Upon completion of Part 2, participants completed the PLS again to assess their feelings of love toward the three targets.

We used several analyses to test our hypotheses. The scores from love ratings, hate ratings, and the PLS items were averaged within subjects prior to the analyses. Specifically, we used one-way repeated measures of analysis of variance (ANOVA) to test for differences in participants’ love ratings, hate ratings, and PLS scores for targets A, B, and C; these analyses were conducted for scenarios with and without betrayal (Part 1 and 2). Simple effect tests were performed when the interaction effect was significant.

Additionally, we used a 3 (target: A, B, and C) × 2 (time: before vs. after) two-way repeated measures ANOVA to analyze the degree of love level perceived by the protagonist in relation to the three targets before and after the negative events. Next, we used a 3 (target: A, B, and C) × 2 (affect: love vs. hate) two-way repeated measures ANOVA to analyze the relationship between the love and hate scores. Tests of simple main effects were performed when an interaction effect was statistically significant. In addition, we used Pearson’s correlation analysis to test the correlations between scores for love and hate. Subsequently, we used partial correlations to examine the association between love and hate controlling for participants’ gender and age.

Degree of Love

Across the different conditions (targets A, B, and C), the results of the one-way repeated measures ANOVA revealed significant differences in perceived feelings of love [ F (2,116) = 985.710, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.944]. Further analyses of the simple main effects showed that the degree of love toward target A (5.53 ± 0.48) was significantly higher than that of target B (4.52 ± 0.54) [ F (1,58) = 177.796, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.754], and the degree of love toward B was significantly higher than that of target C (1.66 ± 0.45) [ F (1,58) = 977.526, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.944].

Additionally, across the different targets, the results of the one-way repeated measures ANOVA revealed significant differences in participants’ PLS scores of the three targets [ F (2,116) = 450.352, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.886]. Further analyses of the simple main effects showed that the degree of passionate love toward target A (109.73 ± 11.80) was significantly higher than that of target B (93.46 ± 14.59) [ F (1,58) = 60.263, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.510], and the degree of passionate love toward target B was significantly higher than that of target C (38.39 ± 20.40) [ F (1,58) = 519.537, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.900].

Degree of Hate

Across the different targets, the results of the one-way repeated measures ANOVA revealed significant differences in the degree of hate after the negative event manipulation [ F (2,116) = 229.64, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.798]. Further analyses of the simple main effects showed that the degree of hate toward target A (5.25 ± 0.57) was significantly higher than that of target B (4.84 ± 0.55) [ F (1,58) = 34.768, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.375], and the degree of hate toward target B was significantly higher than that of target C (3.02 ± 0.98) [ F (1,58) = 216.921, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.789].

Across the different targets, the results of the one-way repeated measures ANOVA revealed significant differences of the overall PLS scores after the negative event manipulation [ F (2,116) = 316.544, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.845]. Further analyses of the simple main effects showed that the PLS score for target A (88.95 ± 22.00) was significantly higher than that of target B (71.97 ± 21.83) [ F (1,58) = 63.119, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.521], and the score for target B was significantly higher than that of target C (27.81 ± 14.39) [ F (1,58) = 333.357, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.852].

The 3 (targets: A, B, C) × 2 (time: before vs. after) two-way repeated measures ANOVA revealed a significant target × time interaction [ F (2,116) = 10.432, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.152] on PLS scores. Further simple main effect analyses revealed that after the negative event manipulation, participants’ love scores for target A was significantly lower than before the manipulation [A-Before: 109.73 ± 11.80, A-After: 88.95 ± 22.00; F (1,58) = 74.822, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.560]. Similarly, participants’ love scores for target B [B-Before: 93.46 ± 14.59, B-After: 71.97 ± 21.83; F (1,58) = 68.179, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.540] and target C were also significantly lower than before the manipulation [C-Before: 38.39 ± 20.40, C-After: 27.81 ± 14.39; F (1,58) = 27.842, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.324].

Love and Hate

The 3 (targets: A, B, C) × 2 (affect: love vs. hate) two-way repeated measures ANOVA revealed a significant target × affect interaction [ F (2,116) = 95.357, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.622]. Further simple effect analyses found that participants’ love of target A was significantly higher than that of hate, even if they were betrayed by target A [A-Love: 5.53 ± 0.48, A-Hate: 5.25 ± 0.57; F (1,58) = 17.889, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.236]. Conversely, participants’ love for target B was significantly lower than that of hate [B-Love: 4.52 ± 0.54, B-Hate: 4.84 ± 0.55; F (1,58) = 14.652, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.202]. Similarly, participants’ love for target C was also significantly lower than that of hate [C-Love: 1.66 ± 0.45, C-Hate: 3.02 ± 0.98; F (1,58) = 102.933, p < 0.001, η 2 = 0.640] (Figure 3 ).

