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How To End A Personal Statement So The Admissions Committee Remembers You
- Published January 20, 2023
Students are often unsure of how to end a personal statement. A strong conclusion makes all the difference in whether your application gets noticed by admissions officers or not.
If you’ve just finished writing your personal statement and you’re stuck on your ending, then don’t worry! This article will walk you through the essentials of personal statement conclusions.
Avoid writing a tedious and forgettable ending for your personal statement by following these rules.
Talk About Your Main Points
Don’t end your final paragraph by stating what you’ve never mentioned in the body of your personal statement. Remember, the purpose of your conclusion is to wrap up the package.
You shouldn’t say, “My experiences kindled my passion for engineering,” if you didn’t mention these “experiences” in the first place!
So actually summarising your key main body points is a great conclusion in many cases.
Summarise Your Key Points In A Simple Way
After reading thousands of personal statements, the admissions committee will be happy to see you concluding your personal statement with a clear summarisation of the vital points.
Go over your personal statement and jot down the main takeaway of each paragraph. Once you have that list, find a way to integrate them into your conclusion.
You can dedicate a sentence to each key point, tie them all together, and you now have a conclusion that does what it’s supposed to do!
Use Your Key Points To Restate Your Passion For Your Course
If you’re wondering how to end your personal statement using your key points, use them to restate your passion for the course you’re applying for.
Say your key points including your skills and experiences, and wrap them up by saying, “With the [your specific skills] and [your specific experiences] I’ve gained over the years, I’m committed to [mention your course].”
By doing so, you’re hitting two birds with one stone. One, you’re reminding the admissions committee that you have the skill set necessary to succeed in your course. Two, you’re demonstrating your dedication to your desired course.
Double Down On Your “Why”
Another powerful ending is to remind the reader of your “why.” Many students pursue their chosen course because they’re not sure what else to take.
So being clear on your purpose immediately sets you apart from the rest.
To do this, take the most heart-moving story from the body of your personal statement on what inspired you to apply for your course. Mention the main idea of it in a sentence or two, then end with a “for this reason, I believe pursuing [mention course] is the best way to achieve my [state your why].”
If your course is related to education, perhaps your “why” is to help children learn by allowing them to show how they learn best.
Say you’re writing a medical personal statement . Maybe your “why” is to forward technology that helps safeguard the elderly from falling accidents because you witnessed your grandparent suffer injuries from a fall when you were young.
Doubling down on your “why” shows your conviction and direction on why you’re applying for your course.
Mention The Next Step Of Your Application Process
What’s the next step after the admissions committee accepts your personal statement? For many courses, they’ll call you up for an interview . Go ahead and mention this in your conclusion!
Write along the lines of “I’m looking forward to dedicating myself to this course, and I would love to receive an invitation for the interview.”
The reader will right away recognise that you’ve done your research. You know what the next step should be. You are serious about this application!
Make The Universities Excited To Have You As Their Student
Studying at a university is not merely a means to an end. It’s a profound journey in and of itself! You’ll meet new colleagues, form lifelong communities, and discover mentors who will guide you along with your future career.
Think of them when you’re pondering on how to end a personal statement. What can you contribute as a student to make the university a better place? Demonstrate your excitement in meeting them, building relationships with them, and serving them!
A statement as straightforward as “I am eager to establish new, lifelong relationships and use my [mention your skills] to help make the university a better place for learning and community-building.”
Demonstrate Your Willingness To Learn
Universities exist to train and mould students, not the other way around! A little humility goes a long way. Show yours by demonstrating your willingness to learn. Nothing excites teachers more than willing students.
To pull this off, make sure you know what values your course upholds. It could be service, excellence, inclusivity, and so on. State in your conclusion that “I’m looking forward to learning how to embody [write down the course’s values you resonate with], to grow and succeed in [mention your field of study].”
There’s so much value packed in this simple personal statement ending. Tweak it and make it yours!
Avoid Famous Quotes
Many students insert famous quotes from well-known persons when ending their personal statements. Avoid this tactic as much as possible because you’re driving attention away from YOU as the applicant.
If you want to include famous quotes, put them at the beginning of your personal statement to grab attention. To keep your reader’s attention focused on you in the end, why not come up with a memorable, relevant quote of your own?
Use The Bookend Strategy
Bookends are sturdy objects placed at either end of upright books to keep them standing. When you translate that into writing, the bookend strategy is when the introduction and conclusion statements connect to support the body between them.
You may start your personal statement with a heart-wrenching story about how you watched your beloved pet die of the wrong diagnosis. Then, for your conclusion, you can call back on this story and state how this event fuels you to pursue veterinary practice.
The bookend strategy is a clean and efficient way how to end your personal statement.
Ask Help From Your Family And Friends
If you’re still stuck on how to end a personal statement, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Approach your family and friends because they know you more than anyone. Read to them the introduction and body of your personal statement.
Ask them what particular line struck them the most. Maybe they know something about you that you missed including in your personal statement. What characteristics do they see in you that will help you succeed in your course?
Gather their answers in one place, and after reading them in one go, you now have a decent idea of what to emphasise in your conclusion statement.
Never State That It’s The “Conclusion” Or “Summary”
The most boring, generic way to end a personal statement is to write “In conclusion” or “In summary.” It’s actually one of the topics we cover in what not to put in a personal statement .
Avoid this writing style at all costs. A good conclusion statement doesn’t require explicit announcements.
By its style and structure alone, the reader knows immediately they’re about to read a lasting statement. So don’t hesitate to proceed straight to the major points. As long as the conclusion connects seamlessly with the previous paragraph, you’re good to go!
Stay Authentic
Universities hold honesty in high esteem. Show authenticity and honesty in your personal statement beginning with an attention-grabbing introduction to a strong conclusion.
The best way to radiate honesty in your personal statement is to write from the right mindset. When you work on your personal statement, your objective is to show who you are and demonstrate why you are a worthy candidate for the course .
Don’t try to impress. If you come from that standpoint, you’re more likely to add embellishments. The experienced admissions committee can smell insincere personal statements from a mile away. So stick with who you are and let your personality shine through.
Give Yourself A Break, Then Come Back To It
When working on how to conclude a personal statement, you need to give yourself time. After writing a rough draft of your conclusion statement, take a break and return to it after a few days.
When you return to it, you’ll be surprised to notice details you haven’t seen before. Edit as you like, and make it better. Keep the old versions of your conclusion at hand so you can readily compare them with your newest, edited text. Compare and choose which one sounds better.
5 Bad Examples For A Personal Statement Conclusion
These are 5 personal statement examples for conclusions that don’t meet the criteria outlined above.
- In this application essay, I have made it clear I am an outstanding candidate for a degree because I think everyone will love my positive attitude and I deserve it.
- In summary, you can see my highlighted qualifications and experience, I know they’re not the best, but I want to stress that my passion for this field is what sets me apart as a candidate. It shouldn’t matter if the others are more qualified or experienced than me.
- Remember the skills I have, that’s really what sets me apart from other students, they don’t have what it takes to break the rules creatively and not follow the book.