FIGURE 3. The love and hate level of all participants in response to the 3 (targets: A, B, C) × 2 (affect: love, hate) two-ways repeated measures ANOVA revealed a significant target × affect interaction. Error bars represent +1 standard error (SE). Participants’ degree of love for A (excellent and high similarity with the participants) was still higher than hate after negative events occurred, but the tendency for B (excellent and moderate similarity) and C (low excellence and low similarity) is opposite.

Furthermore, the Pearson correlation analyses showed significant relationships between participants’ love and hate toward target A ( r = 0.55; p < 0.001). Participants’ love and hate toward target B ( r = 0.29; p < 0.05). However, the correlation between participants’ love and hate toward target C was not significant ( r = 0.12; p > 0.05). The corresponding partial correlation analyses revealed similar results (A: r = 0.48, p < 0.001; B: r = 0.27, p < 0.05; C: r = 0.12; p > 0.05).

This study used an experimental paradigm to study the relationship between romantic love and hate. The current study provided support for a link between the two affects and insights into the influence of similarity in romantic relationships. We found that people have different emotional reactions toward different target persons in the context of romantic love and hate. The relationship between romantic love and hate was revealed to be more complex than expected.

First, our results showed that feelings of love were influenced by similarity. That is, individuals, who were experimentally induced to experience feelings of love, felt stronger love toward someone of the opposite sex who was similar to them, thus, supporting our first hypothesis. Previous studies have examined whether similarity or complementarity played a more vital role in mutual attraction ( Berscheid and Reis, 1998 ) and concluded that the former was more important. This view has also been supported by research looking at mate preferences ( Luo and Klohnen, 2005 ) and quality of marital relationships ( Hudson et al., 2014 ).

Previous studies had mostly recruited couples or partners who were already in a relationship, and there is little direct evidence on whether the similarity of the two individuals had a crucial role in the development of a romantic relationship. A recent study ( Conroy-Beam et al., 2016 ) reported that mate value discrepancies predicted relationship satisfaction. To some extent, they considered the equivalence in social status between both partners to be an important factor relating to relationship satisfaction. In our study, however, when the participants were presented with two potential partners equal to them in excellence, participants perceived greater love for the one who was more similar to themselves. Relatedly, similarity also played an important role in mate selection. Our findings complemented the findings of other research in this area. Individuals who were similar to each other easily formed good impressions of each other within a short time. This finding combined with results of previous studies suggests that similarity plays a vital role in attraction, regardless of situations involving “love at first sight” or impressions based on long-term exchanges.

Second, we found significant associations between romantic love and hate in the context of a romantic relationship. When presented with negative events with three different target persons, participants most hated the person whom they had loved the most previously. Therefore, love and hate are indeed related. As Alford (2005) proposed, hate is an imitation of love and also a type of relationship with others and oneself. That is, in managing their relationships with others, people are at the same time managing themselves and their psyches ( Alford, 2005 ). In the context of an individual’s love and hate, when the relationship one had developed with a particular partner was destroyed, the romantic love consequently turned into hate. Especially from the perspectives of young couples in romantic relationships, hate is also a reflection of love.

The relationship between love and hate can be explained from different perspectives. Romantic hate may be rooted in romantic jealousy. Previous research proposed emotional jealousy and cognitive jealousy as constituents of romantic jealousy. Emotional jealousy reflects the anger and fear of the individual in love, while cognitive jealousy mainly relates to the individual’s negative attitude to lovers ( Yoshimura, 2004 ). Therefore, we speculate that it is a lover’s betrayal that causes anger and other negative emotions, resulting in hate. Moreover, cognitive jealousy is directly related to relationship dissatisfaction between lovers ( Elphinston et al., 2013 ). Previous studies have also found a positive relationship between romantic love and jealousy. That is, the more one loves a person, the more sensitive one becomes when encountering threats to the relationship ( Mathes and Severa, 1981 ; Orosz et al., 2015 ). Thus, individuals experience more love and more hatred toward the same lover.