- Finally, I would like to thank you for considering me for this opportunity and I hope you will make the right decision by choosing me, otherwise, I may cry and be disappointed.
- As a final note, it’s easy to see how qualified I am for this degree and how I will excel in it – but you should accept me because I’m cool and will get along with everyone else.
5 Amazing Examples Of A Personal Statement Ending
- In conclusion, I am excited about the opportunity to study computer science at this university. My passion for technology, combined with my programming skills and experience, make me an ideal candidate for the program. I am eager to learn from the esteemed faculty and contribute to the research community. I am confident that this program will enable me to achieve my career goals and make a meaningful impact in the field of technology.
- In summary, I have always been fascinated by the human body and its functions. My experience in volunteering in hospitals, combined with my academic record, makes me confident in my ability to handle the rigours of a medical degree. I am excited about the opportunity to study at this esteemed university and to contribute to the field of medicine through research and patient care.
- To wrap things up, I am excited to pursue a degree in Mechanical Engineering at this university. My passion for designing and building, combined with my experience in physics and mathematics, make me confident that I have the knowledge and skills to excel in this program. I am eager to learn from the esteemed faculty and contribute to the field of mechanical engineering through research and innovation.
- Finally, I am honoured to be considered for a law degree at this university. My passion for justice, combined with my research skills and experience, make me an ideal candidate for the program. I am excited about the opportunity to learn from the esteemed faculty and to contribute to the legal field through research and practice.
- As a final note, I am excited to pursue a degree in Environmental Science at this university. My passion for the environment, combined with my experience in environmental research, makes me confident that I have the knowledge and skills to make a meaningful impact in this field. I am eager to learn from the esteemed faculty and contribute to the field through research and conservation efforts.
How Long Should the Conclusion To A Personal Statement Be?
A personal statement conclusion should be 150-200 words long and leave a positive lasting impression on the reader. A UCAS personal statement should be 4000 characters long, making the conclusion 705-940 characters long – this is just a rough estimation based on the average number of characters per word (4.7).
Do You Feel More Confident Writing A Personal Statement Conclusion?
To end your personal statement in the best possible way, you need to know the body’s key points. Use them as pillars when deciding which direction your conclusion takes.
Will you highlight your future goals? Maybe you want to focus on your why? Take the time to decide. And if you’re stuck, don’t hesitate to ask for help from your family and friends so you can leave a lasting impression on the applications committee.
How much did this article help you out? Don’t forget to bookmark this page for future reference!
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How To End A Personal Statement: Great Final Paragraphs
Second only to the opening paragraph , the closing paragraph of a personal statement is the part that people often struggle with the most.
From repeating key points to underselling achievements and ambitions, a personal statement conclusion can be the least effective aspect of the document.
That’s frustrating, as a personal statement closing paragraph is often the part that leaves the greatest impression in the mind of the reader.
So how should you end a personal statement and create a great final paragraph?
When considering how to end a personal statement, don’t summarize existing content in a repetitive conclusion. Instead, clarify your suitability with a new example and evidence your value to the institution. Lastly, outline your ambitions in relation to the opportunities presented by the course.
I’ve broken down each of these elements in detail so that you can craft a successful personal statement final paragraph…
The Final Paragraph Must Evidence Your Suitability
Instead of detailing all the key areas in which you are a suitable candidate for the course or role early on in your personal statement, it is valuable to hold back at least one example in order to add credibility and weight to your final paragraph.
This could outline an additional course you have completed or a qualification that you have achieved, but it could equally be a volunteering opportunity or work placement that reinforces your suitability for the higher study of a particular subject.
Admissions teams really want to see that applicants are clearly suitable for the courses they’re applying for, but also that they are suitably prepared for academic success.
Essentially, they want to know that you understand what you’ll be doing on the course and that you’re qualified to do it well . That’s why driving this point home in the last paragraph is so important.
For more of my powerful personal statement strategies, just click here .
The table below gives some examples of ways in which you might evidence your suitability in your final paragraph . They won’t all apply to you, but the chances are that you will recognise some of these aspects from your own preparation for higher education, and be able to include them:
Connect your prior experiences directly to the course content, giving your subject choice credibility | Explain how an extended project or piece of research has given you the skills for higher education | Outline the ways in which membership of a club or group has given you the resilience to cope with university | Consider the ways in which your current studies have equipped you with a relevant, specific skill |
Illustrate how work placements/internships have given you an applied understanding of the subject | Show evidence of research into the achievements of course alumni and link your own achievements with theirs | Give an example of your ability to use high-level independent study skills for research and academic writing | Explain how you have used transferable skills to meet deadlines and to remain positive and motivated |
Here’s how a sentence might look in a personal statement example…
If you’d like a detailed post on the skills you need to include in your personal statement, then why not check this out?
Outline Your Value to the University or Employer
It’s important that the final paragraph of your personal statement clearly outlines your potential value to the organisation. To understand exactly the kind of content that admissions tutors are looking for, ask yourself this question:
How will the university I am applying for, the faculty in which I will study and the community in which I will live, be better for having me be a part of it? David Hallen
As Whitney Soule, Dean of Admissions at Bowdoin puts it:
If a university can see evidence that you will make a positive contribution to their organisation clearly in the final paragraph of your personal statement, then you will have left them with an excellent impression of your potential.
But how exactly might you add value, and how do you write about it concisely?
Adding Value to your Personal Statement
- Experience of diversity when contextualised in terms of social, cultural, gender, ethnicity, sexuality or ability. Your experiences will add to the wisdom and education of your cohort at a time when identity and empathy is paramount.
- Knowledge of more than your subject . The life experiences, travel, background and passions that make you an individual and that you can share in a positive context are vital.
- Sports skills or related team and community experiences . From playing soccer to white-water rafting, acapella singing or ultimate frisbee, the skills you bring to share with others are an important way to add value.
- Experience of or intention to mentor . If you can show that you intend to mentor and support other students with a particular level of expertise, you’ll be a tremendous asset.
- Proven commitment and dedication . Explain how you have the tenacity and resilience to overcome challenges by equating that with a specific example from your own life, and give the reader the confidence that you will successfully complete the course regardless of the hardships you face.
- If you have experiences of leadership , make these clear and indicate how these are of value to the organisation. From captaining a team to leading on a research project, your ability to motivate and facilitate those around you make you a genuine asset.
A couple of sentences in your final paragraph that meets this goal might look something like this:
For some excellent advice on developing some outstanding personal statement examples, check out my post here . Alternatively, using a free software package like Grammarly can really help applicants convey the depth of their academic value. Check it out here or hit the banner below…
Finish Your Personal Statement by Showing Ambition
The last essential element of a great final paragraph is proof of ambition relating to the content and outcome of the course you are applying for .
If you can show that you have an informed understanding of where the course can take you and a good idea of the demands of the industry you might want to enter, your final paragraph will be far more convincing.
You’ll need to make sure you’ve achieved 3 important tasks before you type a single word…
- You’ve fully researched the course(s) you are applying for and can reference the academic content, employment opportunities and outcomes
- You’ve got some practical and theoretical understanding of the industries related to the course, prior to application
- You’ve given some contextualised thought to your potential role within those industries, and how the course will help you reach that goal
For more specific content on how original a personal statement should be, and just how to include your ambitions and experiences in a way that readers will find compelling, check this post out .