The observed phenomenon of “the deeper the love, the deeper the hate” may also be attributed to the perception of equity imbalance. Researchers have proposed the concept of “perception of equity” based on equity theory and state that equity can be achieved by changing one’s perception of investments in the relationship or its results ( Walster et al., 1973 ). According to equity theory, equity is calculated from both the individual’s inputs and the resulting outcomes ( Hatfield et al., 1979 ). Thus, in our context, the more one loves a person, the more psychological investment one makes. However, when there is an imbalance between the individual’s inputs and outcomes, the perception of equity is lost, thus, resulting in a change of perception between hate and love.

At the same time, our results showed a significant interaction between targets (A vs. B vs. C) and affects (love vs. hate). Further analyses revealed that an individual’s degree of love for target A (equal excellence and high similarity with the protagonist) is still higher than the degree of hate after negative event manipulation, but the results were reversed for target B (equal excellence and low similarity with the protagonist) and target C (unequal excellence and low similarity with the protagonist). In other words, although the three targets were associated with the same negative events, the level of hatred varied across the three targets. If, initially, the individual loved the target the most, the degree of love is still higher than that of hate after the negative event. However, when the individual did not love the target as much initially, the degree of love would be markedly lower than that of hate.

These results illustrate the complexity associated with romantic love and hate. People have different emotional reactions toward different target persons in the context of romantic love and hate. For the person whom one loves the most or even hates, love may still be dominant in the context of betrayal. This hate is a reflection of love and a feeling of sorrow. However, for the person one does not love, feelings of hate are stronger than those of love. This hate perhaps has its roots in the moral dimension, which mainly concern social judgments about the quality of a person. This is why people experience such pain upon betrayal in a romantic relationship.

Graham and Clark (2006) found that individuals who look at a relationship as “all good” or “all bad” have lower self-esteem compared to others. These individuals also have long-term concerns about whether their partners are willing to accept them in a closed relationship. The authors proffered this as the reason behind love and hate, and that this phenomenon could be observed in any relationship. Needless to say, the complex precursors of love and hate can be interpreted in many ways. Perhaps as some of the most ubiquitous emotions, people need to comprehend and explain love and hate objectively and rationally. Although we study the nature of love and hate from a rational point of view and from an emotional perspective to explain the precursors of these two basic emotions, humans are emotional beings.

In summary, we need to comprehend the relationship between love and hate both rationally and emotionally. If we pay close attention to hate, we can better understand love ( Tjeltveit, 2003 ). This idea justified us carrying out the current study. However, there are three limitations to this study. First, even though we emphasized that the protagonist would be described in three different relationships in different periods of life, this manipulation could not guarantee that participants could generate independent feelings of love for the three target persons. Second, in order to maximize external validity of the study, we did not control for participants’ current relationship status. In our future research, we may explore whether relationship status predicts feelings of love and hate using this experimental paradigm. Third, the findings of the current study were also limited by the manipulation of similarity between the participants and the three targets. The use of vignettes meant that the manipulation of similarity might have partly depended on how well the participants were able to imagine themselves as the protagonist in the vignettes.

Our results supported the idea that “the deeper the love, the deeper the hate,” and suggested similarity as a crucial factor influencing feelings of love and hate. In addition, people have different emotional reactions toward different people in the context of romantic love and hate. For the person whom one loves or hates the most, love may still be dominant in the context of betrayal. However, for the person one does not love, feelings of hatred are stronger than those of love. This study also provided support for the relationship between romantic love and hate, and highlighted the important role of similarity in moderating the relationship between love and hate.

Ethics Statement

The present study was approved by the Ethic Committee of the School of Psychology at South China Normal University. Each participant volunteered to take part in this study and provided written informed consent before the start of the experiment.

Author Contributions

WJ: study design, data collection, data analysis, and paper writing. YX and ML: study design and paper writing.

This work was supported by grants from National Social Science Foundation (14ZDB159); Project of Key Institute of Humanities and Social Sciences, MOE, (No. 16JJD190001).

Conflict of Interest Statement

The authors declare that the research was conducted in the absence of any commercial or financial relationships that could be construed as a potential conflict of interest.

Supplementary Material

The Supplementary Material for this article can be found online at: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01940/full#supplementary-material

Alford, C. F. (2005). “Hate is the imitation of love,” in The Psychology of Hate , ed. R. Sternberg (Washington, DC: APA), 235–254.

Google Scholar

Aron, A., Fisher, H., Mashek, D. J., Strong, G., Li, H., and Brown, L. L. (2005). Reward, motivation, and emotion systems associated with early-stage intense romantic love. J. Neurophysiol. 94, 327–337. doi: 10.1152/jn.00838.2004

PubMed Abstract | CrossRef Full Text | Google Scholar

Berscheid, E., and Reis, H. T. (1998). “Attraction and close relationships,” in The Handbook of Social Psychology , eds D. T. Gilbert, S. T. Fiske, and G. Lindzey (New York, NY: McGraw-Hill), 193–281.