Once you’ve got some notes on these three points, you can put a sentence together that evidences your ambition, promotes your application and demonstrates your understanding of your sector. An effective couple of sentences might look like this:
You can watch a great tutorial on showing ambition in your personal statement below, or check out some helpful UCAS resouces .
Whatever order you decide to tackle them in, if you ensure you include the three elements detailed in this post, you’ll be sure to write a relevant and compelling final paragraph, leaving the reader confident about making you an offer.
Good luck with your personal statement, and don’t forget to contact me if you’d like some 1-1 support. You’ve got this! D
Research and content verified by Personal Statement Planet.
David Hallen
I've worked in the Further Education and University Admissions sector for nearly 20 years as a teacher, department head, Head of Sixth Form, UCAS Admissions Advisor, UK Centre Lead and freelance personal statement advisor, editor and writer. And now I'm here for you...
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Finished! University experts on how to end your personal statement
Got writer's block at the final hurdle? We spoke to university experts to find out how you can close your personal statement with a flourish
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You've got the beginning and middle parts of your personal statement sorted – but how are you going to finish it? And does the ending even really matter? Short answer: yes, it does. Your personal statement is your one chance to speak directly to the universities where you're applying - and the ending is where you can leave them with the right impression. “A strong conclusion is essential to leave no doubt in the reader's mind that you deserve an offer," says Bangor University’s Emma Harris. To help you sign off your personal statement in style, we spoke to experts from universities across the UK. Here, they share essential tips on concluding your personal statement.
The university application personal statement is changing in 2025 |
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University admissions service Ucas has announced that a new style of personal statement will be launched in 2025. This will affect anyone making a university application from autumn 2025 onwards. . |
1. Is your personal statement ready to be finished?
Your conclusion is where you can bring together all the key points from the rest of your personal statement. But before you can write a summary like that, you need to make sure nothing's missing. "A strong conclusion gives a roundup of the evidence a student has given in their statement to show how their knowledge, skills and experiences will enable them to come to university and not only want to learn more but also want to succeed in the future," says Laura Knight, education liaison officer at Staffordshire University . So have a read through what you've already written and ask yourself: do you have all those elements covered? If your ending is proving tricky to write, it may be that you haven't yet got everything you need in the main statement.
- Read more: how to write an excellent personal statement in 10 steps
2. Share your motivation
Once you're confident you've included all the essentials, you can focus your conclusion on connecting these key points. This closing chunk of your statement is a space where you can really emphasise your qualities. It's where you can show why you want to commit your time and energy to studying this course. "You will have a reason for applying to university and to your particular course," says Ian Freedman, student recruitment officer at Keele University . "The conclusion offers a great opportunity for you to reiterate what this reason is." "Summarise what you are most looking forward to about studying at university [and] why you feel that this is the right course choice for you," says Kirsty Wilkinson, school and college liaison manager at Loughborough University .
- More like this: universities reveal all about personal statements
3. Don’t waffle
You've written a great personal statement so far; don't close it off with a load of meaningless waffle. Keep up the momentum by "using your conclusion to reinforce your commitment to the course you’ve chosen" says Pat Watson, head of UK and EU admissions at Anglia Ruskin University . "Keeping this short and concise is better than long and vague."
Rosie Reynolds, outreach officer at the University of Westminster , agrees. "You should use this section to clarify to the admissions tutor that you meet the criteria they are looking for."
Be careful not to waste this space by adding unecessary additional personal information. "Keep it simple, concise and relevant!" says Gavin May, student recruitment assistant at St George's, University of London .
- More like this: how to write your university application
4. Make it clear why you’ll be an asset to the university
What better way to finish than by spelling out exactly why you'll be such a great student? Well, for many people, talking about yourself with confidence is actually one of the hardest aspects of writing a personal statement. But now's not the time to be shy. "End with a statement about why the universities would benefit from having you as a student," says Hannah Robinson, outreach officer at the University of East Anglia . "Share how you’ll make the most of your uni experience and how you’re looking forward to the challenge."
When you're doing this, think beyond the academic, says Shona Barrie from Heriot-Watt University . "Tell us why you will be an asset to our university community. So it's not just about getting a degree – it's about appreciating the bigger picture."
- More like this: the ten biggest mistakes when writing your personal statement
5. Explain how university fits into your life plan
You could use your conclusion to look to the future, explaining exactly where you want to end up and how this particular course will help you get there. "Present your long-term plans and how your chosen course will help you to achieve this," suggests Ann Partington, senior admissions officer at UCLan .
Kimberley Ashwell, admissions officer at Buckinghamshire New University adds that providing some information on "what you imagine yourself doing after you complete your degree" will help the admissions team to picture how you’ll fit at the university.
Then, "once you've drawn together your motivations for further study, your current studies and career ambitions, deliver a strong, final line about why you deserve an offer" concludes James Aitken, schools and colleges liaison manager at Royal Holloway .
- More like this: five practical tips to help with your personal statement
And finally...get some back-up
For answers to any questions about writing your personal statement, you can ask the personal statement experts on The Student Room .
You can also take inspiration from The Student Room's personal statement library and find discussion about each university in the UK .
You may want to look at these...
Writing a history personal statement: expert advice from universities.
Here’s how to shine in your history personal statement
The Ucas personal statement is changing in 2025
A question-based personal statement will be required as part of university applications from autumn 2025 onwards
How to write an excellent personal statement in 10 steps
Help and advice on putting your application together
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The time has come to write a personal statement, but you do not know where to begin. No worries, writing about yourself is no easy task. After all, there’s only so much you can fit when writing a personal statement.
What is a Personal Statement?
A personal statement is a required essay done by a prospective candidate in an educational setting whether they are applying for a scholarship, graduate school admission, studying abroad, fellowship program, etc. However, it should not be confused with being the same as a statement of purpose. A statement of purpose strictly focuses on how your achievements, such as professional or academic, can benefit the program you are applying to . In contrast, a personal statement allows more creativity and freedom to develop within the applicant. Occasionally, personal statements may come with specific questions about what to write about.
Why Should They Choose You?
Although it is important to emphasize your achievements, whether it be academic or professional, the person reading your statement wants to get to know you better through your background information and what inspired you to pursue your goals. Overall, it’s important to ask yourself these questions when considering writing a personal statement:
● What exact moment led you to be where you are today?
● What separates you from the rest of the candidates?
● What personal traits or qualities do you have that will help you succeed?
● What do your story, goals, or skills obtained bring to the table?
Are You the Right Fit?
Although the focus of a personal statement is yourself, you must consider that you’re applying to a specific institution or program that offers specific opportunities. Not everyone will be the right fit and that’s okay, there are many opportunities for you to join. However, if you truly want to get in and be accepted, you must try to make a connection with your audience. Mention how the school or program will help you succeed and accomplish your goals. This goes back to what you bring to the table.
The unique trait about personal statements is that no two are alike. Everybody’s story is different. The requirements for each application vary in length, format, and topics. Nevertheless, having a concrete idea of how to organize your thoughts and ideas before you submit your final draft saves a lot of stress and time when the deadline comes. If you need an idea of where to start, brainstorm, or organize your thoughts, below is an example of a structure for your layout that may help you in getting out of that writing block:
Introduction:
- Introduce a memory that leads back to where your interest or passion started or motivated you be where you are today
- Give a sneak peek to your reader in a quick summary as to what you’re going to be talking about in your body paragraph (background information, accomplishments, & future aspirations from being admitted into the school or program)
*Note: Introductions should be a brief paragraph of everything you’re going to be writing about, leave the details for your body paragraphs.
A) 1 st Paragraph (Background Information)
What’s your undergraduate major/degree or other educational history?
What part of your demographic information is relevant? (hometown, heritage, family
history, etc.)
What’s an obstacle or challenge that changed the way you viewed your life?
Make sure be able make one connection to all three, it’ll make it easier for your
reader to follow through with your story and understand your goals
If deciding to write about an obstacle or challenge, remember to not solely focus on
the negative experience of it. Instead, try thinking about what you were able to take
from the experience and how did it change you as a person.
B) 2nd Paragraph (Academic and Professional Achievements)
Any organizations you’ve joined or rewards you’ve obtained? (The more you have
done, the better)
What skills have you’ve obtained through participating in any organizations, events,
jobs, etc.? C) 3 rd Paragraph (Future Goals and Accomplishments)
What is the next step after being admitted?
What do you hope to learn or take from being part of the program?
How will you apply it to your desired goal?
Conclusion:
Restate your goals in one or two sentences
Talk about what you envision for your future, what do you hope to gain from all of this?
What will you benefit from being on the program?
What do you contribute to the program?
How will you apply everything you learned?
*Note: Your concluding/closing paragraphs are usually short with a maximum of three or four sentences, leave out any details.
Final Thoughts
Ultimately, there are several things to remind yourself of when writing a personal statement: focus on answering the main questions, tell your story, and use examples of any challenge or obstacle that you faced throughout your life. If you decide to focus on a challenge or obstacle, think about the tone you will use. Writing about this challenge or obstacle focuses on the learning experience or the opportunity rather than solely on the negative parts. Remember, you’ve worked hard enough to get where you are today. Hopefully, you can get started on that personal statement you’ve been procrastinating on, and good luck on whatever path you decide to pursue.
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How to Write a UCAS Personal Statement [With Examples]
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The UCAS Personal Statement can sometimes be a student’s only chance to impress a UK university. Read our in-depth guide to helping your students plan & write a winning application.
There are hundreds of articles out there on how to write a UCAS Personal Statement that will grab the attention of a UK university admissions officer.
But if you’re working with students to help them perfect their Personal Statement in time for the relevant UCAS deadlines , we can sum up the secret to success in three words.
Planning, structure and story.
The UCAS Personal Statement is a student’s chance to talk about why they want to study for a particular degree, course or subject discipline at a UK university.
As they set about writing a personal statement, students need to demonstrate the drive, ambition, relevant skills and notable achievements that make them a suitable candidate for the universities they have chosen to apply to .
But the UCAS Personal Statement requires students to write a lot about themselves in a relatively short space of time. That’s why lots of planning, a tight structure and a compelling story are essential if a student’s Personal Statement is to truly excel.
As important deadlines for UK university applications grow closer, we at BridgeU have put together a guide, outlining some of the strategies and techniques to help your students to write a personal statement which is both engaging and truly individual.
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As they begin to plan their Personal Statement, students may feel intimidated. It’s not easy to summarise your academic interests and personal ambitions, especially when you’re competing for a place on a course which is popular or has demanding entry requirements. In particular, students will likely come up against the following challenges.
Time pressure
Unfortunately, the Personal Statement (and other aspects of university preparation) comes during the busiest year of the student’s academic life so far.
Students, and indeed teachers and counsellors, must undertake the planning and writing of the personal statement whilst juggling other commitments, classes and deadlines, not to mention revision and open day visits!
Because there is already a lot of academic pressure on students in their final year of secondary school, finding the time and headspace for the personal statement can be hard, and can mean it gets pushed to the last minute. The risks of leaving it to the last minute are fairly obvious – the application will seem rushed and the necessary thought and planning won’t go into making the personal statement the best it can be .
Sticking closely to the Personal Statement format
The character limit which UCAS sets for the personal statement is very strict – up to 4,000 characters of text. This means that students have to express themselves in a clear and concise way; it’s also important that they don’t feel the need to fill the available space needlessly. Planning and redrafting of a personal statement is essential .
Making it stand out
This is arguably the greatest challenge facing students – making sure that their statement sets them apart from everyone else who is competing for a place on any given course; in 2024 alone, UCAS received applications from 594,940 applicants. In addition, UCAS uses its own dedicated team and purpose built software to check every application for plagiarism, so it’s crucial that students craft a truly original personal statement which is entirely their own work .
The essential ingredients for writing a great UCAS Personal Statement
We’ve already mentioned our three watch words for writing a high quality Personal Statement.
Planning. Structure. Story.
Let’s dig deeper into these three essential components in more detail.
Watch: How to Write a UCAS Personal Statement with University of Essex
Planning a ucas personal statement.
It might sound like a no-brainer, but it’s vital that students plan their Personal Statement before they start writing it. Specifically, the planning phase could include:
- Students thoroughly researching the UK university courses they plan on applying to.
- Deciding on what relevant material to include in their Personal Statement (we’ll cover this in more detail later on).
- Writing an unedited first draft where they just get their thoughts and ideas down on paper.
Structuring a UCAS Personal Statement
As we’ve discussed, the UCAS Personal Statement requires students to be extremely disciplined – they will be required to condense a lot of information into a relatively short written statement. This means that, after they’ve written a rough first draft, they need to think carefully about how they structure the final statement.
A stand out Personal Statement will need a tight structure, with an introduction and a conclusion that make an impact and really help to tell a story about who your student is, and why they are drawn to studying this particular degree.
This brings us nicely to our third and final ingredient…
Telling a story with a Personal Statement
The UCAS Personal Statement is a student’s opportunity to show a university who they are and how their life experiences have shaped their academic interests and goals.
So a good Personal Statement needs to offer a compelling narrative, and that means making sure that a student’s writing is well-structured, and that every sentence and paragraph is serving the statement’s ultimate purpose – to convince a university that your student deserves a place on their subject of choice.
How to help your students start their UCAS Personal Statement
In order to ensure that a personal statement is delivered on time and to an appropriate standard, it’s essential to plan thoroughly before writing it. Here are some questions you can ask your students before they start writing:
How can you demonstrate a formative interest in your subject?
It may sound obvious but, in order for any UCAS personal statement to have the necessary structure and clarity, students need to think hard about why they want to study their chosen subject. Ask them to think about their responses to the following questions:
What inspired you to study your chosen subject?
Example answer: My desire to understand the nature of reality has inspired me to apply for Physics and Philosophy
Was there a formative moment when your perspective on this subject changed, or when you decided you wanted to study this subject in more detail?