Braxton-Davis, P. (2010). The social psychology of love and attraction. McNair Scholars J. 14, 6–10.

Buunk, B., and Bosman, J. (1986). Attitude similarity and attraction in marital relationships. J. Soc. Psychol. 126, 133–134. doi: 10.1080/00224545.1986.9713583

Conroy-Beam, D., Goetz, C. D., and Buss, D. M. (2016). What predicts romantic relationship satisfaction and mate retention intensity: mate preference fulfillment or mate value discrepancies? Evol. Hum. Behav. 37, 440–448. doi: 10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2016.04.003

Cutler, W. B., Friedmann, E., and McCoy, N. L. (1998). Pheromonal influences on sociosexual behavior in men. Arch. Sex. Behav. 27, 1–13. doi: 10.1097/00042192-199704040-00088

CrossRef Full Text | Google Scholar

Ekman, P. (1972). “Universal and cultural differences in facial expressions of emotions,” in Proceedings of the Nebraska Symposium on Motivation, 1971 , ed. J. K. Cole (Lincoln, NE: University of Nebraska Press), 207–283.

Elphinston, R. A., Feeney, J. A., Noller, P., Connor, J. P., and Fitzgerald, J. (2013). Romantic jealousy and relationship satisfaction: the costs of rumination. West. J. Commun. 77, 293–304. doi: 10.1080/10570314.2013.770161

Fehr, B. (1988). Prototype analysis of the concepts of love and commitment. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 55:557. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.55.4.557

Fehr, B., and Russell, J. A. (1991). The concept of love viewed from a prototype perspective. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 60:425. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.60.3.425

Fisher, H. E. (1989). Evolution of human serial pairbonding. Am. J. Phys. Anthropol. 78, 331–354. doi: 10.1002/ajpa.1330780303

Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., and Brown, L. L. (2006). Romantic love: a mammalian brain system for mate choice. Philos. Trans. R. Soc. Lond. B Biol. Sci. 361, 2173–2186. doi: 10.1098/rstb.2006.1938

Graham, S. M., and Clark, M. S. (2006). Self-esteem and organization of valenced information about others: the” Jekyll and Hyde”-ing of relationship partners. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 90:652. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.90.4.652

Hatfield, E., and Sprecher, S. (1986). Measuring passionate love in intimate relationships. J. Adolesc. 9, 383–410. doi: 10.1016/s0140-1971(86)80043-4

Hatfield, E., and Sprecher, S. (1998). “The passionate love scale,” in Handbook of Sexuality-related Measures , eds T. D. Fisher, C. M. Davis, W. L. Yaber, and S. L. Davis (Thousand Oaks, CA: Taylor & Francis), 449–451.

Hatfield, E., Utne, M. K., and Traupmann, J. (1979). “Equity theory and intimate relationships,” in Social Exchange in Developing Relationships , eds R. Burgess and T. L. Huston (New York, NY: Academic Press), 99–133.

Hendrick, C., and Hendrick, S. S. (1989). Research on love: does it measure up? J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 56:784. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.56.5.784

Hudson, N. W., Fraley, R. C., Brumbaugh, C. C., and Vicary, A. M. (2014). Coregulation in romantic partners’ attachment styles a longitudinal investigation. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Bull. 40, 845–857. doi: 10.1177/0146167214528989

Izard, C. E. (1977). Human Emotions. New York, NY: Plenum. doi: 10.1007/978-1-4899-2209-0

Lemay, E. P., and Clark, M. S. (2008). How the head liberates the heart: projection of communal responsiveness guides relationship promotion. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 94, 647–671. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.94.4.647

Luo, S., and Klohnen, E. C. (2005). Assortative mating and marital quality in newlyweds: a couple-centered approach. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 88:304. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.88.2.304

Mathes, E. W., and Severa, N. (1981). Jealousy, romantic love, and liking: theoretical considerations and preliminary scale development. Psychol. Rep. 49, 23–31. doi: 10.2466/pr0.1981.49.1.23

Miller, S. L., and Maner, J. K. (2010). Scent of a woman: men’s testosterone responses to olfactory ovulation cues. Psychol. Sci. 21, 276–283. doi: 10.1177/0956797609357733

Orosz, G., Szekeres,Á., Kiss, Z. G., Farkas, P., and Roland-Lévy, C. (2015). Elevated romantic love and jealousy if relationship status is declared on Facebook. Front. Psychol. 6:214. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00214

Post, S. G. (2002). “The tradition of agape,” in Altruism and Altruistic Love: Science, Philosophy , eds S. G. Post, L. G. Underwood, J. P. Schloss, and W. B. Hurlbut (Oxford: Oxford University Press).