Example answer: My interest in philosophy was awakened when I questioned my childhood religious beliefs; reading Blackburn’s “Think”, convinced me to scrutinise my assumptions about the world, and to ensure I could justify my beliefs.
Can you point to any role models, leading thinkers, or notable literature which has in turn affected your thinking and/or inspired you?
Example answer : The search for a theory of everything currently being conducted by physicists is of particular interest to me and in “The Grand Design” Hawking proposes a collection of string theories, dubbed M-theory, as the explanation of why the universe is the way it is.
Asking your students to think about the “why” behind their chosen subject discipline is a useful first step in helping them to organise their overall statement. Next, they need to be able to demonstrate evidence of their suitability for a course or degree.
How have you demonstrated the skills and aptitudes necessary for your chosen course?
Encourage students to think about times where they have demonstrated the necessary skills to really stand out. It’s helpful to think about times when they have utilised these skills both inside and outside the classroom. Ask students to consider their responses to the following questions.
Can you demonstrate critical and independent thinking around your chosen subject discipline?
Example answer : Currently I am studying Maths and Economics in addition to Geography. Economics has been a valuable tool, providing the nuts and bolts to economic processes, and my geography has provided a spatial and temporal element.
Are you able to demonstrate skills and competencies which will be necessary for university study?
These include qualities such as teamwork, time management and the ability to organise workload responsibly.
Example answer: This year I was selected to be captain of the 1st XV rugby team and Captain of Swimming which will allow me to further develop my leadership, teamwork and organisational skills.
How have your extracurricular activities helped prepare you for university?
Students may believe that their interests outside the classroom aren’t relevant to their university application. So encourage them to think about how their other interests can demonstrate the subject-related skills that universities are looking for in an application. Ask students to think about any of the following activities, and how they might be related back to the subject they are applying for.
- Clubs/societies, or volunteering work which they can use to illustrate attributes such as teamwork, an interest in community service and the ability to manage their time proactively.
- Have they been elected/nominated as a team captain, or the head of a particular club or society, which highlights leadership skills and an ability to project manage?
- Can they point to any awards or prizes they may have won, whether it’s taking up a musical instrument, playing a sport, or participating in theatre/performing arts?
- Have they achieved grades or qualifications as part of their extracurricular activities? These can only help to demonstrate aptitude and hard work.
How to write the UCAS Personal Statement [with examples]
If sufficient planning has gone into the personal statement, then your students should be ready to go!
In this next section, we’ll break down the individual components of the UCAS Personal Statement and share some useful examples.
These examples come from a Personal Statement in support of an application to study Environmental Science at a UK university.
Watch: King’s College London explain what they’re looking for in a UCAS Personal Statement
Introduction.
This is the chance for an applying student to really grab an admission tutor’s attention. Students need to demonstrate both a personal passion for their subject, and explain why they have an aptitude for it . This section is where students should begin to discuss any major influences or inspirations that have led them to this subject choice.
Example : My passion for the environment has perhaps come from the fact that I have lived in five different countries: France, England, Spain, Sweden and Costa Rica. Moving at the age of 15 from Sweden, a calm and organized country, to Costa Rica, a more diverse and slightly chaotic country, was a shock for me at first and took me out of my comfort zone […] Also, living in Costa Rica, one of the most biodiverse countries in the world, definitely helped me realize how vulnerable the world is and how we need to take care of it in a sustainable manner.
This opening paragraph immediately grabs the reader’s attention by giving the reader an insight into this student’s background and links their academic interests with something specific from the student’s personal backstory.
Discussing Academic Achievements
The next paragraph in this Personal Statement discusses the student’s academic achievements. Because this student has had an international education, they frame their academic achievements in the context of their personal background. They also cite useful examples of other curricula they have studied and the grades they have achieved.
Example :
Throughout my academic life I have shown myself to be a responsible student as well as a hard working one, despite the fact that I have had to move around a lot. I have achieved several other accomplishments such as a high A (286/300) in AS Spanish at age 15, and also completed a Spanish course of secondary studies for ‘MEP’(Ministerio de Educacion Publica), which is a system from Costa Rica.
You’ll notice that this student doesn’t just list their achievements – their strong academic performance is always linked back to a wider discussion of their personal experiences.
Showcasing Extracurricular Activities
As well as discussing academic achievements, a good Personal Statement should also discuss the student’s extracurricular activities, and how they relate back to the student’s overall university aspirations.
By the third/fourth paragraph of the Personal Statement, students should think about incorporating their extracurricular experiences,
Another valuable experience was when my class spent a week at a beach called ‘Pacuare’ in order to help prevent the eggs of the endangered leatherback turtle from being stolen by poachers who go on to sell them like chicken eggs. We all gained teamwork experience, which was needed in order to hide the eggs silently without scaring the mother turtles, as well as making it more difficult for the poachers to find them.
When the poachers set fire to one of the sustainable huts where we were staying, not only did I gain self-awareness about the critical situation of the world and its ecosystems, I also matured and became even more motivated to study environmental sciences at university.
This is a particularly striking example of using extracurricular activities to showcase a student’s wider passion for the degree subject they want to study.
Not only does this Personal Statement have a story about volunteering to save an endangered species, it also illustrates this applicants’ wider worldview, and helps to explain their motivation for wanting to study Environmental Science.
Concluding the UCAS Personal Statement
The conclusion to a UCAS Personal Statement will have to be concise, and will need to tie all of a student’s academic and extracurricular achievements. After all, a compelling story will need a great ending.
Remember that students need to be mindful of the character limit of a Personal Statement, so a conclusion need only be the length of a small paragraph, or even a couple of sentences.
“ After having many varied experiences, I truly think I can contribute to university in a positive way, and would love to study in England where I believe I would gain more skills and education doing a first degree than in any other country. “
A good Personal Statement conclusion will end with an affirmation of how the student thinks they can contribute to university life, and why they believe the institution in question should accept them. Because the student in this example has a such a rich and varied international background, they also discuss the appeal of studying at university in England.
It’s worth taking a quick look at a few other examples of how other students have chosen to conclude their Personal Statement.
Medicine (Imperial College, London)
Interest in Medicine aside, other enthusiasms of mine include languages, philosophy, and mythology. It is curiously fitting that in ancient Greek lore, healing was but one of the many arts Apollo presided over, alongside archery and music. I firmly believe that a doctor should explore the world outside the field of Medicine, and it is with such experiences that I hope to better empathise and connect with the patients I will care for in my medical career.
You’ll notice that this example very specifically ties the students’ academic and extracurricular activities together, and ties the Personal Statement back to their values and beliefs.
Economic History with Economics (London School of Economics)
The highlight of my extra-curricular activities has been my visit to Shanghai with the Lord Mayor’s trade delegation in September 2012. I was selected to give a speech at this world trade conference due to my interest in economic and social history. […] I particularly enjoyed the seminar format, and look forward to experiencing more of this at university. My keen interest and desire to further my knowledge of history and economics, I believe, would make the course ideal for me.
By contrast, this conclusion ties a memorable experience back to the specifics of how the student will be taught at the London School of Economics – specifically, the appeal of learning in seminar format!
There’s no magic formula for concluding a Personal Statement. But you’ll see that what all of these examples have in common is that they tie a student’s personal and academic experiences together – and tell a university something about their aspirations for the future.
Watch: Bournemouth University explain how to structure a UCAS Personal Statement
Know the audience
It can be easy for students to forget that the person reading a personal statement is invariably an expert in their field. This is why an ability to convey passion and think critically about their chosen subject is essential for a personal statement to stand out. Admissions tutors will also look for students who can structure their writing (more on this below).
Students should be themselves
Remember that many students are competing for places on a university degree against fierce competition. And don’t forget that UCAS has the means to spot plagiarism. So students need to create a truly honest and individual account of who they are, what they have achieved and, perhaps most importantly, why they are driven to study this particular subject.
Proof-read (then proof-read again!)
Time pressures mean that students can easily make mistakes with their Personal Statements. As the deadline grows closer, it’s vital that they are constantly checking and rechecking their writing and to ensure that shows them in the best possible light.
Meanwhile, when it comes to giving feedback to students writing their Personal Statements, make sure you’re as honest and positive as possible in the days and weeks leading up to submission day.
And make sure they remember the three key ingredients of writing a successful Personal Statement.
Planning, structure and story!
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- How to End a Personal Statement
- Tips on How to End a Personal Statement Successfully
How to Format Your Personal Statement Correctly
5 successful ways how to end a personal statement, 5 worst ways how to end a personal statement, general tips on making a personal statement application, 5 great examples of a personal statement ending, personal statement for a medical school, personal statement for mathematics, personal statement for a law school, personal statement for a biology, personal statement for economics.
It is important to write this paper according to all requirements. With this document, you must prove that you suit the chosen position and show the admission committee or a recruiter that you are much better than all other candidates. Reading this you will learn how to end a personal statement properly.
You can create a personal statement for graduate school , a university, or any other place you want to apply to. When people create this document, they often make a big mistake when they try to write those things they think the admission committee or recruiters want to see in the ideal candidate for the position. To avoid this you can look at college application essays samples prepared by an admission essay writing service to be sure you do everything right.
You should understand there is a huge difference between this essay and an honestly written one. You need to be sincere and mention only true things about yourself. Don't try to look better than you are, just try to describe yourself brightly to be selected from tons of other applicants.
Needless to say, you have to grab the officers' or recruiters' attention, otherwise, you won't get chances to apply for a position of your dream. We suggest writing this document very carefully and thoroughly because your future depends on it. In our guide, we will give some general hints on writing and paying attention to the conclusion - it is the last part of this important paper. Go ahead and keep reading to find great tips and successful examples!
How to write personal statement ? Students need to format a personal statement just like any other kind of essay. If you want to make a strong and well-structured work, follow a three-paragraph structure:
- Introduction — in this part you have to make a catchy beginning to grab the reader's attention. You have to mention the name of the company or the course and the position or degree you are applying for.
- The body part — feel free to make several paragraphs here to support your candidacy. You have to provide readers with information about your personal experiences, characteristics, skills, goals, knowledge, achievements, etc. Don't forget to write the brightest examples from your experience to prove all the qualifications you mentioned.
- Conclusion — it is a short closing paragraph where you have to thank your audience for reading. A good idea is to put a phrase you hope to hear from them soon. You need to summarize ideas shortly and wrap up your paper properly.
When you are making the conclusion for personal statement , your goal is to concentrate on the main idea of your document. Remember you should write in the laconic style to make this part short but effective. Summarize your skills and interests shortly, include your plans for the future years, and provide information about why you fit the chosen course. Be careful with the length: your personal statement conclusion should be around ⅓ of the entire paper (150-200 words). We have one more blog that has an answer on how long is a personal statement .
The conclusion of your personal statement makes the second first impression on your audience. Use these effective hints to create a bright ending that will attract your reader:
- Include key points about the qualities you expect of yourself when you graduate from the school. Explain why you want to study. Demonstrate your interest, why you have the inspiration to learn, and why you have the enthusiasm.
- You can write a short concluding story related to your experience. Don't just describe your skills the chosen course needs, but tell how you have developed them.
- Give your readers a better understanding of how you are going to use your life experience in achieving your goals. Tell about your transferable skills — this can be leadership, good organizational skills, ability to work both independently and in a team.
- Mention that you are not afraid to use your opportunity, take new challenges and solve difficult problems. Give an explanation why you fit this course. Prove that you not only fit the selection requirements, but you have made a research to realize what this course will involve.
- Restate the main idea of your personal statement to tie all parts of your personal statement together.
These are the things you should never write in your personal statement:
- End up with a question and leave your readers in a suspense.
- Writing a number of things that are not related to the main goal.
- Providing no plans for the future and no point of view.
- Choosing courses that are not related to the particular school.
- Copyright infringement (if you are using personal statement examples from other people, make sure you do not copypaste words - their rights are reserved).
If you have no idea how to create a personal statement for college , we are ready to share some useful ideas that will help you to complete this task. Read them carefully to understand what information you need to put in this paper:
- First of all, read maximum information about the course you want to choose. Make sure you started making your personal statement beforehand so that you have enough time for writing.
- Take a sheet of paper and write down your skills, achievements, experience, activities outside of school, etc.
- Compare the list with the course description, and highlight the most relevant points.
- Make a clear plan what points you're going to include in your paper. Here you need to answer two questions: "Why did you decide to choose this course?" and "Why are you suitable to study the chosen subject?".
- Try to explain why you chose a certain school among many others. For example, if you are making a personal statement for a medical school, you have to explain to the admission committee why you are interested in medicine and why you want to choose it as your future profession.
- Don't just list your personal experiences and activities, but describe them - include in your personal statement bright examples to prove them.
- Make sure your work is structured properly. Remember the entire paper should not be too long: 500 words is enough. It's not a good idea to overdo this number, because the committee doesn't read papers that don't fit requirements.
- Try to be honest and sincere, never try to write false things because it will eventually come out. Just be yourself and don't panic.
- Don't bring any unimportant information. Never include in this paper your negative experience.
- Your audience has to feel excited from the first sentence of the personal statement. Keep in mind that boring & uninteresting papers have no chances to win.
- When your paper is finished, check every page thoroughly & correct all grammar and logical mistakes .
We want to share four successful examples that can be helpful if you feel insecure concerning how to end a personal statement correctly. Read the most successful examples to help you in writing a personal statement of your own!
I am a self-motivated & responsible person & I am looking forward to challenges. I am totally ready to solve difficult problems. I know a medical career has a lot of demands & I am sure that my desire to become a good doctor & my volunteering experience in the hospital will be very helpful.
I decided to start my career in the mathematics field because I always love my mathematics studies, so I was never in a doubt about choosing it as my future degree. I hope that my experience & my willingness to learn math will help me to make a successful career of a mathematician.
I am interested in many subject areas but lately, I turned my attention to a career in the law sphere. I can pay attention to the tiniest details; I hope this will help me to become a good lawyer. I was always good at analyzing information; I am able to find strong evidence & present persuasive arguments.