Rubin, Z. (1970). Measurement of romantic love. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 16, 265–273. doi: 10.1037/h0029841

Schafer, R. B., and Keith, P. M. (1990). Matching by weight in married couples: a life cycle perspective. J. Soc. Psychol. 130, 657–664. doi: 10.1080/00224545.1990.9922958

Skolnick, A. (1978). The Intimate Environment: Exploring Marriage and the Family , 2nd Edn. Boston, MA: Little, Brown and Company.

Sober, E. (2002). “The ABCs of altruism,” in Altruism and Altruistic Love , eds S. J. Post, L. G. Underwood, J. P. Schloss, and W. B. Hurlbut (London: Oxford University Press), 17–28.

Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychol. Rev. 93, 119–135. doi: 10.1037/0033-295X.93.2.119

Swensen, C. H. (1972). “The behavior of love,” in Love Today , ed. H. A. Otto (New York, NY: Associated Press), 86–101.

Takahashi, H., Kato, M., Matsuura, M., Mobbs, D., Suhara, T., and Okubo, Y. (2009). When your gain is my pain and your pain is my gain: neural correlates of envy and schadenfreude. Science 323, 937–939. doi: 10.1126/science.1165604

Tjeltveit, A. C. (2003). Psychology’s love–hate relationship with love: critiques and affirmations. A Paper Presented at the Works of Love: Scientific and Religious Perspectives on Altruism conference (Villanova, PA: Villanova University).

Tomkins, S. (1984). “Affect theory,” in Approaches to Emotion , eds K. R. Scherer and P. Ekman (Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates).

Walster, E., Berscheid, E., and Walster, G. W. (1973). New directions in equity research. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 25, 151–176. doi: 10.1037/h0033967

Wyschogrod, E. (2002). “Pythagorean bodies and the body of altruism,” in Altruism and Altruistic Love: Science, Philosophy, and Religion in Dialogue , eds S. G. Post, L. G. Underwoood, J. P. Schloss, and W. B. Hurburt (New York, NY: Oxford University Press), 29–39.

Yoshimura, S. M. (2004). Emotional and behavioral responses to romantic jealousy expressions. Commun. Rep. 17, 85–101. doi: 10.1080/08934210409389378

Keywords : romantic love, romantic hate, similarity, connection, emotional reactions

Citation: Jin W, Xiang Y and Lei M (2017) The Deeper the Love, the Deeper the Hate. Front. Psychol. 8:1940. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01940

Received: 08 April 2017; Accepted: 20 October 2017; Published: 07 December 2017.

Reviewed by:

Copyright © 2017 Jin, Xiang and Lei. This is an open-access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License (CC BY) . The use, distribution or reproduction in other forums is permitted, provided the original author(s) or licensor are credited and that the original publication in this journal is cited, in accordance with accepted academic practice. No use, distribution or reproduction is permitted which does not comply with these terms.

*Correspondence: Mo Lei, [email protected] Yanhui Xiang, [email protected]

† These authors have contributed equally to this work.

Disclaimer: All claims expressed in this article are solely those of the authors and do not necessarily represent those of their affiliated organizations, or those of the publisher, the editors and the reviewers. Any product that may be evaluated in this article or claim that may be made by its manufacturer is not guaranteed or endorsed by the publisher.

Love and Hate in Jamestown

39 pages • 1 hour read

Love and Hate in Jamestown: John Smith, Pocahontas, and The Start of a New Nation

A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapters 1-5

Chapters 6-10

Chapters 11-15

Key Figures

Index of Terms

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

What were the motivations of the Virginia Company and Jamestown’s first settlers? How does David A. Price frame these motivations, and how does the outcome of his narrative align or misalign with them?

What role does class play in John Smith’s initial treatment by the rest of the Virginia Company’s council members?

Price depicts the early settlers as driven by relatable motives toward profit and comfort. Does his depiction of the Algonquins meet this standard of relatability?

Featured Collections

Books on U.S. History

View Collection

Challenging Authority

Colonial America

Hate & Anger

Loyalty & Betrayal

Safety & Danger

Truth & Lies