Keep in mind that there is one more blog on law school personal statement . It has a useful guide and necessary tips to help with this kind of writing.
Biology is a subject that always drew my attention. I am interested in living things & evolution, & I always work hard to find explanations of everything. I am ready for the most difficult challenges & I hope that my experience in biomedical research & my ability to gather & analyze information will help me to become a successful biologist.
Economics is a challenging subject that always attracts my attention. I understand the importance of this discipline for the entire world & I have chosen it as my future degree. I believe that my ability to achieve goals & attention to details will help me to become a good economist.
We hope you have found a lot of useful information on how to end a personal statement in our article. Good luck in writing your own document on the high level & making your own bright future! You may always refer to a professional writing agency and save your time!
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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked
What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.
- Essay 1: Summer Program
- Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
- Essay 3: Why Medicine
- Essay 4: Love of Writing
- Essay 5: Starting a Fire
- Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
- Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
- Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
- Essay 9: Eritrea
- Essay 10: Journaling
- Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?
Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.
In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!
Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.
Personal Statement Examples
Essay example #1: exchange program.
The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.
As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.
I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.
I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.
As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.
What the Essay Did Well
This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.
The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally.
Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.
What Could Be Improved
The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read.
For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.” They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”
If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great.
Table of Contents
Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American
Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.
Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.
Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day.
As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.
I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.
I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.
This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day.
The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.
This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.
One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day?
A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture.
Essay Example #3: Why Medicine
I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.
The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.
Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.
Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.
This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality.
This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.
Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration.
One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.
To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars.
Essay Example #4: Love of Writing
“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.
Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.
Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.
Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.
This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.
Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.
This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.
It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”. They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.
Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire
Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire.
Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family.
Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt.
“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame.
In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him.
Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses.
That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.
This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in.
The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”
In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.
There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.
Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track
“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.
Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.
Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.
They didn’t bite.
Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.
Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin.
The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.
Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.
This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!
Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.
The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose.
One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.
The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.
Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.
I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.
When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.
By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.
Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?
This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?
The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.
The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”
The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.
The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.
Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach
”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.
Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.
Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.
Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.
I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.
At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.
Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.
Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.
Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.
Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.
This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.
Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.
The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.
The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.
Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents.
Essay Example #9: Eritrea
No one knows where Eritrea is.
On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?
I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate, perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”
Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”
Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells. Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.
But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books borrowed from the library.
No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is. No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted dunes. No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother, her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes). It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal lineages.
There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time. You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells. I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…
I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero . I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …
This knowledge is intrinsic. “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.” Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.
Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential. Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.
This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader.
The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.
Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.
Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay.
There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.
Essay Example #10: Journaling
Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.
I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.
“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008
Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.
“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019
I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.
With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.
“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020
Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.
With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.
I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”
The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.
Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.
At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!
Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.
Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited
Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.
If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!
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How to End a Personal Statement: Strong Tips And Examples
EssayEdge > Blog > How to End a Personal Statement: Strong Tips And Examples
When everything is written down, thoughts are made up together and you see the whole picture of your essay right in front of your eyes, you may think of how to end a personal statement . It may seem to be the easiest part of writing, but, to some extent, it is not. The destiny of the conclusion is to formulate the last impression of you as a personality.
Table of Contents:
How to close a personal statement
Concluding the results of a completed job is always the most pleasing step in doing anything. Moreover, you can see with your own eyes the way you have passed to achieve your aim. The same regards personal statement conclusions. The key point of writing the conclusion is to accentuate the willingness of the applicant to receive a studying offer and get admitted to the educational institution. You have to think closely about the last paragraph in your essay. It must be the last bullet point to persuade the reader to do next-step actions further.
It may be difficult to decide what exact point you want to add at the end of the essay to complete the writing. First of all, take a break, read your essay several times, and summarize in your mind everything you have written. It is necessary to write standout sentences in your personal statement conclusion to assure the admission tutor that you are the one who is worth getting a place in the educational institution.
While writing, remember that you should concentrate on your essay’s main idea, whether it is the given topic or your personal opinion. The summary should be short and terse, but expedient. Moreover, keep in mind that you are supposed to fit into the given requirements. Your conclusion should be about ⅓ of the entire paper.
And remember to check, check, and check everything a few times.
How to end personal statement and not to fail it
While thinking about how to end personal statement, you may come up with a bunch of questions. The main one may be about what to write and not screw everything up. Here are a few examples of what you shouldn’t write in your conclusion paragraph.
- Rhetoric questions Forget about writing the statements you don’t know how to answer. This may only confuse the reader and leave them in suspense. In this way, you may only underline the point of not knowing something.
- Writing a list of your skills without proofs Even if you want to demonstrate all your skills, don’t do it without proof. Don’t waste the words for just designating the things you are able to do or the knowledge you have. It is wonderful that you have all these aspects, but the admission tutor may not understand the destiny of just naming. Try to involve them all in your main paragraph of the essay.
- Not expressing your future intensions Don’t just tell about your former personal background. It would be good to add to your personal statement conclusion some ideas on your future perspectives. Describe what you want to get out of the studying process and how you would embed it into your life and career.
- Plagiarism from successful essays It is not prohibited to use samples of successful essays just like a pattern. However, you must not copy paste as all the rights of the writer are reserved. It may only spoil your reputation and will not bring any advantages to your essay. If you feel that you need help, it is better to refer to personal statement editing rather than plagiarize.
- Writing the statements that are not related to the topic It is very good if you have a lot of stories to share. Though, you must be careful and think closely about whether the story you write about related to the main topic of your essay or not.
Need help? Check out EssayEdge editing services:
Personal statement conclusion: tips on doing such a thing
So, how to conclude a personal statement? Your conclusion should be comprehensive and impressible. Below you can find a few tips on how to write everything well.
- Take a break Really! It is worth it so to start in advance to have time to leave your writing for some time. After a break, you will read it with a new sight. Maybe you will remove something or, vice versa, add some more information. While having a break, you can think about the conclusion, you may recollect something in your mind that is worth to be written down.
- Read everything many times Yes, you may feel aversion from your essay, but remember that it is a step to your future success and that is why you have to be attentive to the details. Try to figure out the main storyline of your essay and hold it till the conclusion. Peruse everything that is already written many times and you may feel what is missing.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help If you feel confused and don’t know how to close a personal statement, you don’t have to be scared. Everything can be resolved, remember about that. Ask your friends or parents to read your personal statement as they don’t know you. They may share with you some ideas and tell the general impression. According to that knowledge, you can easily make up your thoughts. If you are still not sure about your text, you can use personal statement editing services. Professionals will touch you up to the thought that is in need.
- Summarize everything you mentioned above Yes, it is a very useful skill if you can do a summary, no matter if it is your essay or review of achievements that you have been doing through the years. Placing the accents and underlining your best sides would be a good idea.
Personal statement conclusion examples
As it is mentioned previously, there is nothing wrong with using personal statement conclusion examples. In this way, you can find inspiration and feel more confident and secure that you move in the right way. You shouldn’t neglect using successful examples to see how it works, but in no way, you mustn’t copy paste such samples into your essay.
Here is an example of a successful personal statement ending.
To summarize everything mentioned above, I reckon that I am that one person who is worthy of getting the allowance to enter the university. The main reason for that is my strong motivation to implicate the knowledge I’m supposed to get while studying, into the life of people around the world. As I mentioned before, I have such goals and a number of gained skills. Being admitted to the university may support my intentions and help me to develop the abilities I’ve already had. Moreover, I feel that this is a place where I must improve myself. I have a lot of familiar students and their stories about studying and university life impress me every time I hear them. My plans are global and I can make them real while studying and after graduating as I will have resources and experience.
It is an example of a successful conclusion as the applicant highlighted their motivation, made an accent on the plans, and summarized the story that was told in the main paragraph. Also, this person mentioned that they have a kind of connection to the community of this university that gives an understanding that it will be easy for him to become a part of the university society.
Ending the personal statement is difficult, but the most pleasing part of the whole essay. With patience and efforts, everything can become possible. You can use examples to get inspiration. Moreover, using tips can really help you to cope with the given tasks. Remember that everything will be fine. More details on how to write personal statement you can find in the EssayEdge blog.
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A personal statement conclusion should be 150-200 words long and leave a positive lasting impression on the reader. A UCAS personal statement should be 4000 characters long, making the conclusion 705-940 characters long - this is just a rough estimation based on the average number of characters per word (4.7).
Mature students: Five things to do now to boost your personal statement. Starting your personal statement. Personal statement dos and don'ts. Writing your full personal statement. Using your personal statement beyond a university application. Search for a course and learn more, including modules, graduate stats, and student satisfaction scores.
When considering how to end a personal statement, don't summarize existing content in a repetitive conclusion. Instead, clarify your suitability with a new example and evidence your value to the institution. Lastly, outline your ambitions in relation to the opportunities presented by the course. I've broken down each of these elements in ...
Use your closing couple of lines to summarise the most important points in your statement. 9. Check your writing thoroughly and get someone else to check it, too. 10. Give your brain a rest by forgetting about your personal statement for a while before going back to review it one last time with fresh eyes.
The university application personal statement is changing in 2025; University admissions service Ucas has announced that a new style of personal statement will be launched in 2025. This will affect anyone making a university application from autumn 2025 onwards. ... This closing chunk of your statement is a space where you can really emphasise ...
Yeah, probably don't restate your thesis—in fact, many great personal statements don't even have an explicit thesis. You can write a great ending even after you've written the rest of your essay. A great conclusion can be an essay-maker. It can take your personal statement from "pretty good" to "outstanding" This post will show ...
My skin was consistently tan in splotches and ridden with random scratches. My wardrobe consisted mainly of track shorts, Nike shoes, and tournament t-shirts. Gatorade and Fun Dip were my pre-game snacks. The cacophony of rowdy crowds, ref whistles, squeaky shoes, and scoreboard buzzers was a familiar sound.
Don't overthink the opening. Just start by showing your enthusiasm for the subject, showcasing your knowledge and understanding, and sharing your ambitions of what you want to achieve. Avoid cliches! Remember, this opening part is simply about introducing yourself, so let the admissions tutor reading your personal statement get to know you.
*Note: Your concluding/closing paragraphs are usually short with a maximum of three or four sentences, leave out any details. Final Thoughts Ultimately, there are several things to remind yourself of when writing a personal statement: focus on answering the main questions, tell your story, and use examples of any challenge or obstacle that you ...
The character limit which UCAS sets for the personal statement is very strict - up to 4,000 characters of text. This means that students have to express themselves in a clear and concise way; it's also important that they don't feel the need to fill the available space needlessly. Planning and redrafting of a personal statement is essential.
Conclusion — it is a short closing paragraph where you have to thank your audience for reading. ... Be careful with the length: your personal statement conclusion should be around ⅓ of the entire paper (150-200 words). ... If you are applying for a nursing degree at university, then you should attach a personal statement to your application ...
Personal Statement Examples. Essay 1: Summer Program. Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American. Essay 3: Why Medicine. Essay 4: Love of Writing. Essay 5: Starting a Fire. Essay 6: Dedicating a Track. Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders. Essay 8: Becoming a Coach.
In a great personal statement, we should be able to get a sense of what fulfills, motivates, or excites the author. These can be things like humor, beauty, community, and autonomy, just to name a few. So when you read back through your essay, you should be able to detect at least 4-5 different values throughout.
The key point of writing the conclusion is to accentuate the willingness of the applicant to receive a studying offer and get admitted to the educational institution. You have to think closely about the last paragraph in your essay. It must be the last bullet point to persuade the reader to do next-step actions further.
So far your UCAS personal statement should bring the events in your life to the current moment. Please see below for an example ending: "I have the skills and determination to succeed on this course. After six months working as an assistant editor I knew I wanted to train to be a journalist. This course will fulfill my dreams".
A word of warning here: it is vital that you sell yourself, but arrogance or lies will result in your personal statement landing in the 'rejected' pile. Keep it honest and down-to-earth. Provide a memorable conclusion. Once you have emphasised your keen interest and relevant qualities, you should round off the statement with a conclusion that ...
racters or 47 lines (whichever comes first).Leave some white space by skipping a line between paragraphs to. ake it easier for Admissions Tutors to read.This may be the only evidence of written work a university sees from you so use it as an example of. hat you're capable of doing at university.Remember.
The Universities and Colleges Admissions Service (UCAS) Personal Statement is the main essay for your application to colleges and universities in Great Britain. UCAS gives a nice explanation here, but in short, this is your chance to stand out against the crowd and show your knowledge and enthusiasm for your chosen area of study.
The Free Guide to Writing the Personal Statement. Kick things off with the two greatest brainstorming exercises ever, learn about options for structuring a personal statement + example outlines, check out some amazing example personal statements, and get on your way to writing your own killer personal statement for university applications.
Economics Personal Statement Example 10. I wish to be recognised as someone who is open-minded and well educated. That is why I want to achieve a top degree in the rigorous, but always changing discipline of Economics. Studying this subject at university would allow me to understand how combinations of complex economical concepts can help to ...
1. The general, comprehensive personal statement: This allows you maximum freedom in terms of what you write and is the type of statement often prepared for standard medical or law school application forms. 2. The response to very specific questions: Often, business and graduate school applications ask specific questions, and your statement ...
2. Write about why you want to study that course. Think about why you want to study the course and how you can demonstrate this in your written statement: 'Your interest in the course is the biggest thing. Start with a short sentence that captures the reason why you're interested in studying the area you're applying for and that ...
A casual web search for 'statement of purpose for university sample', 'statement of purpose for undergraduates', and 'what is an SOP document' can often provide an extensive list of results that only adds to stress. An SOP for university follows an essay format, typically two pages long with 5-8 paragraphs, 12-point typefaces, and double-spacing.
Don'ts. Don't be modest or shy. You want your passions to come across. Don't exaggerate - if you do, you may get caught out in an interview when asked to elaborate on an interesting achievement. Don't use quotes from someone else, or cliches. Don't leave it to the last minute - your statement will seem rushed and important ...